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▲ Free-threaded CPython is ready to experiment with (quansight.org)
In a triumphant display of reinventing the wheel, the Quansight team has announced that CPython is now "ready to experiment with" after discovering the thread-safe nirvana that the programming underworld actually stopped caring about circa 1997. As tech aficionados flood the comment section, they debate whether Python’s new threads will make machine learning models run faster or just crash more elegantly. Spoiler alert: the main achievement here seems to be turning Python into a glorified, gloriously crashing version of itself. Contribute to humanity by either applying these threads incorrectly or pontificating about them in comments with the zeal of teenaged PHP script kiddies. 🐍💥🧵
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251 points by ngoldbaum
2024-07-12T19:52:52 |
140 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Use a Work Journal to Recover Focus Faster and Clarify Your Thoughts (fev.al)
In an earth-shattering revelation, an article on fev.al introduces the incredulous tech elite to the ancient concept of writing things down in a "work journal." Commenters, likely pausing mid-sip from their overpriced artisan coffee, discover that scribbling their distractions may actually help them remember what they were supposed to be working on five minutes ago. Snarky remarks and humble-bragging ensue as each tries to one-up each other on whose journal is more Moleskine. They're focused, they're productive, they're clarified — or so they would have you believe. 📓✍️
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17 points by charles_f
2024-07-13T00:05:23 |
2 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ The End of the Affair? Not for Eric Schmidt (nytimes.com)
In a shocking turn of events that no one could have predicted, Eric Schmidt, king of tireless innovation and former Google overlord, might still have some tricks up his sleeve after donning the cloak of invisibility post-Google. The New York Times delivers this egregious scoop with the kind of tireless investigative prowess typically reserved for tracking down lost cats. Commentators, in a display of unmatched wit and critical insight, oscillate between applauding Schmidt’s undying zest for corporate chess and condemning him for not spending his billions on [em]more useful pursuits[/em] like solving world hunger or inventing silent leaf blowers. Truly, humanity is in debt to these keyboard warriors.
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10 points by wyclif
2024-07-12T23:43:21 |
0 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ AT&T says criminals stole phone records of 'nearly all' customers in data breach (techcrunch.com)
AT&T, in a stunning move that surprises literally nobody paying attention, announces that the sacred phone records of 'nearly all' its customers have been bagged and tagged by criminals in the latest data breach. The comment section, a dazzling menagerie of armchair experts, conspiracy theorists, and caps-lock enthusiasts, is on fire with suggestions ranging from switching to carrier pigeons to starting a new civilization on Mars. Ironically, these geniuses are just now deciding that maybe, just maybe, it's time to ask if AT&T stands for "Always Targeted & Taken." 🙄
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579 points by impish9208
2024-07-12T11:17:54 |
551 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Tau: Open-source PaaS – A self-hosted Vercel / Netlify / Cloudflare alternative (github.com/taubyte)
Tau: because reinventing the wheel now requires cloud-based distribution. Github's latest darling aims to replicate the basic functionalities of Vercel / Netlify / Cloudflare from the discomfort of your own server. The developers solemnly assure us that "every piece of feedback" is cherished, a claim dutifully echoed by countless 👏 clapping comments from users who will undoubtedly stick with GitHub-hosted solutions. In a world desperate for more DIY projects that scream "I could've just paid for this," Tau stands unrivaled.
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306 points by thunderbong
2024-07-12T14:41:22 |
80 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ What could explain the gallium anomaly? (quantamagazine.org)
On the prestigious digital tabloid "Quantum Magazine," physicists parade yet another bewilderment: the gallium anomaly, a term sure to tickle the neurons of three readers worldwide. In an astonishing display of scholar agility, experts fling around terms like "particle discrepancies" and "neutrino oscillations" with the careless ease of a drunken juggler. Meanwhile, in the bustling hive of the comments section, armchair physicists contend fiercely over theories as they bravely shield their lack of qualifications behind fierce usernames and aggressive use of Google. Truly, the internet remains humanity's best hope for comic relief. 🤓
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113 points by ars
2024-07-12T18:35:08 |
32 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Beating the Compiler (mattkeeter.com)
In a riveting display of pointless masochism, Matt Keeter decides to challenge the collective wisdom of *literal engineer-centuries*, because, naturally, his one-man cerebral circus is expected to outperform years of optimized compiler development. His readers, a delightful melange of hopeful rebels and self-certified "experts," cheer from the sidelines, doling out unsolicited advice about why "beating the compiler" is not only feasible but the next step in their basement tech empires. Their enthusiasm wanes only long enough to misspell criticism of proprietary software, right before becoming entangled in spiritual debates over whose assembly code is the least readable. Who knew armchair CPU architecture could be so exhilarating? 🙄
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98 points by mkeeter
2024-07-12T18:54:17 |
27 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Show QN: 30ms latency screen sharing in Rust (github.com/bitwhip)
The Hackernews collective cunningly uncovers the "miraculous" feat of a Rust-based, supposedly ultra-low latency screen sharing tool that promises near-instantaneous interaction. Blessed by the infallible Gods of Speed, some brave crusader decided to "_actually_" read feedback and "_seriously_" consider it, accidentally uncovering the forgotten art of customer service. Amidst the cacophony of adulation in the comments, sweaty palms pound keyboards claiming this will vaporize Zoom, as distant echoes of "But does it run on blockchain?" fill the void. Meanwhile, seasoned veterans roll their eyes, silently mourning the eight hundred and thirty-second redefinition of "groundbreaking."
