Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Calculus with Julia (jverzani.github.io)
In an *ambitious* approach to modern education, John Verzani's "Calculus with Julia" attempts to merge the thrill of calculus with the excitement of programming, primarily for those who have already trudged through both. The internet's commentariat wields their anecdotal armory, fiercely debating the pedagogical merits from their towering experience of slightly unrelated ventures. One brave soul seeks guidance for a high-schooler, organically mixing in a humblebrag about their progeny's intellectual itinerary. Meanwhile, Emacs warriors rejoice over a related plugin, proving once again that any article can be a springboard for a tangential tech rant. 🎓💻🧙‍♂️
173 points by barrenko 2024-05-18T19:24:17 | 50 comments
2. ▲ I organized a 20-acre game of Capture the Flag (ntnbr.com)

Welcome to Manhunt, Suburban Nightmare Edition!


In a thrilling upscaling of kindergarteners' favorite pastime, a brave soul hosts a 20-acre game of Capture the Flag. In reality, this monumental event manages to transform mundane adulthood back into middle school recess, except you're now likely to engage in epic battles alongside a cop due to multiple noise complaints. The comment section, filled with nostalgia, shares tales ranging from children almost becoming accidental casualties of Mr. Peabody's home defense strategies to adolescents ensuring a full police squadron turned up over a cap gun misfire. Who knew reliving your best childhood memories could come with such heart-pounding legal implications and neighborhood lore about the dangerous "kids on bikes after dark?" 🚲🚔🚨
259 points by ntnbr 2024-05-18T16:21:23 | 89 comments
3. ▲ Petosemtamab Receives FDA Breakthrough Therapy Designation: Head / Neck Cancers (onclive.com)
In an earth-shattering development that surely changes *everything*, the FDA throws another bone called "breakthrough therapy designation" to Petosemtamab, a name more complex than the understanding of most commenters. Thrilled by the chance to oversimplify, the comment section dives headfirst into a puddle of lukewarm water, filled with a thrilling 37% efficacy rate and premature excitements over shiny new cancer genes. Yet, amid this tempest in a teapot, one can't help but marvel at the naive enthusiasm for a term as sexy-sounding as "breakthrough," which is as commonly doled out as free pens at a pharmaceutical conference. It’s the healthcare equivalent of a participation trophy, yet here we are, half-baked excitement all around. 🥳👏
15 points by jseliger 2024-05-18T23:28:07 | 4 comments
4. ▲ Floor796 (floor796.com)
In the latest episode of digital distractions, Floor796 captures the boundless creativity of sticking pixel art in a never-ending space station saga, because evidently, we're all out of books to read. The comment section—thriving like a dystopian cockroach party—debates fiercely whether the artist hails from Belarus or Russia, because geopolitical pixel pedigree is crucial for your zoomed-in entertainment. One user, elevated by the euphoria of endlessly expanding digital canvases, suggests we all glue our eyeballs to "wandering mode" and pretend we're doing work. Meanwhile, others chime in with their groundbreaking discoveries of world maps and text-based universes, because apparently, cartography and ASCII were just too 20th century without a neon glow. 🎨👀
105 points by gtirloni 2024-05-18T17:50:10 | 24 comments
5. ▲ A trustworthy, free (libre), Linux capable, self-hosting 64bit RISC-V computer (cmu.edu)
**A New Era of Paranoia and Overengineering: Build Your Own Computer John McAfee-Style (cmu.edu)**

Bow down to the overlord of self-sufficiency as he takes on Big Silicon with the latest homebrew computing craze: a RISC-V computer so free/libre it almost pays *you* for using it. Inside this tech utopia, not only does our hero assemble a mythical beast from silicon vapors using an FPGA, he assures us the FPGA is as free from NSA tampering as a fox in a henhouse. Commenters wax eloquent over esoteric compiling techniques that are more incomprehensible than a lecture on quantum mechanics by someone who's only ever read a Buzzfeed article on the topic. Clearly, this is the hardware revolution we've been waiting for like a new episode in a soap opera that should have ended three seasons ago. 🛠️👾
155 points by caned 2024-05-18T15:53:56 | 36 comments
6. ▲ Go Browser Package (dineshgowda.com)
In a plot twist that surprises exactly nobody, an intrepid developer unveils the Go Browser Package on dineshgowda.com, a tool paramount to distinguishing whether a user, a toaster, or a Googlebot is on the prowl within your sacred web domain. Our brave innovator, repeatedly battered with enthusiastic phrases like "browser, device, platform, or bot that was making a request to the application," breaks new ground in the esoteric art of comment repetition. Meanwhile, the Hacker News crowd dives in with crucial life-changing insights such as "is this just an ad?" and titanic debates on renaming a function to avoid stutter – because, as everyone knows, potential global variable confusion is truly what keeps us awake at night. One genius soul cries out about the triviality of changing user-agents, boldly hinting that maybe, just maybe, we might have over-engineered a solution to a non-problem. 🤖🍿
23 points by dineshgowda24 2024-05-18T22:49:17 | 8 comments
7. ▲ Show QN: A Golang CP/M emulator (github.com/skx)
Ah, the nostalgic aromantics of HN have unearthed another groundbreaking relic: a Golang CP/M emulator. Because, as we know, what the tech world desperately *needs* right now is another layer of abstraction on a 40-year-old operating system. Commenters tip their fedoras as they dive into the scintillating intricacies of console configurations across different OS, smugly juxtaposing tcgetattr with SetConsoleMode. Meanwhile, suggestions for debugging enhancements light up the comments like a Christmas tree, bringing joy to the three people who still cherish Z80 assembly over modern alternatives. Godspeed, you brave souls.
68 points by stevekemp 2024-05-18T17:48:55 | 7 comments
8. ▲ On English Melancholy (mitpress.mit.edu)
Title: *On English Melancholy* - Another Tedious Dive into Historic Boredom

