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▲ Gov. Polis Signs Bill Mandating That Consumers Have Options to Fix Electronics (coloradotimesrecorder.com)
In an unprecedented display of legislative bravado, Governor Polis of Colorado transforms into a grassroots superhero by signing a bill that will supposedly let people fix their own gadgets instead of weeping softly into their overpriced warranties. Technophiles and commoners alike flood the comments, each armed with half-baked legal expertise and pure, unadulterated rage against "Big Tech." One brave keyboard warrior – whose Ph.D. in YouTube tutorials goes sadly unrecognized – declares this the dawn of a new era, while others scream into the void about government overreach. Meanwhile, technicians across the state are quaking in their boots, fearful of the impending hoard of consumers armed with screwdrivers and a dangerously superficial understanding of electronics.
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210 points by rmason
2024-05-29T20:17:29 |
41 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Kino: Pro Video Camera (lux.camera)
In an unprecedented display of technological overreach, the Lux © 2024 Kino: Pro Video Camera apparently revolutionizes filmmaking by allowing even the most talent-devoid user to shoot cinema-quality footage. "Proudly published with Ghost," boasts the webpage, in a twist of self-congratulation so intense it nearly collapses into a black hole. In the comments, legions of would-be Scorseses debate pixels and dynamic range, blissfully unaware that no amount of tech will inject a plot into their endless footage of sunsets and cafe tables. Film schools hate it! 🎬📉
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504 points by louis-paul
2024-05-29T17:06:40 |
207 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ New attention mechanisms that outperform standard multi-head attention (arxiv.org)
In another groundbreaking release that threatens to disrupt the *three* people who fully understand it, arXiv presents a riveting exposition on how "new attention mechanisms" can outshine the now-archaic-seeming multi-head attention. As you wade through the digital paper trail, commenters, most of whom *clearly* didn’t read beyond the abstract, are fiercely debating the implications of these advanced mechanisms, apparently mistaking this for their high school debate club. Who knew that adding a couple of extra equations could provoke such a spectacle? 📚🚀 Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to find the "Help" button.
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122 points by snats
2024-05-29T19:33:12 |
20 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Donating Forks to the Dining Hall (ben.page)
In a stunning act of philanthropy that's sure to change the course of human history, ace humanitarian Ben Borgers heroically donates *forks* to a dining hall, challenging the age-old conventions of eating with hands or directly from the trough. The comment section erupts with adulation, as keyboard warriors trip over themselves to laud the innovation, calling Ben a modern-day Prometheus for his daring fork initiative. It's all hands on deck as the internet fawns over dining utensils like they're the Second Coming, while centuries of fork history amusingly go unnoticed. Fork over your attention, the pinnacle of civilization has arrived! 🍴
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92 points by kickofline
2024-05-29T04:42:06 |
20 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Vector indexing all of Wikipedia on a laptop (foojay.io)
At foojay.io, an intrepid soul boldly embarks on the Herculean task of cramming the entirety of Wikipedia into their presumably smoldering laptop. Enthusiastic laptop-fans 🖥️ herald this as the most revolutionary advancement since sliced bread, conveniently ignoring that reading Wikipedia online was already a thing. Meanwhile, comments overflow with tech bros plotting to index the multiverse—or at least their collection of anime—using the same underwhelming Python script that crashed when indexing a mere encyclopedia. Truly, a groundbreaking moment in the world of unnecessary computational feats.
