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▲ Show QN: Every mountain, building and tree shadow mapped for any date and time (shademap.app)
Today on Hacker News, an eager beaver has mapped the shadow of every tree, building, and mountain, because knowing the exact second your basil plant falls into darkness is obviously what's been missing from your life. The comment section is a veritable who's who of weekend warriors and armchair astronomers, fervently debating whether the shadows are accurate enough for planning their next suburban barbecue. A few brave souls attempt to discuss the technical aspects but are quickly overwhelmed by complaints about shadow accuracy and demands for a version that also tracks the movement of garden gnomes. Innovation, truly at its peak! 🌲🏡🗻
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373 points by tppiotrowski
2024-05-30T20:10:28 |
157 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ UI elements with a hand-drawn, sketchy look (wiredjs.com)
The *elite* developers at wiredjs.com, in a stroke of unmatched creativity, have unleashed a set revolutionary UI elements that look like a toddler’s fridge art. Finally, you can make your multimillion-dollar app resemble a high school notebook, complete with doodles and sketches. The tech community weeps with joy, flooding the comments with 👏 and insights like "Finally, an aesthetic my designer can't criticize!" - because nothing screams *professionalism* like a UI that suggests, “I was too lazy to even open Photoshop.”
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46 points by nickca
2024-05-31T22:23:08 |
4 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ 60 kHz (2022) (ben.page)
In the latest digital snoozefest, *Ben Borgers* decides the world needs yet another blog post, this time mystifying the magic behind 60 kHz. Watch in awe as Ben turns the utterly mundane into something you still don't care about, but now with graphs. Meanwhile, the comment section becomes a battleground where self-proclaimed tech "experts" trip over each other to explain things they Googled five minutes ago – each one more eager than the last to plant their flag atop Mount Pedantic. Truly, a spectacle of the blind leading the blind. 👓📉
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9 points by jer0me
2024-06-01T00:05:36 |
4 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Snowflake breach: Hacker confirms access through infostealer infection (hudsonrock.com)
In a stunning reveal that shocks precisely no one, Hudson Rock has unearthed another day-ending-in-Y vulnerability: Snowflake now doubles as a winter wonderland for data thieves, thanks to an infostealer infection. 🌨️ In this critical moment, keyboard warriors flock to the comments section, armed with half-baked expertise and a tenuous grasp of technology, ready to outwit each other in the intellectual void. "Use more cookies," suggests one particularly astute commenter, boldly ignoring every piece of advice ever given in the realm of cybersecurity. Meanwhile, the article itself starts with a cookie policy, reminding us that irony is well and truly alive. Thrilling!
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518 points by zbangrec
2024-05-31T13:28:08 |
158 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Heroku Postgres is now based on AWS Aurora (heroku.com)
In a thrilling leap of technological redundancy, Heroku Postgres decides to climb onto Amazon's shoulders by transitioning to AWS Aurora. Because, clearly, what the world needs is another middleman siphoning fees while adding a shiny sticker that screams "innovation". The commenters, in a display of astoundingly predictable bewilderment, oscillate between applauding the bold move and mistaking basic cloud features for the second coming of digital Christ. Truly, a grand day for reinventing wheels in the cloud.
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102 points by mebcitto
2024-05-31T19:17:20 |
55 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ "Moveable Type" to end 17-year run in The New York Times's lobby (nytco.com)
In a stunning act of corporate rejuvenation, "Moveable Type," the beloved text montage that hypnotized lost tourists and insomniac journalists in The New York Times lobby, is finally being put to rest after 17 years of bewildering service. The piece, which provided critical ambiance by randomly shuffling words from a day's news, will be replaced, future-proofing the lobby against the risk of anyone experiencing a moment of unplanned intellectual stimulation. Commenters, struggling to process the emotional weight of a lobby renovation, are already spinning wild theories on what's next. "Perhaps they'll install a giant iPad," muses one hopeful soul, confident that if the news can't survive in print or online, maybe it can at least get some likes as an interactive installation.
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28 points by donohoe
2024-05-30T10:51:55 |
4 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Armor from Mycenaean Greece turns out to have been effective (arstechnica.com)
On the prestigious digital rag known as Ars Technica, a groundbreaking revelation shoots ancient armor into modern relevance, determining that, surprise, people from Mycenaean Greece weren't just lounging about in sheets and sandals but actually wore armor that worked. Who'd have thought that a civilization capable of complex architectural feats could make something to stop a spear? The comment section, an ever-erudite collective, erupts into a battlefield reenactment with experts in armchair historical warfare valiantly defending the honor of bronze over iron. Watch as they casually throw around phrases like "tensile strength" and "historical context," while missing the ultimate irony that their closest encounter with combat is battling pop-up ads. 🛡️😄
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129 points by thepuppet33r
2024-05-30T12:34:58 |
51 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ London's Evening Standard axes daily print edition (bbc.com)
In a stunning display of innovation, the Evening Standard has bravely decided to axe its daily print edition, opting to become a collector's item that appears every week. London commuters express their agony over potentially having to make eye contact on the Tube without the protective shield of the free daily. Commenters, awash in nostalgia for the ink-smudged fingertips of yore, wistfully mourn the loss while frantically Googling how to actually access news online. Meanwhile, trees around the globe breathe a sigh of relief, hoping that Wordle doesn't go into print.
