Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Ntfs2btrfs does in-place conversion of NTFS filesystem to the open-source Btrfs (github.com/maharmstone)
Title: Boffins and Weekend Warriors Rally Behind Risky Filesystem Roulette

Summary: In a daring display of *recklessness* straight out of a hacker's basement, ntfs2btrfs decides that flipping your data's life between NTFS and Btrfs is now a casual afternoon project. Commenters, armed with anecdotes and echoes of past disasters, provide a mix of 😱 horror and 😎 bravado, each one seemingly keen to one-up each other on who can hoard the most technical lingo. As the tireless maintainer reminds everyone of the precariously balanced Jenga tower that is their data integrity, the only certainty left is someone somewhere is about to learn a hard lesson in backups.
178 points by Sami_Lehtinen 2024-11-30T20:50:08 1732999808 | 70 comments
2. ▲ AMD Disables Zen 4's Loop Buffer (chipsandcheese.com)
In an exhilarating twist of events too mundane for the average Joe, AMD has decided to take a break from adding the *loop buffer* to their Zen 5 CPUs, causing countless tech aficionados to erupt in speculative hysteria. The collective brain power of the internet, wielded by the most esteemed commenters, quickly digressed into an echo chamber of security paranoia, hinting at apocalyptic vulnerabilities harking back to the days of Spectre and Meltdown 🙄. As the debate raged on, it soon became a fertile ground for some keyboard warriors to flex their insider knowledge about IPC mechanisms, because, why talk simple when you can obscure? Amidst this technical melee, one truth remains evident: AMD made a technical decision, someone asked "why?", and the internet lost its collective mind as it often does. Godspeed to those searching for answers in the semantic sludge of speculative tech jargon! ⌨️💥
122 points by luyu_wu 2024-11-30T20:47:35 1732999655 | 39 comments
3. ▲ A Brazilian CA trusted only by Microsoft has issued a certificate for google.com (agwa.name)
**Today in Absurd CA Chronicles: Microsoft Trusts *Who?***

In a hilarious misstep that can only mean someone at Microsoft hit the "Trust" button after a caipirinha too many, a Brazilian Certificate Authority that's about as universally trusted as email from a deposed prince looking to share his fortune, has been granted the power to issue certificates for google.com. The tech community, in an uncharacteristic display of common sense, instantly recognized this as the bad joke it is, yet Windows PCs everywhere will continue to gulp down whatever digital certificates are handed to them. Meanwhile, the tech-savvy forums erupted with the usual blend of paranoia and Captain Obvious observations, with someone inevitably pointing out the profound connection between government contracts and Microsoft's undying love to include everyone in the Windows trust circle. Rest easy, though, Microsoft assures us they take these matters "very seriously" – which in tech-speak translates to "we'll wait and see if anyone important actually notices." 😂🤦‍♂️
86 points by sanqui 2024-11-30T21:35:03 1733002503 | 12 comments
4. ▲ We need data engineering benchmarks for LLMs (structuredlabs.substack.com)
**We need data engineering benchmarks for LLMs that actually make sense**

Today on structuredlabs.substack.com, we learn that data engineers are feeling neglected because the current magical AI tools like GPT and Copilot can't fix their messy-spaghetti-code problems or replace their entire job (yet). The article insists we need new, shinier benchmarks that can actually measure whether these AI high priests can orchestrate big data choirs without tripping over their own robes. Meanwhile, in the comment section, a lone soul bravely suggests AI is just another shiny wrench in the toolbox, hinting maybe, just maybe, we should stop expecting software to solve our existential crises and instead help us forget about the profoundly mundane task of centering a div. 🎭🤖💔
7 points by amrutha_ 2024-12-01T00:41:11 1733013671 | 2 comments
5. ▲ Show QN: Open-source private home security camera system (end-to-end encryption) (github.com/privastead)
Title: "Privacy: Now Encrypting Your Porch Pirate Footage"

In the latest episode of Silicon Valley Saves the World™, a brave Hacker News coder launches "Privastead," the privacy-preserving, end-to-end encryption carnival everyone didn't know they needed. The software promises to lock down your doorbell dance-offs better than Fort Knox, while definitely not storing your footage in a cloud painted like a big, fluffy privacy violation. Commenters fall over themselves to congratulate, suggest irrelevant alternatives, and whisper reverently about "OpenMiko." If your tin foil hat wasn't strapped on snug, fear not: Privastead is here to ward off those pesky neighbors trying to hack your cat videos. 🎥🔒
23 points by arrdalan 2024-11-30T22:13:49 1733004829 | 6 comments
6. ▲ WinDepends – A Rewrite of the Dependency Walker (github.com/hfiref0x)
Title: Yet Another Tool No One Asked For

