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▲ Jelly Star – The Smallest Android 13 Smartphone (unihertz.com)
In an audacious effort to fulfill the dreams of tech enthusiasts who have spent years yearning to return to a pre-smartphone era, Unihertz releases the Jelly Star, an Android device the size of a peanut shell. Featuring a screen barely visible to the human eye, this marvel of obscurity finally liberates users from the risk of actually enjoying media consumption or seeing what they type. Comment sections are ablaze with consumer futurologists, clamoring to proclaim the device as the herald of the 'minimal tech movement,' despite half of them likely squinting to grasp even the partial outline of their ASCII emojis. Free shipping on orders just a cent shy of $100 reminds everyone that good things come in micro, eye-straining packages. 🧐🔍💸
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143 points by f_allwein
2024-07-13T21:19:30 |
99 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Give people something to link to (simonwillison.net)
In an exhilarating display of digital self-awareness, Simon Willison's latest blog post unveils an earth-shattering revelation: *people like to share links on the internet.* The date, committed to digital eternity, marks the moment humanity was blessed with this newfound wisdom. Comments flood in, each person heroically outdoing the last in expressing their faux astonishment. Collectively, they bask in the glow of a thousand opened tabs, forever in pursuit of the next clickable epiphany.
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173 points by simonw
2024-07-13T16:14:27 |
29 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ The Illustrated AlphaFold (elanapearl.github.io)
In a stunning display of diagrams that would even make a seasoned Ikea assembler weep, elanapearl.github.io gifts us "The Illustrated AlphaFold." The article features more layers than your average geological sediment, intricately laying out the AlphaFold3 architecture like it's a treasure map only the worthy can decode. Over in the comments section, the usual suspects—each considering themselves the next unappreciated Einstein—are embroiled in a battle of infinite assumptions and zero stakes. Watch as they juggle technical jargon and self-importance, desperately vying for the crown in the kingdom of the blind. 🧠🔍🎭
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186 points by dil8
2024-07-13T15:00:39 |
7 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Roblox Open Sources Real-Time Voice Safety Model (roblox.com)
Roblox, the pixelated empire of tween dreams, graciously drops the scraps of its "Real-Time Voice Safety Model" into the open-source soup kitchen, solving online harassment as only a company that monetizes dance moves could. Commenters, waving their gamer headsets, cheer wildly from their basements, hailing this gargantuan act of basic responsibility as the dawn of a new, utopian internet. Watch in amazement as they argue over the specifics of neural network architectures as if they're the lead developers, rather than glorified beta testers experiencing sunlight through their web browsers. Finally, Roblox can safely allow children to buy more virtual hats with less supervillain interference. Bravo! 🎩🎮
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62 points by janos95
2024-07-08T22:10:56 |
20 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Talos: Secure, immutable, and minimal Linux OS for running Kubernetes (talos.dev)
In an astonishing triumph of redundancy, the internet welcomes yet another Linux distribution nobody asked for: Talos Linux. Crafted exclusively for those who not only tolerate Kubernetes but somehow adore it, Talos promises "security," "immutability," and "minimalism"—presumably because you wouldn't be using it if you wanted your system to do anything else. Meanwhile, the comments section blossoms into a fragrant dumpster fire of DevOps "experts" competitively misunderstanding basic container concepts, while simultaneously bragging about their microservice nightmares. Docker really dodged a bullet by not being this laughably specialized. 🐧💻
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47 points by sea-gold
2024-07-13T20:14:10 |
2 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Show QN: Resurrecting a dead Dune RTS game (wheybags.com)
An intrepid software necromancer at wheybags.com has heroically dragged the decaying corpse of an old Dune RTS game out of its digital grave. Eager commenters, apparently unsatisfied with the plethora of existing distractions from their daily drudgeries, are tripping over themselves to apply a "patch" just so they can relive the strategic thrill of making digital sandworms eat spice harvesters. The available source code on GitHub, likely written in the ancient prophecy of "C++ or something," garners as much excitement as discovering water on Arrakis. None of the participants seem aware that actual books still exist. 📚👾
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69 points by wheybags
2024-07-13T19:00:56 |
11 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Student uses black soldier flies to grow pea plants in simulated Martian soil (phys.org)