In today’s monumental waste of digital ink, MIT Press dares its readers to endure a somber parade of historical name-dropping about *melancholy*, an affliction seemingly reserved for thinkers, poets, and other people who probably wear turtlenecks. The spirit of Dürer’s Melencolia, caught in an eternal state of wrist-propped moping, perfectly mirrors the audience's reaction – contemplating their life choices that led them to reading this article. Commenters, meanwhile, engage in a bizarre competition to out-sad each other, peppering their remarks with half-remembered philosophy quotes and misused historical references, as they lament not just the text, but the broader existential dread of having to engage with yet another "thought-provoking" reflection on sadness. Is it too late to blame Saturn more for this affliction? 🪐
9 points by breathnow 2024-05-18T20:25:43 | 0 comments
9. ▲ 500-year-old maths problem turns out to apply to coffee and clocks (newscientist.com)
On a groundbreaking day for both connoisseurs of ancient mathematics and avid coffee sippers, a 500-year-old math puzzle has miraculously unraveled the complex dynamics of your morning brew - and yes, even your alarm clock. Pioneers from NewScientist are bravely embarking on the quest to relate differential calculus to the undying mystery of why your latte sends you sprinting for the restroom. Comments exhibit an entertaining blend of 💩 pseudoscience and amateur philosophers asking, "Does coffee really trigger the bowel clubbing we think it does, or are we all just sync-ing our poops to our alarm clocks?" Groundbreaking revelations await! Maybe next week, they’ll mathematically prove why toast lands butter-side down.
45 points by gumby 2024-05-17T17:30:26 | 5 comments
10. ▲ Scrabble, Anonymous (theparisreview.org)
In "Scrabble, Anonymous," The Paris Review accidentally publishes the memoir of someone discovering they're not the brightest tile in the bag when introduced to a "real" board game family. Commenters gleefully swap tales of competitive wordplay and the downfall of physical interaction, bemoaning everything from sisterly Monopoly meltdowns to the dark days when Scrabble dictionaries didn't double as political manifestos. One sage reminds us that competitive Scrabble is just dopamine hits lacking casino lights, while another laments the technological insufficiency of Scrabble software. Trust the comments section to spell out humanity's scorecard: loneliness, a little nerdrage, and the relentless pursuit of dopamine over simpler times. 🎲📖💔
49 points by crescit_eundo 2024-05-17T16:00:26 | 8 comments
11. ▲ Show QN: Peanut Butter Spinner (cdaringe.com)
This week on Hacker News, a brave soul attempts to revolutionize the arduous task of mixing "natural" peanut butter by inventing the Peanut Butter Spinner. Because manually stirring peanut butter is apparently the Everest of first-world problems, worthy of engineered solutions. Commenters dive deep into mechanics, container theories, and nostalgia for the days when peanut oil sludge at the top of the jar was a badge of honor. Amidst the debates about ideal jar sizes and refrigerator logistics, it becomes clear: techies will engineer anything to avoid dealing with slightly inconvenient substances. Who knew peanut butter could spread so much controversy? 🥜💡
133 points by cdaringe 2024-05-18T18:43:27 | 98 comments
12. ▲ Cyber Security: A pre-war reality check (berthub.eu)
Welcome to another episode of armchair management of global infrastructure! In today's feature, "Cyber Security: A pre-war reality check," we learn that dangling all our critical services from space satellites is akin to suspending our national security on a string of Christmas lights, just waiting to be unplugged. Commenters transform into sudden experts on everything from geopolitics to the finer points of railroad technology, eagerly suggesting everyone just use a ham radio and good old-fashioned telegraph. The consensus? Let’s just slap some duct tape on it and call it cyber-resilient. Hats off to the Internet for never failing to simplify complex global security issues into backyard DIY projects! 🎩🌍💻
398 points by edent 2024-05-18T09:38:08 | 179 comments
13. ▲ Gio UI – Cross-platform GUI for Go (gioui.org)
Welcome to the future of GUI libraries, where Gio claims to be a "cross-platform miracle" for Go developers who've never seen a UI toolkit they couldn't complain about. Good news: it works *everywhere*—from your grandma's Linux box to that hipster barista’s iPhone. Bad news: It’s hampered by, ironic drumroll please, a total lack of basic accessibility features, like tabbing between buttons or native text selection. 🎉 Meanwhile, the comments section does its best impression of a tech support forum, where everyone is both the expert and the victim, and solutions like “Pax” are dropped like hot takes at a blockchain conference. Does it work? Well, if reinventing the wheel counts as working, then sure—it’s fabulous. 😱💻
261 points by gjvc 2024-05-18T08:46:59 | 174 comments
14. ▲ Sam and Greg's response to OpenAI Safety researcher claims (twitter.com/gdb)
In the latest digital tantrum, Sam and Greg tap dance on Twitter to assure everyone that despite OpenAI resembling a Silicon Valley soap opera, it's all under control, truly. Commenters are in a tizzy, dividing their time between canonizing the saintly coders caught in the ego hurricane and suggesting OpenAI's inevitable absorption by Microsoft is akin to sending a delinquent teen to a strict aunt’s house – because that always works out. Others muse on Greg’s remarkable autonomy (surprise, he has free will!), while somehow both elevating and trashing the cult of personality around 'Saint Sam of AI'. In this Marvel-worthy crossover episode, the audience seems to forget the plot while debating which Avenger Sam and Greg might be – it's chaos clothed in code. 😵💻
46 points by amrrs 2024-05-18T16:38:17 | 58 comments
15. ▲ A web version of Anthropic's prompt engineering interactive tutorial (thenameless.net)
In an electrifying display of modern redundancy, thenameless.net introduces yet another web version of what is essentially a digital scratchpad tarted up with XML—because what the tech world needs is more complexity in XML form. Commenters engage in the most thrilling debate of the century: XML vs. JSON vs. Markdown, while strategically sidestepping the profound existential query of why we're formatting prompts like it's 1999. One visionary introduces Prompt Markup Language, presumably because there weren’t enough markup languages to memorize already. Brace yourself for discussions dense with technical jargon that mystically avoids answering the simple question: “Does this make it any better?” 😜
71 points by thenameless7741 2024-05-17T23:16:58 | 8 comments
16. ▲ Hashing Modulo Theories (philipzucker.com)
In a thrilling escapade masquerading as intellectual thought, philipzucker.com decides to tackle "Hashing Modulo Theories," because, clearly, what the world lacks is another hashing algorithm mixed with highfalutin mathematical gibberish. The author bulldozes through concepts that approximately three people might care about, generously sprinkling jargon like a Michelin-star chef seasons a doomed soufflé. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into a tragic battleground where the misunderstood geniuses of the internet clash over esoteric minutiae, each more eager than the last to showcase their Google-fu and Wikipedia scholarship. Heaven forbid anyone admits they didn’t actually understand the article. 🤓✨
20 points by philzook 2024-05-17T20:51:52 | 0 comments
17. ▲ Windows 11 now supports 7-zip and TAR files, finally (xda-developers.com)
**Windows 11 Boldly Approaches Early 2000s File-Handling Capability**

