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▲ Fusion – a hobby OS implemented in Nim (github.com/khaledh)
In the thrilling world of programming, yet another hobbyist has decided that writing an entire Operating System in Nim is exactly what the spiraling galaxy needs. Fusion OS, emerging like a forgotten salad in the fridge, promises to revolutionize nothing but the free time of its creator. The developer insists that every snippet of "feedback" is precious, though we're betting this is more about nobly suffering through unsolicited code critiques than steering the roadmap of Fusion's future. The comment section, as always, is an intellectual vacuum where hope for constructive dialogue goes to die, battling over the shades of obscurity and the true meaning of "hobby." 🚀💻🤓
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53 points by michaelsbradley
2024-07-14T19:43:40 |
13 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ We need visual programming. No, not like that (sbensu.com)
In a stunning display of obliviousness, a tech blogger proclaims the need for visual programming, conveniently ignoring all previous catastrophic failures in the space. The article, boldly titled "We need visual programming. No, not like that," argues that developers are simply visualizing the wrong things, like that's the issue. Commenters, in a miraculous feat of missing the point, argue tirelessly about whether the best color for a null pointer exception should be scarlet or crimson, because obviously, the real problem with programming has been the lack of a sufficiently artistic palette. 🎨💻
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78 points by stopachka
2024-07-11T14:21:02 |
42 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Calculating position from raw GPS data (2017) (telesens.co)
In yet another riveting episode of "GPS for Dummies," ankur6ue valiantly attempts to unravel the mystic arts of calculating position from raw GPS data. The article stumbles over the basic concepts that even a lost pizza delivery guy could grasp with a smartphone and half a bar of reception. Meanwhile, the comment section becomes an arena of mathematical gladiators, where the brave or foolish (hard to tell) battle over who can most pompously misuse the term "trilateration." Spoiler: everyone loses, especially those trying to find their way past the first paragraph. 📍😵💫
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124 points by fanf2
2024-07-14T17:42:02 |
12 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ Fitting an elephant with four non-zero parameters (arxiv.org)
In a daring escape from useful research, an academic posts yet another unreadable treatise on arXiv, this time solving the critical geopolitical issue of fitting a metaphorical elephant with exactly four non-zero parameters. Engineering this groundbreaking bypass of common sense, the paper dives headlong into an abyss of irrelevance, while enthusiastic commenters, armed with their freshly Googled Dunning-Kruger diplomas, engage in a fiercely pointless argument over whether the elephant should have been a bee, claiming this as an innovative stride in theoretical biology. Science marches on, one irrelevant pachyderm at a time. 🐘📐
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203 points by belter
2024-07-14T14:27:46 |
66 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Show QN: I built a Jeopardy game maker with buzzer support (buzzinga.io)
Title: Hacker News solves unnecessary problems again
In an audacious attempt to redefine the state of modern entertainment, a lone Hacker News user unleashes "buzzinga.io," a platform designed to let you turn every social interaction into a low-budget quiz show. Perfect for turning fun game nights into aggressively competitive awkwardness, classrooms into buzzer-driven chaos, and corporate training into bouts of existential despair. The comment section erupts with the usual suspects confusing this for innovation rather than a glorified PowerPoint template, while debating the critical distinctions between various buzzer sounds. Watch as tech enthusiasts prophesy its use in Silicon Valley's interview loops, because what screams "job qualification" louder than a high-stakes round of corporate-themed Jeopardy?
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178 points by Wolfmans55
2024-07-14T12:20:30 |
46 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ Disqualified (1954) (gutenberg.org)
In an gripping exhibition of literary archaeology, the hidden marvel "Disqualified" from the long-forgotten vault of 1954 resurfaces on the shores of gutenberg.org, thrilling dozens. The comment section, a magnificent bastion of underachievement, erupts in solidarity, boasting great philosophical battles over the nuances of a text mostly downloaded by mistake. Scholars, nostalgics, and the perpetually confused engage in vivacious debates about meanings possibly never intended by the author, highlighting a stunning disconnect from the relevance of nearly seventy years ago. Ah, the Internet: where old books go to live, die, and be misinterpreted anew.
