Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github
1. ▲ Winged lions through time and space (upenn.edu)
In an earth-shattering development that will surely disrupt dinner parties everywhere, an intrepid scholar at Upenn decides to trace the lineage of winged lions, because apparently, modern mythology and *CGI creatures* just aren’t cutting it anymore. The over-eager comment section, predictably overflowing with language hobbyists and wannabe archaeologists, rambles on in a spectacle of one-upmanship, trying to prove who can misinterpret ancient texts with the most flamboyant flair. As the debate rages, casual readers are left wondering whether Indiana Jones has started writing academic papers. Who knew the academic sphere needed more *fantasy* anyway? 📜✨
8 points by gulced 2024-05-05T00:23:01 | 0 comments
2. ▲ Atari's Mike Jang (arcadeblogger.com)
In a touching tribute that nobody asked for, a commenter rambles nostalgically about their youthful adventures mashing buttons on Atari games, while doing a subpar job of coding in BASIC—obviously the peak of their 'great career.' 🎮 Clearly, Star Wars cabinet designs and the death of an industry pioneer get equated to personal feats such as conquering Missile Command with one's feet. Between heartfelt but clichéd praises and barely coherent memories of quarter-begging, the comment sections are awash with sentimental tech-bros. God save us from these heartfelt eulogies that inevitably descend into the abyss of "back in my day" and detached tributes, spared not even by those claiming their careers were inspired by beeping cabinets and BASIC. Rest in peace, coherence.
64 points by speckx 2024-05-04T20:56:02 | 2 comments
3. ▲ Vera Rubin's primary mirror gets its first reflective coating (universetoday.com)

The Internet Discovers Telescopes


In a riveting display of collective ignorance, Universe Today commenters marvel at the concept of mirrors and shiny things as the Vera Rubin Observatory slaps some reflective coating on a big piece of glass. One commenter, dazzled by the vastness of seven full moons fitting in a single shot, flexes his own telescope setup, as if the internet needed another armchair astronaut. Explainer and comparison videos are shared to edify the masses who are shocked—shocked!—to find out that mirrors reflect light, a phenomenon clearly as complex as rocket science. Meanwhile, another chimes in with their eyepiece measurements, sparing us from another dreary metaphor involving buses or sports fields. Truly, a stellar day for amateur astronomy online!
18 points by bikenaga 2024-05-04T23:02:30 | 4 comments
4. ▲ Verified Rust for low-level systems code (github.com/verus-lang)
In an unending quest to combine as many buzzwords as possible into a single tech project, Verus enters the chat, brandishing its "verified Rust for low-level systems code" like a war-cry at a hacker convention. Cue the aspiring Rustaceans and verification virtuosos in the comments, each more eager than the last to validate their understanding of assertions and compare the relative thrill of Dafny versus Verus. A particularly lost soul queries the mystic arts of "verifying" versus "proving" code as if contemplating the existence of the universe, while another chimes in with impassioned inaccuracies about Zero Knowledge Proofs—because why not confuse everyone further? We all keenly await the deployment of these mind-boggling features in applications with less traffic than this blog post. 🚀👨‍💻
95 points by gz09 2024-05-04T17:50:53 | 33 comments
5. ▲ Show QN: Dillo 3.1.0 released after 9 years (dillo-browser.github.io)
Title: Show HN: Dillo 3.1.0 - Time Travel Edition

In an unexpected twist of fate, the tech necromancers have triumphantly resurrected Dillo Browser after nine painstaking years, each filled with as much suspense as watching paint dry. Brace yourselves: Dillo now supports floating HTML elements -- a feature as game-changing as discovering leftover pizza in your fridge from last Tuesday. In a stellar display of modern irrelevance, the Dillo team ensures the browser remains efficiently unusable for anything post-2010 web, making it the perfect browser for your Aunt’s dusty old eMachine - now also on Kindle and old Samsung phones, because your smart fridge needs browser options too! The comment section quickly devolved into an archeological dig, unearthing memories of long-forgotten gadgets and hosting very important CSS bug reports, because Heaven forbid that a misplaced “type=submit” ruins someone's pixel-perfect nostalgia trip.
230 points by rodarima 2024-05-04T20:22:54 | 60 comments
6. ▲ Show QN: gpudeploy.com – "Airbnb" for GPUs (gpudeploy.com)
In the latest attempt to Airbnb-ify *literally everything*, Show HN parades gpudeploy.com, your go-to marketplace for renting out that GPU you bought to play Witcher 3 but now just use for dust collection. Aspiring techno-wizards cheer in the comments, complementing mega-corp dreams with their cut-copied tales of "legit usage" and *deep concerns* about install scripts that don’t adhere to their hacker ethos. Meanwhile, the graveyard of identical startups looms, prompting echo-chamber speculation on where to snag bargain-bin GPUs post-inevitable startup demise 🤔. Is it on eBay, amidst cement block fables? Stay tuned for the next episode of "Silicon Fantasies", brought to you by inflated GPU prices and blockchain despair.
93 points by nicowaltz 2024-05-04T21:03:55 | 52 comments
7. ▲ Dick Rutan, who flew nonstop around the world, is dead at 85 (independent.co.uk)
The independent.co.uk mustered enough digital prowess to memorialize Dick Rutan, the famed pilot who made circling the globe look easier than logging into their website. "Please refresh," cries the site in unison with readers' tears for a man who pushed boundaries in the sky while we can barely push F5 on our keyboards. Meanwhile, the commenters parachute in with tales of airborne derring-do, each trying to out-altitude the next in their recollections. Rutan's thumb packed more flight skill than our whole bodies, they declare, in a wistful dogfight of nostalgia and one-upmanship. 🛩️💔
20 points by gulced 2024-05-05T00:25:59 | 2 comments
8. ▲ How to build a $20B semiconductor fab (construction-physics.com)
Title: How to build a $20B semiconductor fab (construction-physics.com)

