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▲ Apollo 8 astronaut William Anders ID'd in WA plane crash (fox13seattle.com)
In a shocking twist that nobody could have predicted, former Apollo 8 astronaut William Anders, who once expertly navigated the moon, evidently struggled to steer clear of trouble back on terra firma. The Internet’s finest armchair astronauts have promptly launched into action, bestowing upon us their unsolicited wisdom on flight dynamics, emergency management, and age-appropriate hobbies for octogenarians. 🚀👴💥 Each comment is a breathtaking journey through space and time, where facts are optional and expertise is bestowed upon anyone with a keyboard. Godspeed, commenters. Godspeed.
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39 points by TMWNN
2024-06-08T00:16:35 |
10 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ ASCII Silhouettify (meatfighter.com)
In the latest digital escapade "ASCII Silhouettify" at meatfighter.com, tech hobbyists discover they can convert pixelated selfies into ASCII, undoubtedly revolutionizing the way we avoid productive work. Meanwhile, in the comments, brigades of keyboard warriors battle it out to prove who can post the most pseudo-intellectual critique of a technology that electronically approximates their already questionable visage. Because when modern problems require vintage solutions, ASCII art is apparently the hill to die on. 🙄
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309 points by thunderbong
2024-06-07T17:10:00 |
50 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Xv6, a simple Unix-like teaching operating system (csail.mit.edu)
In 2023, the wizards at MIT have graced us with Xv6, a "simple" Unix-like teaching operating system, because clearly what the world lacks is another UNIX variation crafted in the educational echo chambers. The hordes on Hacker News spend countless hours debating the pedagogical purity of Xv6, each commenter more eager than the last to demonstrate their esoteric knowledge about systems programming. Most are just thrilled to have a new temple at which to worship the almighty C language, while casually dismissing any concerns about relevance to the actual employment market. "Who needs job skills when you have Xv6?" echoes through the comment section, as practicality dies a slow, painful death. 🎓💻
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76 points by arkj
2024-06-07T21:22:05 |
14 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Feynman’s Razor (defenderofthebasic.substack.com)
In a stunning display of intellectual heroism, defenderofthebasic.substack.com unleashes "Feynman’s Razor," ready to slice through the dense jungles of public misunderstanding with the machete of Richard Feynman's old quips recycled into blog fodder. Readers, quivering with the anticipation of being seen as clever by proxy, engage in a comment section battle royale, each participant desperately citing quantum physics they googled five minutes prior. "Feynman’s Razor," heralded as the solution to all scientific illiteracy, magically converts its audience into self-declared geniuses, capable of explaining complex theories they can't quite spell. Watch as each commenter outdoes the next in a spectacular parade of faux intellectualism. 🎓⚔️
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146 points by mmoustafa
2024-06-07T19:53:38 |
44 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ What Is PID 0? (dave.tf)
**What Is PID 0? (dave.tf)**
In a thrilling descent into the abyss of "things nobody asked but I’ll explain anyway," Dave taps into the endless void that is his capacity for pedantry to answer questions about PID 0 that no one really posed. The blog blazes a tragic trail through what could generously be described as an "esoteric fixation," where Dave, perhaps seeking to escape the crushing ennui of existence, dives *deep* into system processes. The comment section, predictably, transforms into the wild west of one-upmanship as every commenter tries to prove they’ve read more obscure documentation than the next, spiraling into a vortex of misplaced enthusiasm and dubious anecdotal ‘expertise.’ 🌀🤓💤
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55 points by todsacerdoti
2024-06-07T21:42:58 |
7 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Yes, you can play Duck Hunt without a television (but I can't) (nicole.express)
In an electrifying display of missing the point, a blogger at nicole.express has declared a revolution in gaming: playing Duck Hunt without a TV. Who knew all you needed was a vague understanding of technology and a passion for making life unnecessarily complicated? Armed with nothing but overconfidence, the writer navigates a sea of pointless complexity to achieve what every sane person wouldn't bother trying. Meanwhile, the tech bros in the comments are falling over each other to explain how they've been doing this since the 90s with two potatoes and a Walkman, each desperate to crown themselves king of an exceptionally sad hill. 🦆👑
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90 points by zdw
2024-06-07T20:02:27 |
37 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ LaTeX is the first PDF/UA-2 compliance accessible PDF producer (github.com/latex3)
LaTeX, a typesetting system older than your grandmother's typewriter, has finally learned a new trick: making PDFs that can be read by *actual humans* with disabilities. This monumental update, heralded on GitHub, promises to take user feedback seriously—because if there's anything LaTeX enthusiasts love more than writing arcane syntax, it's changing that syntax based on GitHub comments. Meanwhile, the comment section quickly devolves into a nerd Olympics, with participants vying for gold in the "Most Obscure Use of LaTeX" and "Longest Runtime Error" categories. Who knew accessibility could be so thrilling? 🎉👓
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94 points by anewhnaccount2
2024-06-05T17:39:39 |
13 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ The aging U.S. power grid is about to get a jolt (wsj.com)
Today on wsj.com, a groundbreaking revelation: the U.S. power grid is old - who knew? In a stunning display of journalistic prowess, the article miraculously concludes that wires and poles from the Coolidge era might just need a touch-up. Commenters, ever the experts, alternate between blaming millennials, invoking vague Cold War anecdotes, and suggesting renewable energy could be replaced by the sheer power of American nostalgia. Get ready for a high-voltage discussion that could *literally* light up your world—or at least a backyard in New Jersey.
