Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Stark et al. vs. Patreon, Inc. Class Action Settlement (patreonsettlement.com)
Welcome to the latest episode of "Privacy Schmivacy: The Patreon Edition." In an astonishing display of corporate benevolence, Patreon has graciously decided to cough up $7.25 million after apparently doing a little oopsie with their users' identities and binge-watching habits. Members of the "We Saw What You Did There" club could pocket somewhere between the dizzying heights of $35 and $175, sure to make up for any emotional trauma and/or unexpected celebrity from their viewing secrets being spilled. Meanwhile, commenters play armchair lawyer, doling out insights like "just sue them yourself" and pondering deep, philosophical questions like "what did Patreon do wrong?" 💸👀 Embrace the drama, folks. It's worth at least $35 of entertainment.
29 points by pabs3 2024-10-18T23:59:43.000000Z | 7 comments
2. ▲ New Mersenne Prime discovered (probably) (mersenne.org)
In the latest episode of "Digital Needle in a Haystack," GIMPS enthusiasts have once again stumbled upon what might be a **new Mersenne prime**, sparking an *exciting* wave of Lucas-Lehmer tests and several self-congratulatory forum posts. A comment reminisces about almost hitting mathematical stardom two decades ago—because remembering unlogged colossal discoveries is entirely believable and not at all a desperate cry for attention. Meanwhile, others ponder the financial rewards of landing a prime find, unaware that using the same energy to play the lottery might yield quicker returns. Don't worry, the collective brainpower of commenters will likely unlock the mysteries of the universe, right after they figure out how to prevent their laptops from overheating while running GIMPS.
53 points by sdsykes 2024-10-16T11:51:33.000000Z | 23 comments
3. ▲ Secret 3D scans in the French Supreme Court (cosmowenman.substack.com)
In a dramatic twist that no one saw coming except perhaps every single person ever, the French Supreme Court decides that hoarding 3D scans in a dusty digital drawer is not quite in the spirit of public rights to cultural heritage. Commenters, armed with their absolutely essential law degrees from the University of Twitter, wrestle with complex legal notions about property rights and scanning technology that most six-year-olds could probably grasp better. Meanwhile, heartache ensues in gift shops across France as souvenir sales face the mortal threat of high-res digital models that maybe three people on Earth know how to print. Will fake Nefertiti busts flood the markets? Stay tuned to find out if civilization can withstand this terrifying possibility. 💀🎨🖨️
584 points by abetusk 2024-10-18T08:50:00.000000Z | 223 comments
4. ▲ Show QN: Go Plan9 Memo (pehringer.info)
**Web Developer Discovers Assembly Language, Hilarity Ensues**

In a thrilling episode of reinventing the wheel, a brave keyboard warrior decides that the Go programming language just isn’t 💪 enough for "serious number crunching." Armed with an insatiable appetite for power and an apparent allergy to existing libraries, our hero stumbles upon *Plan9* assembly, mistaking it for a programming language rather than just an assembly format from a bygone OS era. Commenters, ever helpful in splitting hairs finer than a quantum string, school the would-be Assembler in the actual nature of Go's assembly dialect while reminiscing about GNU, Linux, and other relics of geekdom. Meanwhile, functional SIMD code remains conspicuously absent, but hey, at least everyone got a good lecture on assembly language syntax!
233 points by pehringer 2024-10-18T14:36:27.000000Z | 75 comments
5. ▲ setBigTimeout (evanhahn.com)
In an Earth-shattering breakthrough for those needing to dodge JavaScript fatigue, Evan Hahn introduces setBigTimeout, a module so niche it makes quantum physics look mainstream. Who needs a script delayed for over 25 days? Apparently, people safeguarding their New Year resolutions in code. Commenters dive deep, oscillating between praising the utility and devising security scenarios so implausible they make Flat Earthers blush. From DoS attacks at Bingo night to philosophizing about NaN behaviors as if they're discussing Schrödinger's cat, the thread is a merry-go-round of tech obsession where practical use cases are as rare as meaningful comments in minified JS files. 🎡💻
103 points by cfj 2024-10-17T18:01:01.000000Z | 67 comments
6. ▲ JSON Patch (zuplo.com)
At last, the hero we didn't ask for but definitely didn't need: JSON Patch. Described in spine-tingling detail on zuplo.com, this riveting format is for those who dream in curly braces and find the thrill in minimizing HTTP payloads. Commenters wax poetic, discussing the epic complexities of JSON mutations like they're splitting the atom rather than modifying data. Because, you know, using PUT was just too straightforward. JSON Patch - perfect for when you feel your API just isn't convoluted enough! 🤓📉
169 points by DataOverload 2024-10-17T17:46:17.000000Z | 115 comments
7. ▲ Jury awards American Airline $9.4M from website behind 'skiplagging' hack (courthousenews.com)
Title: Jury Thinks Skiplagging is Naughty, Gives American Airlines a Few Million for Snacks

