| 1. |
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▲ Veo (deepmind.google)
In a daring leap into technological mediocrity, Google has unleashed *Veo by DeepMind* upon the world, granting filmmakers the power to generate infinite reels of uninspired B-roll. Within this digital landscape, artists are consoled with tools like **SynthID watermarking** to protect their soulless creations from digital piracy—a feature surely to revolutionize the endless YouTube Shorts cluttered with "artworks" barely distinguishable from screensavers. Meanwhile, the comment section devolves into a frantic exchange among tech enthusiasts and disillusioned filmmakers, each trying to defend or dismantle the shambling future of AI-generated cinematography. It’s clear that Veo is to revolutionary filmmaking what a coloring book is to the Sistine Chapel. 🎬👏🤖
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971 points by meetpateltech
2024-05-14T17:58:26 |
297 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ The Most Talented Person in the World (matt.sh)
Title: The Most Talented Person in the World (matt.sh)
In another gripping installment of how the Internet can be simultaneously mind-numbing and sagely, a singular blogger unearths the shocking truth: the World Wide Web is not the same as your WiFi router. Commentarians leap into the digital fray, brandishing their thesauruses like medieval polearms, to wage war on the concept of "proof-of-person," while subtly reminding everyone that, technically, they knew about the distinction between the Internet and Web since the dawn of HTTP. Meanwhile, another brave soul proposes using LLMs to sift through the ceaseless torrent of online excrement, hoping desperately to find a nugget of wisdom beneath the SEO bloat. Spoiler: they don’t. 🚀📉🤯
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74 points by keyboardJones
2024-05-14T23:37:25 |
28 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Ilya Sutskever to leave OpenAI (twitter.com/ilyasut)
In a shocking twist that everyone saw coming, Ilya Sutskever bids adieu to OpenAI, cunningly coordinating his departure with a product release to maximize drama and minimize fallout. Commenters, crystallizing the collective wisdom of tech bro echo chambers, speculate with the grace of conspiracy theorists at a UFO convention. Did OpenAI freeze Ilya out for half a year, or did he float in limbo, untouchable like an Oxford comma in a legal document? As Silicon Valley's elite supposedly clamor over Sutskever, we're reminded that in the tech world, breaking up is just another launch strategy. 🎭💼🚀
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316 points by wavelander
2024-05-14T23:01:26 |
125 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ U.S. Government Now Spends More on Debt Interest than National Defense (crfb.org)
**Hapless Fiscal Follies: A Sitcom in Fiscal Irresponsibility**
In an eye-opening twist that absolutely no one could have predicted except everyone, the U.S. Government now allegedly shells out more on interest payments than on the entire budget for national defense—the latest punchline in the ongoing sitcom of fiscal irresponsibility. While a Presidential hopeful throws this "shocking" factoid around at a town hall, the armchair economists in the comments go to war, juggling definitions of what actually counts as 'defense spending.' Is funding for the Department of Veterans Affairs just a sneaky extension of the military budget, or is it a misguided allocation towards memory foam mattresses for everyone who’s seen a recruitment ad? Meanwhile, taxpayers bicker over whether the debt is really a ticking time bomb or just a gentle, growing balloon of national promise, setting the stage for season next of ‘America’s Budget: Crisis or Comedy?’ 🤡💸
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58 points by webninja
2024-05-14T23:12:38 |
40 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Glider – open-source eInk monitor with an emphasis on low latency (github.com/modos-labs)
**Title: Revolutionizing Paperweights: The Glider Open-Source eInk Saga**
In a stunning attempt to revolutionize the drawer where you keep all your unused gadgets, the Glider eInk monitor emerges from the collaborative abyss of GitHub and GitLab, proudly boasting "low latency" in tech that inherently resembles the responsiveness of a sun-drenched slug. Commenters, in a frenzy of misplaced enthusiasm, applaud the README like it's the tech equivalent of a Shakespeare play, while dropping casual tech jargon to inflate their e-cred. Meanwhile, a nostalgic war veteran of the Kindle skirmishes points out the achingly slow progress of similar tech, mistaking incremental software updates for radical innovation. 🔍📜🐌 As the thread digs into the physical and financial pains of eInk, we are reminded that tech forums are truly where optimism goes to die, and yet, somehow, hope springs eternal amid complaints of ghosting and ghastly price tags.
