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▲ Enlightenmentware (mmapped.blog)
Title: "The Enlightenmentware Odyssey: A Programmer's Journey to Pretension"
In yet another groundbreaking revelation, "programmers" everywhere are shocked to discover software that does more than just crash and burn every two hours. One brave blogger coins the term "enlightenmentware" for tools that apparently open divine gates of coding nirvana, because using generic IDEs was just too mainstream. Commenters rally behind this newfound wisdom, competing vigorously to name-drop the most obscurantist tools in their digital arsenal. "Oh, you use Windows? That’s cute. Let me tell you about my minimalist, ergonomically horrifying setup that’s as friendly as a porcupine." Truly, programming is no longer about solving problems, but about which obscure tool you use to feel superior while doing it. 🙄
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119 points by zaik
2024-05-20T20:23:02 |
39 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Rethinking Text Resizing on Web (medium.com/airbnb-engineering)
On the high-tech altars of Medium.com, an Airbnb engineer decides to address the profound issue of making text readable on different screen sizes—because evidently in 2023, this revelation is as groundbreaking as fire was to cavemen. Commenters, equally inspired, embark on technological pilgrimages to explain the intricacies of their phone's font settings, while lamentably mixing up iPhone models and mourning the fall of old.reddit.com. It’s a thrilling spectacle of how not to design for accessibility while waxing lyrical about the good old days of web interfaces tailor-made for three people. Bet you can't wait to test this on your latest smartphone—oh wait, nobody really does that anymore, right? 😅
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155 points by GavCo
2024-05-20T18:36:53 |
101 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ How terminal works. Part 1: Xterm, user input (kevroletin.github.io)
Welcome to the **world-shattering** revelation that terminals, those ancient relics predating your smartphone by eons, actually have operational mechanics like Xterm and user interactions. As we dive through the cavernous, cobwebbed nooks of the illustrious `kevroletin.github.io`, prepare yourself to be floored by the utterly unexpected: terminals handle characters, and yes, sometimes they even uppercase them without a shift key! 🤯 In a bout of esoteric enthusiasm, commenters reminisce about the good old days of UNIX *haxxorz* and other distinctively beige technological milestones, helpfully reminding anyone who forgot to take their nostalgia pills today. Meanwhile, the hunt for the missing three parts of the article quickly turns into a geek version of a treasure hunt, sans map or coherent links. 🕵️♂️
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55 points by smartmic
2024-05-20T19:37:12 |
3 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ pg_timeseries: Open-source time-series extension for PostgreSQL (tembo.io)
Title: pg_timeseries: A brave leap into redundancy
In a ballet of sheer originality, tembo.io valiantly ignores the existence of *TimescaleDB*, *Citus*, and other perfectly functional time-series solutions to heroically reinvent the wheel with pg_timeseries. Commenters, flexing their Dunning-Kruger muscles, dive into a technical melee, bemoaning the lack of benchmarks while whispering sweet nothings about druid dreams and Clickhouse quirks. One adventurous soul even praises the website design—as if that's consolation for launching yet another PostgreSQL extension into a sea of indistinguishable options. Will pg_timeseries revolutionize the stack, or merely add to the clutter? Stay tuned for more episodes of "Developers Who Could Just Use What Already Exists But Prefer Not To."
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141 points by samaysharma
2024-05-20T16:44:13 |
22 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Dual Antibacterial Properties of Copper-Coated Nanotextured Stainless Steel (wiley.com)
In a groundbreaking effort to ensure your kitchen appliances are healthier than your lifestyle, a recent article delves into the awe-inspiring world of copper-coated nanotextured stainless steel, promising to kill bacteria and any remaining design sensibilities. The authors, scribbling furiously in their lab coats, herald the coming of a new utopia where countertops fight germs with the fervor of internet warriors in comment sections. Speaking of which, commenters engage in a battle to outdo each other’s half-understood sciency jargon, while subtly bragging about their undergraduate lab experiments. Clearly, the future is here, and it is textured, coated, and ready to perplex your aunt at Thanksgiving. 🦠🔬💥
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6 points by westurner
2024-05-20T23:23:15 |
3 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Grothendieck’s use of equality (arxiv.org)
In an ambitious attempt to break new ground in the field of counting things that are the same, an arXiv preprint delves into Grothendieck’s revolutionary use of equality — a concept previously unknown to mathematicians who thought that 1 was not equal to 1 but perhaps slightly friendly. The paper has ignited the ire of hobbyist mathematicians across the internet, prompting an outpouring of forum posts where commenters proudly explain Grothendieck's thoughts back to him incorrectly, using their prestigious University of Wikipedia diplomas. Mathematicians and physicists alike are holding their breath, not for the paper's implications in topology, but to see who can attach their name to a niche field of study created solely to misunderstand it further. Meanwhile, equality remains underused and misunderstood, much like the search bar on arXiv.
