| 1. |
|
▲ Apple's On-Device and Server Foundation Models (machinelearning.apple.com)
In a riveting display of technological déjà vu, Apple reinvents the wheel again—but this time, with more servers and *foundation models*. The tech giant graciously explains to the unwashed masses how they mint gold from your data without actually looking at said data. As usual, the comment section transforms into a battlefield where keyboard warriors debate the ethics of AI, while simultaneously missing the point by light years. It's a true spectacle of humanity's boundless ability to both marvel and moan at anything shinier than a matte black iPhone. 🍏💻🤖
|
|
303 points by 2bit
2024-06-10T21:42:11 |
139 comments
|
|
| 2. |
|
▲ Private Cloud Compute: A new frontier for AI privacy in the cloud (security.apple.com)
**Private Cloud Compute: The Future or Just Fluff?**
Apple reinvents the cloud by simply renaming it to "Private Cloud Compute" and promises that not even their own engineers are enthralalled enough by your mundane data to peek at it. Users across the internet cheer as they finally can cloud-compute their cat photos and midnight snack musings under the iron-clad fortress that is PCC - allegedly. Cue a plethora of comments from armchair experts debating if Apple's custom silicon could indeed beat Schwarzenegster in a privacy showdown, spoiler: it can't. Meanwhile, privacy enthusiasts weave conspiracy theories thicker than grandma's quilts, ensuring an entertaining afternoon read.
|
|
150 points by serhack_
2024-06-10T21:53:07 |
45 comments
|
|
| 3. |
|
▲ Controversial pesticide research all but vanished from a major conference (usrtk.org)
At a major science conference, the startling disappearance of controversial pesticide research has baffled approximately three people who were paying attention. The rest of the attendees were too busy bolstering their personal brand on Twitter, valorously ignoring anything *actually* scientific—such as questioning why studies critical of industry practices tend to evaporate like morning dew under regulatory scrutiny. Comment sections across the internet exploded with theories, each more groundbreaking than the last, crediting everything from Big Agro's Illuminati ties to aliens desperate for cleaner galaxy travel options. Meanwhile, advocates for "it's just a coincidence" are preparing their annual meeting in the echo chamber. 🌱👽
|
|
143 points by stareatgoats
2024-06-10T20:16:33 |
62 comments
|
|
| 4. |
|
▲ Anti-Cheat Expert: all your pixels are belong to us (invlpg.dev)
In an exhilarating display of common knowledge repackaged as esoteric wisdom, an "Anti-Cheat Expert" from invlpg.dev heroically declares that every pixel on your screen might be a mole working for Big Gaming. Shocked readers, who surely have never considered the implications of software monitoring, now see their GPUs as potential double agents. Comment sections burst into pandemonium: part-time philosophers and full-time basement dwellers engage in wild speculation, some even suggesting their keyboards might be in on the conspiracy. In this epoch of surveillance, not even your solitaire game is safe.🕵️♂️💻
|
|
42 points by skilled
2024-06-10T07:53:35 |
18 comments
|
|
| 5. |
|
▲ Apple Intelligence for iPhone, iPad, and Mac (apple.com)
Apple unveils its latest attempt to monitor your every blink: Apple Intelligence for iPhone, iPad, and Mac. It promises to refine your life by observing the consistency of your breakfast cereal and ensuring your cat's fitness regime aligns with Silicon Valley standards. The comment section quickly descends into a warzone between those proclaiming the death of privacy and brave keyboard warriors insisting that only the guilty value privacy anyway. 🍏💻🔍 Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists wonder if "Apple Intelligence" is just a clever ruse to distract us from the fact that nobody really uses Siri.
|
|
746 points by terramex
2024-06-10T18:48:47 |
748 comments
|
|
| 6. |
|
▲ I built an ROV to solve missing person cases (suanto.com)
In this week's episode of "Silicon Valley Saves the World," a self-proclaimed tech messiah descends from the digital heavens with an ROV (Remotely Operated Vehicle) because clearly, the only thing missing from painful missing person cases was more technology. The creator *humbly* shares tales of revolutionizing detective work, providing plenty of unsolicited advice to actual law enforcement along the way. Commenters, barely concealing their excitement, trip over each other to knight the inventor a hero, with debates raging about whether Elon Musk or Tony Stark would be the better Twitter comparison.🚀👏 Meanwhile, actual detectives in the room roll their eyes into another dimension.
|
|
236 points by craydandy
2024-06-09T12:02:19 |
48 comments
|
|
| 7. |
|
▲ Deterioration of Local Community a Major Driver of Loss of Play-Based Childhood (afterbabel.com)
In yet another heart-wrenching episode of "Modern Life is Ruining Everything," afterbabel.com delves deep into the nostalgic abyss to uncover why children no longer frolic merrily in the limitless meadows of yore. Instead, they’re huddled indoors, eyes glazed over with the eerie glow of tablets, because apparently, neighborhoods are now the dystopian backdrop for a Black Mirror episode. Commenters, in a display of staggering originality, alternate between blaming smartphones, millennials, and low-fat diet trends. Their insights conclude that if only we could revive the 1950s, sans the racism and constant threat of nuclear annihilation, kids might actually enjoy a decent game of stickball.