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84 points by sandwichukulele
2024-06-07T20:01:08 |
54 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Slow-spinning radio neutron star breaks all the rules (sydney.edu.au)
In a stunning display of cosmic lethargy, a new neutron star defies centuries of astrophysical expectations by being exceptionally lazy at spinning. Published in Nature Astronomy, researchers from A University of Somewhere detail this interstellar sloth rotating slower than any of its 3000 discovered brethren - because apparently, having a unique selling point was essential for 2024 astrophysics PR. Commenters, frothing at the mouth in a spectacle of ignorance mixed with awe, compete for likes by misquoting Einstein and confusing this slothful star with a black hole. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's just another slow day in the universe. 🌌🐢
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27 points by doener
2024-06-07T21:46:30 |
24 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ An open source vuln scanner in Python: OXO (ostorlab.co)
In the latest episode of "Reinventing the Wheel with Extra Steps," the open-source community applauds OXO, a tool that melds other tools into an intricate dance of dependency hell and illusionary productivity. Crafted in the hallowed halls of Python, the orchestrator promises automated speed while actually ensuring you spend hours troubleshooting why everything suddenly stopped working after a minor update. Commenters, reveling in their habitual blend of masochism and techno-optimism, exchange Docker horror stories and argue vehemently over the merits of YAML files, seemingly unaware that "automatic" should probably involve less manual intervention. 😒😅
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24 points by lijunhao
2024-06-07T09:05:57 |
3 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Alarms in medical equipment (th.id.au)
On th.id.us, a brave soul has identified that, shockingly, alarms used in medical equipment are **annoying**. These beeping harbingers of doom have now been revealed not only to alert of impending doom but also, quite rudely, to interrupt the very scarce slumber of our medical heroes. The comment section transforms into a tragicomic opera of armchair physicians and engineers offering solutions that ingeniously combine their vast experience from watching hospital dramas and dismantling remote controls. Clearly, the final solution to medical crisis management involves turning it off and on again. 🚨💤
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104 points by gaudat
2024-06-07T18:45:59 |
68 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ 3dfx Voodoo 4 video card in MXM format (vogons.org)
In an exhilarating throwback that no one asked for, a vogons.org enthusiast decides to shove the technological equivalent of a dinosaur bone—the VSA-100—into the unsuspecting chassis of a modern laptop. Users are on the edge of their seats, documenting every step of this crucial scientific endeavor to finally answer the question: "Can outdated, irrelevant technology make my laptop cooler in a *hipster* sort of way?" Commenters rally around their soldering irons, swapping tales of yore about glorious 16-bit color while casually ignoring any advancements in graphics technology made this century. 🙄 💾
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14 points by zdw
2024-06-07T23:11:01 |
3 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Secret Hand Gestures in Paintings (2019) (nih.gov)
In an earth-shattering revelation sure to destabilize the very foundation of the art world, scholars at NIH have apparently discovered secret hand gestures in paintings, suggesting that medieval artists invented emojis hundreds of years before Silicon Valley thought of monetizing minimalist facial expressions. 🎨 Meanwhile, armchair historians in the comments eagerly volunteer misinterpretation of their high school art class memories, each vying for a gold star in "Advanced Symbolic Gestures of the Obviously Overlooked." Taking this analysis to its logical conclusion, they inadvertently invent new branches of art history purely through the power of sheer enthusiastic ignorance. A commenter with a username surely implying their real-life expertise, ArtDude42, argues that these hidden signals indicate a centuries-old conspiracy involving the Illuminati, Big Pharma, and naturally, the misunderstood genius of Vincent van Gogh.
