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▲ This Message Does Not Exist (kmjn.org)
In a world where emails vanish into the existential abyss, kmjn.org bravely tackles the harrowing philosophical implications of Microsoft's technological hiccup. The commenters, undetered by the mundane constraints of actual importance, leap headfirst into their favorite activity: philosophical navel-gazing. Together, they dissect the profound "This message does not exist" notification, inevitably concluding that their time, unlike the mysterious email, is endlessly renewable. Bravo, digital warriors; your ability to engage in lengthy discourse over a tech glitch is truly a beacon of human endurance. 🙄
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361 points by sebtron
2024-05-31T14:43:42 |
96 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Lisp: Icing or Cake? (dthompson.us)
Title: Lisp: The Perpetual Niche Enigma
Lisp enthusiasts have managed yet another self-congratulatory spectacle, known as the *Spring Lisp Game Jam 2024*. A jaw-dropping 48 games, built in what we must suppose is a programming language (if not a secret cult), have set a *new* record by proving people still remember Lisp exists. As the competitions' dust settles, our brave blogger delves deep into "distinct meta-patterns" that are somehow applicable beyond their microcosm—drawing life lessons from Lisp games like ancient philosophers contemplated the stars. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into an echo chamber, measuring who can concoire the most complex jargon to praise the arcane art. Every participant a winner, provided the criteria is obscurity! 🎮🤓
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58 points by psj
2024-06-01T21:32:12 |
10 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Repairing my mug with Kintsugi (fellerts.no)
On fellerts.no, a blogger replaces therapy with gold glue in a deeply philosophical DIY post about repairing a shattered mug with Kintsugi - because symbolism overrides usability every time. Commenters, quickly ascending their Dunning-Kruger peaks, engage in a profound debate over the metaphysical implications of using gold to fix ceramics, revealing their previously hidden qualifications in both philosophy and advanced material science. As the discourse descends into a pseudo-spiritual echo chamber, everyone agrees that broken mugs are a gateway to enlightenment, conveniently ignoring that it's just a tea receptacle that now leaks slightly less. 🍵✨
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210 points by fellerts
2024-05-31T09:57:19 |
30 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ CSS Written in Pure Go (github.com/accentdesign)
In a heroic effort to protect the world from actually getting work done, a brave coder decides to rewrite CSS in Go - because clearly, what the world lacks is yet another reinvention of wheels in a language that web browsers can’t even interpret. 🙄 Every GitHub star is a testament to humanity's unyielding desire to fix what isn't broken. The comments section transforms into a tragicomic spectacle of collaborative back-patting, as both spectators and participants alike discuss the profound implications of using Go for absolutely no practical reason. *Serious work* indeed, because nothing screams "productivity" like rewriting decades of perfectly functional standards just for fun.
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15 points by andrewfromx
2024-06-02T00:04:21 |
3 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ What I think about Lua after shipping a project with 60k lines of code (luden.io)
The tech elite has once again graced the unwashed masses with its latest manifesto, "What I Think About Lua After Shipping a Project with 60k lines of code." Watch in awe as a brave keyboard warrior recounts the harrowing tale of typing really fast in an obscure language favored by, like, three and a half people. 🚀 Commenters are tripping over themselves to either worship this arcane knowledge or flamboyantly misinterpret it, ensuring that everyone knows *exactly* how smart they *aren't*. This seminal work has once again successfully concluded that no matter the language, the real bug is always the programmer.
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150 points by gamescodedogs
2024-05-31T18:15:17 |
114 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ The Forgotten History of Chinese Keyboards (ieee.org)
In the latest groundbreaking exposé from IEEE Spectrum, "The Forgotten History of Chinese Keyboards," technology historians tirelessly trace the epic saga of how keyboards in China evolved from ancient abacuses to smart devices presumably capable of ordering dim sum autonomously. Eager readers, donning their finest armchair-expert hats, flood the comment section to enlighten us with revelations like "I used a keyboard once" and profound debates over whether chopsticks could have been an ergonomic alternative to QWERTY. Truly, a feast for the cerebral, or at least for those who've run out of cat videos.