|
|
116 points by throwup238
2024-06-10T19:00:26 |
63 comments
|
|
| 8. |
|
▲ The New Math of How Large-Scale Order Emerges (quantamagazine.org)
On June 10, 2024, Quanta Magazine attempted to dazzle the mathematically illiterate internet masses with a stunning revelation: large-scale order doesn't just pop into existence like your cat in zoomies mode—it follows rules. Who knew? 😲 The article, bristling with enough jargon to choke a Ph.D. student, dances around the simple concept that when stuff interacts, patterns can emerge—because apparently, pointing out the obvious now needs an advanced degree. Meanwhile, the comment section quickly devolved into a battleground where armchair philosophers and junior varsity mathletes flexed their Google-acquired expertise, proving once again that entropy isn't just a theory, but a cyberspace reality. 🍿😂
|
|
39 points by gradus_ad
2024-06-10T20:42:04 |
2 comments
|
|
| 9. |
|
▲ Show QN: Probabilistic Tic-Tac-Toe (csun.io)
Title: Another Day, Another Useless Game
Today in "innovation," a HackerNews user introduces "Probabilistic Tic-Tac-Toe," a game that nobody asked for and even fewer understood. It's just like normal tic-tac-toe, but with the added thrill of completely unnecessary complexity involving smiley faces and frowny faces that influence outcomes like some sort of emotionally unstable slot machine. The comments section becomes a battleground where keyboard warriors with Ph.D.s in Statistics duke it out to prove who misunderstands probability the least. Meanwhile, the rest of the world continues to play normal tic-tac-toe on restaurant napkins, blissfully unaware of what high-level intellectual discussions they’re missing. 🤓
|
|
178 points by igpay
2024-06-10T16:40:05 |
64 comments
|
|
| 10. |
|
▲ The rarest move in chess [video] (youtube.com)
The internet chess enthusiasts discover what they believe to be the rarest move in chess, because stumbling upon esoteric knowledge makes them feel smarter at dinner parties. In the video, which definitively solves one of life's least pressing problems, a grandmaster flippantly executes the move, sparking widespread jubilation among viewers who now have something "unique" to groan about besides their Elo rating. Comments are a delightful dumpster fire of one-upmanship, as each viewer tries desperately to link the move to quantum physics and their own vastly overestimated strategic thinking abilities. Clearly, the pinnacle of human achievement has been reached with this contribution. Chess solved; we can all go home now. 🙄
|
|
109 points by ca98am79
2024-06-10T18:50:53 |
43 comments
|
|
| 11. |
|
▲ Sending emails to my three-year-old (blog.haschek.at)
Title: Baby's First Spam Folder
In an era where every second of a child’s life *must* be documented for digital posterity, an enterprising blogger decides the obvious next step is to bombard his toddler’s fresh email account with family news, mundane updates, and oh, the emotional baggage of new fatherhood. While the child can barely navigate the complexities of a sandbox, commenters cheer on this digital diary, confident that little Linus will cherish the chore of sifting through years of unsolicited emails. Because nothing says "looking back on happy memories" quite like trawling through a cluttered inbox full of dad's existential crises and pictures of mashed carrots. 📧👶
|
|
129 points by geek_at
2024-06-10T12:14:56 |
84 comments
|
|
| 12. |
|
▲ Engage your audience: get to the point, use story structure, force specificity (iandanielstewart.com)
In an earth-shattering revelation that will undoubtedly revolutionize the complicated world of human communication, Ian Daniel Stewart graciously bestows upon the hallowed internet his groundbreaking tips for audience engagement. Get this - it turns out that getting to the point, weaving a heartfelt yarn, and not being vague are good ideas! Commenters, in a display of typical online erudition, split hairs over what "story structure" means, while missing the discernible point of Stewart's high-octane tips. It's a festival of missed hints and preaching to the choir, as keyboard warriors furiously tap away advice that your grandmother probably gave you while you were still in diapers.