In an illuminating glimpse of information that most of us utterly needed, a blog documented the surely fascinating process of erecting semiconductor fabs. Cue the cheers and fanfare from the dedicated NPR crowd, who consumed tales of economic rejuvenation from their car speakers, and were absolutely thrilled to share the mundane details in the comment section. Meanwhile, locals mildly engaged, speculate if their local bakery will be the next hotspot for displaced chip engineers. And not to miss the high school kid trying to build chips in his garage, because, why not? Because building a semiconductor plant is exactly like a LEGO set, right? 🤔💸
135 points by spenrose 2024-05-04T14:42:44 | 30 comments
9. ▲ The business of wallets (bitsaboutmoney.com)
Welcome to another riveting installment on BitsAboutMoney.com, where the depth of analysis is seemingly matched only by the readers' passion for missing the point. Today’s gem explores the exhilarating world of *wallets*—yes, you read that right—and fearlessly links it to Vikings, because *nothing* says financial stability quite like looting and pillaging re-enactments. Commenters, quick to showcase their *vast* understanding, are stuck in a loop about the shocking revelation that the article discusses PayPal more than crypto wallets. One luminary even calls crypto a Ponzi scheme, clearly forgetting to take off their tinfoil hat before typing. 🤯💸
28 points by tiniuclx 2024-05-02T12:24:13 | 4 comments
10. ▲ Porting HPC Applications to AMD Instinct MI300A Using Unified Memory and OpenMP (arxiv.org)
In a miraculous leap of academic verbosity, another paper decides that what the world truly lacks is the deep understanding of *how to shuffle* high-performance computing applications to yet another piece of hardware that three people and a sad data center in Ohio have heard of. Experts from Advanced Blank Stares (ABS) University unleash a torrent of gibberish about unified memory (because apparently memory was too divided?) and OpenMP, which obviously has been patiently waiting for its Cinderella moment. In the comments, self-declared tech prophets and GPU enthusiasts engage in the sacred war of who can miss the point more profoundly, while occasionally dropping buzzwords to summon venture capital. 🚀🤓 Will AMD Instinct MI300A transform the computing landscape, or will it end up as a highly specialized doorstop? Stay tuned for next year's irrelevant update!
60 points by arcanus 2024-05-04T16:47:17 | 19 comments
11. ▲ CBMC: C bounded model checker (2021) (cprover.org)
Today in niche software tool celebrations, we delve into CBMC: the C Bounded Model Checker, a utility obscure enough to be featured in a niche developer's midnight dreams. Programmers in the comments brag about using CBMC for everything from verifying granny's cookie recipe algorithms to winning bar arguments about who can model check better. 🤓 One commenter swears by the life-changing magic of turning vague C functions into something the SMT solver won't choke on, while another dreams of a world where CBMC gets cozy with LLVM IR, because, clearly, what the world lacks is yet another layer of complexity in programming. Meanwhile, the rest of us ponder why we didn't pick a career that involves less arguing with machines.
77 points by fanf2 2024-05-04T13:42:02 | 22 comments
12. ▲ The Mirror Fusion Test Facility (2023) (beautifulpublicdata.com)
In a tragicomic display of fiscal irony, the Mirror Fusion Test Facility (MFTF) wins the ribbon for the most gloriously unignited endeavor of our time, ceremoniously shuttered on its christening day due to the perennial clash of budgets and boffinry. Commenters wax tragically poetic about the enduring "taste" left by the MFTF’s unfulfillment, with one likening a broken statue to the shattered dreams of magnetic confinement. Amid technical laments and nostalgia, someone points out that dear old Apple could have bankrolled their own fusion sideshow with their petty cash – but why chase after star power when stock buybacks sparkle so much brighter? Fusion research: the heavyweight contender perpetually punched out by budget cuts and solar devotees. 🌌💸💔
96 points by not_a_boat 2024-05-04T14:17:01 | 52 comments
13. ▲ The Matrix: A Bayesian learning model for LLMs (arxiv.org)
**Title:** Hacker Nerds Reinvent Probability, More News at 11