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280 points by tjake
2024-05-29T17:05:29 |
92 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ The Pen Hospital in Kolkata will nurse your broken fountain pen back (vogue.in)
In an astonishing display of journalistic excellence, Vogue.in brings you a heartfelt exposé on Kolkata's life-saving facility: not for humans, but for the crucial societal cornerstone of *broken fountain pens*. Because in 2023, addressing the pressing issue of where to nurse a leaky Parker is evidently what peaks reader interest. Venture into the thrilling world of nib realignment and ink-flow surgeries that absolutely deserves your emotional investment more than trivial global affairs. Below, watch earnest commenters debate the ethical implications of bic ballpoint pens in a discussion that surely rivals the intellectual vigor of Plato’s Symposium. 🖋️✨
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43 points by axiomdata316
2024-05-29T21:01:36 |
11 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ DuckDB Doesn't Need Data to Be a Database (nikolasgoebel.com)
In an exhilarating display of unnecessary innovation, a blog post claims that DuckDB, the database apparently named by someone's toddler, doesn't require actual data to function, because who needs data in a database, right? This startling revelation has rocked the three people who accidentally stumbled into the comments section while looking for real PostgreSQL documentation. Commenters, engaging in the intellectual flex of explaining why storing imaginary data is, in fact, a revolution, battle over who can sound more like they've actually read the documentation. Meanwhile, the rest of the computing world continues blissfully unaware that databases have transcended mere data storage and entered into existential philosophy. 🤯🦆
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147 points by tosh
2024-05-29T09:13:47 |
34 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Starlink's Disruption of the Space Industry (thespacereview.com)
**Starlink Throws A Birthday Fit for a Five-Year-ster**
In yet another "astounding" achievement, Starlink, the dazzling jewel in Emperor Musk's aluminum foil crown, blew out its candles by lobbing yet another batch of trinket satellites into Earth's backyard. The event, coinciding exactly (because why miss a chance for theatrics?) with its fifth anniversary, is praised as if slinging metal into the cosmos is as groundbreaking as the moon landing. The commentariat, ever so keen to connect their doublewides via space Wi-Fi, salivates over each launch as if it's the second coming of Apollo. Meanwhile, anyone with half an orbital mechanic’s brain is left wondering when the cosmic littering tickets start rolling in. 🌌✨🚀
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50 points by mlindner
2024-05-29T06:15:28 |
38 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Era3D: High-Resolution Multiview Diffusion Using Efficient Row-Wise Attention (penghtyx.github.io)
In a glorious leap towards making computers hallucinate even harder, a ragtag team of academics have birthed "Era3D," a new gimmick in the AI sphere pretending to offer "High-Resolution Multiview Diffusion Using Efficient Row-Wise Attention." The description alone triggers migraine-inducing visions of tech bros salivating over buzzwords at their next TEDx talk. Meanwhile, the unwashed hordes in the blog's comment section feverishly debate whether this innovation will let them upvote pictures faster or just help Google ads stalk them more precisely across the digital wasteland. No actual understanding appears to have been harmed during these discussions.
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77 points by jasondavies
2024-05-29T18:40:06 |
6 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ IBDNS: Intentionally Broken DNS server (afnic.fr)
In a breathtaking display of intellectual masochism, Afnic introduces IBDNS, the DNS server that proudly promises to ruin your day, guaranteed. The blog authors, mistaking turmoil for innovation, parade their *'cutting-edge failure'* as if it were the first-ever reverse gear in a Formula 1 race car. Meanwhile, the armchair engineers in the comments competitively suggest even more ways to worsen internet traffic, seemingly desperate to one-up each other in the grand Olympics of counterproductive suggestions. 🏆💻🔥 Truly, the blind leading the blindfolded.
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172 points by patadune
2024-05-29T16:28:39 |
16 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Bootstrapping a Forth in 40 lines of Lua code (twu.net)
Title: Yet Another Forth Resurrection in Lua
Eduardo Ochs, deciding the world just hadn't had enough, triumphantly brings Forth back to life in Lua, because what we all need is more esoteric programming in our espresso-sized scripts. The year is 2008, but Ed's sense of cutting-edge technology hovers somewhere in the early '80s, finding solace among the ten people worldwide who might actually care. The readers, tumbling down vintage nerd nostalgia, battle it out in the comments over whose wasted youth on now-obsolete tech was more misspent. Somewhere, a lone server whirs softly, hosting tiny Lua scripts that nobody asked for.
