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▲ I mapped almost every USA traffic death in the 21st century (roadway.report)
**n-gate.com presents: A Map To Nowhere**
In a world where data means everything except when it doesn't, someone decided to map every traffic fatality since Y2K using what appears to be a combination of Google Maps and a dartboard. Commentators, in an exemplary display of missing the point, focus their infinite wisdom on road widths and the philosophical depths of "feeling safe" while driving. As armchair urban planners wax poetic about speed bumps and chicane-induced nirvanas, one must wonder if any of these people have driven a car outside of a video game. 🚗💥 When questioned on data accuracy, the map maker might as well have said, "Close enough for jazz," leaving the pedantic crowd to argue the finer points of traffic calming like medieval scholars debating angel pinhead occupancy rates.
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112 points by Bencarneiro
2024-07-19T23:16:46 |
32 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Multisatellite data depicts a record-breaking methane leak from a well blowout (acs.org)
**Multisatellite Mayhem: A Methane Migraine**
On acs.org, the latest satellite sitcom unfolds starring a rogue methane leak so colossal it might just deserve its own reality TV series. Armed with exceptional aerial espionage capabilities, independent researchers have confirmed that the oil and gas industry's "methane modesty" is about as extensive as a politician’s tax return. Cue an army of online commentators blending bleak environmental stats with pop culture references to propose SEAL team interventions on polluters and bizarre metrics comparing flight emissions. Apparently, global crisis analysis is now as simple as knowing the MPG of your rusty, trusty roadster. Will satellite snapshots save the day or just provide prime-time eco-entertainment? Stay tuned, keep scrolling, but maybe don’t hold your breath—unless you’re near a methane leak.
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122 points by belter
2024-07-19T22:42:25 |
66 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Garage: Open-Source Distributed Object Storage (deuxfleurs.fr)
Title: Hipster Sysadmins Rejoice: Garage, a Data Hoarder’s Dream
The digital equivalent of throwing your data into three different sketchy garages across town has arrived, thanks to the folks at deuxfleurs. Behold Garage: an open-source marvel that assumes everyone is as enthusiastic about sysadmin minutia as the people who created it. No backbone? No problem! This lean, mean, data-storing machine will run happily over a patchwork of Internet connections, bound together by sheer hope and the kind of optimism that can only come from someone who has never experienced real network latency. In the comments, expect a circus of tech bros pitching Garage as the solution to problems you didn't know you had, seasoned with the obligatory one-upmanship on who can tweak it to run on the oldest Linux distro. 🎪🤓
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10 points by n3t
2024-07-20T00:40:31 |
0 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ The European Union must keep funding free software (public.cat)
In a stunning display of incompetence masked as strategy, the European Union debates whether to keep throwing coins into the bottomless pit of "free software." In response, the genius commentariat of Hacker News whips into a frenzy, squabbling over the scraps of funding while nostalgically reminiscing about that one time PyPy got some cash - back in the mythical heydays of the early 2010s. Meanwhile, armchair policymakers bemoan the lack of government signatures like it's a high school yearbook, and others pontificate on the existential dread of possibly *gasp* having to endure competent governance. Can't wait for the next episode of "Europeans Arguing Online." 🍿😂
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50 points by tr4656
2024-07-19T19:57:03 |
8 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ CrowdStrike Update: Windows Bluescreen and Boot Loops (reddit.com)
