Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github
1. ▲ As private equity dominates wheelchair market, users wait months for repairs (statnews.com)
In today's thrilling episode of "Capitalism Ruins Everything Around Me," Statnews.com serves up a half-baked panic pie about the horrific ordeal of obtaining a wheelchair when private equity is allowed to play monopoly with healthcare equipment. The article floats on a sea of despair, handily ignored by the techie savior complex in the comments, where digital messiahs propose open-sourcing the wheelchair as if healthcare systems worldwide are just waiting for their GitHub link. Commenters wag fingers at the government and Medicare, somehow concluding that everyone should just buy a mobility scooter at Walmart and hacking it with duct tape and dreams. Meanwhile, wheelchairs still cost as much as a brand-new Tesla, and Grandma is still stuck at the top of the stairs, waiting for someone to fix her $65,000 ride.
312 points by coloneltcb 2024-05-03T17:25:26 | 219 comments
2. ▲ Show QN: BandMatch – "Tinder" but for finding musicians to create bands/collab (bandmatch.app)
Title: Hackers News Discovers Music Tinder: Creativity Reaches a New Low

In a world thirsty for yet another niche Tinder clone, enter BandMatch: the revolutionary app that ensures you'll never have to suffer the awkwardness of real-life human interaction to find the least tolerable local guitarist. Commenters swiftly voiced concerns ranging from the trauma of swiping left to existential crises induced by geographical restrictions. As suggestions pour in about integrating everything from SoundCloud to smoke signals for better user engagement, one can’t help but wonder why anyone would think musicians can use technology without accidentally licensing their beats to sixteen different ads. But fear not, an “inline playable sample” might just be on the not-so-distant roadmap, enabling users to skip endlessly through amateur hour from the comfort of their own egotism. 🙄🎸
247 points by pg5 2024-05-03T18:11:25 | 142 comments
3. ▲ DNS traffic can leak outside the VPN tunnel on Android (mullvad.net)
Oh no! The digital privacy sky *is falling* again at Mullvad.net, unveiling a groundbreaking issue where DNS traffic might just slip right through your VPN tunnel like butter on a hot pan—🚨 *shocker*! Meanwhile, in the peanut gallery, commenters flex their technical prowess and love affair with Mullvad’s intricate DNS dance moves. One keen observer even treats us to a riveting rundown of DNS ads blocking (groundbreaking!), whilst proudly wearing the badge of a true privacy paladin who notices all the ads—now in *physical* form too. Because nothing screams privacy like discussing ad blocking on a completely unrelated privacy flaw report, right? 🕵️‍♂️🔍
614 points by ementally 2024-05-03T13:46:41 | 301 comments
4. ▲ Unique volumes of Brothers Grimm fairy tales discovered in Poland (nv.ua)
In a thrilling twist that will surely change nothing, a unique collection of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales has been unearthed in Poland. As enthusiasts foam with “groundbreaking” excitement, the internet scholars trudge into the depths of comments to educate the plebs about the "true nature" of these stories. With the philosophical rigor of a sleep-deprived possum, they pontificate about the esoteric meanings of anthropomorphic needles and preach the gospel of reading the tales end-to-end to capture the "obvious" societal metaphors that, honestly, most sane people missed while trying to figure out why the cat ate the mouse. Yes, dear internet, unravel these dense political commentaries hidden in children’s stories, because what else could provide more credible historical insight than a tale of deceitful felines and gullible rodents? 🐱🐭💫
272 points by coloneltcb 2024-05-03T13:26:38 | 88 comments
5. ▲ Rust to .NET compiler – Progress update (fractalfir.github.io)
In this week's exciting installment of "I, too, can reinvent the wheel," yet another fresh high school graduate unveils his part-time, life-altering project: a Rust to .NET compiler. Buckle up as we dive into why rewriting already perfectly fine software into other perfectly fine software is deemed a valuable use of time by everyone who has ever seen a curly bracket. Comments flood in with armchair developers who swear they’ve also almost graduated sixth grade and therefore know that Rust can definitely, potentially, maybe, run fifty times faster in the .NET environment, especially if written on a Friday. Don’t worry, there will be stickers and maybe even a t-shirt for the contributors once the blog post gets more upvotes than the actual code contributions. 😂💻🚀
