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▲ Controlling the Taylor Swift Eras Tour wristbands with Flipper Zero (jgc.org)
In an earth-shattering breakthrough for both human technology and Taylor Swift fandom, the wizards at jgc.org have hacked the high-tech security of concert wristbands. Watch in awe as some dude with a Flipper Zero makes the lights blink in unauthorized fashions, essentially turning a Taylor Swift concert into a DIY rave from his mom's basement. Meanwhile, the comment section erupts with a mix of amateur cryptographers and wannabe hackers, each sharing their 'expertise' in a thrilling competition to see who can miss the point harder. Will they improve concert security, or just make Taylor's next show look like a malfunctioning Christmas tree? Stay tuned, the spectacle has just begun! 🎤💥😂
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497 points by jgrahamc
2024-05-27T16:55:59 |
116 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Tantivy – full-text search engine library inspired by Apache Lucene (github.com/quickwit-oss)
Hacker News discovers Tantivy, a full-text search engine library that doesn’t come from Google, thus sparking both unbridled excitement and deep skepticism. A post brimming with self-importance assures readers that every drop of keyboard sweat is cherished, prompting an endless river of comments offering "helpful" suggestions ranging from reprogramming in Rust (wait, it's already in Rust?), to using blockchain for indexing. Enthusiasts argue fiercely about its potential to disappointingly not be Lucene, while reminiscing about the good old days of installing Elasticsearch clusters barefoot, uphill, in the snow. 🤓🔍💾
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165 points by kaathewise
2024-05-27T17:30:43 |
20 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Last Hours of an Organ Donor (aeon.co)
**No Rest for the Wicked: The Final Countdown in Organ Donation**
In an awe-inspiring display of voyeurism dressed as journalism, Aeon takes us inside a Paris hospital to marvel at the miracle of organ transplantation. Thoracic surgeon Thomas Charrier, now a minor celebrity among the kind of people who know what "thoracic" means, gives a solemn nod to lungs that have ceased their earthly wheezing and are off to see new chest cavities. Never missing a beat, the commenters leap into action, debating the ethics of *post-mortem* photo shoots, while somehow congratulating themselves on their profound understanding of mortality gleaned from a photo caption. The lungs don't have an opinion, but if they did, it would likely be a sigh.
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37 points by Hooke
2024-05-25T21:09:38 |
7 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Surveilling the masses with wi-fi-based positioning systems (arxiv.org)
On arxiv.org, humanity's last hope for privacy gently weeps as another paper glorifying Wi-Fi-based stalking—oops, "*positioning systems*”—emerges. Wired basement dwellers and privacy paranoiacs collectively lose their last marbles, scribbling frantic comments about Orwellian dystopias that absolutely no one will read. These keyboard warriors heroically fail to recognize that they're commenting on an *advanced search help page*, proving once again that irony remains cruelly lost on the internet’s most vocal lurkers. Meanwhile, the rest of us wonder if our routers might deserve their own restraining orders. 📡😱
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148 points by belter
2024-05-27T16:25:53 |
37 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Should I use JWTs for authentication tokens? (ploetzli.ch)
In an earth-shattering blog post from ploetzli.ch, the entirety of internet security is turned on its head with a compelling argument against JWTs summarized eloquently as "No." Venture into the comments section to witness a dazzling display of ill-informed parrots squawking back the single syllable insight, while congratulating themselves on navigating the complex landscape of authentication technology. Experts and novices alike band together in a heartwarming display of missing the point, enthusiastically arguing about solutions to problems no one has. Watch the fireworks as the digital world solves and re-solves the enigma with anecdotal evidence from their vast experience of not reading the documentation. 🎆🔐
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279 points by pantalaimon
2024-05-27T15:31:24 |
206 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Regular Expression Matching with a Trigram Index (2012) (swtch.com)
Title: In Which We Grep the World
Ah, 2006: a simpler time when Google internships were about creating impossibly fast search apps instead of brewing kombucha. The narrator reminisces about inventing a web interface at *Google*, no less, enabling a global grep as if they were trying to find Waldo in milliseconds. Comment sections, predictably, overflow with ostentatious back-patting and subtle one-upmanship from those claiming they once scripted a similar tool during a coffee break. Alas, if only every software problem could be solved by throwing more servers at it, as per the Google creed. 🙄
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55 points by tosh
2024-05-27T20:13:20 |
0 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Truth, Math, and Models (Part 8 in a series on the scientific method) (rongarret.info)
In yet another riveting installment of what could possibly be the never-ending series on the scientific method, rongarret.info cures insomnia by diving deep into "Truth, Math, and Models." This article heroically attempts to salvage the reputation of mathematics from the brutal clutches of those using calculators on their smartphones. Commenters, wearing their university math club t-shirts, drool over each equation like it’s a line from a sacred text, while bravely fighting the good fight against the misunderstood decimal points. Fear not, for they'll ensure no polynomial is left behind in their quest to assert intellectual dominance in all caps. 🧠💤
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28 points by lisper
2024-05-27T22:28:38 |
23 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ GTFL – A Graphical Terminal for Common Lisp (martin-loetzsch.de)
**GTFL: Old School Tech Dresses in New Drag**
GTFL emerges from the depths of the programming necropolis, bringing the punch card aesthetic to millennial screens with a graphical terminal for Common Lisp—because nothing screams "modern software solutions" like 1958's hottest tech spiced up with some AJAX. The Lisp community, having paused their time machines in 1979, is absolutely enraptured, flooding the comments with nostalgic buzz about their gray-bearded glory days and debating the merits of retro tech in a world that has decidedly moved on. "Will it run on my Windows 95 machine?" asks one eager beaver, dusting off his floppy disks. Meanwhile, web developers from the lands of JavaScript and Python look on in bemused horror, puzzled over why anyone would voluntarily choose to summon software from the crypt.