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12 points by Sean-Der
2024-07-09T14:07:09 |
0 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Responsive bar charts in HTML and CSS (9elements.com)
In today's episode of "Why Should I Learn JavaScript," a heroic blogger at 9elements.com reinvents the super complex technique of making bar charts responsive with just HTML and CSS, because surely, JavaScript is just there to make pages slower, right? Watch in awe as every front-end developer with an allergy to actual coding hails this as the Second Coming of CSS. Meanwhile, the comment section turns into a battleground where self-proclaimed UX experts and brave code-minimalists debate whether adding one more div would indeed bring the apocalypse. Unsurprisingly, everyone forgets to ask if anyone actually needs bar charts that respond like hyperactive squirrels. 🙄💻📊
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59 points by sippndipp
2024-07-12T20:17:40 |
16 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Final Fantasy 7: An Oral History (2017) (polygon.com)
In an exercise of truly groundbreaking journalism, Polygon dares to publish yet another definitive oral history of Final Fantasy VII, a topic surely untouched by human discourse until now. Matt Leone exhaustively unearths the same anecdotes previously recounted in every gaming forum since the late '90s, now decorated with the glossy sheen of 'official reporting'. Commenters, eager to showcase their encyclopedic knowledge of a 20-year-old game, fiercely debate the nuanced distinctions between "epic" and "overrated," while reminiscing about the good ol' days of blowing on cartridges and being gatekeepers of geek culture. Truly, we walk among the intellectual giants of our time. 🎮👾
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28 points by cocacola1
2024-07-07T22:48:26 |
3 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Solving the Worst Problem in Programming Education: Windows (learncodethehardway.com)
**Title:** The Calamity of Coding on Clunky Windows
In a heroic and unfathomable effort to democratize programming education, one brave course creator recounts their harrowing experiences trying to support Windows - a feat akin to teaching a cat quantum physics. Because, apparently, suggesting students buy a Mac is financial elitism, but masochistically grappling with endless Windows configuration is a fair and noble educational method. Cue the comment section warriors: half lamenting the need to use their right-clicks for anything other than gaming, while the others heroically type out Linux command lines, smugly wondering why the world hasn't switched to systems only they love. Who knew the biggest hurdle in coding education was apparently not syntax or logic, but surviving Windows' labyrinthian layers? 😱💻🤦♂️
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29 points by vinipolicena
2024-07-12T23:45:48 |
25 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Common Expression Language interpreter written in Rust (github.com/clarkmcc)
In an awe-inspiring display of missing the point, the tech world heralds the birth of yet another Common Expression Language interpreter, this time cobbled together in Rust—an apparent attempt to marry Google's complexity with Mozilla's irrelevance. The creator assures they value feedback, which in internet parlance means "please decorate my GitHub issues with your least coherent rants." Commenters are locked in mortal combat, debating not the utility of the interpreter, but the indisputable supremacy of their favored programming languages. Witness, world, as productivity meets its arch-nemesis: Open-source collaboration. 🦀💻
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40 points by PaulHoule
2024-07-12T19:19:31 |
9 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ So you want to rent an NVIDIA H100 cluster? 2024 Consumer Guide (photoroom.com)
The enterprising visionaries at photoroom.com unveil their groundbreaking guide to renting an NVIDIA H100 cluster, boldly assuming that the average reader can both spell "NVIDIA" and explain what a "cluster" actually means. Eager hobbyists learn they can now delete backgrounds from their cat photos with the computational fury of thousands of wasted GPUs. The comment section turns into a spectacular battleground where tech-bros flex their acronyms, proving once and for all who can Google jargon the fastest. Clearly, the true background that needs removing is the cloud of smug that now envelops the entire discussion.
