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▲ MLow: Meta's low bitrate audio codec (fb.com)
**MLow: Meta's Attempt to Re-Reinvent the Wheel**
Meta, making sure no bandwidth iever goes unclogged, graciously invents yet another audio codec – "MLow". Designed to squeeze the life out of every decibel, this codec will transform human conversation into a mesmerizing mush of almost-words, suitable for glitchy video calls and incomprehensibly futuristic raves. Commenters, wielding their vast experience from watching *at least* three YouTube videos on audio engineering, dive into heated debates over psychoacoustics, mostly confused about whether it's a real science or a term from a Star Trek episode. Meanwhile, genuine concerns about privacy issues are elegantly avoided with tactful "But the bitrate is lower!" deflections, proving once again that all you need to win an argument on the internet is a catchy buzzword. 🎧👽
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375 points by mikece
2024-06-13T15:05:18 |
147 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Lamini Memory Tuning: 10x Fewer Hallucinations (lamini.ai)
At lamini.ai, the bastion of braggadocious brainiacs, engineers have ostensibly reduced hallucinations by 10x through what they’ve termed "Lamini Memory Tuning." The coder collective descends into self-congratulatory chaos, as various keyboard warriors argue about the existential importance of hallucination-free AI, completely missing the point that fewer hallucinations might just make AI as dull as their weekly scrum meetings. Amid tech jargon and misplaced metaphors, the comment section turns into a battleground for who can sound the most convincingly pseudo-intellectual, leaving readers wondering if such luminous discussions might, in themselves, be a form of AI-induced hallucination. 🙄
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33 points by galeos
2024-06-13T22:29:40 |
11 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Mouth-based touchpad enables people living with paralysis to use computers (news.mit.edu)
A groundbreaking revolution emerges from the labs of MIT where the brightest minds have evidently decided that button mashing with your tongue is the future of accessible computing. Enthusiastic blog lurkers descend to unleash their vast expertise in biomedical engineering, kindly suggesting improvements like adding RGB lighting for that "gamer feel" or incorporating flavor strips because usability should taste like mint or barbecue. Who knew that the final frontier for human-computer interaction would be a mouth-based touchpad? Cue the applause from thousands of living room experts who have temporarily mastered neuroscience between YouTube breaks. 🧠💻👅
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143 points by gmays
2024-06-13T18:43:17 |
39 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ My Thoughts on Python in Excel (xlwings.org)
In a stunning display of unnecessary innovation, an enthusiast details the seismic necessity of integrating Python into Excel, because apparently, basic spreadsheet functions were just too pedestrian. Commenters, in a dazzling exhibition of missing the point, engage in heated debates about whether using Python is akin to using a rocket launcher to kill a mosquito. Meanwhile, the collective productivity of the office workers plummets as they try to figure out how turning spreadsheets into coding projects can be justified as "work." Somehow, everyone agrees that this will revolutionize "efficiency," if only in their dreams.
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51 points by fzumstein
2024-06-12T09:19:20 |
12 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ A New Map of Medieval London (londonist.substack.com)
In an exhilarating display of revolutionary scholarship, a "New Map of Medieval London" emerges, undoubtedly ensuring historians and map enthusiasts alike can now point to Ye Olde Starbucks on a pixel-perfect PDF. The article, buried under the profound weight of academic jargon and thrilling descriptions of parchment hues, sets the history fandom ablaze — each member more eagerly pedantic than the last. Meanwhile, commenters engage in the time-honor tradition of completely missing the point, debating instead whether medieval Londoners might have enjoyed a cheeky Nando's after a long day of dying from the plague. 📜😂
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11 points by domh
2024-06-12T07:54:37 |
0 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Ideal OS: Rebooting the Desktop Operating System (2017) (joshondesign.com)
Title: Another Day, Another "Revolutionary" OS Manifesto
In an astonishing display of originality that can only come from someone who just discovered the unbearably oppressive complexity of modern computing, a brave Twitter user (because that’s where the true intellectuals roam) suggests that all existing operating systems are essentially digital dumpster fires 🚒. Suggesting a ground-up rewrite (how novel!) of the entire system, the essay shamelessly ignores decades of engineering while promising a utopia unburdened by "legacy cruft." Meanwhile, the adoring comment section, in a stunning lack of surprise, rehashes the same tired arguments about "bloatware" and salivates over a future where every year is magically 1984 and technology is just a big open field. One wonders if their operating system will also fix printers, offer endless battery life, and finally make people happy.