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12 points by bookofjoe
2024-05-30T13:08:54 |
2 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Bento: Open-source fork of the project formerly known as Benthos (warpstream.com)
Title: **Forking Under Pressure: A GPL-Free, Red-Panda-Free Future**
In a stunning move that no one asked for, Redpanda devours Benthos and spits out a commercial monster, prompting a band of brave keyboard warriors to fork the project into "Bento." Because nothing says "innovation" like scrambling to salvage your project from the clutches of evil corporate overlords, all while ensuring the good graces of free software purists are maintained. The comments section erupts into a battleground where disillusioned techies mourn the loss of their beloved Benthos in a sea of "I told you so" and the recurring chant of *open-source or death.* Meanwhile, somewhere a Redpanda executive is papering their walls with newly minted licenses, blissfully unaware of the pitchforks being sharpend on GitHub.
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144 points by pauldix
2024-05-31T17:26:46 |
35 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ What is the worst AWS service? I vote for Amplify (astrian.moe)
In a courageous display of bravery not seen since someone declared "the emperor has no clothes," a blogger at astrian.moe tackles the hard-hitting issue of the **worst** AWS service, nominating Amplify for this dubious honor. The tech elite promptly descend into the comments section, where they engage in the internet's equivalent of tribal warfare. There, legions of DevOps warriors and software architects, fortified with their vast experience of deploying 'Hello World' apps, exchange verbose tirades about cloud architectures, clearly mistaking verbosity for valor. Meanwhile, other commenters reminisce about the good old days of server racks and punch cards, because obviously, "cloud computing is just a fad." 😂
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7 points by Astrian
2024-05-31T22:40:48 |
7 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Windrecorder – Personal Memory Search Engine (github.com/yuka-friends)
In the latest crusade against forgetting where you've left your keys, the technology wizards at Github have birthed the *Windrecorder*, a so-called "Personal Memory Search Engine" that eagerly promises to manage your memories better than your tired brain ever could. The project's opening gambit of "We read every piece of feedback" serves up a delicious irony, given that the main feature of this software is helping you remember stuff. Commenters, in a display of peak internet wisdom, alternate between praising the revolutionary potential of outsourcing their cognitive functions, and ominously questioning the privacy implications of digitizing their dear diary entries. Because, evidently, having a digital peephole into one’s forgettable life is exactly what we’ve all been missing. 🧠💾
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37 points by gnabgib
2024-05-31T18:48:46 |
5 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Debian KDE: Right Linux distribution for professional digital painting in 2024 (davidrevoy.com)
This week on davidrevoy.com, we're treated to a ground-breaking revelation that the best tool for professional digital painting is—wait for it—Linux, specifically Debian KDE. That's right, all you needed for artistic mastery was a free operating system and presumably a cat named Noutti as your muse. The comment section is a hotbed of enlightenment, with seasoned Linux connoisseurs one-upping each other about whose obscure setup is *more* optimized for MS Paint prowess. If you ever desired to watch a bunch of tech bros argue over digital brush strokes while casually name-dropping their feline consultants, well, today's your lucky day. 🎨🐱💻
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162 points by abhinavk
2024-05-31T10:32:27 |
62 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ DataFusion Comet: Apache Spark Accelerator (github.com/apache)
In a thrilling display of open-source echo chamber dynamics, Apache introduces *DataFusion Comet*, the latest "accelerator" for Apache Spark, which promises to revolutionize data processing by making it slightly less intolerable. We are assured by the core team that *every piece of feedback is taken seriously*, including your half-baked suggestions posted at 3 AM. In the comments, a motley crew of armchair engineers competes for the crown of Captain Obvious, offering insights like renaming variables and questioning the necessity of semicolons. Who needs decades of software engineering experience when you have GitHub access and unlimited caffeine? 🚀💻
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66 points by andygrove
2024-05-31T16:59:33 |
21 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ How to copy a file from a 30-year-old laptop (unterminated.com)
Title: Today In Useless Tech Necromancy
Summary: A brave keyboard warrior at unterminated.com tackles the Herculean task of extracting bytes from a decrepit Apple laptop—a relic from an era when people actually talked to each other. Shockingly, it turns out that coaxing data from outdated tech requires more than hopeful thinking and a USB-C cable. The comment section, a veritable symposium of equally clueless enthusiasts, swiftly transforms into a disorganized tech support group where the blind lead the blind into an abyss of irrelevance. 😱 Truly, we stand on the shoulders of giants, staring into the void of obsolete ports.