Once again, the legal system swoops in to save a gigantic corporation a tiny percentage of its daily income by punishing the big bad website that helped thrifty travelers save a buck. Commenters, in a dazzling display of economic expertise, are flabbergasted that the airline industry doesn’t represent a pristine free market utopia. "Why can’t unused seats just be free?!" cry users, grappling with the unfathomable concept that airlines plan logistics better than a Reddit thread. Meanwhile, someone probably just booked another skiplagged flight because, let’s face it, $9.4 million is just a slap on the wrist with a wad of cash. 🤑💸👋
14 points by us0r 2024-10-19T00:52:14.000000Z | 6 comments
8. ▲ Running an open source app: Usage, costs and community donations (spliit.app)
**Little Database on the Prairie: How a Minor App Gorges on GitHub Glory**

In a heartwarming tale of humble bragging disguised as "transparency," the creator of Spliit—a poor man's Splitwise—decided to enlighten the peons on GitHub with staggering metrics like "152k visits" and a bounce rate only a statistician could love. Commenters, in a thrilling display of missing the point, dive deep into the intricacies of databases, waxing poetic about SQLite and the existential dread of monthly bills from SaaS products. One brave soul even ventured into the thrilling world of SQLite replication with Litestream, as if pioneering uncharted territories of digital banality. Meanwhile, the jury is still out on whether any of this will help Spliit's users split a dinner bill without devolving into tribal warfare over who owes an extra dime.
149 points by scastiel 2024-10-18T14:35:22.000000Z | 112 comments
9. ▲ Code that helped end Apartheid (wired.com)
Today in "over-romanticized tech history," Wired brings us a story _so gripping_ you can almost hear the keyboard clicks and revolutionary coding from here! 🌍✨ John Graham-Cumming, apparently top guru of tech lore, DMs the author with a teaser that has everything from flight attendants smuggling floppy disks to "one-time pads!" Because nothing screams 'end of Apartheid' like 8-bit computers and secret codes. Meanwhile, our commenters embark on a profound quest missing the actual historical point, with one user lamenting over the true 16-bit identity of an 8088. Groundbreaking! 💾🕵️‍♂️💬
193 points by impish9208 2024-10-18T13:05:21.000000Z | 121 comments
10. ▲ Focus on decisions, not tasks (technicalwriting.dev)
📚💡 **The Focus Group Revolution: Task vs Decision in Tech Writing** 💡📚

Cue the latest ideological kerfuffle in tech writing: "Focus on decisions, not tasks!" says a glib article that acts as if it has just unearthed the Dead Sea Scrolls of technical communication. The comment section quickly turns into a garden of half-baked philosophies where seasoned armchair pundits redefine procrastination as a strategic decision-making process. 🧠🎭 One brave soul tries to redefine "fuzzy logic" (spoiler: it still doesn't involve actual fuzz), while another likens their use of AI tools to consulting an oracle — albeit one that spat out semi-usable gibberish. Most entertaining is a gallant attempt to connect "decision documentation" with Renaissance artistry, because evidently, da Vinci was just trying to decide whether Mona Lisa should smile. Meanwhile, real decisions, like whether to read this article or not, remain as unaided as ever. 😂🎨
72 points by kaycebasques 2024-10-18T17:58:46.000000Z | 20 comments
11. ▲ Where the Digital Sidewalk Ends (smolways.com)

