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▲ Viagra improves brain blood flow and could help to prevent dementia (ox.ac.uk)
This week, scientists announce that Viagra, previously celebrated for making certain interactions stiffer, could also prevent your brain from turning to mush. The University of Very Important Discoveries claims that the little blue pill might boost brain blood flow, making dementia less likely. Comment sections across the internet are, predictably, engorged with experts whose observations range from "I've been prepping for my SATs with this for years" to "Does it improve all head functions?" Evidently, the potential to remember to turn off the oven at 70 has triggered waves of excitement, matched only by their misunderstanding of cerebral hemodynamics. Who knew a boost in blood flow to the brain could transform the Viagra-chomping public into neurologists overnight? ⚡️💊🧠
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75 points by geox
2024-06-08T22:55:13 |
35 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Gene therapy restores hearing to children with inherited deafness (cosmosmagazine.com)
In an unprecedented display of scientific overachievement, researchers have managed to reverse inherited deafness in children using gene therapy, stunning dozens of Cosmos Magazine readers who struggle with basic genetics. One commenter, a self-proclaimed expert after watching half a TED Talk, questions whether the therapy can cure his "chronic inability to listen" during arguments with his spouse. Another, typing in what can only be described as *peak outrage*, suggests that any real sci-fi fan knows this was already possible on Star Trek. Meanwhile, conspiracy Bob from Facebook warns everyone to beware of scientists implanting mind-control genes, using caps lock so we know to take him seriously. 🙄👂💉
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117 points by keploy
2024-06-08T20:40:16 |
21 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ The Backrooms of the Internet Archive (archive.org)
In an eye-opening expedition to the forgotten corners of the Internet Archive, a brave journalist uncovers the groundbreaking revelation that dull images can, indeed, be just as uninteresting as they appear. Fans of obscure web lore gather around this artifact like moths to a flame, buzzing with analyses that generously overestimate the profundity of a nondescript hallway. Commenters, armed to the teeth with Proust references and a thesaurus, fiercely debate whether the image evokes existential dread or is simply a cry for attention by someone who recently discovered how to use a camera. Meanwhile, the real question remains unanswered: who keeps letting these people online?
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405 points by passing
2024-06-08T15:17:53 |
59 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ The binding of cosmological structures by massless topological defects (oup.com)
In this week's episode of "Physics or Fiction," enthusiasts at oup.com eagerly dissect the riveting thriller, "The binding of cosmological structures by massless topological defects." Armchair physicists and self-declared experts engage in a frenetic parade of misunderstanding, generously sprinkling their debates with terms like quantum and topological much to the delight of equally befuddled onlookers. In the comment section, expect a circus of egos, where everyone tries to prove their intellectual dominance by misquoting Einstein. You won’t learn much about cosmology, but you’ll find a textbook on how not to discuss science.
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13 points by belter
2024-06-08T23:31:40 |
2 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Detecting a PS2 Emulator: When 1*X does not equal X (fobes.dev)
In the latest techo-masochistic event on fobes.dev, an intrepid blogger attempts to sway the masses with a mathematical conundrum that would barely challenge a somnolent parakeet: "Detecting a PS2 Emulator: When 1*X does not equal X". Watch in awe as dozens of commenters, each fiercely believing they are the reincarnation of Alan Turing, engage in a magnificent battle of wits over who can most pedantically explain basic arithmetic anomalies in software emulation. Spoiler: everyone loses, especially the readers. Grab your popcorn and your graphing calculators, folks – it's about to get nerdily unbearable. 🍿🧮💻
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181 points by fobes
2024-06-08T16:05:45 |
47 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ My favorite 1980's Canadian TV show: Bits and Bytes (omarshehata.substack.com)
In a thrilling blast from the past that absolutely no one asked for, an obscure tech blogger resurrects "Bits and Bytes," a Canadian TV show from the 1980s that bravely attempted to teach the dark arts of using a computer before most people could spell "PC." The blog post, dripping with nostalgia, performs a 7,000-word autopsy on a show that, tragically, is remembered by fewer people than the staff at the local video rental store. Commenters, in a display of one-upmanship, compete to see who can remember more obscure television shows, thus proving their elite status in the retro-techie hipster olympics. 📺 God help us all, they're probably drafting petitions to bring the show back.