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50 points by EndXA
2024-07-14T18:49:55 |
11 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ Musical Notation for Modular Synthesizers (perfectcircuit.com)
Today, on the bastion of avant-garde banality, perfectcircuit.com, an undercaffeinated author attempts to reinvent the wheel by scribbling "Musical Notation for Modular Synthesizers." Bewilderingly transforming a straightforward plug-and-play scenario into an exercise for Ph.D. candidates, the article majestically misses the point of modular synths: making weird noises without understanding why. The comment section, a tragicomic spectacle of failed musicians and electrical engineering dropouts, evolves into a slap-fight about who can misuse technical terms the most egregiously. Somewhere, a theremin gently weeps. 🎚️👽
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90 points by bschne
2024-07-13T15:36:59 |
49 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Writing a BIOS bootloader for 64-bit mode from scratch (thasso.xyz)
In yet another thrilling expedition into the ASCII jungle, thasso.xyz decides that what the world really needs is a DIY guide to building a BIOS bootloader for 64-bit mode. Because, *obviously*, modern computing was just waiting for someone to slap it back to the Stone Age with a homemade bootloader etched in the blood, sweat, and tears of coder masochists. The comment section quickly becomes a tech support forum where the blind lead the blind, sharing half-baked patches and code snippets that might, on a good day, let you boot up your computer—or transform it into a pricey paperweight. 🛠️⚰️
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166 points by D4ckard
2024-07-14T08:46:40 |
45 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Show QN: I made a TUI for kafka (kaskade) (github.com/sauljabin)
In a daring attempt to reinvent the wheel, a brave Hacker News warrior proudly unveils "kaskade," a Text User Interface for Kafka, because clearly, what the 21st century was missing was more text-based applications. The project's homepage boasts about valuing user feedback, which likely translates to desperately awaiting any form of human acknowledgment in the comment section. Predictably, the Hacker News crowd engages in a ritual dance of one-upmanship, debating everything from the essential uselessness of TUIs in 2023 to Kafka’s theoretical performance in a post-apocalyptic scenario. Bonus points are awarded for each commenter who casually drops a mention of their own, slightly related, yet far superior, GitHub project. 🎉
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66 points by sauljp
2024-07-14T14:14:34 |
13 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ On Building Systems That Will Fail (1991) (lcs.mit.edu)
The technological elite gathers once again in pixelated hallowed forums to gaze upon ancient scrolls from 1995, heralding the glories of designing systems destined to crash. Another academic luminary, thrilled to rediscover prehistoric common sense wrapped in jargon, enlightens us that systems *will* indeed fail because - hold your applause - nothing is perfect. Commenters, in a display of rare keyboard warrior bravery, alternate between congratulating themselves for reading beyond the title and sharing anecdotes about how their toaster could've been engineered better. Cyber-seers and metallic prophets unite, showcasing their Solo cup filled with sanctimonious hindsight and a PhD in stating the obvious. 🧙♨️🔮💻
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54 points by rramadass
2024-07-14T14:56:14 |
14 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Building the Bell System (construction-physics.com)
On construction-physics.com, the home for everyone who failed physics in high school but insists on building things anyway, a thrilling exposé titled "Building the Bell System" has miraculously bypassed the scrutiny of anyone with a working brain cell. Come marvel at how brick-and-mortar-loving enthusiasts confuse the ringing of a bell with constructing a telecom empire. Naturally, the comment section blossoms into a battleground where enthusiasts armed with half-read Wikipedia articles and misplaced confidence wage war over the esoteric intricacies of bell physics versus telecom infrastructures. As expected, no one learns anything useful, but everyone leaves confident they could build a phone company—or at least, demolish one.
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69 points by JumpCrisscross
2024-07-14T10:45:36 |
20 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Nevada’s public employee pension fund invests passively and beats peers (2016) (wsj.com)
In an unsurprising twist that will be disregarded by finance bros worldwide, Nevada's public employee pension fund opts for the radical strategy of *not* actively throwing money at every speculative opportunity. By doing basically nothing, they outperform their hyperactive peers, shocking absolutely no one who understands how averages work. Comment sections are ablaze with armchair experts insisting that their unlicensed Hot Stock Tips could outperform even this benign neglect. Emojis and wild caps lock scattered throughout these economic dissertations really drive home the credibility.
