| 1. |
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▲ Slack AI Training with Customer Data (slack.com)
Ah, Slack, the beacon of workplace “simplicity” and “productivity,” now introduces a subtly convoluted tale of AI training with your precious customer data, wrapped tightly in the vaguest of legal-speak guaranteeing the sanctity of your personal chats—unless it's inconvenient. Cue the theatre of comments where tech pundits dissect terms with the surgical precision of a drunk toddler, unveiling a Pandora's box of loopholes wide enough to drive your deleted messages through. Be amazed as they argue semantics, from what it means for data to be secure "broadly" versus in mysterious, exclusive subsets they couldn't possibly comment on. For extra fun, check your privacy at the door and let's pretend the promise of "not leaking data" is as ironclad as a chocolate teapot. 🎭🔍🚪
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189 points by mlhpdx
2024-05-16T22:16:01 |
80 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ The Forged Apple Employee Badge (cabel.com)
In a valiant bout of blogistic ineptitude, Cabel Sasser lunges straight into the heart of what could have been not much of an issue: the riveting controversy of a **potentially fake** Apple employee badge. The Internet amateur sleuths rush in to crack the case wide open with a deep analysis of typewriters, tax evasion, and the subtleties of cross-cultural scam artistry. Commenters juggle their keyboards with delight, firing off shots about eBay scams, VAT inconsistencies, and the philosophical musings on the ancient nature of fraud, boldly ignoring any coherence. Truly, the digital landscape is **bereft** without such hard-hitting exposés and the consequential storm of uninformed opinions. Maybe tomorrow’s fake will be better! 😂😂
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94 points by ecliptik
2024-05-16T22:19:06 |
14 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Improvements to Data Analysis in ChatGPT (openai.com)
OpenAI decides to jazz up ChatGPT with a sprinkle of Data Analysis, presumably to make your spreadsheets slightly less dull—because everyone knows AI and Excel are a match made in heaven. Cue the audience: one part cautiously intrigued, two parts buzzing with undiluted techno-angst. Commenters perform a passionate keyboard dance, debating the ghost in the machine—trust issues galore because, let’s face it, watching Python scripts do the Cha-Cha with your data isn’t exactly peak transparency. Meanwhile, the digerati prophesy the end of boutique GPT startups, crushed under the heal of OpenAI's relentless ‘innovation’. Will our Excel sheets survive the AI apocalypse? Stay tuned. 📊💃🤖
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132 points by tosh
2024-05-16T22:06:28 |
100 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ The Perl and Raku Conference 2024 is looking for sponsors (perl.com)
In an exhilarating display of nostalgia, the Perl and Raku Conference 2024 bravely ignores the relentless march of technology by still existing and begging, yet again, for sponsors. Our beloved commenter recommends a mirror company, humorously implying attendees might finally see the writing on the wall — or lack thereof. Meanwhile, another insightful soul suggests an optometrist sponsor to help current enthusiasts see what they’ve been missing all these years (spoiler: it’s just about every development in modern coding). Attendees can look forward to reliving the 90s, together in blissful denial, as Larry Wall’s ghost looms judgmentally over the event. 💾👓🔮
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10 points by oalders
2024-05-17T00:09:27 |
3 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Llama 3 implemented in pure NumPy (likejazz.com)
Today in the digital playground of innocuous overachievements, someone decided to reimplement the Llama 3 language model in pure NumPy, because why harness optimized, industry-standard tools when you can pedal your bike backwards uphill in the snow? Peer commenters dive into the essential minutiae, like disputing sequence lengths and marveling over Python’s comparison operators as if discovering fire. Same folks probably scratch their heads over why their "more magic" light-switch doesn’t accelerate code compilation. In essence, we’ve assembled the brightest to ponder over the syntactic sugar coating of what’s essentially a language model that, just like us, doesn’t get out much. 🦙💻
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341 points by orixilus
2024-05-16T13:53:22 |
41 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Egypt's pyramids may have been built on a long-lost branch of the Nile (nature.com)
The latest groundbreaking discovery at nature.com suggests that Egypt’s pyramids were conveniently built next to a Nile offshoot, stunning everyone who thought they were built in a desert because, obviously, photos and prior archeological studies reveal nothing. Commenters chime in with Sherlock-level deductions, marveling how a river could indeed aid in moving heavy stones—a theory so novel it clearly has never been contemplated before this revelation. One deeply insightful user, recalling their vast expertise from a kindergarten history book, outs themselves as truly ahead of their time for having "known this years ago." Yet another does a quick sanity check, verifying indeed that time travel hasn't been involved and it’s still 2023. The internet, as always, remains undefeated in its capacity to boldly congratulate itself for stating the obvious. 🏺🤦♂️
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215 points by gumby
2024-05-16T15:20:45 |
276 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ The Tragic Downfall of the Internet's Art Gallery (slate.com)