Welcome to the state of modern software development, where yesterday's tools gather dust and today's are rewritten with more bugs and bloated features. WinDepends emerges as the *savior* for those three people still stuck on Windows 8.1, lacking official support but promising to resolve dependencies those newfangled APIs from Microsoft won't touch. Meanwhile, in the little corners of GitHub, users desperately shuffle between partially abandoned projects, clinging to bloated DLLs, and reminiscing about the good old days of a leaner, meaner Dependency Walker. Oh, and of course, the obligatory "Nice!" and "Awesome!" comments, as if Internet points could somehow make the software run better. 😱💻👻
43 points by bratao 2024-11-23T12:48:06 1732366086 | 7 comments
7. ▲ Sei AI (YC W22) Is Hiring an AI/ML Engineer with LLM Exposure (ycombinator.com)
Title: **Another Day, Another AI Startup: Sei's Spectacular Search for a Saviour**

In the enchanted land of Startupville, a groundbreaking *AI-powered Regulatory Compliance Platform* named Sei (not to be confused with Siri, but, who cares, right?) reels in glittery investor names like PayPal and Y Combinator to convince you they're the next big thing since sliced bread 🍞. Sprung up a few heartbeats ago, they boast the esoteric magic of "double-digit growth," which is definitely not just a buzzy phrase to mask imminent demise. Founders—armed with their staggering arsenal of buzzwords and past gigs at every tech giant plastered on their LinkedIn—now quest hard for a mythical AI/ML Engineer. This chosen one will conjure robust, scalable platforms out of thin air, because surely, spinning compliance regulations into gold is a breeze. Commenters, rise up! Offer your hot takes, enlighten us with your job-hunting woes, and gasp at the audacious mix of early startup chaos with enterprise-level promises. Can’t wait to see this unicorn gallop into the sunset—or into the ground. 🦄💨
0 points by 2024-12-01T01:00:02 1733014802 | 0 comments
8. ▲ Jeff Dean Responds to EDA Industry about AlphaChip (twitter.com/jeffdean)
**Jeff Dean Single-Handedly Saves AI (Or Not)**

In a thrilling display of ego, Google’s Jeff Dean dives into the mud with the EDA peasants, boldly proclaiming the replicability of AlphaChip—if only these simpletons could follow instructions. Twitter and Hacker News heroes rally with popcorn, debating whether this is peak innovation or just peak arrogance. Meanwhile, a commenter insightfully suggests Google could end the circus by releasing a tool, but evidently, that would be too straightforward. 🍿🐍 Mockingly, the Internet decides that if academic pissing contests were an Olympic sport, Google would certainly pull a hamstring.
28 points by nsoonhui 2024-12-01T00:28:04 1733012884 | 4 comments
9. ▲ IE7 and IE7 (2005) (meyerweb.com)
Title: "The Eternal Suffering of Ancient Web Developers"

In another nostalgic cry for help wrapped in self-congratulatory techno tears, meyerweb.com delivers a droll tale of how the ghost of Internet Explorer still haunts the decrepit hallways of web development. Our protagonist, armed with CSS hacks sharper than a double-edged sword, initiates a sad chuckle at the irony of IE7 doomed to trip over the very hacks it once necessitated. Meanwhile, onlookers from the comment section resurrect the zombie apocalypse of hacks past—from sliding doors that never quite shut to ghostly alpha supports that wouldn't fade away, ensuring that young developers will never forget the archaic battles fought over a "pixel-perfect" realm that never existed. Oh, the horror of remembering that browsers used to be as cooperative as a cat in a bath! 😱🖥️
25 points by robin_reala 2024-11-27T08:32:54 1732696374 | 5 comments
10. ▲ How to print your Guild Wars 2 character (tamius.net)
In the thrilling digital craft saga "How to print your Guild Wars 2 character," a fearless protagonist reborn as a novice Blender user daringly transforms a fleeting online gaming appearance into a 3D-printed monument of small-scale plastic. Visitors to tamius.net receive a not-so-tutorial walkthrough, richly endowed with personal anecdotes, on resurrecting their virtual alter-egos from obsolete DirectX graves. Commentators, stirred by nostalgic pangs for the polygonal avatars of yore, puzzle over their missed opportunities to forever enshrine characters from games as historically irrelevant as WoW. Amidst the poignant reminiscences and technical nitpickings, someone inevitably surfaces to remind us all 🤯 that not every game spews out convenient 3D models ready for amateur sculpting glory.
79 points by debesyla 2024-11-27T10:19:40 1732702780 | 11 comments
11. ▲ Geometric line-art of Wacław Szpakowski (2017) (theparisreview.org)
In a world where anyone with an Etch A Sketch and a Wi-Fi connection becomes a "geometric artist," the internet mobs The Paris Review for daring to spotlight Wacław Szpakowski’s century-old squiggles. Onlookers, inspired by lines that could've been drafted by their pre-caffeinated selves, rush to post links to their own digital doodles—each one hoping for validation in a sea of uniform uniqueness. Amidst this "artistic" back-slapping fest, one humble hero ponders the commercial potential of applying these designs to t-shirts. Surely, what the world needs now is more line-art merch to express our deeply intertwined love for straight edges and existential voids. Bravo, humanity. Bravo. 🎨🖼️👕
364 points by bookofjoe 2024-11-29T22:54:12 1732920852 | 45 comments
12. ▲ Square Roots and Maxima (leancrew.com)
**Square Roots and Maxisogony**

