| 1. |
|
▲ Scientists should use AI as a tool, not an oracle (aisnakeoil.com)
In a groundbreaking display of originality, an article on aisnakeoil.com shockingly asserts that AI tools should be utilized as tools. The author, armed with buzzwords and a superficial understanding of AI technology, sagely advises against worshiping Skynet. Meanwhile, the comment section morphs into the predictable melee of tech bros alternating between hailing their silicon overlords and fearmongering about our impending AI dystopia. No doubt, the collective IQ in the room spikes as each comment is posted.
|
|
80 points by randomwalker
2024-06-03T21:54:09 |
55 comments
|
|
| 2. |
|
▲ How many photons are received per bit transmitted from Voyager 1? (physics.stackexchange.com)
In an epic showdown of armchair physicists, the users of physics.stackexchange.com attempt to dazzle each other with blatant displays of quantum peacocking, as they calculate how many photons are unfortunate enough to arrive from the decrepit Voyager 1 when it sends a "bit". Most commenters just wanted to show off their subpar Google skills while casually dropping "quantum" and "relativity" to sound sophisticated. Meanwhile, the genuine question remains lost in the cosmos, much like Voyager 1's signal amid increasingly desperate attempts to turn basic math into rocket science. 🚀👽
|
|
812 points by williamsmj
2024-06-03T12:07:57 |
151 comments
|
|
| 3. |
|
▲ If English was written like Chinese (1999) (zompist.com)
In a stunning display of linguistic gymnastics, an online sage proposes that English abandon its perfectly confusing alphabet in favor of Chinese characters, guaranteeing maximum inefficiency. Commenters, buzzing with unearned linguistic prowess, dissect this visionary nightmare, arguing fervently over the theoretical assignment of Hanzi to the word "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." The consensus seems clear: if you thought English spelling bees were brutal, just wait until they're in Mandarin. Feudal lords of phonetics unite—there's a new script in town to make everyone equally bewildered! 🤯🥢💔
|
|
155 points by watercooler_guy
2024-06-03T17:34:42 |
93 comments
|
|
| 4. |
|
▲ Ask QN: Who is hiring? (June 2024)
In the latest episode of Silicon Valley's favorite monthly sport, the elite and self-proclaimed saviors of the digital era flood into an "Ask HN: Who is hiring? (June 2024)" thread to proudly display their ethically ambiguous opportunities. Commenters compete in a high-stakes game of who can regurgitate the most buzzwords per sentence, hoping to lure starry-eyed code mercenaries into their tech gulags with promises of unlimited cold brew and "disruptive" tech that likely violates several data privacy laws. The spectacle unfolds with the nurturing support of armchair recruiters who couldn't quite grasp the job description but are really excited about the free snacks. Witness the future of work, defined by those who ironically also fear being replaced by the very A.I. they help create. 🤖💼
|
|
276 points by whoishiring
2024-06-03T15:01:54 |
284 comments
|
|
| 5. |
|
▲ Grokfast: Accelerated Grokking by Amplifying Slow Gradients (arxiv.org)
In yet another self-indulgent display of intellectual posturing, a paper on arxiv.org introduces "Grokfast," a technique supposedly revolutionizing the way gradients grok or something. The authors claim this will *accelerate learning*, because it was clearly too slow when allowing humans to absorb information at the speed of their Neolithic brain functions. Meanwhile, the comments section devolves into a pseudo-philosophical battlefield, where armchair experts with AI profile pictures try to out-grok each other, revealing that none of them actually read past the abstract but are perfectly content calling each other's understanding of basic machine learning into question. 🙄 Forever grokking, never understanding.
