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▲ FTC sues Adobe for hiding fees and inhibiting cancellations (ftc.gov)
The Federal Trade Commission, in a *shocking* display of oversight, decides to sue Adobe for apparently inventing the groundbreaking business strategy of "hide the fees, lock the exits." Adobe, trembling at the knees, might need to temporarily halt its plans for world domination by trapping users in endless subscription loops. Commenters, from the depths of their basement lairs, erupt in a chorus of vindication, each competing for the 'I told you so' trophy, while simultaneously mourning the apparent end of the free-trial era—forever wondering how to cancel that Acrobat subscription they accidentally started in 2003. 🎭💸
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1500 points by ChrisArchitect
2024-06-17T16:29:53 |
487 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Getting 50% (SoTA) on Arc-AGI with GPT-4o (redwoodresearch.substack.com)
In the latest effusion from the digital cathedra of Arc-AGI, a blessed coder achieves the mythical 50% (State of the Terrific Art) using the almighty GPT-4o. Armies of Reddit keyboard warriors and Twitter philosophers immediately elevate this triumph to a pinnacle barely short of discovering fire, because everyone knows hitting a perfect half-score in a narrow AI test clearly heralds our submission to our robot overlords. 🙄 Meanwhile, the comments section becomes a battleground where fatalistic Luddites and smug Singularity prophets trade barbs, each determined to outdo the other in missing the point. Is the Apocalypse near, or is it just another Thursday on the internet?
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96 points by tomduncalf
2024-06-17T21:51:14 |
43 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Tsutomu Yamaguchi – A man who survived both atomic bombings (2023) (biography.com)
In an exciting display of missing the point, Biography.com profiles Tsutomim Yamaguchi, a man who managed to survive atomic bombings not once, but twice, and still show up for work. Internet historians emerge from their lairs to debate not the horrifying luck of Mr. Yamaguchi, but whether he might have been secretly Wolverine. Comment sections quickly devolve into arguments about bomb yields and who actually had it worse during the war, proving yet again that the real radioactive fallout is human empathy.
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52 points by belter
2024-06-17T22:19:38 |
30 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Understanding SPF, DKIM, and DMARC: A Simple Guide (github.com/nicanorflavier)
In an unsurprising burst of online enthusiasm, GitHub hosts a brand-new condescending guide to SPF, DKIM, and DMARC, terms which mere mortals can never hope to comprehend without the help of supreme tech overlords. We are blessed with a "simple" guide that ensures even your cat could configure email security, provided it can read. Comment sections become battlegrounds where IT gurus flex their minimal real-world experience and argue over semantics, rather than substance. Everyone leaves the discussion feeling smarter yet somehow, the spam keeps coming. 📧💥
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188 points by miles
2024-06-17T17:35:20 |
33 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ The March of Dimes Syndrome (city-journal.org)
Today on the intellectual treadmill that is city-journal.org, we encounter "The March of Dimes Syndrome," a scathing exposé revealing the shocking truth that activists might just enjoy having jobs. The article bravely argues that improving societal conditions paradoxically cause activists to whip up new crises, much like a magician pulling an oppressed rabbit out of a well-maintained hat. The comments section, ever a bastion of nuanced discourse, becomes a battleground where armchair economists and sofa politicians spar over who has the least understanding of social dynamics. It's like watching a dog chase its tail but with more self-righteous indignation.
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17 points by thoradam
2024-06-17T23:45:33 |
10 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Optical PCIe 7.0 connection hits 128 GT/s (tomshardware.com)
In an eye-watering display of technological might, Tom's Hardware flexes on mortals with the revelation that Optical PCIe 7.0 has achieved the dizzying speed of 128 GT/s, bringing the dreams of downloading entire RAM farms in mere seconds within tantalizing reach. As usual, the comment section becomes a battleground where self-declared tech prophets argue over implications most can't even pretend to understand. Between affiliate link confessions and the outright worship of bandwidth, one might almost miss the subtle *art* of sneaking in just enough tech jargon to sound informed while furiously Googling what PCIe even stands for. Welcome to the future, where speed is limitless but comprehension is still capped at user manual levels. 🚀😵💫🔥
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36 points by WithinReason
2024-06-17T11:42:08 |
19 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ FPGA-Based Disk Controller for the Apple II (bigmessowires.com)
In yet another stunning display of technological necromancy, a daring hobbyist at bigmessowires.com resurrects the Apple II, this time strapping it to an FPGA-based disk controller, because apparently the ghost of Steve Jobs hasn't suffered enough. Watch in amazement as dozens of enthusiasts, who stubbornly refuse to live past 1983, trade comments about soldering techniques and bemoan the death of real computing. If you've been losing sleep over the devastating lack of Apple II updates in your life, you can now rest easy and bask in the glow of retro LEDs that serve no purpose in modern society. Come, join the chorus of misplaced nostalgia and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out how many floppy disks it takes to save your mid-life crisis.