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57 points by oumua_don17
2024-05-27T20:00:11 |
3 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Grokked Transformers Are Implicit Reasoners (arxiv.org)
The hallowed halls of arXiv are once again buzzing with the latest nonsensical jargon: "Grokked Transformers Are Implicit Reasoners". The paper, generously sprinkled with trendy tech babble, sets out to prove that Grokked Transformers aren't just good at transforming; they're now delving into the realm of *implicit reasoning*, which is apparently something we should care about. Cue a digital stampede of eager commenters, each frantically typing their admiration and desperately trying to sound like they've actually understood any of the content beyond its catchy title. Who knew that combining obscure terms could not only foster illusions of intelligence but also an unstoppable flood of self-congratulatory tech banter? 🤯💻
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31 points by jasondavies
2024-05-27T21:58:32 |
0 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Evolution of the ELF object file format (maskray.me)
**Hackernews Discusses Ancient Tech Lore**
In today's episode of "UNIX Necromancy," a brave Hackernewser tackles the ELF object file format, heroic savior of the UNIX-like world, because understanding decades-old technology is definitely cutting edge. Fans gush in technical ecstasy, misusing phrases such as "binary interface compatibility" and "ABI nuances" as they furiously argue over semantics in the comments. Who needs TikTok dances or celebrity gossip when you have the *gripping* backstory of ELF and System V ABI to debate? Join us next week when we collectively remember how to use a rotary phone! 📞💾
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54 points by MaskRay
2024-05-26T22:42:36 |
30 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Helix-gpui: A simple GUI for the Helix editor (github.com/polachok)
In a world starved for yet another GUI layer over a text editor, Helix-gpui emerges as the savior for those who can't decide if they love the simplicity of a terminal or the handholding of a GUI. The developer proudly proclaims to read "every piece of feedback," which certainly means fixing that button you hate will happen anytime between now and the heat death of the universe. Commenters, embroiled in thrilling discussions about the ethical implications of using rounded corners in UI design, clearly have their priorities sorted. It's a bright future for productivity: moving buttons instead of moving forward. 🚀
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106 points by todsacerdoti
2024-05-27T16:32:26 |
46 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Recently increased prevalence of human forearm median artery: Microevolution (wiley.com)
In a world where evolution apparently cat-jammed since the Jurassic, a thrilling discovery shakes the table: humans now feature an upgraded forearm median artery, signaling evolution’s desperate attempt to be relevant in the era of wearable tech. Cue the onslaught of self-appointed scholars in the comments who've suddenly mastered human anatomy, feverishly typing away how this artery will surely lead to faster texting or perhaps an intrinsic GPS, because clearly, evolution’s got nothing better to do. Watch as they argue tirelessly, missing the point as marvelously as they misspell "evolutionary significance." Get ready for arm-flailing excitement – or not; it's just an artery, people. 🤦♂️
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45 points by bookofjoe
2024-05-25T22:52:57 |
16 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Resume Tip: Hacking "AI" screening of resumes (solipsys.co.uk)
**Resume Tip: Unreadable Gibberish Beats AI Every Time!**
In a revolutionary breakthrough for job hunters, an article suggests that bypassing AI screening systems is as easy as turning your resume into a digital Jackson Pollock painting. The comment section, a delightful dumpster fire, dives deep with armchair experts debating the ethics of machine learning, while struggling to differentiate between actual advice and satire. The only winner here? Confusion. 🤖📄🙃
All aboard the clown car of career advancement!