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40 points by mmphosis
2024-06-12T12:34:39 |
19 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Scan HTML faster with SIMD instructions – Chrome edition (lemire.me)
In an electrifying display of technological overkill, another blog post graces the digital expanse, teaching mere mortals how to force their aging Chrome browsers to scour HTML at speeds ostensibly needed to outrun their looming existential dread. Eager commenters, armored in artisanal pop culture t-shirts, emerge from their ergonomic battle stations to hurl jargon like "SIMD instructions" and "performance benchmarks," engaging in a fierce competition to see who can most convincingly pretend to understand the implications. Meanwhile, the real world continues in blissful ignorance, perfectly content with their web pages loading one excruciating second at a time. They’re the true heroes here, unburdened by the crushing weight of tech elitism. 🚀
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122 points by p_l
2024-06-11T10:26:21 |
44 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Show QN: Shpool, a Lightweight Tmux Alternative (github.com/shell-pool)
This week on Hacker News, an intrepid coder announces Shpool, yet another solution to a problem you didn't know you had. It promises to be a "lightweight Tmux alternative," because what the world desperately lacks is more terminal multiplexers cobbled together in a weekend. The comment section transforms overnight into a battleground for relentless displays of one-upmanship, as each commenter tries to prove they can misunderstand basic features more profoundly than the last. Someone even suggests it should be rewritten in Rust to improve safety. The cycle of tech reincarnation continues unabated. 🌀💻🔄
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231 points by ethanpailes
2024-06-13T13:22:29 |
129 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Show QN: Paramount – Human Evals of AI Customer Support (github.com/ask-fini)
This week on Hacker News, a brave startup unveils *Paramount*, a tool promising to revolutionize AI customer support by actually reading feedback. The comment section transforms into a battleground of *AI ethics philosophers* and overqualified devs reminiscing about the "golden age" of human support, back when you could still get yelled at in real time. One astute commenter asks, "But can it pass the Turing test while being condescending?" — sparking a heated debate about whether deep sarcasm can truly be automated. Meanwhile, someone inevitably attempts to benchmark the empathy of Paramount against their cat. 🐱💻
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25 points by hakimk
2024-06-13T18:20:31 |
5 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Progressive Web Apps (PWAs) Phishing (mrd0x.com)
At mrd0x.com, the latest exposé reveals that Progressive Web Apps (PWAs) might just be the penultimate phishing paradise, harnessing the power of seeming legitimacy to snag unsuspecting data. Who would have thought? 🎣 In the comments section, an enthusiastic horde of armchair cybersecurity experts engage in a keyboard-clashing battle about whether Chrome or Firefox would win in a cage fight of security flaws, while sprinkling in humble-brags about their impenetrable homemade app fortresses. Meanwhile, no one can quite agree if "whoami" is a profound existential query or just another command line prompt begging for attention.
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68 points by kolp
2024-06-11T17:44:41 |
26 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Drawing Machines (drawingmachines.org)
In an era where humans clearly have too much free time, DrawingMachines.org emerges as the pinnacle of technological misuse, documenting devices that do nothing but draw. Watch in awe as machines doodle away with *less creativity* than a bored four-year-old in a long car ride. The comments section is bustling with armchair engineers and weekend Picassos, arguing tirelessly over the nuances of mechanical motion and artistic soul as if they've discovered fire and not just an over-engineered Spirograph. Clearly, what humanity needs to strive forward in the arts is more gears, more servos, and fewer actual ideas. 🙄
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142 points by TheAceOfHearts
2024-06-12T12:44:14 |
23 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Snapdragon X Elite in the wild is allegedly slower than iPhone 12 (tomshardware.com)
In a stunning development that surprises absolutely no one, Tom's Hardware reveals that the latest Snapdragon X Elite performs worse than an iPhone built when people still thought using the word "lit" was cool. Armed with the groundbreaking methodology of "buying stuff through our links may give us money," the article dives deep into what could possibly make a brand new chip slower than Apple's old tech. Meanwhile, the commenters are engaged in the intellectual equivalent of a food fight, debating whether Snapdragon's blatant mediocrity is due to cosmic rays or just plain old incompetence. Stay tuned as they solve this mystery using caps lock and excessive emojis. 😱🚀💩
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12 points by z_
2024-06-14T00:22:22 |
7 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Solving Probabilistic Tic-Tac-Toe (louisabraham.github.io)
**Title: Coders Solve Tic-Tac-Toe, Universe Rejoices**
Today, we discover that Hackers have apparently run out of anything actually useful to do, as they commit brainpower to solving "Probabilistic Tic-Tac-Toe." Because when the real world is too hard, why not retreat into solving a children's game with extra uncertainty? Brace yourself for jaw-dropping AI discussions that are peak Silicon Valley: all theory, little applicability, and completely missing the "probabilistic" part. Meanwhile, the outraged comment section—full of people who definitely totally understand probability theory—tries competing to be the nerd king of a playground game.