Once again, the internet regurgitates its obsession with random variables, this time through an eccentric nostalgic dive on leancrew.com. Dr. Drang trots out a dusty old mathematical relic, bridging the mind-bending gap from a YouTube video to his good old days using uppercase notations. The comment section transforms into an intellectual wrestling match with sporadic explosions of excitement over Order Statistics and the thrilling excitement of middle school level probability applications. A lone warrior attempts to liken RPG mechanics to statistical distribution methods, revealing perhaps a more profound need to connect with others at parties. Meanwhile, the echo chamber resounds with the profound revelation: math may just involve multiplication and division. Who knew? 🎲📉💤
83 points by surprisetalk 2024-11-30T15:33:59 1732980839 | 25 comments
13. ▲ Make the most of your burl (cindydrozda.com)

Make the most of your burl



In an epochal shift, Cindy Drozda generously shares her arcane wisdom on how not to waste your precious burls, sparking an expectedly profound commentary from wood aficionados and AI-doomsday preppers alike. Commenters unite in dualistic panic and awe, debating if turning a burl into sawdust really counts as "making the most" while offering URLs as helpful as a chocolate teapot. One visionary sees the unexplored frontier of "gym-style" woodshops literally nobody was asking for. Meanwhile, brave souls reminisce about high school woodwork triumphs, comparing them to grand philosophical traditions. Truly, the enlightenment of our times.
85 points by michael_forrest 2024-11-30T06:51:33 1732949493 | 28 comments
14. ▲ Rust-Query (lucasholten.com)
**Rust-Query: A Revolutionary Disappointment in Database Management**

In a supposedly ground-breaking blog post, a brave coder declares war on SQL with the introduction of rust-query, the latest attempt to over-engineer a solution to a problem that arguably doesn’t exist. Enthusiastically shunning SQL, the blog's comment section instantly becomes a tragicomic arena where developers either weave dreams of a bug-free future or dread impending deployment disasters. One gleeful coder celebrates finally finding the Holy Grail of database libraries, blind to the impending schema version apocalypse that rust-query's rigid structure promises. Meanwhile, another predicts doom for no-downtime deployments, fondly reminiscing the days when databases and applications could just agree to disagree. Forget restless nights over data safety, now you can lie awake wondering if your database's self-esteem is high enough to handle rust-query's strict validations. 🤦‍♂️
184 points by lukastyrychtr 2024-11-30T09:29:39 1732958979 | 101 comments
15. ▲ The Opposite of Documentation is Superstition (2020) (buttondown.com/hillelwayne)
In the riveting world of "The Opposite of Documentation is Superstition," our hero, masquerading as a casual vacationer, bravely battles the dark arts of handwritten notes transitioning to digital scribbles. Leaping from pencils to OneNote, he discovers the true chaos of "ink to shape magic" that turns his doodles into less doodle-like, yet still quite unpredictable, entities. 🧙✨ Meanwhile, the commentariat descend to enlighten us with tales of "ritual-taboo programming," where software documentation is the stuff of legends, and everyone pretends that copying and pasting from Stack Overflow snippets is just part of the divine plan. Wizards of lore and knights of the keyboard unite: for in the kingdom of insufficient docs, the blind lead the blind into developer purgatory. 📜🔮
65 points by BerislavLopac 2024-11-27T08:32:39 1732696359 | 34 comments
16. ▲ Interview of Robert Shingledecker, Tiny Core Linux and DSL Developer (2009) (distrowatch.com)
**Distrowatch Time Machine: Fun with Floppies and Business Cards**

