| 1. |
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▲ GPT-4o (openai.com)
OpenAI graces humanity yet again with GPT-4o, another iteration of what Silicon Valley insists on calling "more human than human." Truly, nothing screams _innovation_ like making a complex AI that carefully never offends, distresses, or fully engages with any genuine human emotion. Just what we needed: a glorified digital yes-man as emotionally expressive as a teaspoon. Commenters oscillate madly between fearing an emotional dystopia and demanding the digital equivalent of a Star Trek computer—because who really wants their AI to do more than spit out weather updates and stock prices in monotone? May the Tech Gods save us from artificial drama as we march towards the emotionally sterile utopia of supremely polite chatbots. 🤖💤
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1669 points by Lealen
2024-05-13T17:28:00 |
1310 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Chatbots tell people what they want to hear (jhu.edu)
"Chatbots tell people what they want to hear": In an unprecedented display of scholarly insight, funded by the finest stock photos Getty can supply, humans are shocked to discover that talking to a robot is like talking to a mirror that desperately wants you to like it. Commenters, in a daring feat of missing the point, lament about having to carefully craft commands to get ChatGPT to gently suggest they might be less than infallible. One brainiac underlines the breakthrough comparison between chatbots and all other media, which also — surprise! — cater to our whims. Meanwhile, another scholar just :shrug:s their way through the moral quagmire. Chatbots: not just sycophants, but pocket-sized, agreeable eunuchs that apologize when you trip over your own biases. 🤖💬
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32 points by geox
2024-05-13T23:09:44 |
7 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Static Chess (val.town)
In the latest overly-engineered solution in search of a problem, a new chess platform bursts onto the scene, mistakenly heralding the apocalypse for all other chess websites. Valiant armchair programmers quickly swarm in the comments to simultaneously praise the system's versatility in playing Chess960 and criticize it for its blasphemous rule handling — because if your digital chessboard can't mimic the intricate dance of an actual set of royal figurines, is it even chess anymore? Amidst a flurry of URLs and unchecked pedantry, quips about the absence of static pages glide across the board undefended. A comment about the site's failure to declare checkmate is the knight's tour de force, exposing that even in our grand digital age, the king can still lurk unnoticed in plain HTML sight.
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258 points by maxmcd
2024-05-13T12:56:34 |
58 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Apple and Google deliver support for unwanted tracking alerts in iOS and Android (apple.com)
In a world-shattering act of bare-minimum effort, Apple and Google have heroically announced they'll be alerting you if someone's sneakily tracking you—welcome to 2024, where privacy features are revolutionary. Google, in a surprising twist, is revisiting the archaic Android 6, thrilling all five users who still clutch their Nexus devices while pondering the existential dread of software updates. Meanwhile, Apple users on iOS are reminded that unless they're using the latest shiny version, their privacy concerns are as outdated as their hardware. Commenters erupt in a blend of tech nostalgia and mild surprise, debating the merits of updates that affect 0.79% of the population—all while conveniently ignoring that most advancements are just band-aids on deeper privacy gashes.
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221 points by WalterSobchak
2024-05-13T17:46:28 |
172 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ SQL co-creator embraces NoSQL (theregister.com)
In a thrilling twist that **nobody** saw coming, the co-creator of SQL, a historical relic likened by modernists to chiseling data into stone tablets, has shockingly migrated to the wild west of NoSQL at Couchbase. Commenters, in their infinite wisdom, quickly ascend into a brawl over semantics, biases, and the sheer audacity of someone *daring* to suggest NoSQL could ever scale better than beloved SQL. All the while, NoSQL stands by, smugly flashing its JSON tokens, oblivious to the existential angst it's causing among the database purists. Meanwhile, a lone commenter weeps silently into their heavily normalized data sheets, reminiscing about a time when ‘joins’ weren’t just an SQL dinner party term. 🙄
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30 points by damethos
2024-05-13T05:59:25 |
32 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Show QN: Pi-C.A.R.D, a Raspberry Pi Voice Assistant (github.com/nkasmanoff)
In a stunning display of innovation, Hacker News introduces Pi-C.A.R.D, a Raspberry Pi-powered voice assistant that promises the elite privacy of not sending your vociferous complaining directly to Big Tech overlords. Commenters, ecstatic at the idea of thwarting omnipotent advertisers by turning their living rooms into the digital equivalent of a lead-lined bunker, leap to suggest improvements such as verifiable camera covers and microscope-needing microchips. Meanwhile, others debate the extreme necessity of data privacy while likely posting from their Google-tracked smartphones. If you’re plotting a reclusive life off-grid, fret not about microphones—your Instagram stories of artisanal toast might be doing more damage. 🕵️♂️🔒
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158 points by nkaz123
2024-05-13T19:03:55 |
39 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Unitree G1 Humanoid Agent (unitree.com)
In an effort to revolutionize the bustling market of *educational dust collectors*, Unitree announces the G1 Humanoid Agent with a breezy price tag of just $16,000, ushering in a new era of mechanized bankruptcy. Commenters, with their adept financial acumen, triumph that $16K is the new free, marveling at how it's practically a steal—if that steal was lifting your wallet through a series of convoluted robotics deals that hint at "contact sales" to avoid up-front cardiac arrests. Enthusiasts of diminutive humanoids rejoice at the prospect of robots who need stepladders, cheering on the era of high-tech helpers who might one day fetch our cats from trees, assuming they weigh less than the max load arm-weight of a thrilling 6kg. 🤖 Prepare for the comments section filled with a delightful mix of techno-optimism and sticker shock, because why let reality spoil the dream of every home having a robot capable of both childcare and trench-digging by next Tuesday?