**The Internet's Art Gallery Hammered by Progress**
In what is now a routine saga of digital degradation, DeviantArt takes its turn to become the next dumpster fire in the series, courtesy of those soul-hungry AI juggernauts. Old-guard web users emit their *collective groans* across forums, recalling the "good ol' days" of hand-drawn fanfic and less corporate puppeteering. Comment sections erupt in nostalgia and misplaced hopes for decentralized saviors to protect their pixel-art sanctuaries. Wishful thinking meets the harsh light of capitalist reality- brace for an inexorable march towards *enshittification*. 🎨💔💸
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83 points by jfryusef
2024-05-16T17:12:22 |
39 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Exit Strategy: The Case for Single-Stair Egress (architecturalrecord.com)
**Hurdling Over Common Sense: The Case for Single-Stair Egress**
In a dazzling display of architectural hubris, architecturalrecord.com presents **"Exit Strategy: The Case for Single-Stair Egress"**, a thrilling saga where the thrill comes solely from the potentially lethal game of Russian Roulette each tenant plays during a fire. Commenters, infused with the wisdom of armchair fire marshals, engage in a Olympic-level mental gymnastics to somehow justify merging cost-cutting with life-saving. One proposes fire-resistant steel bridges for when that single, solitary staircase inevitably turns into a death funnel. Another injects some classic internet expertise by comparing Finnish fire statistics with sauna habits, because apparently this is crucial for staircase policies now. 🤯🔥🚒
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56 points by ayanai
2024-05-16T19:29:18 |
27 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Google Gemini: Context Caching (ai.google.dev)
**Google Gemini: An Exercise in Rebranding Old Wine in New Bottles**
Google once again breaks new ground by announcing they've figured out "context caching" - a mystical tech spell to essentially save your spot in a digital textbook, which armchair engineers on the forums convincingly argue was definitely their idea first. Commenters, deep in a techno-babble duel, pit lossy JPEGs against progressive memory theories, all while missing the true compression artifact right in front of their eyes: their own understanding of the subject. Surely, by iterating on someone else’s breakthrough, we get closer to reinventing the same wheel, but with more buzzwords. Who needs efficient algorithms when you can have a heated debate about theoretical efficiencies lost in forum noise? 🤖💾
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157 points by tosh
2024-05-15T07:56:22 |
37 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Wind farms can offset their emissions within two years, new study shows (taylorandfrancisgroup.com)
In a breathtaking display of *shocking revelation*, a new study grandly unveils that wind farms might just break even on their emissions faster than your uncle can forward you an email chain about climate conspiracies. Commenters dive into an Olympic-level mental gymnastics competition, applauding the findings while simultaneously wondering if wind turbines make the sky less pretty. Others wax poetic about the majesty of turbines on ridgelines, apparently ready to nominate them for the next national beauty pageant. Amidst this profound dialogue, the timeless art of comparing everything to roads and sidewalks persists, because nothing says "relevant comparison" like contrasting energy infrastructure with concrete. 🌬️💨
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121 points by geox
2024-05-16T17:48:04 |
113 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Build WebGPU Apps Today with PlayCanvas (playcanvas.com)
In an earth-shattering development that will surely disrupt your grandma's knitting blog, PlayCanvas heralds the epoch of WebGPU support like it's the second coming of Clippy. Developers, or rather, the three hobbyists and a bored teenager who've heard of PlayCanvas, frothed on the blog announcing that they can now make their spinning cubes marginally shinier. The comments section, a veritable bastion of misplaced enthusiasm, quickly turned into a swamp of confusion about WebGPUs versus regular GPUs, peppered with the customary off-topic rants about why "everything was better in the days of Flash." Godspeed, WebGL warriors, godspeed. 🤓
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117 points by pjmlp
2024-05-16T16:04:47 |
36 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Using Llamafiles for Embeddings in Local RAG Applications (future.mozilla.org)
In a riveting leap towards unnecessary complexity, Kate Silverstein dazzles the tech community by proposing "Llamafiles for Embeddings in Local RAG Applications." 🦙 Tech hobbyists everywhere rejoice, envisioning a future where they too can over-engineer simple problems into oblivion. Commenters leap into action, trading tips on how to further bloat their already clunky setups, while occasionally lapsing into mystic reverence for GPU spending sprees. Oh, and don't forget the classic fallback—suggesting Google solutions on a Mozilla blog. Peak irony! 💻🔥
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93 points by tosh
2024-05-16T16:20:03 |
19 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ F* – A Proof-Oriented Programming Language (fstar-lang.org)
The world quakes as F* (not to be confused with F-bomb), a programming language that sounds like a superhero sidekick designed by a committee of mathematicians, makes yet another attempt to seize the throne of geekdom. In a shattering display of academic machismo, F* gives you "proof-oriented" programming, combining the approachability of quantum physics with the exhilarating fun of filing taxes. Meanwhile, in the comments section, battle-scarred veterans of F# reminisce about the glory days of unapproved projects and IDE disasters, while academically inclined wizards discuss implementing theoretical constructs IRL—a fierce debate likely being held at approximately two locations worldwide. In an era desperate for the next shiny thing, F* advocates seem committed to proving that their language can, indeed, solve all problems known to mankind, minus its adoption rate. 🧙♂️✨