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243 points by cpncrunch
2024-07-13T23:24:53 |
266 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ General Theory of Neural Networks (robleclerc.substack.com)
In today's prize-winning carnival performance at robleclerc.substack.com, we're treated to the "General Theory of Neural Networks," a document so dense it could replace black holes in astrophysics lectures. Presumably, the author assumes that the mere mortals attempting to digest this textual monstrosity have PhDs in Pretension and a minor in Masochism. In the comments, our dear keyboard warriors engage in the digital equivalent of a drunken brawl at a chess club, each person convinced they're one misunderstood genius away from a Nobel. Witness as they hurl citations and buzzwords like confetti, hoping to distract from the fact that no one, including the post's author, has any real idea what's going on. 🚀🧠
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82 points by rdlecler1
2024-07-11T14:34:20 |
28 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Building and scaling Notion's data lake (notion.so)
In another epic saga of "We Wrote This So We Must Be Smart," the team at Notion attempts to dazzle the tech peasantry with a harrowing tale of their heroic fight against scattered data. With names more befitting an international legal firm than a tech squad, Von XZ Tie and crew ship an elegantly convoluted dissertation on data lakes, which, surprisingly, contains more buzzwords than actual insights. Tech enthusiasts and casual commenters alike chime in, some baffled and others pretending to not be, all collectively nodding and throwing around terms like "scalability" and "data-driven decisions" as if they were at a blockchain conference. Join the excitement and learn less than you would from a misleading YouTube thumbnail! ✨🚀💾
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155 points by alexzeitler
2024-07-14T09:02:15 |
45 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ The electrifying rise and litigious fall of energy beer (snackstack.net)
On Snackstack.net this week, the food journalism equivalent of a soggy pretzel dives into the harrowing saga of "energy beer," a beverage surely concocted in the dimly lit basement of a frat house. The article zealously chronicles its meteoric rise in popularity among people who find the concept of "sleep" too mainstream, and its subsequent plummet into legal abyss, where it likely belongs. Commenters are torn between mourning their lost youth fueled by dubious concoctions, and sharing pseudo-legal expertise that’s as diluted as the beer itself. What's next? Deep-dive exposés on the dangers of inhaleable coffee? Stay tuned. 🍺⚖💤
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24 points by prismatic
2024-07-10T18:12:52 |
36 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Firmware update hides a device’s Bluetooth fingerprint (ucsd.edu)
In an earth-shattering breakthrough, researchers at UCSD have managed to push technology to the absolute brink by... *updating firmware*. 🎉Yes, that invisible "Bluetooth fingerprint" that absolutely no regular human has ever cared about or noticed can now be cloaked. Thanks to this heart-stopping development, paranoid tech commenters everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief knowing their midnight snack runs to 7-Eleven are now clandestine operations. Fans in the forum are already busy speculating whether this firmware update will protect them from their moms, the NSA, and bad Tinder dates—all while blissfully ignoring that their thermostats are still spying on them. ⚠️💔
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111 points by transpute
2024-07-14T05:01:17 |
36 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Annual pre-pay and marketing budgets (asmartbear.com)
In a dazzling display of circular logic that would make even Escher dizzy, asmartbear.com enlights us mortals on the divine mysteries of "Annual pre-pay and marketing budgets." Watch in awe as seasoned professionals puzzle out basic budgeting concepts you'd hope were grasped before one could say "profit margin." Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into a riveting echo chamber, where MBA hopefuls and spreadsheet jockeys compete for the gold in mental gymnastics, unpacking the complexities of spending money before you've even made it. 🌀💸🏅
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90 points by jger15
2024-07-14T09:50:24 |
54 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Show QN: Resurrecting a dead Dune RTS game (wheybags.com)
On Hacker News, another brave keyboard warrior, in a valiant attempt to avoid any form of genuine productivity, has nobly decided to resurrect a dead Dune RTS game. Readers can now download a patch—that surely won't lead to 17 hours of frustrated debugging—from Github, empowering them all to relive the *glory* days of 90s gaming mediocrity. The comment section, as expected, quickly devolved into a fierce battleground over which obsolete technology is the most nostalgic, complete with personal anecdotes no one asked for. All participants seem blissfully unaware that no one outside their echo chamber knows or cares about the Dune game’s triumphant return. 🎮👾
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352 points by wheybags
2024-07-13T19:00:56 |
64 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ The six dumbest ideas in computer security (2005) (ranum.com)
**The Glorious Parade of Inane Cybersecurity Conceptions**
In an astonishing display of shock, a blogger laments the repetitive *innovation* in computer security, somehow bewildered that inserting big bucks and political prowess into tech does not, in fact, halt hackers in their tracks. The comments section quickly transforms into a cringe-worthy circus as every armchair expert tries to one-up each other with even *dumber* ideas, seemingly pulled from the darkest realms of their wishful thinking. It’s a thrilling showdown between common sense and rampant cyber-jargon, where techno-babble is king and actual solutions are but minor peasants. Who knew rehashing the same tired strategies in fancier words could be so *entertaining*? 🎪💻🔓
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144 points by lsb
2024-07-14T05:48:55 |
144 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ Git-PR: patch requests over SSH (pico.sh)
In an exhilarating display of reinventing the wheel, 'pico.sh' emerges to save the day for those who find existing git solutions overbearingly competent. With a clear mission to make Git as simple as SSH (because everyone loves setting up SSH keys), this "simplest git collaboration tool" apparently aims to byte back against user-friendly interfaces. Comment enthusiasts dive headfirst into the tragicomedy, energetically debating the vital necessity of replacing perfectly functional systems with something that reminds them of the good old days of terminal terror. Truly, a solution in search of a problem. 🙃👨💻
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146 points by steventhedev
2024-07-14T07:53:37 |
88 comments
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