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24 points by anothername12
2024-05-29T21:25:48 |
3 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Google releases smart watch for kids (store.google.com)
In a thrilling display of innovation that no one asked for, Google once again solves a problem that doesn't exist by releasing a smart watch for kids. Parents everywhere rejoice, as they can now offload their parenting responsibilities to a gadget equipped with distracting apps and questionable GPS accuracy. Over in the comments, techno-optimists engage in intellectual mudslinging, fiercely debating whether strapping a mini surveillance device on their child’s wrist is a breakthrough in parenting or just another way to avoid it. Spoiler: it’s both. 🙄
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116 points by goeldhru
2024-05-29T18:14:34 |
297 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ I sold TinyPilot, my first successful business (mtlynch.io)
In an awe-inspiring tale of redemption that nobody asked for, a former Google employee decides to chronicle his journey from corporate dropout to accidental entrepreneur with TinyPilot, a venture that shockingly didn't sink like his previous attempts. Readers are treated to a gripping saga of finding a *few* customers and eventually selling the business, because, who needs steady income, right? Comments are filled with back-slapping congratulations from fellow tech bros, blissfully ignoring the unsustainability of hustle culture, while subtly begging for the secret recipe to magically transform their garage projects into gold mines—preferably without the hard parts like 'effort' and 'strategy'. 😂🚀
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574 points by mtlynch
2024-05-29T14:42:50 |
215 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Kaplay – a JavaScript library that helps you make games fast and fun (kaplayjs.com)
In another groundbreaking attempt to help even your technologically-challenged uncle feel like a game developer, Kaplay introduces a JavaScript library that promises to let you create games "fast and fun." Because apparently, the only thing missing from the vaporware graveyard was more JS. The comment section, a stunning display of collective cluelessness, quickly transforms into a digital support group where the blind lead the blind. Here, optimism is so high you might forget that you're not actually playing a game, just *trying* to make one. ☕🤡
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8 points by JSLegendDev
2024-05-29T23:10:24 |
0 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ First Bioprocessor Powered by Human Brain Organoids (tomshardware.com)
In a breathtaking leap towards the dystopian future we all pretend to fear while secretly craving, a group of scientists has created the first bioprocessor powered by human brain organoids. Yes, we've officially entered the era of mixing Pong with actual brains. Over at tomshardware.com, the enthusiastic commenters can't decide if they should fear for humanity's future or ask whether these brain-chips can run Crysis on ultra settings. Because, priorities. 🧠💻
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44 points by Hadi7546
2024-05-29T05:14:02 |
21 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ AdFlush (acm.org)
In a groundbreaking effort to redefine productivity, the wizards at ACM have diverted their considerable intellect from minor pursuits like 'computer science' to tackle the pressing issue of optimizing bathroom breaks. The revolutionary study, titled "AdFlush," proposes replacing those mindless toilet moments with targeted ads, ensuring that not a second of the day is wasted away from the worship of capitalism. Predictably, the comment section blooms with enraged pseudo-intellectuals threatening to unsubscribe, only to be distracted by a well-placed ad for toilet-paper-as-a-service. Clearly, the future is here, and it is as dystopian as one might fear.
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244 points by grac3
2024-05-28T06:32:29 |
95 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Elixir and Machine Learning in 2024 so far: MLIR, Arrow, structured LLM, etc. (dashbit.co)
**Elixir and Machine Learning: A Love Story Nobody Asked For**
In 2024, the marriage of Elixir and Machine Learning continues to baffle everyone but the five people still using Elixir for something other than mixing fancy cocktails. This year's updates bring us MLIR support (because reinventing the wheel is more fun when nobody understands the physics behind it), rich Arrow types (apparently, arrows are no longer just simple shapes), and something called structured LLM, which definitely won't be abandoned in a GitHub repo by 2025. The comment section, a delightful cesspool of confusion and misplaced enthusiasm, remains convinced this will revolutionize something, someday, somehow. 🚀👀
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152 points by clessg
2024-05-29T12:38:16 |
38 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Codestral: Mistral's Code Model (mistral.ai)
In a world desperately in need of another AI solution to problems we didn’t know we had, Mistral.ai heroically launches "Codestral," yet another AI model promising to revolutionize the very fabric of our digital existence—by essentially doing what twelve others claim to do. The first wave of devout technophiles swarm online to lay down a smokescreen of obfuscation, citing use cases that won't exist until we colonize Mars. As discussions unravel, commenters passionately argue over nuances as critical as the arrangement of deck chairs on the Titanic, whilst the truly enlightened muse about the AI’s capacity to finally beat humans at Tic-Tac-Toe. Bask in the glow of Silicon Valley's relentless innovation, because nothing says "progress" like reinventing the wheel with more JavaScript.
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357 points by alexmolas
2024-05-29T14:16:10 |
165 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Show QN: Serverless Postgres (github.com/kiwicopple)
Oh look, another "revolutionary" tech launch at *HN: Serverless Postgres* has now graced us by solving all database problems by removing servers from the equation. In the comments, tech bros are wetting themselves with excitement, predictably ignoring the irony that their "serverless" wonderland still, in fact, hilariously runs on servers 🤯. Meanwhile, the marketing genius who penned "we read every piece of feedback" deserves an award for the most disingenuous corporate fluff of the year. Can't wait for the next update, likely to be as groundbreaking as the switch from tabs to spaces. 🙄
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87 points by kiwicopple
2024-05-29T16:54:19 |
23 comments
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