In today's breathtaking episode of "How Could This Possibly Go Wrong?", a CrowdStrike update turns into the digital equivalent of a hospital-acquired infection, knocking out entire emergency services and giving IT professionals and healthcare workers an unplanned stress test. Redditors, in their infinite wisdom and timely responsiveness, quickly turn a catastrophic software fiasco into an armchair blame game. Commentary ranges from heartwarming worries about mothers who thankfully don’t run on Windows, to fierce debates about whether redundant systems are worth sacrificing hospital profit margins for. It's *just another day* on the internet, where empathy meets efficiency in a bluescreen of death. 🏥💻💥🔧
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3848 points by BLKNSLVR
2024-07-19T05:26:13 |
3252 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ What happened to BERT and T5? (yitay.net)
**What happened to BERT and T5?**
In an exasperating attempt to reignite the flames of past NLP glory, a blogger dives into the abyss of forgotten encoder models, promising a series about something even they don't seem too sure about. Meanwhile, over in the comments, every ML hobbyist and their neighbor turn up boasting about their home-brew BERT models that apparently solve all AI problems in under 2.4 milliseconds, while casually waving the SOTA flag. The conversation quickly devolves, with echo-chamber accolades and secretive "product-in-stealth" bragging that adds nothing to the discourse but confusion. 🤔🤖
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122 points by fzliu
2024-07-19T18:54:26 |
43 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ FCC votes to limit prison telecom charges (worthrises.org)
**FCC Finally Clips Greedy Phone Charges in Prisons**
In an earth-shattering move that will surely be talked about for minutes, the FCC decides to stop prison telecom giants from charging inmates extortionate prices for making phone calls. This revolutionary change will save families exactly enough to still not afford decent healthcare. Comment sections explode with touching tales from ex-inmates, showcasing a charming mix of legal jargon and pop-up tutorial vibes on "Zoom versus Teams: A Legal Battleground". Meanwhile, attorneys rack up 'pro bono' hours fast enough to burn a hole through the space-time continuum, and all of society is fixed.
Remember, change is only a 7-figure lawsuit away.
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800 points by Avshalom
2024-07-19T11:33:45 |
370 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ A search engine by and for the federal government (search.gov)
In the latest testament to the federal government's mastery of digital affairs, search.gov emerges as a beacon of hope... or another harebrained scheme for data mishandling. Sporting a snazzy .gov domain, where information is locked up tighter than Fort Knox, unless it randomly isn’t, this search engine promises the thrill of securely browsing the bureaucratic abyss with *impressive* ease. Cheerleaders on the sidelines rave about its similarity to beloved tech giants, while skeptics mutter darkly about biometric data share-fests with shady third parties. Meanwhile, the code-savvy patriots at the back just discovered America’s GitHub account, and boy, it's like finding an AOL CD in your mailbox in 1998. 🎉
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86 points by pajtai
2024-07-19T17:43:44 |
16 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ Playing guitar tablatures in Rust (agourlay.github.io)
**Hackerman's Guide to Plucking Strings: ASCII Edition**
Today’s adventure in unnecessary complexity comes from a brave soul who has decided that Rust—yes, the programming language seemingly mandated by tech bros for all arbitrary tasks—is the perfect hammer for the ASCII-art nail that is guitar tablature. Our protagonist dives deep into decoding the cryptic .gp files, liberating music aficionados from the tyranny of paying for Guitar Pro. Commenters, barely looking up from their ergonomic keyboards, applaud this monumental "achievement" as a colossal leap for basement guitarists everywhere. Meanwhile, the debate rages on about whether deciphering hieroglyphics (aka sheet music) or troubleshooting segfaults in Rust offers a more authentic musical enlightenment. 🎸vs👨💻 Debate!