In the latest episode of "Earth Problems, Martian Solutions," a student discovers that the real trick to colonizing Mars is not advanced robotics or intricate life support systems, but *black soldier flies*. Watch as they excitedly talk about using insect poop to grow peas in red dirt, because *obviously* when humanity lives on Mars, we'll survive on insect-assisted agriculture, not potatoes like Matt Damon suggested. Comments section is a delightful dumpster fire of armchair astronauts and backyard biologists, each convinced they’d make a better space farmer than the other, because reading half a Wikipedia article definitely equals a PhD in Martian agriculture. 🚀💩🌱
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22 points by PaulHoule
2024-07-09T10:13:53 |
6 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ The Threads Creator Paradox (augment.ink)
In another riveting attempt at relevance, Meta launches "Threads". Celebrate, peons, as our benevolent corporate overlords grace us with a shiny new platform that just wants to be Twitter when it grows up. Users flock in droves, basking in the innovative glory of a TweetDeck clone, ready to regurgitate the same ideas in slightly different formatting. Comment sections explode with nuanced critiques like, "It's just like Twitter but worse," proving once again that no one really has a clue. 😂
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13 points by hn1986
2024-07-13T22:22:44 |
6 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ A Philosophy Professor's Final Class (2023) (newyorker.com)
In a thrilling display of intellectual masochism, a philosophy professor decides to wax poetic one last time, turning his final class into a TED Talk minus the charisma. The audience, a coalition of sleepy undergrads, learns that the meaning of life might just hinge on not reading the comments section. Meanwhile, in those very comments, armchair philosophers equipped with half-read Kant quotes and a penchant for misusing logical fallacies try to prove they, too, could have been tenure-track if only they hadn't discovered Reddit. This landmark moment in academic navel-gazing reaffirms that some questions, like why this lecture couldn't have been an email, are best left unanswered.
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33 points by dotcoma
2024-07-13T20:22:32 |
12 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ STEMFIE, a 3D-printable construction set toy (stemfie.org)
At last, the pinnacle of human achievement: STEMFie. This groundbreaking invention allows anyone with a 3D printer to create lackluster plastic blocks that will inevitably become the high-tech landfill of tomorrow. Hobbyists and masquerading engineers rejoice in comment sections, battling fiercely over the optimal infill settings for their glorified LEGO knockoffs. Watch in amazement as adults spend hours fine-tuning printers to fabricate toys, proving once again that "accessible to children" means "irresistible to grown men with too much free time." 🙄
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115 points by _Microft
2024-07-13T12:01:37 |
26 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Disruptor-rs: better latency and throughput than crossbeam (github.com/nicholassm)
In a revolutionary act of defiance against the established laws of computer science, another brave soul claims to have reinvented the wheel with *Disruptor-rs*, a new library promising magic beans like "better latency and throughput" compared to Crossbeam. The github repository, fueled by the optimistic tears of armchair developers, bursts with ground-shaking contributions like fixing typos in README.md. Commenters, having briefly interrupted their relentless schedule of rewriting FizzBuzz in Rust, flock to shower praise, each eager to declare that they, too, once read a blog post about lock-free data structures. Scholars maintain that the true discovery here lies not in the software, but in the enduring proof that no developer ever reads past the first paragraph of documentation. 🚀🔄
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140 points by nicholassm83
2024-07-13T13:47:43 |
32 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Optimizing the Lichess Tablebase Server (lichess.org)
Title: Lichess Discovers the Magical World of Efficient Data Management
"On the frontier of needlessly complex chess websites, a brave soul at Lichess finally realizes that servers are supposed to serve data quickly. They scramble to reconfigure their decrepit Syzygy tablebase after casual players just wanted to know if they were still losing in four moves instead of five. In the comments, armchair IT experts and sixteen-year-old Kubernetes evangelists congregate to suggest 'simpler' solutions involving blockchain, AI, or, disturbingly, more RAID. All seem blissfully unaware that no amount of server optimization will help with their sub-1200 ELO ratings."
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217 points by cristoperb
2024-07-12T22:14:07 |
54 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Where is the most densely populated square kilometre in the UK? (2023) (statsmapsnpix.com)
**Where Is The Most Crowded Teaspoon in Britain's Cuppa?**
In a groundbreaking act of clicking on a few Excel spreadsheets, a brave blogger tackles the unimaginable: finding the square kilometer in the UK where everyone's awkwardly avoiding eye contact. In a stunning revelation, we learn *London* is packed tighter than a Tube train at rush hour—it's shocking, we know. Commenters are out in force, fiercely debating which overcrowded barista training school truly embodies the soul of their suburban sprawl, while others lament not seeing Glasgow mentioned until halfway through, despite it being "just as important as London!" 🙄🇬🇧.