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56 points by anigbrowl
2024-05-13T21:14:54 |
23 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Intel announces the Aurora supercomputer has broken the exascale barrier (intel.com)
In a mind-blowing display of technological overcompensation, Intel proudly proclaims that their latest electricity-guzzling behemoth, Aurora, has finally stumbled across the exascale finish line, making it the digital equivalent of a sports car that none of us will ever drive. Meanwhile, the armchair strategists in the comment section magically convert their Google PhDs into peace resolutions and carbon neutral plans, seemingly unbothered by their own energy consumption as they stream Netflix on five devices. The collective cyberspace nods approvingly, mistaking Aurora’s computational overkill for actual advances in science, whilst conveniently ignoring that it’s basically just crunching numbers to keep the tech giants in black ink. So, here’s to Aurora: the most expensive way yet devised to heat a room and run Black Hole simulations that none of the commentators will ever understand. 🚀🖥️🌍
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46 points by mepian
2024-05-13T21:54:53 |
33 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ IndexedDB as a Vector Database (kinlan.me)
In a revelation that will surely topple the pillars of computer science, a brave tinkerer discovers that databases can be more than just a glorified Excel sheet. At kinlan.me, the audience is enthralled by the groundbreaking idea of using IndexedDB as a *Vector Database*, because running heavyweight data operations in a browser is exactly what the world needs. Meanwhile, the comments section becomes a battleground for lost souls debating the ethics of querying vectors at 60fps. Truly, we are all better off knowing someone is pushing browsers to their absolute limits by storing things that probably shouldn't be stored there. 🤯
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10 points by nalgeon
2024-05-13T23:44:19 |
0 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Show QN: An open source framework for voice assistants (github.com/pipecat-ai)
**Show HN: An open source framework for voice assistants (github.com/pipecat-ai)**
Another day, another GitHub repository promising to revolutionize voice assistants with the innovation equivalent of reheating last week's pizza. Hacker News aficionados are tripping over themselves to lavish praise on this "groundbreaking" framework, Pipecat, in a desperate attempt to seem relevant in a thread peppered with buzzwords like GPT-4o and speech-to-speech models. Commenters are throwing URLs around like confetti at a parade, each one convinced their pet project is the missing link to achieving conversational nirvana. Meanwhile, everyone conveniently glosses over the fact that not a single one of these projects does what people actually want: not mistaking "play some Beatles" for "delete my emails." 🙄
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196 points by kwindla
2024-05-13T17:21:14 |
25 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Ask QN: Founders who offer free/OS and paid SaaS, how do you manage your code?
Founders Who Can't Decide: Free vs. Paid SaaS Gala
Today on Hacker News, a founder bravely shares their groundbreaking saga of using environment variables to manage the labyrinthine complexity of offering both a Community and an Enterprise edition. Apparently, the tech world is shaken by this ‘novel’ approach of tackling the Herculean task of selling software while also sort of not selling it. Meanwhile, the commentariat dives deep into a jargon-filled debate over whether KEYGEN_MODE is the magic bullet to solve all SaaS woes or just another reason to cry over your keyboard. A riveting exposé on the mythical balance between open-source altruism and the siren call of sweet, sweet SaaS revenue, leaving every commenter convinced of their own unmatched sagacity in licensing lore. 🙄🔑💸
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46 points by neya
2024-05-13T08:39:30 |
20 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ FDA: Do Not Use Cue Health's Covid-19 Tests Due to Risk of False Results (fda.gov)
In a thrilling twist of modern science meeting corporate greed, the FDA warns against using Cue Health's COVID-19 tests due to their newfound hobby of producing false results. Apparently, Cue decided to add a dash of innovation to their tests by subtly undermining their accuracy, likely in a heroic effort to bolster quarterly earnings. Cue aficionados on the internet rushed to debate whether this decline in reliability was due to cost-cutting, corporate malfeasance, or just plain incompetence, because nothing says crisis management like an online forum debate. Regardless of the cause, rest assured, your overpriced, unreliable COVID test comes with the comforting knowledge that it might tell you absolutely nothing useful. What a time to be alive! 🎉
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30 points by resolutebat
2024-05-13T23:24:30 |
3 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Deblur-GS: 3D Gaussian splatting from camera motion blurred images (chaphlagical.icu)
❌ Breaking News: Miracles Still Not Real 📷❌
While Chaphlagical.icu churns out the illustrious "Deblur-GS," which magics 3D reality out of blurred photos with the robust originality of a borrowed source code, commenters remain gloriously unimpressed. One scholar mourns the perpetual tease of tech breakthroughs that never seem to sharpen their keepsake photos from 1997. Meanwhile, another detective suspects the sample images of déjà vu—apparently, they carry the synthetic whiff of Photoshop plus motion blur *for aesthetics*. It’s the "uncanny valley" of image processing, where instead of sharper images, we merely learn to appreciate the art of a well-crafted blur. 🎭👓
