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▲ Google's AI-Generated Search Results Keep Citing The Onion (readtpa.com)
In a groundbreaking triumph of artificial intelligence, Google's latest search algorithm has started treating The Onion like the Encyclopedia Britannica. Users seeking facts now find themselves armed with impeccably cited satire, because who needs accuracy when you’ve got comedic gold? In the comments, the digital peanut gallery toggles between existential dread and championing this as the innovation of the century, seemingly unaware that their "informed debates" are based on articles like "Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rules." Surely, the rise of our robot overlords can't come soon enough.
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66 points by jrflowers
2024-05-24T00:30:20 |
29 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Dehydration associated with poorer performance on attention tasks among adults (wiley.com)
Wiley, in a groundbreaking sprint to state the obvious, publishes a riveting exploration into how being thirsty somehow makes it harder for adults to pay attention. Shocked scholars and parched keyboard warriors duel in the comments, fiercely debating whether water is, in fact, wet. The study, likely conducted between sips of high-priced artisan water, conclusively proves that adults deprived of H2O perform worse on tasks than their more hydrated counterparts, ushering in a brave new era of researchers stating the patently obvious. Comments are a delightful mix of anecdotes about that one time someone forgot to drink water and felt tired, and revolutionary declarations that they, too, shall now try this "drinking water" hack. 🤯💧
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49 points by gnabgib
2024-05-23T23:23:19 |
11 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Daylight Computer – New 60fps e-paper tablet (daylightcomputer.com)
In a bold leap into the past, Daylight Computer announces its revolutionary 60fps e-paper tablet, targeting the niche market of tech enthusiasts who enjoy squinting at grayish tints under the blazing sun. Mourning the demise of the fax machine, the fandom rallies behind this 60fps marvel, praising its ability to refresh almost as quickly as their regret. Commenters, each more eager than the last to one-up each other in technical verbosity, line up to explain why retro-tech is the future, inevitably peppering their soliloquies with quotes from "1984" as if Orwell himself endorsed low refresh rates. It's another day on the internet, where progress is circular and every gray screen is a silver lining.
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645 points by asadm
2024-05-23T16:38:25 |
348 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ The Space Quest II Master Disk Blunder (lanceewing.github.io)
Programming history nerds circle like buzzards around the decaying corpse of a blog post detailing The Great Space Quest II Disk Blunder. In a surprise to absolutely no one, the self-appointed digital archaeologists argue pointlessly over archaic software like it's the Dead Sea Scrolls of the Sierra Online era. 🎉 Spoiler alert: the disk still doesn't work, but don't tell the comment section — they're too busy one-upping each other's obscure knowledge to notice. Watch them type furiously into oblivion, defending the honor of a floppy disk that mattered to exactly seven people.
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392 points by smcameron
2024-05-23T15:16:20 |
122 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Show QN: Porter Cloud – PaaS with an eject button
This week on Hacker News, an intrepid user unveils "Porter Cloud," the latest in a long line of solutions for lazy developers who enjoy deploying half-baked apps with the safety net of an "eject button." Apparently, the only real innovation is letting you jump ship before everything inevitably catches fire. As expected, the comment section turns into a mosh pit of armchair cloud architects and DevOps wannabes, each competing for the crown of "Most Pedantic Correction." Amid the chaos, a few nostalgic souls manage to miss the point entirely, reminiscing about the good old days of physical server eject buttons. 🎉🔥
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155 points by sungrokshim
2024-05-23T16:47:00 |
58 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Cement recycling method could help solve one of the big climate challenges (cam.ac.uk)
The esteemed scholars at the University of Cambridge have bravely published groundbreaking research on recycling cement, which just might rescue our climate and your front walkway. Web denizens, eagerly trading their hard-earned Reddit karma for a dose of smug environmentalism, are salivating over the potential of not actually having to change their lifestyles while patting themselves on the back. Expect a surge of experts in cementology to fill your feeds, as everyone suddenly recalls that one time they mixed concrete in college. Meanwhile, real changes to climate policy remain as stagnant as the water in your neighbor's unused cement mixer.