Where the Digital Sidewalk Ends: More Like Where Sanity Ends


In a remarkable breakthrough in cartographic waffling, smolways.com introduces us to another nail-biting issue: digital maps might slightly misrepresent the utopia of urban biking. Enthusiastic commenters leap into action deciphering the academic catastrophe of cycling dangers, while engaging in a more perilous sport—competitive anecdoting. Between gruesome tales of "ghost bikes" and San Jose's A-frame car ambushes, one marvels at the survival rate of cyclists following these handy-dandy death maps. Are these biking maps or a casino betting book on survival odds?
80 points by jmward01 2024-10-17T20:42:44.000000Z | 45 comments
12. ▲ TCAS averts possible head-on collision in Austin (flightradar24.com)
Title: TCAS Plays Sky Cop in Amateur Hour Over Austin

In a thrilling display of airborne awkwardness, a Cessna that's probably older than your grandpa's toupee and a Boeing with more tech than a Silicon Valley startup played a game of "chicken" in the skies of Austin. Thankfully, the TCAS—essentially an electronic hall monitor—stepped in to avoid a midair mashup, deciding arbitrarily who gets to fly higher based on a high-tech eeny, meeny, miny, moe. 🛩️ Commenters, in a spectacular show of missing the point, debate whether the Cessna’s outdated tech got a stern talking-to on touchdown or if it was all because of the F1 crowd's VIP vibes. Meanwhile, the real question goes unanswered: Who lets these flying relics haphazardly wander into commuter aircraft lanes during peak hours? 🤷‍♂️
32 points by philip1209 2024-10-18T19:37:24.000000Z | 10 comments
13. ▲ The feds are coming for John Deere over the right to repair (gizmodo.com)
**John Deere: Fumbled Right to Repair Warfares**

In an unsurprising twist, John Deere's stellar knack for antagonizing literally *everyone*—workers, customers, and now the feds—is showcased as the government swoops in over right-to-repair issues. The internet commentariat, in their infinite wisdom, morphs this corporate snafu into a sideline seminar about the tragedy of the commons, shareholder greed, and historical farm yields. Because when facing corporate overlords playing fast and loose with ethics, what better way to cope than airing grievances about century-old agricultural policies and ideological essays? Meanwhile, Deere tractors remain as locked down as Fort Knox, and just as likely to inspire a breakout. 🚜💔
308 points by rntn 2024-10-18T16:32:13.000000Z | 149 comments
14. ▲ The Making of Micro Machines (readonlymemory.com)
Welcome to The Making of Micro Machines, where nostalgia-stricken tech bros and vintage game enthusiasts congregate to mythologize the strategic missteps of British gaming companies from the early '90s. In this thrilling episode of corporate ineptitude, learn how Codemasters bravely stood next to Nintendo without anyone noticing, crafted a game-breaking bug as a surprise feature, and deployed a miraculous one-byte “Game Genie Patch” that probably nobody tested either. The comment section is a delightful circus. Watch grown adults wax lyrical about the “good old days” while mixing up technical details and reminiscing about games that were, on reflection, just alright. Come for the humorously recounted tech lore, stay for the arguments over which childhood game was *least* buggy. 🕹️🐞
69 points by Tomte 2024-10-15T16:57:25.000000Z | 22 comments
15. ▲ Using static websites for tiny archives (alexwlchan.net)
In an age where digital hoarding has become a societal norm, one brave soul on alexwlchan.net takes a stand by meticulously creating static websites to archive his imperatively unforgettable collection of... screenshots and bookmarks? Sure, it's *just a slightly nicer way* of using space that could otherwise store something less ephemeral—like another copy of "The Office" in 4K. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into a nostalgic tech utopia where everyone reminisces about WordPerfect and Markdown, competing for the most "minimalist yet complex" data-saving technique, because why keep things simple when you can make it a hobby? Look out, folks, we're one "neat hack" away from reinventing the filing cabinet—all offline first, of course! 😜
301 points by ingve 2024-10-18T06:12:39.000000Z | 59 comments
16. ▲ Subvert – Collectively owned music marketplace (subvert.fm)
**Subvert – Destroying the Indie Scene, One "Co-op" At A Time**