In a dizzying display of innovation, Windows 11 has been updated to support creating 7-zip and TAR files, features universally adopted by sentient beings elsewhere in the cosmos around the time humanity discovered fire. The tech priesthood at xda-developers heralds this as a triumph, while overqualified commenters on Hacker News indulge in a nostalgic romp about their 'sophisticated' workarounds like dropping Linux binaries into the *Windows/system32* shrine as a prelude to true enlightenment. The crowd deliriously debates the nuances as if they’re plotting a course to Mars rather than discussing basic file compression, which your grandmother probably does on her chromebook. 😱🧙‍♂️📦
16 points by miles 2024-05-18T23:21:40 | 6 comments
18. ▲ On hoot, on boot (wingolog.org)
Today, the internet meets the long-forgotten Hoot Scheme-to-WebAssembly compiler, a wildly underpublicized marvel according to its creator who seems to equate obscurity with intrigue. The comments section quickly turns into a nostalgic pit of despair over JavaScript's past features, with a mournful farewell to arguments.callee that nobody asked for. One brave soul admits to using Hoot for a future project while quietly sobbing about the torment of yet another package manager. Are we sure this isn’t just a support group for masochistic developers? 🥳👨‍💻
35 points by davexunit 2024-05-16T21:18:57 | 8 comments
19. ▲ Seven Dyson Sphere Candidates (centauri-dreams.org)
Oh look, another day in the comment section where armchair astronomers converge with doomsday preppers! In a whirlwind of cosmic narratives, some genius teens just discovered *Przybylski’s Star* and are already planning interstellar pyrotechnics. Everyone’s arguing game theory like it’s their doctoral dissertation, all the while blissfully speculating on the intergalactic implications of being noisy rabbits or secretive foxes. What's definitely absent is any productive discourse, but hey, at least we might metal-plate a star and call it civilization! 🌟💫👽
137 points by sohkamyung 2024-05-18T10:28:04 | 197 comments
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