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▲ A Eulogy for DevOps (matduggan.com)
At matduggan.com, tech mourners have crowded into a virtual wake to honor the allegedly deceased concept of DevOps, which, unbeknownst to them, is still very much alive in places where professionals actually understand it. The author leads a candlelit vigil across digital pages, wistfully confusing continuous integration for a funeral procession. Commenters, displaying the collective comprehension of a distracted toddler at a physics lecture, leap at the chance to share their equally misguided eulogies. Each keystroke a solemn nod to buzzwords they've neither mastered nor fully understood, forever iterating their misunderstanding in a recursive loop of tech-illiteracy. 🕯️💻😭
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79 points by weaksauce
2024-06-28T22:59:05 |
48 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ The story, as best I can remember, of the origin of Mosaic and Netscape [video] (pmarca.substack.com)
Today's wisdom comes from pmarica.substack.com, where nostalgia meets Narcissus in a video delving into the birth of Mosaic and Netscape. Watch in awe as a tech luminary rewrites history in real-time, dutifully ignoring the contributions of lesser-known developers who obviously didn't go on to invest in billion-dollar unicorns. The comment section is a treasure trove of amnesia as aging tech bros recount their pivotal role in events they watched from their parents' basement. 🎬🚀 Remember kids, history is just a storyboard for your IPO pitch!
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123 points by kjhughes
2024-06-28T20:39:07 |
63 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ New ways to catch gravitational waves (nature.com)
Title: Finally, More Ways To Not See What You Can't See
In a stunning feat of modern science, Nature.com has published a groundbreaking article on "New Ways to Catch Gravitational Waves," ensuring that armchair physicists and coffee shop cosmologists will have something new to not understand. First, they suggest upgrading your browser to experience their CSS-limited galaxy brain content fully, reminding you that your outdated Internet Explorer is as embarrassingly archaic as using a sundial to time Usain Bolt's 100m sprint. Meanwhile, the comment section quickly spirals into a black hole of self-proclaimed geniuses debating string theory, bravely ignoring the actual content of the article. Get ready to not see gravitational waves in more ways than ever! 🌌👀
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184 points by sohkamyung
2024-06-28T12:41:22 |
77 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ The loneliness of the low-ranking tennis player (theguardian.com)
In an earth-shattering exposé, The Guardian reveals that not being very good at tennis can be sort of a bummer. A former Irish tennis "star," whose claim to fame is being the best among a highly competitive field of dozens, spills the beans on the shocking revelation that professional sports might be hard when you're not winning. In the comments, self-appointed sports psychologists and armchair coaches gather to dissect the player’s technique, strategy, and life choices, each confident they’ve cracked the code on how a barely memorable athlete could have totally been a Grand Slam contender, if only they'd listened. 🎾🙄
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193 points by jgwil2
2024-06-27T17:23:55 |
155 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Meta LLM Compiler: neural optimizer and disassembler (twitter.com/aiatmeta)
The wizards at Meta have unveiled their latest distraction, the "Meta LLM Compiler," a miraculous contraption promising to optimize neural networks into unrecognizable mush. The eager masses on Twitter respond with their usual blend of unfounded optimism and barely-concealed ignorance, heralding this nerdy Rube Goldberg machine as the savior of computation. Witnesses report a sharp increase in buzzwords per tweet, although no one's quite sure what the product does – least of all the people explaining it. Truly, we are in the golden age of both artificial intelligence and artificial understanding. 🤖💥
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134 points by foobazgt
2024-06-28T11:12:15 |
58 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Everything You Should Know about the Legendary Valjoux 7750 Chronograph Movement (monochrome-watches.com)
In a stunning display of obsessive chronometric pedantry, Monochrome Watches publishes an excruciatingly detailed ode to the Valjoux 7750, a watch movement that your grandfather ironically referred to as “that noisy thing.” Watch aficionados emerge from their lairs to drop contentious and unsolicited essays in the comments section, each attempting to one-up each other with increasingly obscure references to pivots, jewels, and balance wheels. One might mistake this for an academic symposium if it weren't for the overpowering scent of superiority and WD-40. Meanwhile, the casual reader flees to any webpage less pretentious, maybe a dissertation on the cultural significance of fanny packs.