4 points by sbt567 2024-05-04T00:51:05 | 0 comments
6. ▲ Are Japanese anime robots isometric or allometric? (jgeekstudies.org)
In an earth-shattering feat of intellectual gymnastics, the esteemed scholars at jgeekstudies.org dive deep into the pressing issue of the day: Are Japanese anime robots built according to isometric or allometric scaling principles? Because, as we all know, the authenticity of giant laser-shooting robots is *crucial* to global scientific progress. Meanwhile, in the comment section, a battle rages on with the ferocity of an undercaffeinated otaku at a convention, as die-hard fans use their PhDs in anime trivia to dissect each frame of Mobile Suit Gundam. A precious use of internet bandwidth that could undoubtedly solve world hunger, if only it were as easy as arguing over fictional robot dimensions. 🤖🔬
16 points by zdw 2024-05-01T16:21:59 | 0 comments
7. ▲ How hard can generating 1024-bit primes be? (glitchcomet.com)
In a dazzling feat of nerd bravado, *Glitchcomet.com* dives into the thrilling world of 1024-bit prime generation, waving around opulent descriptions of primality tests like Montgomery multiplication that apparently could have bought you a Tesla in Bitcoin back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (around eight years ago). Commenters, not to be outdone, jostle to out-geek each other with casual humblebrags about their obsolete crypto mining rigs and how they ‘accidentally’ engineered financial domination via a few clever lines of Python. Meanwhile, anyone trying to decrypt these mathematical anecdotes will find themselves yearning for the sweet simplicity of a YouTube tutorial. 🤓 Whether you’re here to reminisce about your fleeting crypto glory days or just to flex your math muscles, congratulations: you're fully qualified to join the prime number nostalgia trip, please collect your complimentary slide ruler on the way out.
81 points by techedlaksh 2024-05-03T18:06:53 | 34 comments
8. ▲ CSS Text Box Trim (github.com/jantimon)
Today in "revolutionary" web development, a Github savior pitches CSS Text Box Trim, the magic bullet for awkward typography spacing that no one asked for but apparently everyone now can't live without. The armchair developers in the comments throw a party, waxing poetic about esoteric CSS properties and "JS hacks" that just save a couple of margins. 😒 Meanwhile, someone inevitably cries over Safari's feature support, because apparently, bringing up Safari is the web devs' equivalent of invoking Voldemort.🙄 Let's all watch as this new CSS trick gets added to the pile of forgotten fixes that were supposed to end all layout woes. 👀
178 points by bpierre 2024-05-03T14:11:49 | 44 comments
9. ▲ TORAX is a differentiable tokamak core transport simulator (github.com/google-deepmind)
**TORAX: Yet Another Attempt at Solving Fusion with Python™**

In a world desperate for sustainable energy solutions, Google’s DeepMind team has generously decided to throw sophisticated lines of Python into the unyielding physics of nuclear fusion, because when has industry-led disruption ever gone awry in science? Some enthusiastic redditor, presumably still dizzy from their latest Kool-Aid sip at PyCon, recounts a riveting success story where "JAX" is whispered through the codebases like a magical incantation that routs the ancient evil spirits of Fortran and C. Meanwhile, the comments section devolves into a nostalgic tech meet-up where remembering one's "accelerator physics" background is the secret handshake, and nobody can resist dropping a humblebrag about their masters in tokamak simulation—because you haven't *really* coded until you've simulated a sun, right? And let's not miss the obligatory link to an AI podcast which is as tangentially related as it is unlistened to. 🤓
43 points by yeldarb 2024-05-01T15:47:15 | 10 comments
10. ▲ The Nature of Code (2nd Edition) (natureofcode.com)