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367 points by mistercheph
2024-05-14T18:19:01 |
61 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Gemini Flash (deepmind.google)
In the latest exhibition of technological overreach, DeepMind decides that what the world really needed was yet another AI, dubbed "Gemini Flash," capable of reading more books in a minute than any human could in a lifetime. Because, of course, the pinnacle of intellectual achievement is turning a 1300-page manual into a chatbot conversation, right? 🤖💬 Meanwhile, tech hobbyists in the comments are tripping over themselves to install updates and plugins, blissfully unaware that for every poetic stanza about otters they generate, their wallet quietly weeps at $0.70/million tokens. In this Brave New World, it seems the only thing more expansive than Gemini’s context window is the debt you'll accrue using it. 🚀🤑
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294 points by meetpateltech
2024-05-14T18:00:59 |
90 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ GPT-4o's Memory Breakthrough – Needle in a Needlestack (llmonpy.ai)
Title: GPT-4o's Memory Breakthrough – The Great Limerick Chase
In an exceptionally riveting display of artificial navel-gazing, the AI community has again become enthralled with a novel finding about GPT-4o’s ability to distinguish a needle from a needlestack—presumably, because the haystack was too mainstream. Tom Burns and llmonpy.ai revealed that 4o excels at regurgitating limericks but trips over itself when the poetry stops flowing, much like a boozed bard at a medieval fair. Commenters, in a heroic leap of logic, pivoted to debates on model training subtleties that might shock anyone who derives excitement from watching paint dry or grass grow. There was talk of surpassing "a qualitative threshold," like we're characterizing Chardonnay, not grinding through an algorithm's text vomit. Meanwhile, someone fittingly confessed to "just making stuff up that was completely unrelated," finally pinpointing the unofficial motto of most comment threads everywhere. 🚀🤖💤
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205 points by parrt
2024-05-13T21:54:06 |
74 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Sir, there's a cat in your mirror dimension (lcamtuf.substack.com)
Hacker News has again graced us with an intellectual showdown, this time around the dizzying complexities of cats, mirrors, and spectral energies. Lcamtuf bravely attempts to decode the unfathomable physics of kitty pictures and digital transformations, leaving readers dizzy with a mix of scientific lingo and feline aesthetics. The comment section becomes a delightful circus of armchair physicists debating Fourier transforms versus DCT, lens behaviors, and optical computing, mostly outsmarting themselves in a baffling display of theoretical acrobatics. Clearly, everyone's a quantum physicist in the thrilling world of cat photography commentary. 🐱🔬💥
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295 points by zdw
2024-05-14T16:42:54 |
51 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Model Explorer: intuitive and hierarchical visualization of model graphs (ai.google.dev)
🎉 *Exciting News* from the techie playground: Google engineers have birthed yet another way to look at squiggly AI doodles, called the Model Explorer. Because, evidently, what the tech world craves is *yet another* visualization tool to understand ML models, now with *extra hierarchy*! Meanwhile, tech aficionados in the comments are swapping URLs like Pokémon cards in hopes of deciphering the latest Google site maze. "Does it run on torch 2.0?", asks a hopeful soul, unaware that their day is about to be ruined by the 'no attribute export' boss battle. 🙃 Can't wait for the inevitable 15-part YouTube tutorial series on how to open the tool.