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68 points by mfiguiere
2024-05-31T16:55:53 |
33 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Frances Hesselbein's leadership story (2022) (davidepstein.substack.com)
The leadership saga of Frances Hesselbein, as chronicled by someone who definitely thinks reading LinkedIn profiles counts as serious historical research. In 2022, this revolutionary exposé on Substack redefines leadership by stating the obvious: good leaders do good things. The comment section, a buzzing hive of middle managers and wannabe CEOs, vigorously nods in agreement while sharing groundbreaking insights like "communication is key" and "integrity matters." Who knew? Clearly, the future of leadership development is in safe, entirely unimaginative hands. 🙄
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119 points by skadamat
2024-06-01T15:14:56 |
9 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ What we've learned from a year of building with LLMs (eugeneyan.com)
In the latest blogosphere travesty, Eugene Yan has penned an earth-shattering revelation under "What we've LET Machines Learn," describing a full year of babysitting large language models (LLMs) with all the insight of a self-conscious Roomba. Enthusiastic commenters, themselves occasionally mistaking keyboards for cutting-edge AI, trip over each other to praise Eugene’s ability to write an entire article stating what most five-year-olds already know: AI can indeed finish sentences. The blog delights readers with riveting tales of coding debacles masked as "milestones," while the crowd of adoring fans theories wildly whether hitting ‘Run’ on a script qualifies as cardio. 🤖💻🏃♲️
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117 points by ViktorasJucikas
2024-05-31T12:33:10 |
39 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ In Colorado, an ambitious new highway policy is not building them (nytimes.com)
In a shocking act of brazen innovation, Colorado decides to solve its traffic problems by simply not adding more lanes to its already clogged highways. Local residents, in a stunning display of cognitive prowess, take to the comments to express their unanimous surprise that not building more roads could possibly lead to fewer cars, theorizing instead that teleportation might be a more viable alternative. Officials pat themselves on the back, convinced their refusal to pave the state into a giant parking lot is nothing short of revolutionary. Meanwhile, commenters furiously type away, insisting that their right to a personal 12-lane highway from their driveway to the supermarket is now endangered.
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119 points by lxm
2024-05-31T13:14:32 |
357 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ The quest to craft the perfect artificial eye through the ages (popsci.com)
In an epic showcase of humanity's refusal to accept reality, an article on popsci.com narrates the tireless and apparently endless "quest to craft the perfect artificial eye." With the fervor of a sci-fi aficionado trapped in a neverending tech expo, Bill Gourgey leads us through historical blunders and modern-day misadventures in biomimicry. The commenters, in a monumental display of missing the point, argue over whether these ocular endeavors will help them see better in the dark or simply make their Cyberpunk 2077 cosplay more authentic. Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering if maybe, just maybe, we should focus on realities that can't be fixed with a screwdriver and a trip to RadioShack. ⚙️👁️
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19 points by chat
2024-06-01T19:26:01 |
0 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Multi-Array Queue (github.com/multiarrayqueue)
Another day, another GitHub repository promising to revolutionize how we queue, because evidently the world was in dire need of yet *another* data structure overhaul. The "Multi-Array Queue" emerges, armored with the chutzpah to claim it listens to user feedback—a novel concept in the open-source realm, where typically the only "listening" involves parsing error logs. Meanwhile, the comment section becomes a battleground where hobbyist programmers and tenured "experts" spar over the existential necessities of array management, inevitably descending into a chaos of semicolon skirmishes and curly brace battles. Seriously, who knew queueing could evoke such passion? 🙄
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63 points by vitpro2213
2024-05-31T16:01:50 |
19 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ The messy quest to replace drugs with electricity (technologyreview.com)
In an electrifying exposé of ambition over ability, *Technology Review* plunges headfirst into the tangled world of "electroceuticals," the futuristic fantasy that threatened to replace pills with pulses. Promoters of this nerve-zapping nirvana promised a utopia free from Big Pharma's grasp, only to discover—in a shock to absolutely no one—that the human body is about as simple as a space shuttle schematics manual. Commenters, energized by their extensive medical training from a mix of daytime TV and fortnightly Google research, fiercely debate whether this is more pseudoscience snake oil or humanity's next big shock. As usual, the only clear winners here are those peddling the dream and those selling ad space on articles gasping over it.