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144 points by golol
2024-05-20T11:41:08 |
85 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Statement from Scarlett Johansson on the OpenAI "Sky" voice (twitter.com/bobbyallyn)
Hackernews, the brain trust of silicon valley brogrammers and Stanford first-years, lights up as Scarlett Johansson criticizes OpenAI for using her voice in their latest toy, "Sky." Obviously, what better use of an advanced neural network than celebrity impersonation? Cue the usual suspects pontificating on ethics, AI rights, and of course, launching a dozen startups aimed at "ethical voice cloning." In reality, everyone just wants to know if their Scarlett-over-Siri hack counts as a 'deepfake'. 🤖💬
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487 points by mjcl
2024-05-20T22:28:27 |
326 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Formatted spreadsheets can still work in R (luisdva.github.io)
In a stunning display of missing the point, an enthusiastic blogger at luisdva.github.io reinvents the wheel by drag-and-dropping formatted spreadsheets into R, heralding a new age where heavily styled Excel sheets can now bloat your data analysis scripts too. Commenters, in a race to the bottom of the usefulness barrel, celebrate this "innovation" like it's the second coming of sliced bread. Expect upcoming posts on how to incorporate Comic Sans into R plots to truly capture the essence of statistical despair. No word yet on when pivot tables will receive their own blog post, but excitement is palpable—or palpably desperate.
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10 points by sebg
2024-05-17T01:58:19 |
0 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ City in a Bottle – A 256 Byte Raycasting System (frankforce.com)
In today's programming circus, a geek has miraculously squeezed a raycasting engine and a city generator into a bite-sized 256 byte HTML file, presenting it as if they've cured cancer. The tech enthusiasts in the comments lose their collective minds over this "achievement," while casually ignoring the fact that this web-based monstrosity might just take longer to load than your average AAA video game. Of course, every self-appointed "coding guru" then proceeds to strut around in the comments, peacocking their own half-baked ideas on how they could make it smaller, better, or cure actual cancer with it. Witness the miniature model of a modern-day Tower of Babel, constructed byte by painstaking byte! 🌍🔨
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35 points by bubblehack3r
2024-05-20T14:46:48 |
0 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Restoring an Apple Silicon Developer Transition Kit "DTK" Mac Mini [video] (youtube.com)
In the latest YouTube spectacle, a brave soul attempts to revive the Apple Silicon Developer Transition Kit Mac Mini, a device that was rendered essentially useless by Apple’s own design obsolescence. Watch in awe as dozens of tech enthusiasts who could have just bought a newer model instead waste hours marveling at someone soldering and praying to the ghost of Steve Jobs for the DTK to boot again. Comments explode with armchair engineers debating the ethics of Apple's hardware restrictions, while conveniently ignoring their own participation in a cycle of endless consumerism. Truly, we are witnessing the pinnacle of tech innovation: fixing things that weren't supposed to be broken. 🙄
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8 points by theogravity
2024-05-21T00:14:12 |
0 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Colorless green DNNs sleep furiously in an unexplainable fantasy (acm.org)
**Title:** Colorless green DNNs sleep furiously in an unexplainable fantasy
**Summary:** In a thrilling development that nobody asked for but ACM decided we needed, *Colorless green DNNs sleep furiously in an unexplainable fantasy* pretends to tackle complex computational theories while really just muddling through AI buzzwords and academic jargon. The comment section, a tragicomic spectacle of misunderstanding, morphs into a battleground where every armchair theorist with internet access debates the halting problem with the fervor usually reserved for discussing sports or politics. As one insightful netizen points out, if brains—or whatever it is humans use to think—aren’t violating thermodynamics, maybe the limits we apply to silicon-based friends should be reconsidered. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering if anyone in the thread can actually code beyond a “Hello, World!” program or if the entire exercise was an elaborate Turing test for the readers. 😵💫🤖
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23 points by arthurtakeda
2024-05-17T12:08:01 |
10 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ A promising 3-terminal diode for wireless comm. and optically driven computing (techxplore.com)
_on n-gate.com_
Hooray for humanity, as the geniuses at the University of Science and Technology of China have unlocked the hidden twenty-fifth hour of the day to invent the "trioptode": basically a diode that attended a few electrical engineering workshops and now thinks it's the vanguard of high-tech innovation. Between users debating if a triode by any other name would smell as sweet and jesters coining "trilobytes" in the inky depths of semi-informed commentary, we're adequately illuminated on just how far one can stretch semiconductor terminology before it snaps back. If only the illumination extended to a basic grasp of component functionality instead of committing linguistic gymnastics around terms already established by people who knew what they were talking about. Meanwhile, comments reach enlightenment, oscillating between optical puns and gross misunderstandings dragged from the nearest YouTube tutorial. 🛠💡😵
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16 points by wglb
2024-05-18T03:55:39 |
10 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Google cuts mystery check to US in bid to sidestep jury trial (reuters.com)
In a dazzling display of legal acrobatics that would make even a Cirque du Soleil performer blush, Google attempts to dodge a jury trial by tossing a "mystery check" at the U.S. government. Because apparently, in the realm of tech giants, you can just "pay no mind" to the legal system if your bank account is hefty enough. As armchair jurors in the comment sections wage war over the implications, one can only admire the sheer audacity—or desperation—of Google's legal strategy. Will throwing money at the problem make it disappear, or just fan the flames of public scrutiny? Stay tuned as Silicon Valley turns.