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138 points by Jaruzel
2024-06-07T09:36:48 |
105 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Writing memory safe JIT compilers (medium.com/graalvm)
In another thrilling installment on Medium, an intrepid software developer attempts to reinvent the wheel by bashing out yet another "memory safe JIT compiler," because surely, the first bajillion weren't good enough. The tech bros in the comments throw around buzzwords like "zero-cost abstractions" and "type safety" while zealously one-upping each other’s negligible understanding of manual memory management. It's an orgy of self-congratulation as every commenter seems hell-bent on proving they can recite more lines from the Rust documentation than the next pseudo-intellectual programmer. If only these powerhouses of tech innovation could JIT their way to a personality. 🤓✨
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117 points by vips7L
2024-06-07T16:07:25 |
33 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ OpenSSH introduces options to penalize undesirable behavior (undeadly.org)
Undying denizens of undeadly.org rejoice as OpenSSH lumbers into the optimistically hopeless domain of social conduct management. In a groundbreaking update designed by someone *clearly* shoved into a locker one too many times, OpenSSH now allows admins to dispense Internet justice with new "penalty" options. The comment section, a glorious cesspool of misunderstood networking concepts, explodes in cheery discord. Witness these Ivory Tower admins gleefully ponder which penalties to dish out – while evidently struggling to spell SSH correctly. 🎭🔑
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288 points by zdw
2024-06-07T17:08:23 |
193 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ How Mount Everest killed George Mallory (thespectator.com)
On The Spectator, the Jurassic period's favorite newsletter, we have a riveting exposé suggesting that the big, cold rock known as Mount Everest heartlessly murdered George Mallory because, apparently, it had nothing better to do. Commenters, in a display of classic internet detective work, alternate between blaming Mallory for not wearing enough layers to accusing higher elevations of conspiring against humanity. 🏔️💔 One brave soul even proposes a boycott of mountains altogether. So much for the great outdoors!
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28 points by nobet
2024-06-07T17:51:37 |
18 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ LedgerStore Supports Trillions of Indexes at Uber (uber.com)
In an unprecedented display of technological hubris, Uber announces that LedgerStore now supports "trillions of indexes," whatever that means. The comments are a delightful soup of clashing keyboards as Silicon Valley warriors either hail this as the second coming of tech or a nonsensical gimmick—because everyone knows you need at least quintillions of indexes to be taken seriously. Internet experts eagerly throw around buzzwords like "scalable," "innovative," and "revolutionary," demonstrating their profound ability to parrot a press release. 🚀 Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's just Uber doing Uber things.
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95 points by imnot404
2024-06-07T14:55:48 |
61 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Ask QN: Machine learning engineers, what do you do at work?
In yet another riveting display of enforced curiosity, Hacker News probes the depths of "machine learning engineer" job descriptions, proving that no one knows what they do, but everyone wants to pretend otherwise. Comment section warriors, armed with their PhDs from the prestigious University of Google Search, engage in intellectual combat to assert that their trivial contribution to tech is the linchpin of modern civilization. The consensus remains that they "train models," a mystic process surely involving the sacrifice of at least two interns and a spare GPU. Stand back, mere mortals, the model trainers are here to save the day, one overfitted algorithm at a time. 🧙♂️🔮🤖
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88 points by Gooblebrai
2024-06-07T17:26:34 |
52 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Instruction Sets Should Be Free: The Case for RISC-V [pdf] (2014) (eecs.berkeley.edu)
In a thrilling display of radical insight, a 2014 PDF resurfaces to tell the masses what they surely haven't heard a thousand times: computer instruction sets should be as free as that beer you regret the morning after. DEFCON 1 enthusiasts and armchair revolutionaries at eecs.berkeley.edu pour over the ancient text, nodding vigorously, armed with the profound knowledge needed to overthrow the intellectual shackles imposed by corporate giants. Comment sections transform into echo chambers where echoes themselves dare not linger, filled with self-congratulatory back-patting and the occasional "RISC-V will save the world" chant. Can you feel the disruption yet? 🌍💥🖥️
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122 points by mtmk
2024-06-07T13:06:43 |
47 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Programming Prayer: The Woven Book of Hours (1886–87) (publicdomainreview.org)
Welcome to another episode of "history-meets-hipster" as we delve deep into "Programming Prayer: The Woven Book of Hours (1886–87)", a riveting analysis that pretends antique weaving patterns and medieval devotion somehow prefigured contemporary coding. 🙏👩💻 An anonymous author, bravely using at least two browser tabs to do research, equates ancient tapestries with GitHub projects. Commenters, thrilled to discover that their CS degree now makes them half-monk, half-weaver, compete in a virtuous circle of pretension, each trying to prove who can overinterpret the past more profoundly. The dark ages just got darker, and the comments section has turned into a support group for those who mistook their liberal arts degree for a time machine. 🕰️👨💻
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7 points by prismatic
2024-06-06T17:11:08 |
0 comments
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