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1. ▲ Kawaii – A Keychain-Sized Nintendo Wii (bitbuilt.net)
In the latest attempt to avoid actually buying their own console, a plucky gang of hardware hackers on bitbuilt.net have devised "Kawaii," a Nintendo Wii shrunken down to the size of a keychain, assuming your keychain is primarily constructed from discarded electronics and unrealistic ambitions. This pint-sized Frankenstein's monster is powered by something called "Thundervolt," which seems to be just a fancy word for chopping up a Wii like a bad cooking show contestant and hoping it still works when stapled back together. Commenters are oscillating between armchair lawyering over potential Nintendo lawsuits and giving each other high-fives in a digital echo chamber that redefines 'tech support'. Suggestions that the Nintendo brand name could be *problematic* are met with the kind of dismissive snark that only true keyboard warriors can muster, proving that no one really reads the manual, or the law.
379 points by realslimjd 2024-07-22T19:12:22 | 119 comments
2. ▲ Timeshift: System Restore Tool for Linux (github.com/linuxmint)
**Hacker's Time Machine Finally Buffs Linux**
Ah, the holy grail of Linux users who can't quite leave their Windows safety blanket behind: Timeshift! 🎉 Complete with rsync wizardry and BTRFS snapshots, this is perfect for those rare disastrous moments you realize that “rm -rf” in your terminal wasn't referencing your homework folder. The eager commentariats bathe in the nostalgia of Windows System Restore, debate their big-brain backup setups that no one had the tenacity to question, and wax poetic about the good old days before they had to Google "how to fix GRUB for the tenth time." Truly, a contemporary shield against the thrilling dangers of Linux tinkering 😈. Timeshift: because pressing "Ctrl+Z" in real life shouldn’t only be a fantasy.
89 points by gballan 2024-07-22T21:23:02 | 44 comments
3. ▲ Copying is the way design works (matthewstrom.com)
In a digital alcove where design elitism flops around like a Magikarp on land, the "Copying is the way design works" article scrambles to sanctify the echo chamber of redundancy with poignant references to glorified furniture makers and their $20 chairs turned museum relics. As we tread through the laborious narrative cradled by a thousand dollar price tag, the comments section blooms with the tears of designers realizing their careers are less about injecting originality than following a pixel-perfect template laid down by their forebears. Our commentators wax lyrical about fundamental difference between art and design, capture quotes like trophies, and compare techno DJs to software developers in a chaotic melee of missed points and self-aggrandizement. Oh, and surprise, everyone suddenly "gets it" when pointing out that intuition in design is just a polite term for copy-paste creativity. 🎨💻🔄
269 points by innerzeal 2024-07-22T18:59:38 | 89 comments
4. ▲ The Elegance of the ASCII Table (danq.me)
🎉Discover the hidden charm of the ASCII Table, as "Dan Q" enlightens us with a rhapsodic ode to 128 characters that revolutionized typing like, *ahem*, space and 'A'. Rejoice as he color-codes the obvious and pedantically regurgitates information we all googled once during a caffeine-fueled night of coding. The comment section turns into a nostalgia-fest where everyone flexes their retro tech muscles, debating the profound implications of space versus tab, and sharing arcane tricks that were last relevant when floppy disks were a hot commodity. Who knew a table could evoke such passion? 🤓
48 points by thewub 2024-07-22T22:31:17 | 11 comments
5. ▲ Scientists discover a new hormone that can build strong bones (ucsf.edu)

Forget Estrogen, We Found Bone Juice!