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123 points by fallingsquirrel
2024-06-08T16:43:46 |
44 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Zero Tolerance for Bias (acm.org)
In a stunningly original piece of digital ink-splattering, acm.org valiantly declares "Zero Tolerance for Bias," effortlessly ignoring centuries of human complexity with a Braveheart-esque battle cry for equality. As the comment section transforms into the veritable Colosseum it was meant to be, keyboard warriors from various dim-lit basements break out their thesauruses to engage in the ever-noble battle of proving who is the least biased of them all—or at least, who can *pretend* to be. Amidst the barrage of jargon-flavored missiles, gems like "post-structural systemic bigotry frameworks" and "intersective perceptual demographic analytics" fly wildly, sorely testing the endurance of anyone who mistakenly thought they were in for a light read. The irony of bias fighting bias with more bias is lost on this crowd, but no matter: the web page views are up. 🎭🍿
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98 points by Harmohit
2024-06-06T18:58:20 |
25 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Show QN: I wrote a partial re-implementation of DirectMusic (github.com/gothickit)
Title: Show HN: I reinvented the wheel, but make it less round
A brave soul has finally addressed the nightmarish void left by DirectMusic with a "partial re-implementation." Hardcore developers with too much time on their hands converge to praise this orchestral marvel housed at 'github dot com slash gothickit.' Comments quickly spiral into a black hole of suggestions on how to *fully* re-implement other obsolete technologies no one missed. Thank goodness the internet provides space for feedback that the developer "takes very seriously," otherwise, how would we cope? 🎻🚀
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12 points by lmichaelis
2024-06-08T10:02:15 |
5 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ The Lost Art of the Negative (nytimes.com)
On "The Lost Art of the Negative," an intellectual Goliath from the literary catacombs of nytimes.com graces us with a verbose eulogy for critical thinking, lamenting how modern day plebeians can no longer stomach anything less than glowing adoration for every half-baked noodle served to them. The comment section, predictably, transforms into an echo chamber of fragile egos, each passionately defending their God-given right to be perpetually affirmed. "Remember when humans could handle criticism without forming an online mob?" asks a lone, nostalgic voice, swiftly drowned out by a deluge of self-help platitudes. Clearly, it's not just art dying; it's satire, nuance, and anything resembling a backbone. 😩🙄
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12 points by prismatic
2024-06-06T14:35:09 |
3 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Creating a matchmaker for your multiplayer game (mas-bandwidth.com)
Welcome to Más Bandwidth, where Glenn Fiedler heroically decides the world needs more blogs about game network programming, bravely assuming anyone still reads blogs. In his latest act of unrequested benevolence, Glenn teaches us how to create a matchmaker for multiplayer games, because clearly the problem with online gaming was the absence of Glenn Fiedler’s insights. The comment section, unsurprisingly, transforms immediately into a devastating battleground where programmers quibble over the most efficient use of bandwidth, each commentator more eager than the last to prove they could have definitely built a better blog, if only they weren't so busy arguing on this one.
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35 points by gafferongames
2024-06-08T19:38:53 |
11 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Beware anti patterns in event driven architecture (codeopinion.com)
In the latest episode of "I Can't Believe It's Not Better," a software sage from CodeOpinion descends from the Cloud-Mount Sinai with stone tablets etched with warnings about anti-patterns in event-driven architecture. Watch as legions of self-declared tech prophets debate vigorously in the comments, enlightening mere mortals with tales of Kafka nightmares and tragic misuse of EventBus, armed only with their unyielding dogma and not-so-subtle plugs for their obscure Medium blogs. Behold, as each contends for the crown in the endless Olympics of Missing The Point, often punctuated with the ritualistic chanting of the sacred mantra: "Did you even read the article?" 🙄
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89 points by indentit
2024-06-08T18:56:29 |
47 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Evaluation of Machine Learning Primitives on a Digital Signal Processor (diva-portal.org)
In a compelling race to the bottom of the academic barrel, intrepid researchers dare to ask: how well can digitally signal processed goobledy-gook be machine-learned into something that almost makes sense? A riveting paper, straight from the wild world of diva-portal.org, miraculously achieves the unthinkable—making digital signal processors as confusing as machine learning itself. 💡🤖 As expected, the deluge of comments beneath the paper blossoms into a battleground where wannabe Einsteins and armchair technocrats duel with buzzwords sharper than Occam's razor. Each commenter proudly flaishes their ignorance, armoring themselves in the invincible shield of anonymous internet expertise.
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12 points by teleforce
2024-06-08T21:50:07 |
0 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ LSP-AI: open-source language server serving as back end for AI code assistance (github.com/silasmarvin)
Silas Marvin decides the world needs yet another language server because, evidently, software development has been just waiting for _his_ stroke of genius. LSP-AI introduces groundbreaking features like crashing differently than its predecessors and understanding your code slightly less than your non-technical manager. Comments are a delightful mix of misplaced awe and thinly-veiled desperation, as GitHub warriors beg for a place in Silas’s digital Valhalla. Remarkably, every commenter shares profound faith in leaving feedback that Silas assures he reads *very* seriously — because clearly, what open-source software has been lacking is just a bit more serious reading.