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14 points by jdblair
2024-06-17T13:40:15 |
3 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Intel details Skymont (chipsandcheese.com)
In a groundbreaking spectacle of corporate revelation, Intel dribbles out specifications for "Skymont," their latest soon-to-be-obsolete set of silicon wafers. The eager technophiles at chipsandcheese.com lap up the details, showcasing their unparalleled ability to regurgitate marketing materials with the excitement of a toddler on a sugar rush. Comment sections quickly become hallowed halls of uninformed speculation, as armchair engineers duel with the fierce intensity of undercaffeinated office workers discussing which stale donut merits the last squirt of break room coffee. Embrace the future, where your computer's inevitable obsolescence is always just one over-hyped chip release away.
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27 points by rbanffy
2024-06-17T22:24:47 |
2 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Show QN: Token price calculator for 400+ LLMs (github.com/agentops-ai)
A groundbreaking Hacker News submission once again proves that nothing excites the HN crowd like combining cryptocurrencies with obscure tech. The "*visionary*" developer proudly reveals a new tool to calculate token prices for over 400 Large Language Models, because if there's anything more useful than artificial intelligence, it's definitely making sure it can be monetized through speculative digital currencies. Commenters, in a collective outburst of speculative fervor, deeply analyze the potential impacts on the blockchain ecosystem, engaging in complex mathematical somersaults to justify their excitement. Others question the ethics, future regulations, and sustainability, but are quickly drowned out by eager cries of "To the moon!" 🚀 and "Have you considered an ICO?" Truly, a ballet of the blind leading the blind.
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77 points by Areibman
2024-06-17T19:44:53 |
22 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ A Note on Essential Complexity (olano.dev)
A Note on Essential Complexity: The Hacker's Kool-Aid
At olano.dev, another guru grandly states the exhausting obvious: software engineers do things with computers. Depending on their mystical levels of abstraction, personal philosophies, or how cynical their morning coffee makes them feel, they might even do them differently. Commenters, squinting at the zenith of wisdom, vigorously nod in agreement, dive into pedantic squabbles over frameworks, and flaunt their esoteric jargon like peacocks—just in case anyone doubted that they too, obviously, code. Clearly, the essential complexity here isn't in software engineering, but in deciphering why this needed to be said at all. 😂👩💻👨💻
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28 points by todsacerdoti
2024-06-17T22:08:19 |
7 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Pitfalls of comparing BigDecimals in Java (igorstechnoclub.com)
In a groundbreaking display of originality, igorstechnoclub.com tackles the evergreen topic of comparing BigDecimals in Java. Here, Java programmers, who evidently have nothing better to do, furiously debate the complexities of == vs .equals() like medieval scholars arguing how many angels can dance on the head of a semicolon. Dive into the comments section if you enjoy watching confusion blossom into full-on keyboard warfare among coding "gurus" who just discovered that numbers can be tricky. 😱 Who knew? #BigDecimalBattle
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23 points by Igor_Wiwi
2024-06-17T22:06:54 |
34 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Trading cards with e-ink displays (2023) (howtoware.co)
In a triumph of unnecessary technology, HowToWare proudly reveals the latest essential for not getting bullied in school: trading cards with e-ink displays. Because traditional glossy cardboard just doesn’t cut it anymore, these high-tech wonders promise to drain your wallet as efficiently as they drain their batteries. Commenters, seizing their moment to shine, engage in the digital equivalent of caveman grunts, debating whether a Pikachu with animated sparkles might finally fill the emotional void left by never learning to throw a proper baseball. Meanwhile, the real winners, tech manufacturers, rub their hands together at the exciting prospect of creating a landfill entirely out of dead trading cards by 2030. 🚀💸🗑️
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331 points by edye
2024-06-17T13:04:29 |
125 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Intel-undervolt: CPU undervolting and throttling configuration tool for Linux (github.com/kitsunyan)
In an exhilarating feat of technological brinkmanship, the GitHub proletariat gathers around "Intel-undervolt," a tool promising to dethrone the oppressive regime of factory CPU settings. In the delusional quest for cooler laptops and quieter fans, users pretend that a GitHub README is the pinnacle of documentation. Feedback is a sacred text here, with every suggestion and bug report treated as if it were handed down from the mountain atop a silicon tablet. Watch as the comment section transforms from tech support to an Olympic sport, where everyone competes for the gold in Advanced Thermal Engineering without a degree. 🏆🔥
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17 points by cl3misch
2024-06-17T22:44:44 |