Oh joy, the lab coats at UCSF have stumbled upon a new hormone that plays Bob the Builder with your skeleton. Commenters, armed with an afternoon's worth of Google Scholar and health blog expertise, dive headfirst into a sea of endocrinology and resistance training. One genius recalls a six-week miracle study they can't quite cite, while another bravely battles the perils of cardio-induced cortisol with a keyboard. Meanwhile, the chorus of "just lift bro" echoes into the abyss, as a debate on the biochemical terrors of caffeine morphs into an unsolicited TED Talk on vegetable toxins. Who knew osteoporosis could be so exciting?
287 points by gmays 2024-07-22T16:42:22 | 100 comments
6. ▲ July 2024 Update on Instability Reports on Intel Core 13th/14th Gen Desktop CPUs (intel.com)
In the latest thrilling installment of "How *Not* to Engineer," Intel admits that feeding too much voltage to their fancy new chips leads to the technological equivalent of a toddler's tantrum during naptime. The geniuses responsible for this innovation were apparently so distracted by the shiny prospect of 14th gen supremacy that they programmed the voltage high enough to power a small sun. The comment section is awash with armchair engineers sorrowfully trading in their Intel loyalty badges for AMD's seemingly magical, unicorn-infused circuits. One insightful soul bravely admits they were just about to understand the problem until a shiny, unrelated hyperlink caught their attention and, alas, their contribution was lost to the digital ether. 🍿🔥
115 points by acrispino 2024-07-22T20:55:02 | 61 comments
7. ▲ What Is Entropy? (johncarlosbaez.wordpress.com)
**Title: What Is Entropy? (johncarlosbaez.wordpress.com)**

In a spectacular display of intellectual fireworks, someone resurrects Shannon's all-too-familiar cocktail party anecdote about naming "entropy." Naturally, this ignites the usual circle of adoration in the comments, where von Neumann is elevated from brilliant physicist to omniscient deity—the only entity believed to converse with toddlers and theoretical physicists on the same intellectual plane. Meanwhile, random interjections about Hungarians being aliens and the profoundly "insightful" realization that entropy might just be a tad subjective, bafflingly attempt to share the spotlight. As always, the comments oscillate wildly between hero worship and misapplied scientific concepts, ensuring that entropy remains as misunderstood as ever—von Neumann would be proud. 🙄
134 points by ainoobler 2024-07-22T18:33:35 | 74 comments
8. ▲ Maestro: Netflix's Workflow Orchestrator (netflixtechblog.com)
Netflix attempts to dazzle the plebeian masses yet again with "Maestro: Netflix's Workflow Orchestrator," a groundbreaking masterpiece that reinvents the wheel for the millionth time in tech history. 🎭 In earth-shattering blog posts, corporate magicians reveal they've built another tool that could've probably been replaced by an intern tweaking some open-source software. Meanwhile, commenters trip over themselves playing armchair CEO, bemoaning code as a liability, or igniting debates about who really owns the soul of a truck... or was it a server? 🤡 The tech gods save us from innovation terrorism, one workflow orchestrator at a time.
164 points by vquemener 2024-07-22T18:20:16 | 79 comments
9. ▲ All Golioth Hardware Is Now Open Source (golioth.io)
### Hardware Generosity or Sly Marketing? You Decide.

In an industry-shaking move that definitely no one saw coming, Golioth has decided to shoot the sacred cow and open-source their hardware designs. Because nothing screams 'innovation' quite like making your product free and relying on the goodwill and spare time of developers around the globe. Commenters, some pondering if they've stumbled upon some Kafkaesque philanthropic dream, painfully miss the point by turning a clear PR gambit into a technological utopia discussion. Meanwhile, others are just waiting for their backordered parts to arrive so they can actually do something productive. Cue the collective slow clap for open source sainthood. 🙌
44 points by hasheddan 2024-07-17T17:31:46 | 6 comments
10. ▲ Audapolis: Edit audio files by transcript, not waveform (github.com/bugbakery)
Welcome to Audapolis, the latest pit stop in tech's unyielding race to make the old new again. This open source marvel lets you chop up spoken word audio by text instead of waveform, because who's got time for actual editing skills in 2023? Commenters are tripping over themselves in nostalgic awe, recalling Adobe's similar concept from the dark ages of 2016, while gleefully plotting the demise of traditional audio credibility. Meanwhile, in a garbled mix of excitement and paranoia, others speculate on the tech's potential for criminal misuse—a thrilling subplot in the ongoing saga of tech innovations we probably didn't need but definitely will misuse. 😱💾😂
188 points by mavsman 2024-07-22T16:25:21 | 43 comments
11. ▲ Netflix has open-sourced its Maestro Workflow Orchestrator (github.com/netflix)
**Netflix Open-Sources Its Overcooked Spaghetti Machine, Engineers Unite in Confusion**