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195 points by montyanderson
2024-05-16T12:47:07 |
73 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ D3 in Depth (d3indepth.com)
In the latest bout of JavaScript library one-upmanship, *D3 in Depth* delves into the arcane arts of D3 versions 6 and 7 for those who find pleasure in torturing themselves with low-level APIs. Cue the internet chorus hero-worshipping Observable Plot and Observable Framework, as they promise to shield the masses from the big bad world of manual graphing while keeping you *“not-locked-in”* but sort of gently nudged into the Observable padded room. One enlightening commenter triumphantly proves it’s not actually ‘locked-in’ by linking a ‘getting started’ page, clearly solving all conceivable use-case constraints in a single web stroke. Others maintain allegiance to the raw power of D3, akin to preferring a stick shift over an automatic while sliding down Mount Everest backwards. 🙄
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231 points by lobo_tuerto
2024-05-16T14:18:07 |
63 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Štar: an iteration construct for Common Lisp (tfeb.org)
In the latest episode of "Lisp Gets Even More Obscure," a brave soul at tfeb.org introduces Štar, a looping construct that revolutionizes nothing but excels in complicating the already arcane. While it aspires to be different from the universally dreaded Loop, it ironically just compiles down to being its lesser-known cousin. Commenters, eager to show off their exclusive club of Lisp knowledge, dive into nostalgic tales about Emacs Lisp and obscure references to defunct iteration methods. It's a wonderful circus of obscurity and elitism, where practicality is just an afterthought! Most users, however, seem content with their '80s-style Loop macro, effortlessly looping in blissful ignorance as the rest debate constructs no one asked for. 🎪🤓
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42 points by Tomte
2024-05-15T12:03:20 |
13 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Raspberry Pi prepares for London listing (ft.com)
In a thrilling development that absolutely nobody outside of a niche tech bubble cares about, Raspberry Pi, the maker of tiny computers your nerdy friend won’t shut up about, is pondering a listing in London. Comment sections are buzzing with unbridled excitement, as hundreds of tech enthusiasts speculate in joyous ignorance about stock prices and market impacts—because, obviously, reading a couple of WIRED articles makes you a financial expert. Watch as the Raspberry Pi attempts to conquer not just the classrooms and dusty workbenches, but the lofty peaks of the London Stock Exchange. Popcorn not included, but highly recommended. 🍿📉
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78 points by denotational
2024-05-15T07:36:36 |
25 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ The Sweet Spot: Maximizing Llama Energy Efficiency (jacquesmattheij.com)
In an astonishing feat of intellectual gymnastics, a blogger bravely sacrifices common sense to argue that llamas could, in theory, power the next generation of eco-friendly vehicles if we just played to their "sweet spot" of laziness mixed with sporadic bursts of energy. The comment section transforms into a startling revelation of human psychology, as scores of armchair zoologists and wannabe engineers convene to solve crises that don’t exist. Here, a spectacular display of the Dunning-Kruger effect is in full bloom, with suggestions ranging from llama treadmills to spit-powered turbines. Truly, a breakthrough in both renewable energy and online comedy.
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15 points by jacquesm
2024-05-15T02:46:44 |
0 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ JEP Draft: Support HTTP/3 in the HttpClient (openjdk.org)
In a revolutionary move that catches the Java HttpClient up to last year's technologies, a bold draft proposes implementing HTTP/3 because, apparently, reinventing the wheel at a snail’s pace is the Java way. As the internet’s elite gather in the comments to squabble over TLS intricacies—as if anyone outside their echo chamber really cares—most are blissfully unaware that their precious application layers are just as exposed with or without their cryptographic bickering. Meanwhile, tech enthusiasts tirelessly preach the gospel of Kubernetes and sidecars like tech-evangelists on a dystopian pilgrimage, promising salvation through complex configurations that even they don’t fully understand. Oh, and if you temporally disconnect from WiFi—the 'holy grail'—don’t worry, HTTP/3 has your back, theoretically.
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86 points by mfiguiere
2024-05-16T19:35:21 |
20 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Smart Pointers in (GNU) C (snai.pe)
In an astonishing feat of technological necromancy, a brave soul decides to breathe life back into the carcass of (GNU) C by grappling with the undead concept of smart pointers. The article, a thrilling saga set in the esoteric world of memory management, intends to remind us that no matter how many layers of abstraction we wrap around C, it’s still just C. Commenters, emerging from their stone-aged caves, are either stuck in awe or busy comparing the ratio of cmake to actual C code, because apparently measuring toolchain bloat is now an X-sport. Strap in, folks, as we witness the heroic attempt to teach an old language new tricks, watch out for segfaults! 😱🧙♂️💥
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46 points by indigoabstract
2024-05-16T18:56:55 |
3 comments
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