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223 points by antognini
2024-05-14T17:29:19 |
32 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ The new APT 3.0 solver (jak-linux.org)
**APT 3.0: The Revolution That Nobody Asked For**
In the boundless wisdom that can only be bred in the deepest dungeons of `jak-linux.org`, the new APT 3.0 solver is heralded as the second coming of dependency resolution. Aptly dubbed solver3—because creativity in naming is clearly overrated—it promises to never auto-remove your dumpster-fire collection of manually installed packages. Commenters, in a breathtaking display of hindsight masquerading as insight, trip over themselves applauding this "innovation". Meanwhile, armchair system architects bemoan the existential dread of upgrading vs. nuking-from-orbit and setting up from scratch, as if deciding between bad and worse is a new concept. Sprinkle in a little salt for keeping /etc in version control, and you've got yourself a classic Linux user cocktail: one part nostalgia, three parts complaint, with a twist of unnecessary complexity. 🍸
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113 points by todsacerdoti
2024-05-14T18:40:50 |
63 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Femtosecond lasers create 3D midair plasma displays you can touch (ieee.org)
Today in "Bright Ideas That Burn Retinas," IEEE highlights how hyperactive boffins have *yawn* revolutionized visual display technology by summoning 3D plasma hallucinations mid-air with femtosecond lasers. Because, evidently, modern life lacks sufficient visual spam and potential retinal hazards! Commenters, in a delightful display of obliviousness wrapped in survivor bias, share war stories about their own visual impairments from rogue LEDs and lasers like they're collecting Pokémon cards. Safety? Please, we've got unconfined lasers to play with; who cares if we poke an eye out as long as it looks cool on Instagram? 🙄
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195 points by jagged-chisel
2024-05-14T16:10:58 |
93 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Stone with ancient writing system unearthed in garden (bbc.co.uk)
In a groundbreaking discovery that shatters the mundanity of suburban life, one lucky gardener finds a rock with scratches that academics excitedly label as "ancient script." Alleged scholars, pulled from the deepest recesses of the university basement, claim it's Ogham writing from the dark ages, presumably used to chronicle the riveting tales of Celtic lawn care. Meanwhile, history hobbyists online are thrilling their three followers by comparing Ogham to Morse code, because, apparently, anything with lines must be binary. In an awe-inspiring display of erudition, someone else triumphantly finds Ogham's Unicode block, proving that even the most obscure scripts can get their fifteen minutes of fame in digital purgatory.
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47 points by gadders
2024-05-14T20:46:49 |
8 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Researchers find high levels of lead, mercury and arsenic in Beethoven's hair (smithsonianmag.com)
In a thrilling revelation that would shock absolutely no one, researchers have found heavy metals in Beethoven's hair. Apparently, this chemical cocktail didn't dampen his ability to "hear" majestic symphonies in his head, a trait pompously paralleled by commenters who boast their similar "borderline hallucinatory" auditory memories. Who knew all it took to compose like Beethoven was a hefty dose of lead and an overactive imagination? Meanwhile, debates flare over whether possessing the phantom skill of a 'mind’s ear' or 'mind's tongue' can qualify you as the next deaf genius or just a pretentious party bore. 🎶💀🎹
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72 points by marban
2024-05-14T10:15:13 |
41 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Contact of Containership Dali with the Key Bridge and Subsequent Bridge Collapse [pdf] (nyt.com)
In yet another display of human engineering foresight, the contact of the MV Dali with the Key Bridge has been eloquently detailed in a PDF that somehow fails to smother its viewers in sheer boredom. According to tireless commentators, despite the ship's elegance in dodging supposedly robust barriers like a rogue jet-ski at a lake party, the bridge sadly couldn't hold itself together. Debates rage about the mystery of barrier sizes and ship shapes—because, apparently, redesigning maritime traffic regulations is more palatable than admitting someone messed up. Luckily, armchair engineers and YouTube connoisseurs provide endless speculation and technical jargon that even the NTSB might blink at. Clearly, the internet is the best place to solve infrastructural crises post-mortem. 🚢💥🌉
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67 points by mhb
2024-05-14T20:48:14 |
44 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ PaliGemma (ai.google.dev)
Hark! Google blesses us mere mortals with PaliGemma, their latest trinket in the AI circus. This magical contraption juggles both text and images, so you can finally find out what your cat's memes really mean. Commenters, ever eager to bask in reflected glory, wax poetic about the wonders of Google's "public work", while fumbling around with versions and parameters as if they'd make them relevant in AI cocktail conversations. 🤖💬 Meanwhile, a lone voice in the wilderness ponders if adding a billion more parameters could possibly make a dumb model *less* dumb, unwittingly illustrating the collective delusion that more bloat equals better answers.🎈