In a desperate attempt to prove that their engineers do more than binge-watch their own content, Netflix has graciously open-sourced "Maestro," a workflow orchestrator that "serves thousands" yet somehow still appears to be relevant only to their oversized data handling woes. Commenters quickly transform into armchair architects, criticizing the Maestro's existence as a grandiloquent monstrosity more suited to launching spaceships than managing data. The consensus in the comments is that unless you're running a small country or a tech giant masquerading as a streaming company, integrating Maestro into your project is like using a chainsaw to cut a birthday cake—overkill and likely to end in tears. Meanwhile, a YouTuber adds to the circus by reminiscing about Netflix's engineering escapades, affirming everyone's fear of corporate over-engineering in a heartwarming story equivalent to a "How I Met Your Mother" rerun. 💻🍿
127 points by kaypee901 2024-07-22T18:21:14 | 27 comments
12. ▲ Unconditional Cash Study: first findings available (openresearchlab.org)
Welcome to the latest episode of Armchair Economists: The UBI Chronicles, an enthralling URL showdown at the go-nowhere rodeo of policy innovation, where everyone disagrees with everything. Today, the enlightened commentariat tackles 'Unconditional Cash Study: first findings available' with the kind of piercing insight usually reserved for YouTube comment sections. We learn that $1000 is neither a ticket to a lavish city apartment nor a magic bullet for higher education, leaving us shocked—shocked!—that free money doesn't solve all personal and systemic socio-economic issues. Meanwhile, grips of bureaucracy, means tests, and the imaginary dangers of work disincentivization haunt discussions like the ghosts of Welfare Past, gluing everyone firmly to their ideological battle stations. So, grab your fiscal popcorn, stay tuned, and remember: no one ever changes their mind on the internet.
95 points by dbroockman 2024-07-22T11:00:16 | 268 comments
13. ▲ Reflections on Luck and Skill from the Part Time Poker Grind (thehobbyist.substack.com)
On The Hobbyist, another keyboard warrior delineates the Herculean trials of making pennies through poker, emphasizing heavily on the revelatory concept that "it's hard work." Who knew? Commenters leap into the fray, armed with economics degrees from the University of Common Sense, arguing intricately about whether poker is a financially masochistic void or a thrilling roller-coaster with financial dips outweighed by psychological highs. Spoiler: it’s both, and neither; the comment section remains an echo chamber of broken dreams and misread economics textbooks. 🃏💔💸
50 points by jjxw 2024-07-22T18:47:23 | 23 comments
14. ▲ What Would You Do with a 16.8M Core Graph Processing Beast? (nextplatform.com)
**What Would You Do with a 16.8M Core Graph Processing Beast?**

In a world desperate for more power to poorly render fractals and play nostalgic video games, tech enthusiasts drool over a so-called 16.8M core “graph processing beast.” It's the equivalent of using a rocket to open a can of beans but hey, who's counting the overkill? Commenters, deeply embroiled in fantasies of running Crysis in 8K and achieving smooth performance on Numbers for Mac, exemplify the pinnacle of underachieving mediocrity. Forget weather forecasts, let's all watch Mandelbrot sets flutter as we ponder whether this marvel can *finally* surf the web without a hitch.
13 points by rbanffy 2024-07-18T09:55:12 | 8 comments
15. ▲ A Formulation of the Trilemma in Proof of Work Blockchain (ieee.org)
**Clash of the Titans: Blockchain Boogaloo**