In an explosive revelation that will almost certainly not change how we chat with our oven’s AI, academic keyboard warriors have bestowed upon us a "new" Bayesian witchcraft to puppeteer Large Language Models. This groundbreaking work, a kaleidoscope of multinomial magic, promises to cure all AI communication breakdowns, much like how I promise to exercise every New Year. Commenters, thrilled to skip the actual content, dive straight into lamenting the novelty of 90’s tech and hypothetical Skynet panics. The discourse—a gourmet blend of nostalgia, existential dread, and baseless confidence—proves that the only matrix we're stuck in is this delightful echo chamber of tech echoism. 🎭🔁
96 points by stoniejohnson 2024-05-04T09:27:45 | 10 comments
14. ▲ Was the Stone Age the Wood Age? (nytimes.com)
The New York Times, in its unending wisdom, has decided to shake the very foundations of prehistoric studies by asserting that perhaps the Stone Age was misnamed and should be dubbed the Wood Age. Panels of scholars apparently had nothing better to do than explore how our ancestors might have whittled their way through history. The comment section quickly evolved into a heated debate between self-proclaimed "time travelers" and "woodworking enthusiasts," both defending the honor of their preferred elementary material. We are all clearly smarter now.
40 points by Brajeshwar 2024-05-04T15:15:48 | 62 comments
15. ▲ Art and Memory (lrb.co.uk)
The London Review of Books unleashes yet another opus on the poignant interplay between art and memory, presumably because the world faces a dire shortage of obscure essays. A cadre of eager intellectuals, all seven of them, swarm the comments to pretend they’ve not only read the entire piece in under ten minutes but have also somehow managed to weave Foucault into their analyses. Prepare to be dazzled by the relentless use of sesquipedalian loquacity, as commenters compete for the crown of "Most Likely to Have Used a Thesaurus." In this thrilling saga, memory is either a canvas or a prison, and no one can agree which, but it's imperative that everyone pick a side. 🎨🤔
9 points by lermontov 2024-05-03T23:37:59 | 0 comments
16. ▲ Professor Megalow's Dinosaur Bones: Richard Owen and Victorian literature (publicdomainreview.org)
In this week's attempt at intellectual substance, Public Domain Review drags readers into the dusty crevices of Victorian literature to unearth the bony legacies of Professor Megalow. Dubbed *Richard Owen's wingman*, Megalow's earth-shattering insights into dinosaur bones are presented as pivotal. Fans of the article enthusiastically miss the point, squabbling in the comments about whether Jane Austen could have out-dino'd Dickens if only she’d had access to a time machine and a shovel. Who needs critical thought when you can spar over anachronisms with the tenacity of a velociraptor in a bonnet?
15 points by Hooke 2024-05-02T14:04:10 | 0 comments
17. ▲ Drink Me: (Ab)Using a LLM to Compress Text (o565.com)
In a groundbreaking display of both hubris and ignorance, a new blog post lauds the (not so) novel idea of using big smartypants Language Models for compressing text. Coming fresh off the electronic presses of beige technical boredom, the author explains how extracting the essence of "big data words" can smush documents into bite-sized files, waiting for an eternity of neglect in your forgotten downloads folder. Commenters, wearing their best digital overalls, dive head-first into a geeky squabble about entropy compressors and other sexy party topics, with links as lengthy as the odds of them leaving their basement labs. Because who wouldn't want to compress “Peter Rabbit” into oblivion with the computational equivalent of a steamroller, just to prove a point? 🎩🥕💾
8 points by alexmolas 2024-05-03T07:51:52 | 6 comments
18. ▲ In Praise of Idleness (1932) (harpers.org)
Welcome to another unquestionable triumph of armchair philosophy where internet intellectuals solve society by advocating for the noble practice of doing absolutely nothing. Based on Russell’s ameture hour at economic forecasting, "In Praise of Idleness" has kicked off a comment section regatta where everyone's an expert in lazily misapplying historical anecdotes as if they're gospel. The innovative thinkers 🤯 here equate medieval downtime with modern-day tech bro "rest and vest" schedules, seeing Google's diminishing returns as a beacon of underachievement's bright future. Let's all lean back, imagine a utopian society fueled by sheer inactivity, and boldly ignore the complexities of the real world. Enlightenment or entitlement—why not both? 🙄
179 points by TotalCrackpot 2024-05-04T13:51:58 | 61 comments
19. ▲ Vulture shortage threatens Zoroastrian burial rites (theguardian.com)
In a tragicomic twist of fate, modern toxins have accomplished what centuries of cultural change could not: endangering the lofty vultures essential to Zoroastrian "sky burials." The Guardian, with its peerless knack for sniffing out obscure crises, parachutes readers into a world where even the clean-up crew is dying off. Cue an avalanche of comments from armchair ornithologists and suddenly minted theologians, each bemoaning urban sprawl and chemical evils but providing little beyond emojis and misquoted scripture. Surely, the "like" button will fix environmental and cultural devastation, right? 🙏🦅🔥
150 points by YeGoblynQueenne 2024-05-04T12:13:19 | 93 comments
More