|
|
17 points by ingve
2024-06-10T21:55:13 |
0 comments
|
|
| 13. |
|
▲ In the Ruins of Edward Gibbon's Masterpiece (newrepublic.com)
**In the Ruins of a Pretentious Party**
In an earth-shattering revelation from New Republic, it turns out that reciting aged historians at parties doesn't quite get you the intellectual street cred it used to. One hapless Oxford student learns this the hard way, plunging into social exile with the faux pas of pronouncing "reading" instead of "re-reading" Edward Gibbon. The comment section erupts into a battlefield of one-upmanship, as each armchair historian tries to out-quote each other, desperately clinging to the remnants of a classical education they probably Googled five minutes prior. Truly, Gibbon's decline and fall is nothing compared to this. 🍸📚😂
|
|
34 points by benbreen
2024-06-07T05:42:30 |
11 comments
|
|
| 14. |
|
▲ Mexican Computers: A Brief Technical and Historical Overview (arxiv.org)
In the thrilling world of Mexican Computers: A Brief Technical and Historical Overview, arxiv.org teaches us that information technology history extends beyond the garage-bound dreams of Silicon Valley's very normal human beings. Commentators are quick to throw in their *vast* personal experiences—from their extensive background in restarting routers to their unshakable expertise in burrito assembly—proving once again that anyone with internet access is a historian of Mexican computing. Who needs credible sources when you have nostalgia and stereotypes, right? 🌮💻
|
|
174 points by belter
2024-06-10T14:14:24 |
25 comments
|
|
| 15. |
|
▲ Siberia's 'mammoth graveyard' reveals 800-year human interactions with mammoths (phys.org)
In a stunning double-blind revelation that will shock tens of people, Siberian dirt has graciously released some mammoth bones and artifacts, ostensibly to remind the science community that yes, other things happened before TikTok. Commentators, flexing their Reddit-endowed paleontology degrees, dive headlong into fierce debates about whether Fred Flintstone's car was historically accurate or pure Stone Age propaganda. Meanwhile, someone ironically gains Twitter fame claiming fifty retweets will bring a mammoth back, launching a crowdfunding campaign to mass-produce woolly mammoth plush toys for the inevitable doomscrolling relief. The internet: simultaneously discovering and destroying history one meme at a time. 🦣🔍💀
|
|
5 points by wglb
2024-06-11T00:15:00 |
0 comments
|
|
| 16. |
|
▲ Possible exposure of Earth to dense interstellar medium 2-3M years ago (nature.com)
Title: Space Dust Shocks Web Surfers
Once again, the bright minds at nature.com grace us with a startling revelation that Earth was maybe, kind of, exposed to cosmic fluff a couple million years back. Hindered not by time but by web technology, the article immediately critiques your browser choice rather than focusing on interstellar phenomena. Because clearly, CSS support is what stands between humanity and the deep secrets of the cosmos. Meanwhile, commenters engage in a delightful melee of climate change denial and space conspiracy, ensuring any semblance of scientific discourse is as obscured as the site without JavaScript.
|
|
45 points by jandrewrogers
2024-06-10T19:39:29 |
5 comments
|
|
| 17. |
|
▲ Filmed.js: film strip image effect (netzgesta.de)
In an earth-shattering breakthrough that puts the first moon landing to shame, netzgesta.de introduces Filmed.js, a JavaScript library so vital it lets you turn static images into film strips, because apparently regular slideshows are for your grandparents. The revolutionary, definitely-not-overdone technique has already spurred an aspiring digital Bob Ross in the comments to declare it "next level," confusing basic front-end tricks with actual innovation. Watch in awe as the comment section becomes a battleground where self-proclaimed tech savants argue the merits of using a 50kb library over native CSS for something a two-frame GIF could do. 🍿🎞️ Truly, we are in the golden age of programming wizardry.
|
|
5 points by lnyan
2024-06-10T09:07:51 |
2 comments
|
|
| 18. |
|
▲ Researchers demonstrate the first chip-based 3D printer (news.mit.edu)
The geniuses at MIT have finally put a chip in something that doesn't need to connect to WiFi: a 3D printer. The throng of commenters, ever eager to display their Google-acquired PhDs, are tripping over themselves to either prophesy this innovation's pivotal role in building Martian habitats or to lament the further unemployment of their LEGO bricks. Needless to emphasize, each opinion, expertly backed by an hour on Wikipedia, conclusively solves the world's manufacturing dilemmas. Meanwhile, the actual researchers were unable to comment further, possibly distracted by their next groundbreaking invention: a blockchain-powered toaster.
|
|
24 points by hindsightbias
2024-06-09T19:59:39 |
3 comments
|
|
| 19. |
|
▲ pico9918: A replacement TMS9918A/TMS9929A VDP using a Raspberry Pi Pico (github.com/visrealm)
Title: **The Great Retro Hardware Salvation**
Summary: In today's episode of "Solving Problems That Never Really Existed," an intrepid GitHub user has decided to yank the TMS9918A from its peaceful thirty-year retirement for a come-back tour, strapped to the back of a Raspberry Pi Pico. Visitors to the repo are sharing their unsolicited and highly nostalgic feedback, insisting that their pixelated memories of yore are under severe threat unless brought to life by a microcontroller barely powerful enough to run Doom. Will this epic revival soar or will it simply help tech hipsters pretend they were relevant in the '80s? Stay tuned to the comments section, where misplaced elitism meets antique electronics enthusiasm. 🕹️👴💾
|
|
52 points by classichasclass
2024-06-10T17:09:52 |
13 comments
|
|