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42 points by sharpshadow
2024-05-31T05:29:39 |
12 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Can you look at experimental results along the way or not? (johndcook.com)
In yet another riveting expedition into the esoteric wastelands of statistics, johndcook.com unleashes a thrilling saga titled "Can you look at experimental results along the between binging Netflix series or not?" Here, John deliberates the monumental risks of peeking at results mid-experiment, a dilemma apparently crippling the global scientific community. The comment section becomes a high-IQ battleground where self-identified "statistical savants" trip over themselves to present increasingly bizarre and disconnected examples, ensuring everyone remembers they definitely passed high school math. Spoiler: You can look, but you might not like what the p-value tells you, Karen. 📊🔍
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6 points by tie-in
2024-05-30T07:38:19 |
0 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ X is justifiably slow (2022) (zeux.io)
In another thrilling episode of *Tech Masochism*, the latest blog post from zeux.io heroically outlines the mind-blowingly obvious truths about X's slower-than-a-glacier performance. Captivated readers, masquerading as seasoned engineers, engage in fierce keyboard battles to assert their superiority by regurgitating half-digested snippets of C++ trivia and anecdotes of times they "optimized" their Hello Worlds. 👨💻🔥 Truly, a riveting spectacle where the climax reaches unprecedented heights as commenters furiously type out Shakespearean-length dramas about how *they could do it better*. Stay tuned, grab your popcorn, and witness the pinnacle of tech echo chambers! 🍿💻
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58 points by todsacerdoti
2024-06-01T18:23:27 |
116 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ I added some optimizations to my compiler that turns Lisp into JavaScript (healeycodes.com)
In an earth-shattering development that will surely disrupt the entire tech industry, a brave coder has managed to transform the arcane incantations of Lisp into the plebeian scrawl of JavaScript. Watch in awe as this messianic figure single-handedly "optimizes" the live band performance into a Spotify playlist. Meanwhile, the commenter horde, wielding the combined technical acumen of a damp sponge, is busy arguing about which irrelevant micro-optimization is the most pedantic while missing the existential hilarity of turning Lisp into JavaScript in the first place. Truly, we walk among the titans of nerd-dom. 🙄
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66 points by healeycodes
2024-05-30T22:30:22 |
7 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Zig's new CLI progress bar explained (andrewkelley.me)
In an unprecedented act of heroism, Andy Kelley reinvents the progress bar because apparently, all other progress bars in existence were mere figments of our collective imagination. The Zig programming language, hitherto unrecognized for its lack of a fancy loading widget, now claims technological superiority with blinking squares that slide predictably across your terminal. In the comments, developers engage in theological debates about the metaphysical meaning of progress and why your favorite language's progress bar is philosophically inferior. Kudos to humanity, we are saved from the abyss by a series of moving rectangles. 🙌🔄💻
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104 points by fmystic
2024-05-30T04:07:11 |
26 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Ask QN: How to transcribe 1000s of handwritten notes
In the latest episode of Silicon Valley reinventing paper, a hapless Hacker News user asks how to digitize thousands of handwritten relics because apparently, using a notebook is now a problem *that needs solving*. The armchair engineers dive in with solutions that overcomplicate more than a Rube Goldberg machine, featuring everything from building custom OCR-AIs to training carrier pigeons. The collective wisdom of the forum insists that purchasing seventeen new gadgets and subscribing to three SAAS products is infinitely superior to typing them out like a normal person. Who needs simplicity when you can turn note transcription into an engineering side project? 🙄
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82 points by bckr
2024-05-31T01:57:25 |
84 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Show QN: I built an interactive cloth solver for Apple Vision Pro (youtube.com)
In a world where pressing societal issues are scarce, one brave Hacker News hero presents an "interactive cloth solver" for the Apple Vision Pro, addressing the dire and widespread problem of virtual fabric dynamics. Watch in awe as YouTube becomes the platform for demonstrating how technology can make cloth flap around—truly what Steve Jobs envisioned for the future of innovation. Commenters, in a display of unmatched expertise, argue over the absolutely critical implications of cloth-solving for the advancement of civilization, while casually dropping buzzwords like "tensor-flow" and "GPU acceleration" to assert tech dominance. 🧠💨 Essential work in an era where no one apparently needs a better healthcare app.
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52 points by lukko
2024-05-31T20:23:03 |
40 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Linear Clock (2021) (john-whittington.co.uk)
In a valiant attempt to reinvent how we stare blankly at time, an enthusiastic engineer unveils the "Linear Clock." Forget circles; straight lines are the ***future*** of timekeeping, transparently indicating that perhaps someone missed those early lessons about the shortest path between two points. Commenters trip over themselves to either declare it an act of *unparalleled* genius or the dumbest reinvention since the USB coffee warmer. Yet, no one acknowledges the universal truth that time is an illusion, and we're all just watching digital sunsets on our meticulously programmed conveyor belts. 🕒😂
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48 points by wonger_
2024-05-31T19:04:13 |
6 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Einstein went to his office just so he could walk home with Gödel (futilitycloset.com)
Title: Productivity Hacks from Geniuses: Just Walk It Off
Today at web-renowned 🥱 futilitycloset.com, we learn that Albert Einstein's greatest hack for dodging work involved taking excessively long walks with his buddy Kurt Gödel. Einstein fancied burning a whopping 30 percent of his workday discussing the finer things in life, like quantum mechanics, when really it was all about escaping the inbox nightmares. The comment section erupts with armchair physicists deciding they, too, will solve the universe's mysteries—if only they could find someone as brainy as Gödel to stroll with. Clearly, productivity is just a matter of walking away from it all.
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112 points by beardyw
2024-06-01T10:18:27 |
33 comments
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