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143 points by homarp
2024-06-08T12:24:58 |
41 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Tiny fern has the largest genome of any organism on Earth (phys.org)
The internet's leading community of self-certified botanists and armchair geneticists rushes to Phys.org to fumble over the groundbreaking revelation that some obscure fern has claimed the title for the largest genome. Commenters, powered by half-remembered high school biology and a desperate need to appear smart, spar over the nuances of DNA replication, while unsuccessfully Googeling "what is genome anyway?" Meanwhile, someone inevitably shifts the discussion to whether this fern could be weaponized or solve male pattern baldness, because priorities. In a world starving for knowledge, these enthusiasts feast proudly on crumbs.
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115 points by PaulHoule
2024-06-08T11:02:32 |
73 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Garbage collect your technical debt (2021) (ieee.org)
In another groundbreaking performance, ieee.org teaches the geriatric geeks of the programming world how to "garbage collect" their technical debt, as if it were possible to clean up years of bad coding with a trendy new buzzword. The comment section, predictably, morphs into a glorious dumpster fire where self-proclaimed experts compete to demonstrate who has ignored the most warnings from their IDE. Will adding more layers of abstraction or rewriting everything in Rust save us? Stay tuned to find out, because it’s clear no one commenting has ever actually finished a project. 🍿😂
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63 points by gfairbanks
2024-06-08T11:54:08 |
19 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Roman Women and the Oppian Law (historytoday.com)
In an overwhelming display of historical insight, historytoday.com unveils the astonishing revelation that women in ancient Rome also disliked oppressive laws. This groundbreaking article digs deep into the trials and tribulations surrounding the Oppian Law, giving readers the much-needed perspective that, yes, even in 195 B.C., women were not fond of being treated as second-class citizens. The comment section, a delightful cesspool of modern-day Ciceros, bursts with armchair historians eager to equate their resistance to wearing masks during a pandemic to the heroic struggles of Roman matrons fighting legal oppression. Truly, the past is alive and well, mostly as a convenient mirror for our most trivial grievances. 🙄
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71 points by diodorus
2024-06-07T20:01:33 |
50 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Anyone else lurk and feel like they understand nothing?
In a thrilling display of ignorance, a brave internet user admits to lurking in forums and understanding absolutely *zero*. The comment section erupts with digital back-pats and misery-loves-company camaraderie, as fellow confessors throw around jargon they googled five minutes prior. Each user competes to be the most clueless, thereby winning the internet's unspoken race to the bottom. Is it a support group, or a competition for who can appear the most bewilderingly out of their depth? Only the memes know. 🙄
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25 points by to-too-two
2024-06-08T23:00:28 |
21 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Fighting an anti-doping finding (lizzybanks.co.uk)
In an earth-shattering blog post that definitely keeps Big Pharma up at night, Lizzy Banks has unsheathed her mightiest pen to take on the vile beasts of the anti-doping realm. Here, amidst the cries of "Injustice!" and less literate howls of internet spectators, Lizzy lays bare the brutal oppression of athletes who just happen to pee funny. Commenters, armed to the teeth with Google Degrees in pharmaceuticals, leap into the fray, battling fiercely over who can misunderstand science the most. What a time to be alive, watching keyboard warriors dissect advanced doping regulations after a rigorous morning scroll through their Facebook feeds. 😂
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32 points by breathenow
2024-06-07T19:53:32 |
17 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ K-D Tree Art Generator (colab.research.google.com)
In an awe-inspiring display of technological redundancy, yet another software engineer at Google has decided the world desperately needs a K-D Tree Art Generator, created on the bedrock of AI stack overkill. Watch in *amazement* as forests of decision trees are cut down to render a digital tree that vaguely resembles your last Christmas card. Commenters, in a ritualistic dance of one-upmanship, fiercely debate whether the Python script could be rewritten in Rust for "better performance," while others argue this generator will revolutionize how we appreciate 🎨 and 🌳 simultaneously. Minds are changed, lives are impacted, productivity grinds to a halt.
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41 points by hyperific
2024-06-07T19:57:46 |
15 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ What makes gambling wrong but insurance right? (2017) (bbc.com)
Today on BBC Ethics for Toddlers, a baffling comparison spins out of control when "academics" put gambling and insurance in a moral blender to see what philosophy smoothie pours out. The 600-word thinkpiece centers on the thrilling setting of a 19th-century shipping agency coffeehouse because nothing says "cutting-edge ethical debate" like maritime mercantilism. Commenters, in a stunning display of missing the point, are earnestly debating whether their car insurance is morally superior to their lottery tickets. 🎲💸 If you're seeking financial advice or moral clarity, definitely stake your future on internet comments.
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38 points by yamrzou
2024-06-08T20:37:58 |
83 comments
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