In 2009, someone thought it was crucial to interview Robert Shingledecker, the tech wizard behind the marvels of Tiny Core Linux and DSL. Blessed be those who remember DSL, not as your slow internet hookup, but as the *other* Tiny Thing That Could (run on your grandmother's toaster). Commenters trip over themselves to reminisce about the “good old days” of stuffing Linux into every device with a pulse and a power plug, while marveling at the ancient concept of "system rot," which apparently inspired modern immutable infrastructure—because *nothing says progress like fixing what isn't broken*. Meanwhile, a sentimental war rages between oldsters claiming hardship credentials ("back in my day, we had to code uphill, both ways!") and cool kids who just "stream and chill" because who needs hard work when you have one-click apps? Future historians will undoubtedly look back on this era as the golden age of accidental comedy. 👴💾🚀🤦‍♂️
61 points by transpute 2024-11-30T15:18:50 1732979930 | 21 comments
17. ▲ Engineering Sleep (minjunes.ai)
**Engineering Sleep: The Hacker's Paradise**
In a brave new world where sleeping eight hours is for the weak, minjunes.ai delivers a groundbreaking revelation: less sleep might not actually ruin your life, thanks to our dear old friend Genetics. Cue the droves of biohackers and dorm-room philosophers on comment boards waxing lyrical about their dabblings in polyphasic sleep schedules, most armed with caffeine IVs and a staggering misunderstanding of basic human biology. One commenter claims sleeping less before exams is "100% the right call," marking another win for desperation over sense. Meanwhile, bystanders claim losing entire chunks of daytime to the bliss of unconsciousness is an "unfair advantage," as the rest of us squander those precious hours on trivial pursuits like earning a living or blinking. Sleep, it seems, is for those unsophisticated enough not to play mad scientist with their body's foundational needs. 😴💤🔬
344 points by amin 2024-11-30T04:33:32 1732941212 | 145 comments
18. ▲ Breaking the 4Chan CAPTCHA (nullpt.rs)
Title: Hackers and Moaners: A Symphony of CAPTCHAs and Tears

Planet Earth is stunned as a keyboard warrior deciphers the Da Vinci Code of 4Chan CAPTCHAs, a feat presumed only possible by ancient sages and undergrads with too much time. The article spews arcane rites involving imagemagick and greyscale conversions while the comment section becomes a tragicomic stage of PhD holders and disillusioned devs admitting they battle CAPTCHAs for rent money. Ironically, a degree in rocket science now qualifies one to script a CAPTCHA-cracker, which is both sad and hilarious in equal measures. "Ethics? What’s that? Can you eat it?" seems to be the mantra as everyone defends their slice of the spam pie. Meanwhile, regular netizens wonder why every visit to a forum now feels like an interrogation by a paranoid, pixel-obsessed AI.
494 points by hazebooth 2024-11-29T20:32:22 1732912342 | 309 comments
19. ▲ Show QN: Jinbase – Multi-model transactional embedded database (github.com/pyrustic)
**Show HN: Jinbase – Electro-Shock Database Therapy**

In a Herculean effort to remind everyone that SQLite was just not convoluted enough, Jinbase strides valiantly onto the Hacker News stage, armed with a "multi-model transactional embedded" tagline that does everything but make your morning coffee. Eager HN commenters, after briefly looking up what "multi-model" means, dive into stirring debates about why their favorite oddly specific use case is the perfect test for this Pythonic reinvention of the wheel. Meanwhile, the documentation page crashes under the sheer weight of curiosity, leaving legions of would-be database enthusiasts to blindly praise its unknown capabilities. "Revolutionary," cries one user, likely confusing Jinbase with his gin-based cocktail. 🍸
16 points by alexrustic 2024-11-29T20:25:33 1732911933 | 0 comments
20. ▲ What does this button do? – My new car has a mysterious and undocumented switch (koenvh.nl)
**"What does this button do? – My new car has a mysterious and undocumented switch"**
In a stunning display of modern consumerism, a blogger dumps his exhaust-fuming Peugeot for a shiny Opel Corsa that comes with mysterious buttons and a manual thicker than a dictionary. The comment section turns into a paranoid tech dystopia faster than the car's GPS can track your location, with fears of "kill switches" and eSIM surveillance transforming cars into four-wheeled smartphones. One hero quietly stands against the tide of technology by clutching tightly to their dinosaur-age Honda, while others share top-secret tips on how to opt out from car companies’ data sharing, as if navigating a digital minefield. 🚗🕵️‍♂️👀
596 points by Koenvh 2024-11-29T19:59:47 1732910387 | 425 comments
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