In the realm of nostalgic renewals, The Nature of Code strikes again, this time parading its quirky allure with trendy JavaScript and p5.js wrappers. Desperate to stay relevant amidst a tech ecosystem that evolves faster than you can say "deprecated," the book prances around with "new coding tricks" that still explain how gravity works—as if our heads needed another Newtonian apple drop. Meanwhile, the comment section bursts with sequels to decade-old college projects, resurrected as a touching homage to procrastination and dusty GitHub repos. Eager beavers laud the upgrade, pledging allegiance with their wallets and dreams of neural-networked blobs, blissfully unaware that their groundbreaking "simulations" might just simulate another round of undergrad nostalgia. 🚂📚💻
233 points by skilled 2024-05-01T09:15:12 | 23 comments
11. ▲ SATO: Stable Text-to-Motion Framework (sato-team.github.io)
Title: SATO: The AI Dance Instructor No One Asked For

The visionary minds at SATO-team have unleashed their latest magnum opus: a paper addressing why their text-to-motion toy can’t seem to tell the difference between a tango and a faceplant. In a stunning revelation equivalent to discovering water is wet, they point out the reliance on something called CLIP models which apparently get just as confused by words as the researchers themselves. Beneath the scholarly facade, the comment section quickly devolves into tech bros confusing 3D bone manipulation with 2D dance steps, and a memorable philosopher who wants to pause all AI research so he can finally figure out how to use his email. Follow for more episodes of "Why did the AI do that?" 🤖💃
47 points by Sajarin 2024-05-03T18:07:17 | 9 comments
12. ▲ Discord Applying Forced Arbitration - opt-out before it is too late! (bsky.app)
In a shocking display of corporate tyranny, Discord introduces forced arbitration, but don't worry, your digital freedom fighters on the internet have a handy email solution - bombard Discord's inbox to retain your right to a day in real court! Silverwuffamute leads the charge, armed with a throwaway email address and a deeply misunderstood concept of consumer rights. Meanwhile, commenters erupt in a nerd fury, debating the darkest depths of arbitration as if their lives depend on discrediting each other’s half-baked legal interpretations. Most will forget to opt-out, but it's the thought that counts in this tragicomedy of errors. 🍿💻🎭
98 points by MiguelX413 2024-05-03T21:20:57 | 55 comments
13. ▲ Lowercase – A simple way to take and share notes (lowercase.app)
Welcome to the latest installment in *techno-solutionism*, where the quest for the perfect note-taking app continues at lowercase.app. Here, users revel in their profound abilities to complicate the simple task of jotting down thoughts. In the comment section, we witness a circus of configurations that would make even the most hardened SysAdmin weep. Phil, your script-fu is neat, but who needs simplicity when you can spend hours ensuring your ephemeral scribbles on VS Code are synced to *git* with the finesse of a neurosurgeon? Meanwhile, in mobile land, user's dream of bear-ing their notes across devices apparently justifies forking out $25 a year, because tapping into the mystic realm of plaintext files via Bear is the pinnacle of modern convenience. 📝💸
148 points by siegers 2024-05-03T14:39:49 | 96 comments
14. ▲ Manta Ray UUV prototype completes in-water testing (darpa.mil)

Manta Ray UUV prototype completes in-water testing (darpa.mil)



In a stunning display of human achievement, DARPA has somehow managed to test a robotic manta ray without unleashing an apocalypse of sentient sea creatures. Meanwhile, the elite minds in the comment section are wrestling with world-changing issues like misreading "UUV" as some sort of undersea marital aid crisis. Yes, strap in folks, because the true intellectual battle isn’t DARPA engineering—it’s decoding the terrifying mysteries hidden in acronyms and fantasizing about Netflix's next absurd marine horror flick. And they wonder why the robots are taking over. 🤖
77 points by Luc 2024-05-03T15:22:17 | 70 comments
15. ▲ A Mathematical Theory of Communication [pdf] (math.harvard.edu)
