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▲ Make Your Program Slower with Threads (brooker.co.za)
In an exhilarating display of forehead-slapping revelation, a brave internet scribe at brooker.co.za demystifies the enigmatic art of tanking your software’s performance through the magical world of threading. “How much do context switches matter?”, muses the author, inviting armies of basement-dwelling experts to energetically type out their life stories in a comments section bloated with personal anecdotes about that one time their 'Hello World' program ran faster than a caffeinated hamster. Hold on to your semicolons, folks, as we dive into yet another thread about why your code is slow, which, spoiler alert, is probably still faster than reading through the pseudo-intellectual clutter masquerading as discussion below.
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56 points by unchar1
2024-06-06T23:28:41 |
15 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Show QN: A Short IPv6 Guide for Home IPv4 Admins (gist.github.com)
In the latest episode of "why read the manual when you can skim a gist," a daring home network admin, who clearly despises the sanctity of IPv4, throws together a "guide" for similarly masochistic hobbyists eager to tinker with IPv6. The gist takes complex networking standards and reduces them to the equivalent of a LEGO instruction sheet for toddlers. Meanwhile, the Hacker News hivemind simultaneously applauds the effort and argues over pedantic details, ensuring that no actual knowledge is conveyed. In classic style, everyone leaves feeling smarter, yet no one's printer connects to the network anymore.
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32 points by hairyplanter
2024-06-06T23:46:49 |
24 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Roman Roads (2017) (sashamaps.net)
In a stunning display of historical fetishization, "Roman Roads" at sashamaps.net attempts to map out ancient infrastructure with more dedication than a civil engineer on their fifth espresso. The mapmaker's obsession with the transportation preferences of long-dead Europeans potentially solves no modern problems, but provides ample fuel for self-identified history buffs to pretend they're conducting "research" rather than just procrastinating. The comment section, a delightful circus of one-upmanship, sees hobbyist historians flexing their Google-fu and dropping Latin phrases, desperately vying for the crown of Emperor Nerdicus. All aboard the irrelevance express! 🚂🏛️
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314 points by gslin
2024-06-06T13:32:36 |
98 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ I learned Vulkan and wrote a small game engine with it (edw.is)
In an exhilarating display of masochism, an intrepid soul descends into the abyss of unnecessary complexity by choosing to learn Vulkan for fun, subsequently birthing a "small game engine" that will likely torment him with segfaults in his dreams. The GitHub intellectuals gather, like moths to a dim lightbulb, blessing the discussion with hidden pearls such as "Why Vulkan when there are perfectly adequate headaches already available?" and "But does it run Crysis?" Watch as this brave endeavour is mystically transformed from a weekend of poor life choices into a lifetime of maintaining old code, applauded by folks who confuse verbosity with brilliance. 😂
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384 points by eliasdaler
2024-06-06T10:24:23 |
150 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Show QN: 2d web paddle game (raould.github.io)
In a technological feat sure to save humanity from its existential dread, a Hacker News user proudly unveils a 2D paddle game that even your grandpa probably coded back in the '80s. Licensed under the zealously promoted GPL V2, because *freedom* means never having to say you innovated. The comments, predictably, are a dumpster fire of armchair critics who think suggesting a VR version might boost their own Silicon Valley street creds. Meanwhile, the rest of the world wonders if they perhaps stumbled into a time warp back to when Pong was peak innovation. 🕹️😱
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171 points by cypherpunk666
2024-06-05T07:37:38 |
40 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Uganda's Sweeping Surveillance State Is Built on National ID Cards (bloomberg.com)
In an awe-inspiring demonstration of privacy invasion, Uganda decides to one-up *1984* with its "innovative" national ID cards, effectively transforming every citizen into a walking, talking GPS unit ripe for government tracking. The commenters on Bloomberg, after briefly tearing themselves away from their portfolios of morally ambiguous investments, chime in with deep insights like "Is this GDPR compliant?" and “But what about the blockchain?” proving once again that understanding a surveillance state requires the same level of intellect as ordering a latte. Between sips of overpriced coffee and the occasional Google search for "What is privacy?", the global audience ponders how this dystopian novella will play out, all while clicking "Accept All" on the next cookie consent form.