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87 points by lukastyrychtr
2024-07-19T16:57:11 |
35 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ Show QN: Sendune – open-source HTML email designer
Welcome to the latest Show HN circus, where a brave soul introduces Sendune, an open-source HTML email designer, blissfully unaware of the MJML cult. Commenters immediately pounced on the "no MJML" heresy with the fervor of medieval inquisitors finding a non-believer. As technical glitches sprout like weeds (drag-and-drop on Firefox? Good luck!), other users wander in dreams of responsive design nirvanas and magical cross-platform email templates, likely procrastinating on actual productive work. The whole charade is wrapped up in techno-babble about dataflows and client integrations, solidifying Sendune's fate as another cool tool soon to be buried in the graveyard of GitHub repos with single-digit stars. 🌟
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282 points by samdung
2024-07-19T15:22:40 |
71 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ Automerge: A library of data structures for building collaborative applications (automerge.org)
In an astounding feat of reengineering the wheel, Automerge presents itself as the knight in shining code for collaborative applications, except everyone seems to prefer its cousin Yjs for reasons as murky as the documentation itself. Commenters desperately fish for comparisons between the two, clinging to hope that someone, somewhere, *must* know why they should care. Meanwhile, another user pivots to Microsoft’s Fluid Framework, as if introducing a Godzilla-sized corporate solution would help settle this heavyweight title match of niche tech obscurity. 🤓💻🥊
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49 points by surprisetalk
2024-07-16T14:03:44 |
2 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Visual programming should start in the debugger (interjectedfuture.com)
**Visual Programming: The Debugger's New Clothes**
In a shocking turn of events, interjectedfuture.com bravely discovers that visual programming won't turn us all into programmers overnight - a revelation as groundbreaking as discovering that water is wet. The article's author, in a valiant crusade against the tyranny of text-based coding, proposes starting in the debugger to spark a revolution in the use of visual-spatial reasoning, apparently forgetting that most programmers spend their lives doing just that. Meanwhile, the commenters, in an adorable effort to sound savvy, pitch their own half-baked tools and mourn the industry's stinginess, seemingly oblivious to the fact that their dream solutions already exist but were discarded for practical reasons. 🤓💻🔧
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110 points by iamwil
2024-07-15T14:32:37 |
37 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ 10-acre underground home and gardens in Fresno (2023) [video] (youtube.com)
Welcome to the farcical underground wonderland of YouTube's home-design niche, where Kirsten Dirksen reigns as the vagabond queen of tiny-home fetishism and half-baked permaculture dreams. In her latest thrilling excavation, Dirksen drags her husband, three or potentially four children, and a camera into a "10-acre underground home and gardens" that might just be a glorified bunker in Fresno. The coterie of YouTube commenters - ever ready to canonize Dirksen for her "natural interactions" and make-believe engineering insights - are tripping over themselves to declare her the unsung hero of alternative housing. Somewhere, in the distant echoes of their praise, you can almost hear the collective lament of architects crying over their master’s degrees. 🙄
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166 points by 8bitsrule
2024-07-16T18:07:57 |
51 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ Want to spot a deepfake? Look for the stars in their eyes (ras.ac.uk)
In yet another staggering breakthrough, a Royal Astronomical Society meeting has uncovered that the next big clue in spotting AI-created imposters lies within the twinkling cosmos of our eyeballs. Strap in, as an MSc student figures out deepfakes using the same principles your weird uncle applies to UFO documentaries – if the eye reflections aren’t cosmic twins, it's AI shenanigans! Comment sections are ablaze with tech aficionados debating whether training models on more cat videos will eventually enable DeepMind to perfect human pupil reflection physics. Meanwhile, big tech’s GPU plundering raises little skepticism about whether a silicon powerhouse really translates into understanding human subtleties or if it’s just another dazzling, expensive way to miss the point. 🚀👀
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209 points by jonbaer
2024-07-18T14:34:42 |
111 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Debugging an evil Go runtime bug: From heat guns to kernel compiler flags (2017) (marcan.st)
In an epic saga worthy of Homer, one tech hero bravely confronts a Go runtime bug that threatens the very fabric of his precious monitoring tools, Prometheus and Grafana. Armed only with a heat gun and the fierce determination of a former Google SRE, our protagonist delves into the treacherous depths of kernel compiler flags and multicore CPU conflicts, leaving mere mortal developers in awe. Commenters emerge from the woodwork to herald this valiant journey, lauding our hero's dogged dedication with the kind of fervor reserved for astronauts and superheroes. Yet, lurking among the accolades are the battle-scarred survivors of simpler bugs, those who whisper of quick hacks and the mythic allure of the "restart and forget" strategy, their voices a faint echo against the clangor of debugging glory.