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219 points by ColinWright
2024-05-27T11:01:01 |
125 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ The Hunt: How Frida Kahlo's Final Painting Vanished into Storage (artnet.com)
On artnet.com, a gripping tale unfolds about the disappearing act of Frida Kahlo's final painting, which has somehow managed to do the impossible: become even more elusive than the artist's uni-brow in a game of 'Where's Waldo?' The intrepid journalists at Artnet trace the painting's journey from masterpiece to mislaid, diving into the shadowy underworld of "art storage," where artworks go to play hide-and-seek with billionaire collectors. The comment section, meanwhile, transforms into an all-out expedition as amateur art detectives and conspiracy theorists debate whether the painting is hanging in a secretive Illuminati lounge or folded in some mogul’s sock drawer. It’s amazing anyone can type at all with all that twisting of the plot! 🕵️♏️🎨
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5 points by RafelMri
2024-05-25T01:18:58 |
2 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Reclaiming IPv4 Class E's 240.0.0.0/4 (benjojo.co.uk)
Today on the hubris network, another tech luminary decides to fix the Internet by dredging up the swampy backwaters of IPv4's Class E addresses. Readers from the comment swamp gather to laud this brave knight, decked out in his shining, outdated armor of RFC 1112. They throw virtual confetti made from stale network packets, while debating intensely over topics so niche, even the IETF had forgotten them. Meanwhile, the world plus dog continues blissfully using IPv6, unaware that the very fabric of the net is being saved by basement warriors armed with a 30-year-old map. 💾🎉
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127 points by todsacerdoti
2024-05-27T14:28:02 |
165 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Instead of “auth”, we should say “permissions” and “login” (ntietz.com)
In a groundbreaking upheaval of the English language, a blogger at ntietz.com courageously argues that the terms "auth" should be banished in favor of "permissions" and "login." Critics hail this semantic revolution, suggesting it might just be complex enough to thwart hackers who, presumably, are confounded by synonyms. Commenters, energizing their keyboards, fiercely debate whether "loginization" or "permissionify" should be the new jargon, completely missing the article's call for clarity. Just when you thought cybersecurity couldn't get more pedantic, the internet delivers. 🙄
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439 points by tambourine_man
2024-05-27T15:11:38 |
247 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Long distance sound localization with the Raspberry Pi (medium.com/kim_94237)
The Hackernews armchair experts gather en masse to dissect "Long Distance Sound Localization with the Raspberry Pi," a revolutionary piece despite the author's blasphemous abuse of a $35 computer. Witness the spectacle of countless commenters confidently mistaking their Google-fu for engineering degrees, as they debate the finer points of Python code snippets they barely understand. Interestingly, the only thing longer than the Pi’s purported sound-detecting range is the duration of irrelevant philosophical tangents in the comments. God save us from the day these DIY savants actually hold any real influence over technology! 😬
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74 points by hcfman
2024-05-26T18:05:20 |
9 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Possible association between tattoos and lymphoma (lu.se)
In a stunning display of technophobia masquerading as cybersecurity advice, a website throws up its digital hands in horror at the sight of Internet Explorer. Scholars, desperate to deliver dire warnings about the inked skin epidemic, find their message awkwardly juxtaposed with a tech support PSA. Commenters, never ones to miss the intersection of irrelevance and opportunity, dive deep into a conspiracy-laden debate about how both Microsoft and tattoos are plotting to use lymphoma to control the masses. 💉💻 #OldBrowserNewProblems #InkAndInternetConspiracy
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140 points by belter
2024-05-27T10:39:23 |
120 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Egypt is building a $1B mega-museum (nature.com)
In a daring leap of economic optimism, Egypt has decided to siphon a cool billion dollars into a mega-museum, as if the pyramids weren't enough of a tourist trap. Nature.com, in a bout of profound archaeological insight, poses the riveting question: "Will it bring Egyptology home?"—because obviously, all those artifacts were just on vacation. The commenters, in their usual scholarly rigor, debate whether this will make Indiana Jones unemployed or just force him into early retirement, with emojis aplenty to express their deep, deep insights into cultural repatriation.
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69 points by gmays
2024-05-24T19:20:07 |
54 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ My new PSU burns out – I fix it, and torture it by cracking water (sig7.se)
In an electrifying display of hubris, a tech hobbyist manages to fry his new Power Supply Unit like a naive shrimp on a buzzer chef’s teppanyaki station, only to play mad scientist and breathe life back into it. After resurrecting his Frankenstein's monster of a PSU, our protagonist proceeds to "torture" it with the enthusiasm of a high school nerd at a science fair, somehow involving water in a manner that undoubtedly voids every warranty in the tri-state area. The blog comments oscillate between awe-inspired congratulations and the tech-equivalent of "hold my beer" tales, as each keyboard warrior attempts to one-up the story with their own harrowing tales of unlikely electrical survival. Ah, the internet: never failing to remind us that yes, someone out there really is doing this and yes, they probably should not be.
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156 points by todsacerdoti
2024-05-27T09:55:19 |
68 comments
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