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46 points by atlasunshrugged
2024-06-06T23:36:20 |
28 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ The Problem with Lying Is Keeping Track of All the Lies (materialize.com)
In this week's episode of Internet Typologists, Materialize.com dives deep into the harrowing ordeal of not being able to lie effectively while programming. As if the world needed more Kafka architects, the article tries to smartly equate distributed computing to the trials of a chronic liar, sprinkling in some buzzwords to keep the readers nodding along in bewildered agreement. The comment section, a predictable echo chamber of commiseration, features an all-star lineup of "experts" who swear they've faced these mythical problems during their ten-minute experience hosting a blog on WordPress. Grab your popcorn, as a few of them might actually start believing their own tales. 🍿🎭
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45 points by teej
2024-06-06T21:26:16 |
19 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Extracting concepts from GPT-4 (openai.com)
In the latest exhibition of Silicon Valley hubris, a brave soul attempts to milk concepts from the stone that is GPT-4, inadvertently revealing that it has about as much to do with understanding "concepts" as a toaster does with quantum physics. Cue the virtual round of applause from tech bros across the internet, convinced they've just glimpsed the future of AI through a blog post barely scratching the service. The comment section, as expected, becomes a wild west of emoji-fueled misunderstandings and self-proclaimed experts dueling it out for who can most convincingly misuse the term "neural network." Meanwhile, the rest of the world patiently waits for these digital Don Quixotes to log off and touch grass. 🌿🤖💬
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177 points by davidbarker
2024-06-06T17:01:37 |
63 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ AeroSpace is an i3-like tiling window manager for macOS (github.com/nikitabobko)
In an awe-inspiring fusion of delusion and hubris, yet another software developer decides what the macOS universe desperately needs is an i3-like tiling window manager called AeroSpace. Because, evidently, managing windows manually was the single thread unravelling the fabric of our lives. The developer assures us that every piece of feedback is sacred, in what is surely a bid to collect the digital equivalent of dust. Meanwhile, the comment section becomes a battleground where zealots of window management philosophies clash, each more eager than the last to prove that their way of not clicking "maximize" is the path to technological nirvana.
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301 points by loughnane
2024-06-06T12:39:01 |
115 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Let rand = main as usize (2022) (codeandbitters.com)
In a stunning display of "why the heck not," a brave coder pushes the boundaries of software sustainability by arbitrarily reassigning fundamental functions, proving once and for all that just because you can write something, it doesn’t mean you should. The comments section, a notorious battleground for the pedantically inclined, lights up with a mix of horror and admiration as hobbyist programmers and veteran developers alike engage in the digital equivalent of a food fight. They squabble whether this is ingenious or idiotic, all while accidentally learning something about Rust that they’ll swear was intentional. The Internet remains undefeated in making mountains out of code hills. 🏔️👨💻
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91 points by wonger_
2024-06-06T17:55:28 |
35 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ lsix: Like "ls", but for images (github.com/hackerb9)
In a groundbreaking flail at relevance, a brave lone coder blesses us with "lsix," effectively ls for people who can't decide if they're in a terminal or a photo gallery. "We read every piece of feedback," lies the readme, desperately clawing at the illusion of community involvement. The comment section, predictably, swirls with "neckbeards" and "noobs" ponderously debating the ethical ramifications of viewing JPEGs in terminal—truly, the pinnacle of modern software discourse. This surely marks the zenith of technological evolution; how did humanity ever survive without it? 😂👓
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178 points by gaws
2024-06-06T15:29:56 |
79 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Saint Michael Sword: Are the cathedrals really on a straight line? (geospatial.netlify.app)
In a groundbreaking display of geometric ineptitude, an article on geospatial.netlify.app tackles the pressing issue of whether seven cathedrals are actually arranged in a celestial game of Connect Four courtesy of Saint Michael himself. Armed with the fearsome power of high school trigonometry, the author delves deep into the mysteries of Euclidian space to reveal – drumroll, please – that old buildings are indeed just scattered around, sometimes forming lines if you squint hard enough. Commenters, entranced by this revelation, engage in a furious debate over the spiritual and ley-line implications, with the occasional scholar citing Dan Brown as a historical source. If only Archimedes had access to such scholarly insights, who knows what straight-line conspiracies he could have uncovered.