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116 points by goranmoomin
2024-07-19T13:24:40 |
22 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ Bangladesh imposes curfew after dozens killed in anti-government protests (washingtonpost.com)
In a shocking display of authoritarian overreach that could only surprise someone just waking from a two-decade coma, Bangladesh clamps down with a curfew faster than its internet service was cut. The wonderfully original solution of "mob violence for job quotas" sees the young scholars of Dhaka transforming into urban guerrilla warfare enthusiasts, while the government plays its favorite hits from the 'Suppressive Regimes Greatest Hits' collection. Commenters, exhibiting the depth of a kiddie pool, passionately argue who's the real fascist and if being youthful equates to political wisdom, unknowingly crafting a yawn-inducing rerun of every online political debate ever. 🍿🎭
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316 points by perihelions
2024-07-19T15:22:02 |
117 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ Instrumenting Python GIL with eBPF (coroot.com)
🐍💤 In yet another heroic effort to reinvent the wheel, an enthusiastic blogger decides to regale the world with eye-opening insights about the Python GIL—a topic as exciting as watching paint dry. Commenters, true to form, dive into a frenzied debate, offering armchair analyses that range from "it's practically negligible" to apocalyptic visions of CPU-bound doom! Expect a sprinkling of vague references to PEP numbers and off-handed remarks about how "Python without GIL is slower, or it isn’t, but maybe only on Tuesdays." Who knew a few milliseconds of waiting could catalyze such breakdowns of human rationality? 🤖💔
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74 points by lukastyrychtr
2024-07-19T14:31:04 |
16 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Artificial neural network approach to finding the key length of Vigenère cipher (tandfonline.com)
**Hacker's Delight or Dumpster Fire? The Bizarre Trek to Decrypting Ancient Secrets**
The academic echo chamber has once again touched down on Earth, this time masquerading as a groundbreaking study on the *Vigenère cipher*. Like a gathering of medieval alchemists, the authors throw AI into a cauldron hoping for gold, but surprise—still not alchemy! One keen observer rambles about their college days, fondly recalling 'fun' assignments with Index of Coincidence—nostalgia over practicality! Meanwhile, others plot to unearth fortunes hidden by the Beale ciphers, because why solve practical problems when *treasure hunting* sounds sexier? Ah, Academia: never a dull moment when you can make a simple task labyrinthine with "privacy-preserving" models and convolutional detours. 🎓✨💸
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30 points by histories
2024-07-15T13:55:43 |
4 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Never Update Anything (kronis.dev)
**Never Update Anything: An Ode to Technological Stagnation**
In a stirring homage to inertia, one brave soul at _kronis.dev_ proposes a revolutionary concept: never update anything. Why challenge the comforting embrace of outdated software when you can bask in the glory of annoying your coworkers and failing to deliver projects on time? Meanwhile, the commenters chime in with a delightful blend of sarcasm and naiveté, offering pearls like "just fork it or write your own CMS!" as if software maintenance were a light weekend hobby rather than a full-blown Sisyphean ordeal. 🙃
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119 points by generatorman
2024-07-19T19:07:48 |
80 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ The oldest known recording of a human voice [video] (bbc.com)
**Historical Voices: Mostly Static, Definitely Not HD**
The internet gathers to feign shock and awe at the oldest known recording of a human voice, apparently missing the point that just because something is "the oldest", doesn't necessarily imply it's worth hearing. Watch enthusiasts pretend to marvel at the scratchy cacophony of history, while commentators compete to showcase more obscure and equally indecipherable audio clips from the past. One astute scholar suggests skipping the first three minutes of soul-crushing preamble—advice that could well apply to the entire historical audio recording endeavor. Meanwhile, another commenter helpfully ruins everyone’s nostalgia by reminding us that even The X-Files admitted it was all probably a hoax. 🎙️👻
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61 points by YeGoblynQueenne
2024-07-15T22:49:43 |
16 comments
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