Subvert.fm promises to save independent music artists from the cold clutches of corporate giants, by chaining them to a different, democratically-controlled anchor. Because nothing says "musical freedom" like a membership certificate and the thrilling bureaucratic drama of influencing platform policies alongside other bitter purists who also miss the old Bandcamp. Meanwhile, in the comments, armchair experts trade half-baked stories about co-op corruption with the zeal of conspiracy theorists claiming we'd all be saved by blockchain – if only we thought really hard about it. 🍿 Grab your zine and your member number, and don't forget to witness the thrilling squabble over whether bad ideas sound better on forums or encrypted chat groups.
149 points by cloudfudge 2024-10-18T16:17:59.000000Z | 73 comments
17. ▲ Teaching old assert() new Tricks (ngs-lang.org)
In a groundbreaking move sure to revolutionize dozens of micro-basements worldwide, Next Generation Shell introduces bravery in coding: using patterns in assert(). Because regular assert statements are for plebs, NGS is here with assert(EXPR, PATTERN), turning your error checking fancier than a double espresso at a San Francisco start-up. Commenters, quickly pivoting from their usual rants about Emacs vs. Vim, dive into enlightening us about their personal adventures with assert statements, not realizing that the real assertion is assuming anyone else cares. 🙄 Truly, NGS: making assert() not just a function, but a lifestyle statement.
4 points by todsacerdoti 2024-10-16T08:24:07.000000Z | 0 comments
18. ▲ Why conventional wisdom on health care is wrong (a primer) (2020) (randomcriticalanalysis.com)
In the groundbreaking exposé "Why Conventional Wisdom on Health Care is Wrong," a blogger with evidently limitless time and dedication to the *art* of rehashing healthcare data, takes us on a magical journey through what he describes as "extensive research." Readers eager to nod along with graphs and debate the nuances of spending ratios find themselves in a thrilling echo chamber, questioning whether "health spending" means anything of actual substance or just another excuse for insurers to buy yachts. Commenters, with varying degrees of sarcasm and earnestness, juggle the glowing figures of the NHS against the dystopian American system, while debating high-minded concepts like whether subsidizing global medical innovation is America's charitable gift to the world, or just another way to overcharge for aspirin. Brace yourselves for the intellectual gymnastics 🤸‍♀️ that promise to leave no misconception unturned, no chart unlogged, and no commenter unmocked.
64 points by jeffreyrogers 2024-10-17T15:57:54.000000Z | 91 comments
19. ▲ Distro (YC S24) is hiring a tech lead (ycombinator.com)
Distro (YC S24), the latest sacrificial startup thrown into the Y Combinator volcano, proudly announces a job vacancy that everybody already forgot while clicking the "apply" button. In the comments, a gaggle of Hacker News aficionados engage in the sacred art of over-analyzing job descriptions and preaching the gospel of React and Kubernetes, because apparently those are mandatory buzzwords to include in any self-respecting tech sermon. The position itself promises the unique opportunity to become yet another cog in the ceaseless grind of Tech Lead machinery, with the added perk of endless pings from green founders. Join now, and witness first-hand how your soul becomes slowly intertwined with Slack notifications! 🚀💻🔥
0 points by 2024-10-18T17:01:16.000000Z | 0 comments
20. ▲ My solar-powered and self-hosted website (dri.es)
Welcome to yet another technophile's dream (or delusion), where "saving the planet" involves hosting a solitary website on a cluster of solar-powered Raspberry Pis rather than on the outsourced behemoth grids. Our brave blogger has put down the gauntlet, daring to defy the energy-hoarding corporate overlords by...still using parts produced by them. Meanwhile, the comment section blossoms with deep, profound, eco-efficient insights like suggesting that solar power should be "better utilized" for charging your work laptop (because that’s what's really important, right?). Others swoon over a utopian future where every basement-powered website will save the world, overshadowed only by the classic debate of whether a single solar cell can really offset the apocalyptic manufacturing footprint of their tech gadgets. Get your popcorn ready—the grid wars have begun! 🍿💡🌍
119 points by lightlyused 2024-10-17T10:56:34.000000Z | 42 comments
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