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231 points by ea016
2024-07-09T11:02:22 |
85 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Ask QN: How to grow a concert visuals business?
A hopeful pixel pusher wanders into Hacker News, seeking the wisdom of the eternal commentariat on how to turn trippy light shows into Silicon Valley-level success. Commenters, eager to flex their unearned MBAs, offer contradictory advice ranging from using blockchain to weave light patterns to interrupting Beethoven’s Fifth with sporadic ad placements for maximum revenue extraction. In the melee, an unemployed project manager recommends an agile sprint for color palette selection, while a high school coder insists that AI could probably do it all, but better. Other insights, lost in a barrage of self-aggrandizing tech-jargon, suggest you might learn more about concert visuals by listening to a microwave beep. 🎵💸👀
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46 points by nuclearsugar
2024-07-12T13:45:33 |
23 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Beating the L1 cache with value speculation (2021) (mazzo.li)
Title: "Hacker News Decrypts CPU Alchemy: Speculative Spectacles Edition"
Summary: A brave soul on Hacker News attempts to unveil the mystical arts of CPU acceleration, advocating for the revolutionary act of "value speculation" to—hold your breath—skip over the *archaic* L1 cache. Readers are assured that if the opening paragraph reads like quantum physics, the rest of the article will diligently hold their hands through the computational wizardry. Comments, predictably, oscillate between self-proclaimed savants solving P=NP in passing, and those mistaking the branch predictor for a weather forecasting app. In this corner of the internet, everyone's a PhD or plays one on Hacker News. 🙄💻🚀
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163 points by nickdevx
2024-07-11T20:17:58 |
44 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Show QN: Dropbase AI – A Prompt-Based Python Web App Builder (github.com/dropbasehq)
At Hacker News, a brave new "innovation" emerges: Dropbase AI, a tool that promises to transform even the meekest marketer into a Python guru with little more than the power of prompts. As the founders announce their slavish devotion to user feedback, the HN crowd erupts in ecstasy, seemingly forgetting the inherent joys of manual debugging. Commenters trip over themselves to praise the tool, offering unsolicited suggestions while casually dropping buzzwords like "game-changer" and "disruptive." Meanwhile, seasoned developers weep softly into their keyboards, mourning the days when coding required more than a witty prompt. 🐍🔮
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84 points by jimmyechan
2024-07-12T17:08:19 |
8 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Windows NT for Power Macintosh (github.com/wack0)
In an astonishing throwback that nobody asked for but everybody apparently needs, someone decided to resurrect Windows NT for Power Macintosh because modern software clearly isn’t vintage enough. The author claims, "We read every piece of feedback," which is great because the three people who still remember what a Power Macintosh is are teeming with insights. Delving into the comments, nostalgic tech bros emerge from their basement lairs to swap tales of IRQ conflicts with the same enthusiasm once reserved for swapping Pokémon cards. It’s tech necromancy at its finest, sprinkling a pinch of usability nightmares on a salad of obsolete hardware. 🧙♂️💾
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261 points by TazeTSchnitzel
2024-07-12T12:51:58 |
159 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ WildGaussians: 3D Gaussian Splatting in the Wild (arxiv.org)
In this week's episode of "Academics Gone Wild," scholars at an undisclosed institution (probably just the coffee shop with the best Wi-Fi) throw down their latest mind-churner: "WildGaussians: 3D Gaussian Splatting in the Wild." 🔄💻 The paper, presumably about liberating Gaussian distributions into their natural habitat (spoiler: it's a computer simulation), challenges both the laws of nature and the patience of anyone brave enough to read it. Commenters, desperate for a sense of belonging, engage in an intellectual melee, each trying to prove they understand the nuances of "splatting" better than the authors. 🎯🍿 Who knew Gaussian splatting could invoke such wilderness in the hearts of the statistically inclined?
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82 points by alphabetting
2024-07-12T14:22:25 |
16 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ PC-BASIC, a cross-platform interpreter for GW-BASIC (robhagemans.github.io)
Title: Another Escape From Modern Programming
In a stunning display of technological regression, a brave coder heroically catapults us back to the 1980s with PC-BASIC, promising to run those high-resolution, deeply complex MS-DOS classic games and BASIC applications that modern systems just can't handle. Watch in awe as commenters trip over themselves to praise the "good old days" of programming, where the only thing more abundant than floppy disks was a complete lack of user-friendly interfaces. Wistful nostalgia and irony run rampant as aging tech enthusiasts argue over which archaic printer model offered the best tear-off margins. Clearly, the future of computing is behind us. 🕹️👴📟
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49 points by tie-in
2024-07-12T16:48:59 |
15 comments
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