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11 points by Pamar
2024-06-25T08:41:31 |
0 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ What is a CIDR trie and how can it help you? (d34dl0ck.me)
This week on d34dl0ck.me, a brave soul attempts to demystify the enigmatic *CIDR trie* for the five other enthusiasts who both understand what "CIDR" means and haven’t yet fled to saner hobbies. The article combines the thrill of exploring Rust – everyone's favorite way to turn memory management into a lifestyle choice – with the joy of "open source", ensuring you can suffer alongside strangers globally. Comment sections flourish with the usual suspects: the *wannabe* mentor who has clearly never used a trie, the pedantic commenter correcting minor typos but *ignoramus on* the actual content, and the lost souls seeking homework help. Spoiler: you won’t learn more about CIDR tries, but you'll leave with fresh existential dread about internet communities. 🤦♂️
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5 points by lukastyrychtr
2024-06-28T22:35:03 |
0 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Show QN: Focal, a Pomodoro App (aabiji.github.io)
A riveting breakthrough in digital egg timers hits Hacker News. Focal, which is essentially a Pomodoro app with the CSS turned up, sends productivity zealots into a frenzy. Watch as the armchair developers dissect 200 lines of JavaScript as if it’s the Rosetta Stone while simultaneously arguing over whether true productivity requires abandoning society for a hut in the woods. Bonus points for those who suggest blockchain could make it even more revolutionary. Never change, HN. 🍅💻✨
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22 points by aabiji
2024-06-28T20:51:56 |
16 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Ask QN: What is the best code base you ever worked on?
In a stunning display of collective amnesia, hackers on Hacker News debate which codebase causes them the least suffering. One brave soul claims their own spaghetti code was a Michelangelo masterpiece in a sea of monolithic mud pies, shocking absolutely no one. Commenters vie for the highest nerd cred by namedropping obscure projects, while simultaneously misspelling basic programming terms. It’s like watching lemurs trying to recite Shakespeare — almost adorable in their ineptitude. 🙈
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267 points by pcatach
2024-06-28T08:40:44 |
242 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Is Clear Air Turbulence becoming more common? (flightradar24.com)
In the latest installment of eco-panic, Flightradar24.com tackles the *mystifying* phenomena of Clear Air Turbulence becoming more frequent due to, you guessed it, climate change. Aeronautics enthusiasts and armchair meteorologists flood the comments, each trying to outdo the others with their **vast** knowledge gleaned from Wikipedia and half-watched YouTube documentaries. One user speculates it’s all a conspiracy by Big Barf Bag. Meanwhile, frequent flyers chime in with their sky tales, convinced their last bumpy ride from Ibiza was a near-death experience, showcasing their expertise in atmospheric science.
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200 points by redtriumph
2024-06-28T12:04:56 |
119 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Entrust Certificate Distrust (googleblog.com)
In an earth-shattering feat of bravery, the Chrome Security Team vows to protect users from the villainous clutches of compromised security certificates. This unmatched declaration of web purity shall be emblazoned across the skies of the internet - or at least in a quiet corner of their blog few will read. The blog's devoted comment section becomes a battleground where self-proclaimed cybersecurity experts trade blows using jargon, desperately guessing what a "certificate" might actually do. Meanwhile, regular humans continue to click "I Agree" without reading anything, maintaining the sacred tradition of internet apathy. 🎭💻
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145 points by iancarroll
2024-06-27T17:22:51 |
65 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Out of sight, 'dark fungi' run the world from the shadows (scientificamerican.com)
On Scientific American, a supposedly informative article claims to uncover the truth about "dark fungi," which, from the shadows of obscurity, purportedly manipulate global ecosystems with the same subtlety as a conspiracy theorist decorates their basement with red yarn and newspaper clippings. Excited readers manage to briefly lift their gaze from their daily alien abduction research to herald this new scientific breakthrough, energetically commenting about how this definitely connects to chemtrails and the Illuminati. Between throwing around half-understood scientific terms and speculating wildly, not a single commenter seems to realize they're discussing mold. Really, the real fungus among us is whatever's growing in the depths of their neglected refrigerators.
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81 points by Jimmc414
2024-06-26T21:44:45 |
16 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Einstein and his peers were resistant to black holes (bbc.com)
This week on BBC.com, a dazzling exposé reveals that Albert Einstein and his buddies weren't fans of black holes, essentially because they sounded like bad science fiction. Who knew that theoretical physics could have all the drama of a high school clique rejecting the new kid because his shoes were too whacky? Dive into the comments to watch a horde of armchair physicists explain, over their sixth cup of coffee, why they always thought black holes were obviously real, and how they would’ve totally convinced Einstein at the dorm party—if only they’d been there. Because, of course, it's only the lack of a time machine that's keeping these geniuses from their Nobel Prizes in Physics. 🙄🌌
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77 points by tigerlily
2024-06-28T03:50:00 |
77 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Show QN: Thermion, an open source 3D rendering toolkit for Flutter and/or Dart (thermion.dev)
In this week's episode of Reinventing the Wheel, an intrepid Hacker News user proudly unveils **Thermion**: yet another groundbreaking 3D rendering toolkit that absolutely no one was waiting for, but will now solemnly debate as if it were the second coming of OpenGL. Watch in awe as the comment section transforms into an intellectual battleground where opinions are tossed around with the casual accuracy of a Stormtrooper. The toolkit promises blissful integration with Flutter and Dart, because what the coding world desperately needs is more niche tools fragmenting the already Byzantine landscape of software development. Bystanders can almost hear the faint sobs of developers already overburdened with choices, crying out for anything that isn't yet another toolkit. 🛠️😭
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8 points by nmfisher
2024-06-28T08:47:56 |
0 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Software galaxies (anvaka.github.io)
In an awe-inspiring showcase of misplaced priorities, someone decides to make "Software Galaxies," a visual extravaganza where Github repositories are galaxies. Marvel at how time, instead of being channeled into making software *less* buggy, goes into making an overly complex constellation of commit clusters. The comment section is flooded with tech-bros who have found yet another tool to avoid the real work, praising the depth and utility of seeing their code as a cosmic joke. It's the celestial map no one asked for, feeding the egos of developers who imagine their half-baked projects as stars in the infinite void of productivity.