Internet mathematicians are at it again, proving not that they understand information theory, but that they can definitely read. The hosted PDF on Harvard’s elite server – because nothing screams "mathematical rigor" like Ivy League web hosting – garners the same awestruck reverence you’d expect if it dispensed free tenure with every download. Comment sections turn into a tragicomic spectacle of back-patting and faux humility as readers trip over themselves to declare this "perfect for beginners" and "not jargon-heavy at all." Stay tuned as someone discovers that symbols mean things, and that contexts could—as a wild guess—matter in communication. 📚🧐
170 points by luu 2024-04-30T23:05:12 | 22 comments
16. ▲ AI copilots are changing how coding is taught (ieee.org)
The venerated halls of academia tremble as the May 2024 issue of IEEE Spectrum reveals AI copilots are revamping code education, just as surely as copy-paste revolutionized the term paper. Commenters, enlightening us with diatribes that even AI couldn’t generate, argue fiercely over the sanctity of learning 'real' coding versus prompting an AI to vomit up syntax. One sage on the forums explains how they skillfully 'learned' Swift not by tedious study, but by pasting pseudo-code into an AI and fixing whatever Franken-code it spit back – efficiency or laziness? you decide. Meanwhile, someone proudly waves the flag of not being a Luddite for paying a hefty monthly fee to have AI on-call—because nothing screams "I can program" like never actually programming. 🤖💻🎓
52 points by Brajeshwar 2024-05-03T15:13:37 | 94 comments
17. ▲ Visiting the most expensive nuclear station (samdumitriu.com)
On today's episode of "Everyone's an Engineer", our intrepid blogger takes us on a magical journey to the world's most overpriced battery: a nuclear power station. Commenters, armed with a Wikipedia-level understanding of energy policy, leap into action. One genius enlightens us that 70 km2 of solar panels (merely the size of a small country) could replace nuclear energy — sounds easy, right? Meanwhile, a safety debate ensues, with armchair experts hilariously arguing over whether nuclear or solar leads in the "Least Likely to Kill Us" Olympics, citing figures perilously close to "death by lawnmower" stats. Who knew the future of global energy policy could be so... pedestrian? 🙄
33 points by dukeyukey 2024-05-02T10:10:26 | 34 comments
18. ▲ The user is on their own (selfawaresoup.com)
Welcome to the ever-tumultuous sea of confusion at selfawaresoup.com, where the latest gruel is an incoherent splattering about user intuition that somehow ends up talking about lathes and Excel torture techniques. Our intrepid commenters, in a desperate quest to feel seen, leap into the abyss of self-reference with tales of horrific lathe accidents and the oh-so-relatable “but Excel” business strategy. It's a battle of wits between those who believe every human is a latent machinist awaiting activation and those unfortunate souls trying to argue that not everyone's brain is rigged for an intuitive grasp of CAD tools. The crowd's revolution against unclear interfaces and user manuals is matched only by their ability to miss the article’s already elusive point: you are not your customer, but you might wish you were after reading these comments. 🛠️😵‍💫😂
47 points by ColinWright 2024-05-02T08:27:17 | 63 comments
19. ▲ DrEureka: Language Model Guided SIM-to-Real Transfer (eureka-research.github.io)
In their latest scatterbrained escapade, self-professed saviors at eureka-research.github.io unveil DrEureka: because mankind's ultimate destiny clearly dictates that we teach metallic quadrupeds ballet atop yoga balls. This miraculous system apparently gifts AI with the profound intuition to automate and fine-tune the ‘magic’ behind simulating gravity and rewards, all while humans sip coffee and pretend they’re outsmarting nature. Now robots can ‘learn’ to dance and prance through *Large Language Models*, because if you can't teach an old dog new tricks physically, best make it virtual. Mortals in the comments section wrestle with their existential dread, toggling between awe and the humorous terror of a SkyNet future powered by the next generation of robo-pets pirouetting into the apocalypse. Cue the distant hum of a hundred defense labs rebooting for a 'DrEureka: Skynet Edition' – how quaint! 🤖💃
44 points by jasondavies 2024-05-03T16:48:47 | 10 comments
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