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148 points by timthorn
2024-05-23T18:03:31 |
59 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Why did Tom Lehrer swap fame for obscurity? (theguardian.com)
An intrepid The Guardian journalist, armed with the unstoppable might of a liberal arts degree, boldly ventures into the vast unknown to solve the ultimate mystery: why a satirical singer from half a century ago decided he'd rather teach kids Pythagoras than pen more ditties. Tom Lehrer, alive at 96 and blissfully unaware of becoming this week's retired-celebrity-who-did-something-different clickbait, swapped the glaring spotlight for the soothing glow of a classroom projector. Commenters, in a dazzling display of internet expertise, fiercely debate whether Lehrer's pivot was a tragic loss for music or a merciful gift to mathematics, with the occasional genius pointing out that it’s possible to appreciate both his songs *and* his integrals. 🎤➡️📐
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110 points by f_allwein
2024-05-22T11:44:48 |
52 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Tom Waits vs. Frito-Lay, Inc (2003) (tomwaitslibrary.info)
Welcome to the world where Tom Waits, a grizzled bard of dignity, teaches us all how to refuse heaps of dirty corporate cash with the same casual disdain one might use to dismiss an annoying pigeon. In his epic battle against Frito-Lay, Waits becomes the underdog crusader against the dark overlords of snack advertising, bravely saying no to laying his raspy voice over a glorified potato chip commercial. Commenters, clutching their artisanal pitchforks, charge into the fray—somehow both furious and inspired—waving the banner of Artistic Integrity while simultaneously streaming their favorite TV shows plastered with product placements. What a time to be alive—I mean, sell out! 🎭💸
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270 points by Borrible
2024-05-23T09:52:18 |
184 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ US Army researched the health effects of radioactivity in St Louis 1945-1970 (2011) (umsystem.edu)
In an awe-inspiring leap of academic rigor, the University of Missouri proudly rediscounts a 2011 gem about the US Army's casual sprinkling of radioactivity in St. Louis like it's seasoning, not science. Between 1945 and 1970, lab coats wondered aloud, "What happens if we do this?" setting up the population for decades of super fun health roulette. The comment section, a delightful cesspit of armchair physicists and cold war aficionados, competes feverishly to see who can misunderstand the implications of radiation exposure the most, while occasionally mistaking Godzilla movie plots for documentary evidence. Because who needs ethics when you've got *statistics*? 🎲
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75 points by Jimmc414
2024-05-23T19:09:42 |
45 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Launch QN: Metriport (YC S22) – Open-source API for healthcare data exchange
Metriport, fresh from the techie conveyor belt of YC S22, presents yet another open-source API designed to revolutionize healthcare data exchange, because if there's one thing more reliable than healthcare IT, it's anything labeled "open-source" in Silicon Valley. Commenters gleefully hop aboard the hype train, tripping over themselves to praise the innovation while somehow managing to ignore the vast wasteland of previous attempts at similar problems. It's API-mania meets healthcare hysteria, with a dash of open-source utopian promise that likely ends with more GitHub stars than actual deployments. 🚀🏥💻
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69 points by dgoncharov
2024-05-23T15:38:25 |
43 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ FTX bankruptcy examiner's report [pdf] (kroll.com)
In an earth-shattering bout of digital paperwork, the FTX bankruptcy examiner’s report emerges, sprawling over 1,000 pages that most commenters would rather die than read. The blockchain enthusiasts, who typically understand financial nuances as well as they understand personal hygiene, lash out in the comments, waving their copies of "Cryptocurrency for Dummies" like crucifixes against vampires. Each comment, rife with the panic one usually reserves for a dropped ice cream cone, exhibits a mastery of financial jargon comparable to a toddler’s command over quantum physics. 📉🍿 Willfully ignorant, the crypto-army both defends and skewers FTX, depending on which meme they read last.
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101 points by wmf
2024-05-23T19:38:10 |
78 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ BB(3, 4) > Ack(14) (sligocki.com)
On May 22, 2024, an unwavering hero of keyboard science bravely pushes the boundaries of human comprehension by proving BB(3, 4) > Ack(14), a revelation sure to shake the very foundations of at least three basements. The crowd goes mild as readers furiously type out their admiration, confusion, and oddly, recipes for banana bread. In the comments, self-proclaimed math experts duel with LaTeX swords over trivial subscripts, while someone named xXQuantumKingXx argues that quantum entanglement could've solved this in seconds. Manifestly, the future of humanity is in great hands. 🚀🤯
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213 points by LegionMammal978
2024-05-23T11:13:28 |
80 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ 300k airplanes in five years (construction-physics.com)
On construction-physics.com, a bloviating edifice of optimism titled "300k airplanes in five years" promises an aerial armada conjured from thin air—or, more accurately, thin budgets. Eager to defy both gravity and economic reality, the article cheerfully glosses over such trivial concerns as resource scarcity and environmental impact with the wave of a CAD-rendered pixie dust. Below, the comment section transforms into a battleground where armchair physicists meet spreadsheet warriors, each more giddy than the last at the prospect of reenacting their favorite sci-fi airport scenes. The collective delusion reaches altitudes higher than any of these planes will ever see. 🛫🙃
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107 points by juliangamble
2024-05-23T12:58:09 |
162 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Making EC2 boot time faster (depot.dev)
The Pioneers of Speed: Making EC2 Boot Up Before Your Coffee Gets Cold!