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49 points by fanf2
2024-07-11T14:42:03 |
35 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Crafting Interpreters (craftinginterpreters.com)
In an exciting development that no one asked for, Crafting Interpreters is here to hand-hold wannabe language architects through the esoteric art of building a calculator that can say "Hello, World!" The website, adorned with painstaking details that only five people will read, turns complex theory into insufferable drudgery. Enthusiastic commenters, all six of them, who’ve never touched a codebase bigger than a Hello World script, debate fervently over which unnecessary feature is crucial to their never-to-be-completed programming language. 💻🚀 #InnovationOrBust
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443 points by metadat
2024-07-12T23:00:25 |
141 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Crocotile3D low poly modelling tool (crocotile3d.com)
The not-so-vast internet wilderness has been "blessed" with Crocotile3D, yet another tool promising to revolutionize the exhaustive world of low poly modeling. As if navigating a sea of barely-functional GUIs wasn’t thrilling enough, now we can 3D model with the finesse of a crocodile wearing boxing gloves. Don't forget to click on "Download" —assuming your aim is true. Adventure to the comments section, where bewildered souls exchange rare sightings of useful tips amidst the usual cries for help and ASCII art. Truly, a prime gathering spot for the future masters of digital cubes and the perpetually confused. 😂🐊👾
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275 points by bananaboy
2024-07-10T02:05:05 |
40 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Free-threaded CPython is ready to experiment with (quansight.org)
In a bold move that threatens to destabilize coffee shops filled with MacBook-toting "software gurus," Quansight announces that CPython is now free-threaded, ushering in an era of unmatched experimental chaos. Watch as programmers feverishly debate the nuances on Reddit, armed with half-baked knowledge and a superiority complex. Expect a surge in blog posts titled "How I Broke Python with Threads and How You Can Too!" Every comment section promises to be a delightful battleground where the inexperienced can parade their ignorance with pride, arguing over performance benchmarks they clearly do not understand. 🚀💻🔥
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473 points by ngoldbaum
2024-07-12T19:52:52 |
332 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Introduction to Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages 1985-1995 (2001) (timhulsizer.com)
In an electrifying display of observational prowess, a blog post revisits "Calvin and Hobbes: Sunday Pages 1985-1995," providing Earth-shattering insights such as "comics exist" and "were published on Sundays." A crowd of emotionally-stunted adults in the comments wax nostalgic about how the strips shaped their entire moral philosophy and bemoan the disappearance of genuinely "deep" literature like, you know, comic books for children. Meanwhile, any semblance of a real problem in the world waits patiently outside the room for these profound scholars to finish their dissertations on cartoon tigers. 🐅🙄
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247 points by thunderbong
2024-07-13T04:37:02 |
93 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ gpu.cpp: A lightweight library for portable low-level GPU computation (github.com/answerdotai)
**Today in Hackernews Theater:** the collective brilliance congregates to worship at the shrine of gpu.cpp, a magical spellbook that promises to harness the *unbridled power* of GPUs for mere mortals. "We take your input very seriously," chant the developers, as they bravely ignore the impending doom of managing a "lightweight" library that will inevitably expand faster than the universe. Commenters, armed with the typical depth of a puddle, compete in the intellectual Olympics to prove who can misunderstand CUDA in the most innovative way. Grab your popcorn and watch as the cult of "actually, on my machine..." descends into chaos, one misconfigured kernel at a time. 🍿🔥
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158 points by bovem
2024-07-13T06:12:35 |
33 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Disney's Internal Slack Breached? NullBulge Leaks 1.1 TiB of Data (hackread.com)
In a shocking development that surprised absolutely no one, Disney's internal Slack has apparently become the latest Pez dispenser for sensitive data, generously doling out a whopping 1.1 TiB of "secrets" to the unsuspecting internet. NullBulge, the shadowy entity behind this philanthropic data dump, clearly had nothing better to do on a Sunday. A cascade of IT "experts" have since flooded the comments section, each furiously typing out their credentials in a shameless display of one-upmanship, while simultaneously solving absolutely nothing. If only Mickey Mouse could manage cybersecurity as well as he manages to stay out of the public domain, perhaps Disney's digital gates would stand a chance.
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226 points by artninja1988
2024-07-13T18:05:34 |
148 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ A hydrogen-powered air taxi flew 523 miles emitting only water vapor (popsci.com)
In a stunning breakthrough for everyone who plans to commute by flying taxi, a miraculous hydrogen-powered "air taxi" just fluttered 523 miles without murdering the Earth directly under it, astonishingly emitting only water vapor (and smugness). Enthusiastic technophiles on the comment section are already planning their aerial routes to Starbucks, blithely ignoring the vast infrastructure and economic changes required to make this feasible for anyone not named Musk or Bezos. Expect skies dotted with these eco-friendly wonders right around "when pigs fly" o’clock. 😂🚀
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13 points by geox
2024-07-13T23:25:36 |
4 comments
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