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329 points by tfvlrue
2024-05-31T15:30:00 |
181 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Go: Sentinel errors and errors.Is() slow your code down by 3000% (dolthub.com)
Title: Gophers At The Gates Of Hell
In a breathtaking display of the unexpected, a brave soul at dolthub discovers that error handling in Go is about as efficient as a sloth running a marathon. Readers are shocked—SHOCKED—to find that throwing 3,000% more computational heft at something could possibly slow it down. Commenters, in a dazzling exhibition of missing the point, argue whether this revelation will affect their weekend plans of rewriting the Linux kernel in Go for "educational purposes." Beware the performance benchmarks: they'll snatch your CPU cycles when you're not looking. 🐢💨
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35 points by ingve
2024-05-31T20:12:25 |
14 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ How many holes does the universe have? (scientificamerican.com)
On *Scientific American*, an article desperately tries to discuss cosmological phenomena without mentioning astrology, chocolate donuts, or black holes as metaphors for existential despair. The author, presumably after watching too much sci-fi, poses the massive question: "How many holes does the universe have?" Commenters, grabbing their "I ❤️ Quantum Physics" hats, dive headfirst into the cosmic void of ignorance, earnestly debating whether these "holes" can store lost socks or are gateways to the alternate realities where their favorite cancelled TV shows still run. It's like a black hole for intellect, but at least no one brought up wormholes... yet. 🕳️🌀🧦
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38 points by Brajeshwar
2024-05-31T16:57:48 |
29 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Recall: Stealing everything you've ever typed or viewed on your own Windows PC (doublepulsar.com)
In an apocalyptic revelation at doublepulsar.com, it turns out every keystroke and pixel you've lovingly input into your Windows PC was about as private as a shout in a crowded subway. Cue the kindergarten IT crew in the comments, gallantly missing the point while competing for the 'Most Paralyzed by Paranoia' award. They furiously tap out their manifestos on keyboards presumably made of tinfoil, each convinced they alone can outsmart Big Brother with their extensive spy movie viewing histories. Meanwhile, the actual exploit—likely already buried under their latest round of panicked system restores—remains as misunderstood as the concept of irony in their tireless rants. 🕵️♂️💻👀
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192 points by todsacerdoti
2024-05-31T21:52:49 |
119 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Standard Ebooks' 1,000th title: Ulysses (standardebooks.org)
In an audacious attempt at digital relevancy, Standard Ebooks trumpets its 1,000th e-book offering, Ulysses, because nothing screams "cutting-edge technology" like a 100-year-old novel that most users primarily display to feel smart. Clocking in at a breezy 268,481 words, the site assures us it’s an easy read at a "reading ease" of 74.9, positing a world where Ulysses is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from being a children's bedtime story. In the comments, enthusiastic masochists debate the meanings of James Joyce's run-on sentences, while one brave soul claims they've read the whole thing on their smartwatch, which is surely the peak of both literature and technology. 📚💤
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332 points by robin_reala
2024-05-31T14:45:55 |
117 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Why does searching Google for random hex lead to car dealers? [video] (tonybox.net)
Today on the internet, a brave keyboard warrior poses the life-altering question of why typing random hex codes into Google invariably leads you to car dealers instead of, perhaps more logically, a "hex" removal service or an underground coder club. Bereft of hobbies, our intrepid investigator dives into the cesspool of character combinations only to discover—shockingly—that search algorithms cater to businesses and not his fleeting musings about strings akin to old Dell serial numbers. Meanwhile, commenters chest-thumping their complementary theories in all-caps add to the great digital symphony, their cries for attention drowning beneath a deluge of ads for the 2023 MegaSUV TorqueMaster 3000. Surely, this is what Tim Berners-Lee always dreamed of. 🚙💻🤦♡
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111 points by bonyt
2024-05-31T14:44:09 |
60 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Hexadecimal Sucks (tylercipriani.com)
In a riveting expose that absolutely nobody asked for, a blogger courageously declares that hexadecimal is about as user-friendly as a porcupine in a balloon factory. According to our intrepid keyboard warrior, humans are apparently ill-equipped to juggle numbers beyond the primitive comforts of "9". Shocking revelations unfold that, yes, some wizards in their mom's basements can indeed count in hex without sprouting additional fingers. The comment section, a tragicomic arena of nerd supremacy, rapidly devolves into a cascade of emoji-laden diatribes about who can recite pi to the furthest decimal while blindfolded, proving once and for all that the ability to understand hexadecimal directly correlates with having an inverse number of friends. 🎈💥
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16 points by thcipriani
2024-05-31T23:32:55 |
8 comments
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