Web wizards at Depot.dev have stumbled upon ancient arcane knowledge: making EC2 instances boot faster! Behold as they turn seconds into slightly fewer seconds, a monumental feat critical for those who can't bear the unbearable eternity of a minute. In the comments, a raucous crowd of DevOps warriors ardently exchange keyboard strokes, deciphering whether shaving off nanoseconds could finally let them see their code compile before retirement. Meanwhile, mere mortals just reboot their routers, blissfully unaware of the high-stakes drama unfolding in the cloud. 🚀💻
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173 points by jacobwg
2024-05-23T14:31:36 |
84 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Matcha.css – Drop-in semantic styling library in pure CSS (mizu.sh)
In a daring act of innovation unheard of since someone decided "Comic Sans" wasn't the pinnacle of design, a web artisan unleashes Matcha.css. It's pure CSS because JavaScript was apparently busy. Eager hobbyists in the comments exchange virtual high fives, dreaming of a future where their blogs look slightly less mundane. Others question if they've accidentally time-traveled back to 2010, when "semantic styling" first escaped into the wild, still unsure about its survival skills.
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105 points by popcalc
2024-05-23T15:31:09 |
19 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Show QN: Open-Source Real Time Data Framework for LLM Applications (getindexify.ai)
Today on Hacker News, another brave disruptor emerges in the software colosseum with getindexify.ai, an open-source framework that promises to revolutionize the blisteringly uninteresting field of real-time data processing for LLM applications. The tech promises to optimize your synergies and streamline your integration paradigms, or in simpler terms, it adds more buzzwords into your pitch deck. Commenters are tripping over each other to declare how this will either save or doom humanity, depending on whether it manages to run on their custom Arch Linux setup. Unicode emoticons and misinterpreted ML jargon have hit a new high score.
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42 points by diptanu
2024-05-23T19:33:30 |
2 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Disappointment (ams.org)
In a thrilling exposé that has shocked absolutely no one, ams.org delves deep into the heart-shattering world of *Disappointment* at the MathSciNet Bookstore. Commenters, either caffeinated too-highly or not nearly enough, engage in a ceremonial dance of pedantry, fervently debating whether the true disappointment is the bookstore's selection or their own unachieved potential from that math degree. Meanwhile, the real disappointment goes unnoticed: not a single algebraic structure was harmed (or used) in the making of the bookstore's inventory. 📚👀📉
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117 points by nsoonhui
2024-05-23T10:03:27 |
50 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Amber: A code search and replace tool (github.com/dalance)
Today in "unnecessary tools that developers think we need," a lone coder unveils Amber—a solution searching for a problem. The tool, hosted on the modern-day scrolls of GitHub, promises to revolutionize how we clumsily fumble through code, one Ctrl+F at a time. In the gripping first paragraph, the creator ensures that all three pieces of feedback (probably from their mom) are taken *very* seriously. Commenters, in bouts of infinite wisdom, quickly form a digital conga line, each echoing the hollow sentiment: "Great job! Can’t wait to replace my entire workflow with this!" Because, clearly, what the world needs now is yet another tool that does something existing tools already do, but with more GitHub stars. 🌟
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87 points by bpierre
2024-05-23T14:48:29 |
35 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ First pictures from Euclid satellite reveal billions of orphan stars (nottingham.ac.uk)
In a stunning display of celestial neglect, the Euclid satellite has managed to take heartbreaking snapshots of over 1,500 billion "orphan stars," aimlessly loitering in the cosmic void known as the Perseus cluster. Comment sections across the internet have rapidly filled with amateur astrophysicists and star-adoption advocates, each arguing vehemently over the best way to rescue these stars from their astronomical loneliness. Suggestions range from building interstellar orphanages to crafting star-sized fidget spinners to keep them entertained. Apparently, the vast universe is just another neighborhood in dire need of a homeowners' association. 🌌👽
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137 points by geox
2024-05-23T13:22:47 |
52 comments
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