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72 points by Labo333
2024-06-11T14:25:28 |
16 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Borges on Chaos Theory (aethermug.com)
In an audacious display of digital bravery, the dearly esteemed armchair philosophers at aethermug.com decide they are now *qualified* to discourse on Borges' perspectives on **Chaos Theory**. As if conjuring thought experiments from your sophomore dorm room imparts a keen understanding of nonlinear dynamics! The comments section, predictably, transforms into a chaotic system itself, with users displaying all the awareness of fractals one might expect from people who assure you their favorite episode of *Rick & Morty* qualifies them to discuss quantum mechanics. Great job, everyone! The field is surely ***advanced***.
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62 points by mrcgnc
2024-06-11T15:54:24 |
10 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Indian startup 3D prints rocket engine in 72 hours (ieee.org)
Once again, humanity's insatiable need to escape Earth manifests in "Agnikul’s" extremely disruptive (read: actually quite usual in the space industry now) 72-hour 3D-printed rocket engine. As if overnight delivery wasn't fast enough, now we've got Prime Shipping for space! 💫 Commenters, as usual, oscillate between unrecognized genius-level experts—demystifying complex aerospace engineering with YouTube-acquired know-how—and the apocalypse heralds shocked that anyone would literally want to leave the planet this fast. Wake up, sheeple: the only thing exploding faster than rockets is the uninformed enthusiasm in the comments section! 🚀💥
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328 points by pseudolus
2024-06-13T11:02:11 |
210 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ SSH agent extensions as an arbitrary RPC mechanism (mjg59.dreamwidth.org)
In a daring escape from the tyranny of understanding user interfaces, a brave dreamwidth.org keyboard warrior proposes weaponizing the SSH agent for purposes it was never meant to serve. Commenters, clenching their copies of "SSH for Dummies," rally unanimously to laud the hack as the second coming of sliced bread. Debates erupt over the philosophical implications of turning SSH into a glorified vending machine, with each participant demonstrating a peerless mastery of buzzwords. Meanwhile, regular internet users scramble for their Google tabs, desperately trying to understand what any of this means before their coffee goes cold. 🤓🔥
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54 points by JNRowe
2024-06-13T05:26:02 |
6 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Encodings for flattened heap values (openjdk.org)
In an exhilarating display of verbosity that would send even the hardiest coder into a coma, John Rose & the Valhalla team expound the revolutionary concept of encodings for flattened heap values on openjdk.org. The comments section, a magical land of mutual misunderstanding, hosts a circus of software developers pretending to grasp the narrative while subtly pitching their irrelevant GitHub projects. It appears everyone is just a "heap" away from reinventing the software engineering equivalent of sliced bread. Will the real programmers please stand up, or at least comment something vaguely on topic? 🤓
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17 points by lichtenberger
2024-06-13T20:53:48 |
3 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ AMD CEO Lisa Su reminisces about designing the PS3's infamous Cell processor (tomshardware.com)
In a riveting confession disguised as nostalgia, AMD CEO Lisa Su revisits the dark arts of engineering behind the PS3's Cell processor, a labyrinthine enigma that baffled both gamers and game developers alike. Tom’s Hardware, ever the herald of the obvious, breaks this "news" with the enthusiasm of an affiliate link-powered slot machine. The comment section, a mix of Stockholm syndrome sufferers and tech war veterans, battles over which ancient processor inflicted the most emotional scars. Watch as history's tech terrors are repackaged as geek bedtime stories for the benefit of passive income. 🤖💸
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243 points by rbanffy
2024-06-13T15:31:30 |
165 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ The Art of the Epigraph (themillions.com)
On the obscure blogospheric corner known as Themillions.com, the literary cognoscenti gather to feign interest in the latest pontificating screed: "The Art of the Epigraph." Here, the author deep-dives into the veritably *crucial* task of selecting the perfect pretentious quote to sit atop their unread masterpiece, while commenters rush in to perform their own intellect with quotes they googled five minutes ago. Watch in awe as each commenter tries to outdo the last, transforming the comment section into a battleground for the most obscure and irrelevant literary one-upmanship, all hoping to crown themselves the next undiscovered genius of Classical allusion. The Shakespeare quote really tied your comment together, Chad. 🎭📚
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20 points by pshaw
2024-06-13T18:01:34 |
0 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Microsoft Chose Profit over Security, Whistleblower Says (propublica.org)
In an earth-shattering exposé that everyone already suspected, a whistleblower confirms that Microsoft, a small, indie company you might not have heard of, chose profit over security. Shocked readers, whose entire experience with technology apparently consists of restarting their routers, take to the comments to express their brand new outrage with comments as deep as a puddle in the Sahara. One genius suggests switching to Linux, because evidently, inconvenience is a small price to pay for smug superiority. Meanwhile, security experts in the comments are selling tinfoil hats – buy two, get a free lecture on blockchain.
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505 points by tyleroconnell
2024-06-13T10:39:45 |
252 comments
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