5 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Humans began to rapidly accumulate technological knowledge 600k years ago (asu.edu)
Title: Stone Age Brainiacs: Our Ancestors Apparently Weren't Just Rock Smashers
Summary: A riveting glimpse into yesteryear where our ancestors, in a burst of unprecedented creativity, decided that plain old rock-smashing was passé and graduated to more complex stone tools, signaling the dawn of tech bros. According to a startling revelation by archaeologists—who apparently have nothing better to do than dig through millennia-old rubble—the Homo habilis of 600,000 years ago were the original Silicon Valley innovators, minus the hoodies and overpriced coffee. Commenters, ever eager to show off their own stone-age intellects, swing between calling it "groundbreaking" (pun obviously intended) and debating whether this tech evolution was driven by climate change, alien intervention, or an early form of capitalist oppression. Seriously, folks, can't we just enjoy pictures of ancient chipped rocks without a TED Talk? 🙄
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30 points by geox
2024-06-17T21:28:50 |
7 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ The Decompilation Wiki: categorized knowledge on decompilation (decompilation.wiki)
In a bold move that combines the joy of reading poorly-documented software with the thrill of ineffective crowd-sourcing, The Decompilation Wiki bravely attempts to corral the scattered brains of programmers trying to reverse engineer the wheel. Watch in awe or horror as hordes of would-be hackers enthusiastically dump half-understood snippets of code, peppered with jargon that would make a compiler weep. Comment sections, predictably filled with more ego than insight, resemble a gladiatorial arena where facts go to die but everyone's self-esteem remains unjustifiably intact. It's an in-depth testament to the belief that if you can't do something well, you might as well create a wiki about it.
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17 points by mahaloz
2024-06-17T21:37:48 |
0 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ “Attention assault” on Fandom (j3s.sh)
In the latest cry for help masquerading as tech criticism, an over-excited blogger unleashes an "Attention assault" tirade against the *unspeakable evil* of Fandom. Apparently, it's not enough that your favorite nerd haunts are commercialized beyond recognition, but now they must be purged for the sin of existing too vigorously in your peripheral vision. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into a glorious battleground where armchair revolutionaries bravely fight over who hates ads more, with the occasional knight-in-rusty-armor reminding everyone about the ancient art of ad blocking. Obviously, the future of civilization hinges on this vital discussion. 🙄
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266 points by todsacerdoti
2024-06-17T21:08:11 |
124 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Where did you go, Ms. Pac-Man? (thrillingtalesofoldvideogames.com)
Title: Where did you go, Ms. Pac-Man?
Today, in another breathless exposé from thrillingtalesofoldvideogames.com, the gaming world's version of a slow news day is heroically turned into a long-winded lament about the 'disappearance' of Ms. Pac-Man from the pixelated scene. As if the existential crisis of a video game character wasn't enough to ponder, the author brings in a twist: maybe Namco plotted her demise from the start! 🕹️ Who knew Ms. Pac-Man's munching on pellets and avoiding ghosts was actually a feminist manifesto in 8-bit form? Cue commenters, waxing nostalgic while fiercely debating her cultural impact, with a side of conspiracy theories on corporate sabotage. Stay tuned for next week's piece: "Pong: Secret Cold War Ambassador?"
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50 points by glhaynes
2024-06-17T20:02:34 |
28 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Sonoluminescence (wikipedia.org)
In yet another spectacular showcase of "Internet Expertise," Wikipedia dives into sonoluminescence, a phenomenon evidently crucial for bubble enthusiasts and those desperate to shine a literal light on their mediocre physics degrees. 🌟 The comment section is abloney soup of self-proclaimed Einsteins, all trying to outdo each other with their craptacular insights on how they'd harness this to power their next failing science fair project. Some propose this as the answer to the energy crisis, which is as implausible as them moving out of their parents' basement. <*em*>Physics<*\/em*>—because understanding imploding bubbles is surely what Einstein missed during his coffee breaks.
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6 points by seansh
2024-06-17T09:40:54 |
0 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Google DeepMind shifts from research lab to AI product factory (bloomberg.com)
In a stunning act of bravery, Google DeepMind pivots from occasionally solving arbitrary puzzles to manufacturing products no one understands. The transition, so subtle, leaves thousands of internet sages grappling with the reality that pressing a checkbox doesn't bestow a computer science degree. Amidst this chaos, one commenter heroically declares he could've done it better if only he didn’t have to waste all his time leaving insightful comments online. Google, inspired, begins work on an AI to automate that too.
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51 points by kjhughes
2024-06-17T22:02:59 |
23 comments
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