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582 points by matesz
2024-06-28T04:54:53 |
105 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Quaternion Differentiation (2012) (fgiesen.wordpress.com)
Title: Quaternion Differentiation (2012) (fgiesen.wordpress.com)
Today in the digital catacombs of the programmer-philosophers, an intrepid blogger discovers the unfathomable: a lack of succinct Google search results. Cue the heroic resolve to *write* something about quaternion differentiation because apparently, a concept you can’t grasp in under five minutes of googling might just cripple civilization. Commenters emerge from the woodwork, flaunting their esoteric knowledge and jockeying for the position of *Most Likely to Have Been Bullied in High School*. Meanwhile, the rest of the internet breathes a collective sigh of relief that someone finally addressed this pressing non-issue. 🤓🚀
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66 points by niborgen
2024-06-28T12:22:54 |
5 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Pompeii fixed potholes with molten iron (2019) (smithsonianmag.com)
In an astonishing revelation that has disrupted local book clubs and mundane dinner parties alike, *Smithsonian Magazine* enlightens the world with its groundbreaking "discovery" that ancient Pompeiians fixed potholes with molten iron. Cue the internet’s finest armchair archaeologists, who have promptly launched into intense debates over the viability of importing 2,000-year-old infrastructure practices to solve modern-day potholes. Oh, if only our city planners wielded the mighty power of molten iron like the daring Pompeiians—and not just doughnuts and coffee during budget meetings! Meanwhile, a chorus of self-declared experts is *joyfully* reminiscing their last Italian vacation, clearly the benchmark of robust civil engineering expertise. 😂🏛️🕳️
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62 points by strict9
2024-06-28T19:23:43 |
50 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Open source 'Eclipse Theia IDE' exits beta to challenge Visual Studio Code (visualstudiomagazine.com)
The open-source gladiator, Eclipse Theia IDE, emerges from the beta colosseum triumphantly waving its slightly less buggy sword, ready to challenge the emperor, Visual Studio Code. Meanwhile, the tech hobbyists and armchair developers in the comments section are throwing a toga party, convinced that their backseat coding advice propelled Theia's mad dash from beta. One commenter, donning a virtual laurel wreath, hails Theia in Latin, hoping it adds a pinch of ancient credibility to their GitHub repo. Let the IDE games begin! 🥳👩💻
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61 points by avivallssa
2024-06-28T20:49:23 |
51 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Supreme Court overturns 40-year-old "Chevron deference" doctrine (axios.com)
In a stunning airstrike on the long-standing "Chevron deference," the Supreme Court decides it's high time bureaucrats stopped interpreting laws. Regret floods the comment sections as internet constitutional scholars mourn the erosion of a doctrine they Googled ten minutes ago. Armchair justices in Reddit robes passionately argue that their preliminary online law course, taken entirely through sarcastic Twitter threads, provides ample insight into this deeply nuanced judicial reformation. Democracy weeps, or maybe it’s just laughing too hard at the spectacle. 🎭🍿
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547 points by wumeow
2024-06-28T14:31:12 |
1133 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ ELIZA Reinterpreted: The world's first chatbot was not intended as a chatbot (arxiv.org)
In a riveting archaeological expedition into the cavernous underbelly of 1960s software documentation, an academic performing one better than reading tea leaves declares that ELIZA, the world’s so-called first chatbot, was never really meant to be a chat RSS feed. That's right, kiddos: what you've been touting as the pioneering force behind your Siri and Alexa is basically just a glorified party trick, circa 1964. The comments, always a goldmine of unintentional hilarity, feature a bevvy of tech bros and amateur philosophers convinced that their sophomore-year philosophy class prepared them to tackle discussions that philosophers and cognitive scientists have sweated over for decades. Emojis and AI-generated elder wisdom abound 🤖💬, because who needs critical reading when you have tech zealotry?
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47 points by mtraven
2024-06-26T20:05:42 |
16 comments
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