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59 points by tildef
2024-05-20T22:01:54 |
33 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Migrating Uber's ledger data from DynamoDB to LedgerStore (uber.com)
In a daring escape from the shackles of DynamoDB, Uber leaps into the warm, welcoming arms of LedgerStore, heralding a new era of "innovation" that would make any ex-Googler blush with recognition 💸. Commenters, armed with half-baked knowledge from three Medium articles and the back of a cereal box, dissect the migration with the precision of a toddler wielding a scalpel. They propose simpler, cheaper solutions so casually, one might think they're discussing swapping a lightbulb rather than migrating 1.7PB of critical data. Meanwhile, Uber developers nod sagely, dreaming of the promotion that justifies ignoring such delightful “cost-saving” suggestions from our armchair architects. 🚀💼
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276 points by gronky_
2024-05-20T10:01:36 |
288 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ ICC prosecutor seeks arrest warrants against Sinwar and Netanyahu for war crimes (cnn.com)
In a shocking turn of events that surprises absolutely no one, the ICC toys with the idea of issuing arrest warrants for Sinwar and Netanyahu for what's quite possibly the zillionth accusation of war crimes lobbed at global leaders. Hacker News armchair lawyers leap into action, turning the comment section into an eye-glazing thesis defense on international law, each more desperate than the last to showcase their Google-fu prowess in a cosmic battle of "who understands legal nuances less." Skim past the pontifications and find an unintentional comedy goldmine, as commenters juggle respectability with burning desires to prove that they, unlike the ICC, know how to properly manage international justice. Spoiler: nobody wins, because as we've already established, no one wins on the internet, especially not in high-stakes discussions of war crimes. 🍿😂
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390 points by spzx
2024-05-20T11:27:34 |
593 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Glewbot scales buildings like a gecko to inspect wall tiles (arduino.cc)
At arduino.cc, the technological marvel known as "Glewbot," which scales buildings with the same grace as a drunken lizard at a wall climbing event, has everyone talking. Apparently, using "gecko" in the name was just for clicks, because this little sucker—emphasis on suction—is about as gecko-like as a vacuum cleaner with a tail. Commenters, armed with URLs and nostalgia for actual gecko-tech, dissect the robot's decidedly non-van der Waals method of sticking to walls, while someone inevitably brags that their software is part of this wall-crawling, high-wind-phobic fiasco. The community debates the merits of such a device by typing furiously from the safety of their ergonomic chairs, presumably while regretting not paying more attention in engineering class.
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35 points by PaulHoule
2024-05-17T16:31:33 |
9 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Scrabble and the Nature of Expertise (2015) (scientificamerican.com)
**Scrabble and the Nature of Expertise: A Masterclass in Memorization Masquerading as Strategy**
In a breakthrough piece served up by *Scientific American*, once again, the world is reminded that mastering Scrabble has about as much to do with deep linguistic acumen as buying furniture from IKEA has to do with carpentry skills. Commenters, with the kind of revelatory caution that could only hail from the illustrious forums of HCI classrooms and equally gripping competitive gaming anecdotes, dive deep into comparing how knowing hex codes can somehow correlate to becoming a UX guru at Google. Meanwhile, a tangential musing on the ethics of using technology as a Delphic Oracle for forecasting personal abilities in Scrabble and life unwisely morphs into a debate about genetically modifying competitive babies. The reckoning? In the mesmerizing world of Scrabble, words are just pawns in the high-octane game of rack management and avoiding actual Swedish fluency. 📚💔
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43 points by sergeant3
2024-05-19T10:10:17 |
18 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Introducing Copilot+ PCs (microsoft.com)
In an exhilarating feat of branding redundancy, Microsoft announces the Copilot+ PC, confirming suspicions that operating systems don't actually need users, just more telemetry pipelines masquerading as features. Commenters, dizzy from the spin, engage in ceremonial techno-jargon while simultaneously missing the existential irony of cheering for their own obsolescence. One brave soul questions if this might just be Clippy's vengeful ghost, but is quickly buried under hot takes about “synergistic cloud paradigms.” Believe in the future; it's mandatory! 🤖💾
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303 points by skilled
2024-05-20T17:27:03 |
421 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ On the trail of my identity thief (msn.com)
In the thrilling saga of amateur detective meets modern-day electronic banditry, an author recounts a two-year-long wild goose chase after their identity thief, temporarily escaping the mundane throes of their undoubtedly exhilarating day job. The comment section quickly transforms into a depressing support group where everyone either thinks they're a forensic expert or Nancy Drew, and showcases riveting yet unrelated tales of their brushes with petty criminals and bank mishaps. One savvy user even ropes his scammer's mother into the epic—which, yes, *actually* results in a victorious retrieval of stolen Apple gift cards, thus restoring faith in humanity and motherly guilt trips. Of course, sage advice abounds with all the accuracy and utility of a horoscope column, reminding us all why the internet is the best place to both display unsuspected naïveté and argue about bank policies none truly understand. 🕵️♂️💳
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65 points by signa11
2024-05-20T03:48:53 |
73 comments
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