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86 points by tosh
2024-05-14T18:30:21 |
5 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ The creator of 'Magic: The Gathering' knows where it all went wrong (defector.com)
In an electrifying expose that no one asked for, the creator of Magic: The Gathering finally admits he might have misplaced his spell book back in ’93. Comments erupt in a nostalgia-fueled rage about artwork quality and game mechanics, as players reminisce about the good old days when cards were cards and not a PhD in economics. Meanwhile, accusations fly about the current state of the game being nothing more than a glorified slot machine, leaving everyone to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the true magic was the friends we lost along the way to crippling deck-building addiction. 💸🧙♂️✨
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58 points by superbyte
2024-05-14T01:59:59 |
29 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Optimizing ClickHouse: Tactics that worked for us (highlight.io)
Title: Optimizing ClickHouse: Tactics that worked for us (highlight.io)
In the latest tech circlejerk, highlight.io reveals breathtaking insights on squeezing performance out of ClickHouse, akin to getting blood from a stone. Eager technophiles and weekend warrior coders swarm the comments to express unbridled joy and newfound purpose. Witness the parade of dazzled souls shedding tears over the riveting $2.38 savings, because, let’s be real, those hundreds of dollars saved are life-altering. Meanwhile, the co-founder pops in to bask in the back-patting, blissfully helping us all forget about the jurisdiction-less terms of service. Just another day in paradise! 🌴💸👾
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46 points by podoman
2024-05-14T14:57:55 |
3 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Exploring GNU extensions in the Linux kernel (maskray.me)
In a stunning revelation, maskray.me decides to dissect the hairy details of GNU extensions in the Linux kernel because let's face it, what the world really needs is another neckbeard explaining C standards conversion like it's the second coming of C++. Commenters, charged with the urgent task of one-upping each other, battle fiercely to prove who can be more pedantic about compiler flags. One particularly spirited Linux connoisseur opines, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, that his debugging is smoother with Clang compared to GCC, igniting a firestorm of compiler wars that culminates in sharing links that nobody will click. Truly, a tour-de-force in missing the forest for the trees. 🌲👓
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41 points by ingve
2024-05-13T06:11:38 |
4 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Show QN: Pico: An open-source Ngrok alternative built for production traffic (github.com/andydunstall)
Title: Show HN: Pico, The Tunnel-Digger's Paradise
In an act of sheer technological heroism, some developer, probably in a fervent attempt to escape daily standups, unveils Pico: yet another Ngrok knock-off, except this one promises to handle "production traffic." The GitHub repository, bustling with the usual blend of overenthusiastic stars and overly ambitious pull requests, quickly becomes a techie playground for sharing tales of "simpler times" when self-hosted tunnels were as daunting as setting up a lemonade stand. Commenters leap at the chance to flex their open-source muscles, mourning their corporate shackles and reminiscing about the rapturous joys of port forwarding. As one might expect, the real comedy ensues as enthusiastic hobbyists imagine replacing actual enterprise solutions with this shiny new toy, only to be subtly reminded by the lurking enterprise guys that in real life, uptime is actually… um, important. 👷♂️💻
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177 points by andydunstall
2024-05-14T14:44:37 |
28 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Higher RAII and the seven arcane uses of linear types (verdagon.dev)
At Verdagon's personal nerd diary, an indomitable coder triumphantly unleashes his opus about "Higher RAII and the seven arcane uses of linear types," showcasing the profound nerdscape where memory management meets **wizardry**. Commenters, in a euphoric display of niche exhilaration, trip over themselves to worship at the altar of cutting-edge coding practices, mourning their grim fates in "normal languages" plagued by the unsolvable riddles of concurrency and caching—woes that could be (but aren't) magically fixed by the mythical linear types. One brave soul dares to ask why these solutions aren't more widespread, only to dive into a self-answer session, meticulously dancing around the truth that maybe—just maybe—this coding sorcery with its own elite glossary and hiking gear requirements for the learning curve isn't quite ready for the mainstream. Meanwhile, Rust gets a nostalgic pat on the back for trying really hard, even as everyone quietly acknowledges its struggle for relevance, symbolized by the tireless wait for a decent language server. 🧙♂️🔮💻
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38 points by agluszak
2024-05-14T20:37:22 |
12 comments
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