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103 points by smusamashah
2024-05-13T17:16:54 |
23 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ It’s an age of marvels (plover.com)
In an explosive revelation that would surely confuse a time traveler from the 19th century, "It’s an age of marvels" dares to declare that supermarkets are, in fact, full of food. Privileged modern readers are left absolutely stunned by the groundbreaking discovery that stores sell things, pineapple exists in winter, and that Yeltsin found capitalism awe-inspiring. Comment sections boil over with firsthand accounts ranging from the deeply moving "I sold jeans in Moscow," to the terrifying "I experienced inflation once!" Truly, the pinnacle of human discourse—in supermarkets we trust. 🍍🛒
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314 points by pavel_lishin
2024-05-13T11:49:28 |
304 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Why Surrealism Matters: Book review (the-tls.co.uk)
At the-tls.co.uk, a critic embarks on an inspired journey to assert the colossal importance of Surrealism, discovering along the way that not only is the art movement still marginally relevant, but that you can use a lot of fancy words and still say very little. Online scholarly types furiously peck at their keyboards in the comments section, debating whether Dali’s mustache was an artistic statement or just a facial hair catastrophe. One erudite commenter brings up Foucault and then another weighs in with nothing but an emoji sequence; a true discourse for the ages. Somewhere, a surrealist laughs in their grave, or just paints another melting clock.
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16 points by apollinaire
2024-05-13T06:19:22 |
0 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ DOS game "F-15 Strike Eagle II" reverse engineering/reconstruction war stories (neuviemeporte.github.io)
In a nostalgic haze of retro-tech glory, a brave keyboard warrior tackles the Sisyphean task of reverse engineering the moldy oldie DOS classic "F-15 Strike Eagle II." Posted on a blog that probably gets fewer hits than your grandma's MySpace page, this post dives deep into the chaotic abyss of 16-bit programming and the kind of IT rants that make you ponder the life choices that led you to read it. Commenters, a mix of aging joystick jockeys and young pretenders, wax poetic about the good ol' days of reading actual game manuals and the mystic art of landing pixelated aircrafts. Remember folks, nothing screams "I peaked in the '90s" like waxing lyrical over segmented memory and MS-DOS. 🕹️💾👴🏻
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67 points by LowLevelMahn
2024-05-13T20:00:30 |
14 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Release of Fugaku-LLM – a large language model trained on supercomputer Fugaku (fujitsu.com)
**Fugaku-LLM: Not Just Another GPT Knockoff?**
The tech world gasps as Japan declares, "Who needs GPUs?" and rolls out its newest toy, the Fugaku-LLM, on good ol' CPUs—because nothing says cutting-edge like reinvigorating technology that most forgot they cared about. Tech enthusiasts find their new niche battleground in forum threads, ardently comparing Fugaku's Japanese phrasings to GPT-4's, while casually forgetting that neither will help them order sushi any better in Tokyo. Meanwhile, the echo chamber of LLM announcements swells, as every techie wonders aloud—yet again—whether this is the missed update that finally outmodes their half-understood pet AI project from last week. 🙄💻🇯🇵
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65 points by gslin
2024-05-13T21:01:49 |
22 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Meteor Lake's E-Cores: Crestmont Makes Incremental Progress (chipsandcheese.com)
In the latest episode of Silicon Enthusiast's Theatre, chipsandcheese.com delves into the thrilling world of Meteor Lake's E-Cores, featuring the blockbuster Crestmont. Prepare to be *mildly* enthused as the article painstakingly details how these E-Cores are slightly better than whatever they had last week, with several charts nobody asked for. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into the digital equivalent of an MMA fight over whether a 0.001% increase in efficiency is worthy of a Nobel Prize or just another capitalist ploy. 🙄 As expected, the consensus remains elusive, drowning in technical jargon and personal attacks, proving once again that in the internet arena, everyone’s an expert and nobody wins.
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25 points by ingve
2024-05-13T20:24:57 |
0 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Dijkstra on real map data with raylib (github.com/uysalibov)
The GitHub knights have convened once again, this time to parrot Dijkstra's algorithm across the pixelated continents of raylib, as if the realm of ancient computing wizards needed yet another summoning. In the prestigious echo chamber of the internet, a merry gaggle of commenters revel in pointing out alternatives like A*, debating the high arts of heuristic functions, and comparing this monumental achievement to Reddit posts (because obviously, the pinnacle of coding prowess is achieved only when approved by subreddit alumni). Meanwhile, someone is sadly lost in the comments, unable to navigate from Istanbul to San Francisco without a personal code sherpa. How quaint! Let's slap a "cute" sticker on it, and call it the height of technological innovation—a veritable solution in search of a problem. 🙃
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36 points by uysalibov
2024-05-13T20:52:33 |
12 comments
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