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281 points by gh_hammour
2024-06-06T09:48:59 |
188 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Don Estridge: A misfit who built the IBM PC (every.to/the-crazy-ones)
In a daring exposé that shocks absolutely no one, every.to reveals that Don Estridge, hailed as a radical misfit, actually managed to assemble a computer without burning down an IBM laboratory. Tech history enthusiasts and several bored engineers emerge from their basements to champion Estridge as the punk rock hero of PC development—because nothing says “anarchy” like beige boxes and floppy disks. Commenters, in a stunning display of missing the point, engage in heated debates about whether Estridge's jacket was indeed leather or a rebellious blend of polyester, completely sidelining any meaningful discussion about his contributions to modern computing. This revelation has surely rocked the tech world to its very core, causing dozens to momentarily glance up from their smartphones. 🙄🤓
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154 points by dshipper
2024-06-06T10:55:32 |
80 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ AI in software engineering at Google: Progress and the path ahead (research.google)
Title: AI in software engineering at Google: Mopping floors with PhDs
At Google, the AI revolution is well underway, making strides in efforts that range from groundbreaking to the utterly pointless. They proudly proclaim their latest achievement: creating an “environment” – because evidently solving actual problems would be too straightforward. Commenters, in a dazzling display of missing the point, engage in heated debates about whether the AI should be named "Hal" or "Skynet," while others confidently assert that their first coding project on a 1980s Apple IIe was essentially the same thing. One thing's clear, whether the AI is building it or just using it, the echo chamber is running full steam. 🤖💬
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34 points by skilled
2024-06-06T18:59:34 |
5 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Super Heavy has splashed down in The Gulf of Mexico (twitter.com/spacex)
In an unparalleled display of rocketry prowess, SpaceX's latest oversized firework, the Super Heavy, has gracelessly belly-flopped into the Gulf of Mexico. The hive-mind of Twitter erupts in jubilant ignorance, celebrating splashing billions into saltwater as if they've personally set foot on Mars. Yet another day, another testament to the engineering marvel that can only be truly appreciated by an army of armchair astronauts whose closest encounter with rocket science is popping Mentos into soda bottles. Rapture in the comments section flows as freely as the taxpayer dollars fueling this aquatic spectacle. 🚀💸
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556 points by thepasswordis
2024-06-06T13:02:48 |
571 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Emacs Microfeature (borretti.me)
Title: The Miraculous M-q: An Emacs Enthusiast's Epiphany
A groundbreaking revelation shakes the digital world as an Emacs user shares their undying love for the *M-q* command, an Emacs feature so life-altering it apparently justifies decades of arcane pain inflicted by the text editor. In between beard strokes and sips of craft brew, the commenter collective praises the monumental importance of reformatting text into 80 columns, a task unseen in lesser software since the teletype era. Meanwhile, the rest of the computing world pauses their actual work to marvel at this antiquated wizardry dressed up as innovation, all the while secretly thanking the heavens for modern UIs. The thread predictably meanders into a heated debate over the superiority of nano, stirring up the three people who still care. 😱🍺💻
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20 points by Tomte
2024-06-05T12:19:14 |
4 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Brain overgrowth dictates autism severity, new research suggests (medicalxpress.com)
In a groundbreaking spectacle of the obvious, a recent study unearths the shocker that brain size might just correlate with autism severity. As usual, armchair neurologists flock to the comments section with their Ph.Ds from Google University, ready to enlighten the masses about how essential oils and yoga could do the trick instead. Between recommending gluten-free diets and linking autism to the moon cycles, it's a miracle science gets done at all. Will the real researchers please stand up? 🧠💫
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91 points by jdmark
2024-06-06T12:18:39 |
104 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Show QN: XPipe, a brand-new type of remote file browser and shell connection hub (xpipe.io)
**Title: Show HN: XPipe, a brand-new type of remote file browser and shell connection hub (xpipe.io)**
A Hacker News user, likely procrastinating their actual job, unveils **XPipe**: another groundbreaking solution to a problem you didn’t know you had. Now you can neglect server security from the comfort of your own desktop! Excited commenters engage in the usual ritual combat of vague privacy concerns versus free-sticker-at-a-tech-conference excitement. Meanwhile, seasoned sysadmins weep silently into their keyboards, reminiscing about the days when "remote setup required" was a cherished gatekeeping tactic.
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56 points by crschnick
2024-06-06T16:34:31 |
21 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Martha Gellhorn, the only woman to report on the D-Day landings from the ground (smithsonianmag.com)
In a stunning revelation that shocks absolutely no one, Smithsonian Magazine just discovered that women, specifically Martha Gellhorn, can indeed be journalists—a profession apparently involving reporting on things like wars instead of just baking cookies. Internet armchair historians, after briefly looking up from their World War II video games, expressed deep gratitude for being informed that a woman managed to report from D-Day without being distracted by a shoe sale. Meanwhile, commenters embarked on a noble quest to determine if she was also attractive, because what else could possibly be more relevant when discussing a journalist’s credibility? 🙄
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98 points by Brajeshwar
2024-06-06T13:35:24 |
47 comments
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