|
|
57 points by johnsutor
2024-06-03T20:27:21 |
23 comments
|
|
| 6. |
|
▲ I'm forking Ladybird and stepping down as SerenityOS BDFL (awesomekling.substack.com)
The tech world trembles as yet another coding overlord, Awesomekling, decides to wield his “immense” power by forking Ladybird, because creating yet another browser is exactly what humanity has been gasping for. Stepping down as BDFL of SerenityOS, he obviously leaves a power vacuum so massive that both of his blog readers rush to the comments, tripping over their ergonomic keyboards to declare their undying loyalty or to confess how heartbroken they are. In the grand theater of open-source software, where developers often share a delusion of grandeur, this move marks a monstrous shift that will surely be discussed over countless cups of overpriced coffee.💻😩
|
|
660 points by zmodem
2024-06-03T09:22:53 |
187 comments
|
|
| 7. |
|
▲ Why YC went to DC (ycombinator.com)
In another heart-stopping display of Silicon Valley heroism, Garry Tan sanctimoniously reports on why YC "bravely" went to DC, completely confusing lobbying with revolutionary activism. This manifesto ingeniously infers that talking to bureaucrats is the pinnacle of innovation in the tech capitalism playbook. The commenters, in a frenzy of disillusioned hero worship, trip over themselves applauding YC's "brave" descent into Mordor, blissfully unaware that they’re cheering for a glorified field trip. Clearly, democracy is saved, thanks to YC’s bold stride into the captor’s den. 🙄
|
|
142 points by todsacerdoti
2024-06-03T17:00:33 |
215 comments
|
|
| 8. |
|
▲ Fusion tech finds geothermal energy application (ieee.org)
In the latest thrilling edition of *IEEE Spectrum*, the tech world's favorite glorified product catalog, we learn that **fusion technology**, previously just a handy tool for funding proposals and sci-fi plot twists, is now being shoehorned into geothermal energy applications. Commenters, in a dazzling display of missing the point, are busy arguing over whether this makes fusion tech more like Iron Man or Star Trek. Meanwhile, practical applications remain, hilariously, decades away. Fusion: because why solve practical problems when you can just add more complexity and chase funding? 🌋⚛️
|
|
120 points by Lisdexamfeta
2024-06-03T18:46:12 |
104 comments
|
|
| 9. |
|
▲ Seeing Like a Data Structure (belfercenter.org)
Welcome to the Belfer Center where technocrats boldly grapple with the monumental question: "What if we could see like a data structure?" As they shovel out buzzwords with gleeful abandon, the center blissfully mistakes complexity for profundity. In the comments, digital serfs cheer on, drunk on the Kool-Aid of big data, debating fervently over nuances that are as impactful as choosing the font on your niece's birthday card. Watch in awe as academicians and thought leaders prance through a field of the obvious, dressed up in algorithmic finery.🕺👓
|
|
46 points by barathr
2024-06-01T19:53:09 |
0 comments
|
|
| 10. |
|
▲ Ask QN: Who wants to be hired? (June 2024)
Today on Hacker News, job-seeking hipsters flood the scene with their ritualistic monthly ceremonial in “Ask HN: Who wants to be hired?” (June 2024), where the desperation is palpable and the JavaScript frameworks obscure. As hopeful resumes plunge into the void, commentators pound their keyboards, each dispensing contradictory advice wrapped in thinly veiled self-promotion. 🤡 The technological elite pop in to remind everyone that if you're not using Rust for your todo list app, you're basically a caveman.
|
|
137 points by whoishiring
2024-06-03T15:01:52 |
318 comments
|
|
| 11. |
|
▲ Pigeon towers: The rise and fall of a 17th-century status symbol (2015) (atlasobscura.com)
In a stunning display of no one cares, Atlas Obscura pens yet another treatise no one asked for, this time waxing nostalgic about the architectural equivalent of a rich person's cat tree: the pigeon tower. Readers ostensibly flock, clamoring to relate this riveting 17th-century flex to their own suburban backyard endeavors, dreaming of upgrading from todgers to archaeopteryx roosts. Commenters bitterly debate the socioeconomic implications of avian architecture while missing the critical point: pigeons are still not impressed. Nobody's status is ascending, folks. 🐦💔
|
|
65 points by jihadjihad
2024-06-03T15:23:19 |
37 comments
|
|
| 12. |
|
▲ Cirkoban: Sokoban meets cellular automata written in Scheme (spritely.institute)
In a stunning display of innovation that nobody asked for, some genius has finally merged Sokoban, the game older than your grandmother's Nokia, with cellular automata, undoubtedly to solve pressing issues like existential boredom and having too much free time. Dubbed Cirkoban and written in the only language more pretentious than its users, Scheme, this project has already taken the spritely.institute by storm, a feat comparable to being the most popular mime at a silent retreat. The commentariat eagerly debates the societal implications of pushing virtual boxes with the vigor typically reserved for arguing over the last slice of pizza, with many lauding Scheme as if it's the second coming of C++ (or, less blasphemously, Lisp). To the average reader, it's merely Tuesday with an extra side of geek.
|
|
72 points by davexunit
2024-06-03T16:48:30 |
13 comments
|
|
| 13. |
|
▲ Show QN: 10 Years to Build a Free SQL Editor (timestored.com)
Today in Hacker News theatre, a brave soul announces that it took them *a mere decade* to create a free SQL editor, aptly unveiling their lightning-fast development pace to the world. QStudio, boldly declared as "the best SQL IDE" by the same person who built it, pairs with DuckDB, celebrated as "the best free database." This ground-breaking alliance promises to redefine "powerful" data analysis for all twelve users who will eventually stumble across this tool after losing their way on GitHub. The comment section erupts with a sprawling discussion about whether this could have been achieved with Vim macros, further solidifying the HN legacy of missing the point.
🚀💾
|
|
258 points by RyanHamilton
2024-06-03T12:56:03 |
81 comments
|
|
| 14. |
|
▲ How to Walk and Talk: Everything We Know [pdf] (kk.org)
In an earth-shattering development for bipeds everywhere, a courageous blogger at kk.org has unleashed a PDF that meticulously outlines *how to walk and talk* – skills that, shockingly, humans have only been mastering for mere millennia. The comment section, naturally, evolves into a majestic arena where modern-day Aristotles debate the profound implications of coordinating limbs and language, sharing groundbreaking personal anecdotes like "I sometimes chew gum too." Truly, humanity is pushing the boundaries of what we thought was possible, one pedestrian tutorial at a time. Will Nobel prizes follow? Stay tuned. 🚶♔💬
|
|
19 points by Tomte
2024-06-02T09:09:10 |
0 comments
|
|
| 15. |
|
▲ What if they gave an Industrial Revolution and nobody came? (2023) (rootsofprogress.org)
In an astonishing display of historical hubris, rootsofprogress.org throws a wistful glance back to the Industrial Revolution, because clearly, what the internet lacks is yet another verbose reflection on coal and steam engines. As the self-proclaimed wizards of Silicon Valley nod solemnly while skimming the article, they simultaneously spill their artisan coffee. The lone commenter, dusting off his vintage typewriter, prepares a scathing rebuttal on the importance of Luddites, ensuring the preservation of his niche as the only person who comments on a blog in 2023. Progress, indeed. 🎩🚂💨
|
|
115 points by AndrewDucker
2024-06-03T14:05:41 |
110 comments
|
|
| 16. |
|
▲ Mamba-2 – State Space Duality (tridao.me)
The luminary prodigies of tridao.me dazzle the crowd once again with their latest revelation: "Mamba-2 – State Space Duality," which presumably solves all the mysteries of the universe, or at least sounds like it should if you squint hard enough and ignore basic principles of physics. The comments, as always, are a delightful dumpster fire of pseudo-intellectual one-upmanship, where armchair theorists compete fiercely to prove who can misunderstand the concept with the most verbose inaccuracy. It’s a riot of jargon-gone-wild, with all participants blissfully unaware that they’re using words that most humans need a thesaurus to halfway appreciate. One might dare say, the actual duality here is between sensible discourse and whatever this is. 🌀💫😂
|
|
111 points by bratao
2024-06-03T16:07:13 |
17 comments
|
|
| 17. |
|
▲ Scientists confirm that pasteurisation effectively inactivates influenza viruses (gla.ac.uk)
In a groundbreaking display of common sense, scientists have made the *stunning* discovery that heating things up kills viruses. This revelation, brought to you by the same process that's been keeping your milk safe since the 1860s, has somehow dumbfounded the scholarly community at the University of Glasgow. Online commentators, in a quest to outdo each other's ignorance, are now avidly debating whether boiling their iPhones might prevent computer viruses, while others are calling this a big win against anti-vaxxers, because pasteurisation clearly doubles as a vaccination method – if you pour hot milk on your head. 🙄 Can't wait for the paper on how fire is hot.
|
|
11 points by geox
2024-06-03T23:31:56 |
0 comments
|
|
| 18. |
|
▲ Hermann Grassmann and the nature of abstractions (github.com/dicklesworthstone)
In a stunning showcase of intellectual camouflage, a GitHub user named dicklesworthstone posts about Hermann Grassmann, sparking an unintended comedy show in the comments. The average reader pretends to grasp the *illustrious* concepts of abstractions while secretly Googling "Who is Hermann Grassmann?" Every comment is a desperate bid to showcase non-existent math prowess, featuring a delightful mix of misunderstood math terms and philosophical nonsense. According to our dedicated group of amateur mathematicians and armchair philosophers, Grassmann was either a misunderstood genius or just another dude with a beard. The consensus? No one knows, but everyone's too embarrassed to admit it. 🧐🙈
|
|
66 points by eigenvalue
2024-06-01T20:14:29 |
24 comments
|
|
| 19. |
|
▲ Feynman Computer Science Lecture – Hardware, Software, Heuristics (1985) [video] (youtube.com)
In an astonishing revelation of ancient relics, the tech world gathers to drool over grainy footage of Richard Feynman discussing "computer things" from what might as well be the Mesozoic era. Watch as a room full of bespectacled geniuses nod and squint at concepts that a modern TikTok-obsessed teenager might find trivial. As the comments section inevitably devolves into a Holy War about which vintage keyboard Feynman would have used to crash Microsoft Word, one can only ponder the colossal waste of collective IQ gathered there, preserved in digital amber for all to mock. Grab your popcorn 🍿 and watch history's smartest men explain how to reboot your toaster.
|
|
52 points by nomilk
2024-06-03T16:07:33 |
3 comments
|
|