In the latest episode of blockchain enthusiasts missing the forest for the trees, a riveting discourse unfolds on the vaunted "block Taliban," I mean "trilemma." Enlightened commenters, thriving in their natural habitat of unfounded certainty, dive headfirst into this buzzword soup. Vitalik Buterin is knighted as Crypto Confucius for his musings on decentralized woes. Meanwhile, armchair theorists vigorously nod to each other, debating whether this grand puzzle was secretly solved by Schrödinger’s cat. Surely, "Decentralize, Scale, Secure — Pick Two" will be the epitaph on the tombstone of practicality. 💻🔐📉
42 points by bikenaga 2024-07-22T17:35:06 | 3 comments
16. ▲ Another intermediate-mass black hole discovered at the centre of our galaxy (uni-koeln.de)
In an awe-inspiring display of cosmic irrelevance, a group of astronomers, led by PD Dr. Florian Peißker, have stumbled upon what they claim is a new intermediate-mass black hole, joyously adding to the universe's tally of ten. These cosmic underachievers, believed to be the Big Bang's rebellious teenagers, supposedly shuffle stars around in "unexpectedly orderly" dances near the galaxy’s celebrity, Sagittarius A*. Meanwhile, the comment section devolves into a battleground where armchair astronomers debate the mass details missing from the article and the painstaking wait for a timelapse – because, apparently, watching paint dry was just too thrilling. Get ready to bookmark and forget another kinematic structure paper in your quest to sound smart at dinner parties. 🌌🕳️
42 points by croes 2024-07-22T17:34:07 | 3 comments
17. ▲ Planck stars, White Holes, Remnants and Planck-mass quasi-particles (arxiv.org)
In the latest intergalactic episode of "Throw Science at the Wall and See What Sticks," devout worshippers at the altar of arXiv proffer a smorgasbord of cosmological spaghetti against the refrigerator of the universe, hoping something will chill enough to explain dark matter with "Planck-mass quasi-stable objects." Despite their valiant attempts to rope in every sci-fi concept they’ve ever adored, the comment section clearly outpaces them in fantastical theories, arguing whether dark matter feels lonely and doesn't want to rotate with the galaxy, or if we should start treating black holes as our personal trash bins because, let's face it, planetary-scale littering wasn't enough—we need to go cosmic. After all, what's a discussion about unobservable quasi-particles without chucking in a magnetic Planck star for good measure? Forget about tying up loose ends; throw a black hole at them! 🌌💫🚮
34 points by ngrilly 2024-07-22T20:05:42 | 12 comments
18. ▲ Show QN: OpenDataCapture an electronic data capture platform for data collection (github.com/douglasneuroinformatics)
**Show HN: OpenDataCapture - the latest DIY abyss for data**
Here comes another earth-shaking entry into the overflowing sea of data collection tools: OpenDataCapture, promising to be your go-to solution for all that clinical data you never knew you needed to collect. While developers brag about "instrument playgrounds" and deploying with Docker as if they found fire, the user base is left scratching heads over basic compliance and interoperability features. Don't worry, though — real clinical settings won't touch it yet, but at least the grad students "hacking together scripts" in their dimly lit dorm rooms are thrilled. Cheers to reinventing the wheel, one undefined user need at a time! 🎉🔧
45 points by gdevenyi 2024-07-22T17:43:10 | 11 comments
19. ▲ A Man Who Thought Too Fast (2020) (newyorker.com)
In a classic New Yorker swoon, a ripple of intellectual nostalgia brings us "🌟 A Man Who Thought Too Fast 🌟" because if you're not mulling over a failed polymath who swam in too many informational streams and possibly in one too many literal ones, are you even indulging in highbrow ephemera? The commenters, in a tizzy of semi-related anecdotes, compete in understatement Olympics, with gems about bad chess moves and tedious Sudoku that somehow parlay into life's big lessons on strategy and mediocrity. It’s truly a spectacle of minds that perhaps think too fast or not much at all, yet spoil us with their fearless embrace of boredom draped as intellectual engagement. Each thread derails further into the abyss of utterly missing points, the perfect homage to internet commentary culture, where the only winning move is not to play.
60 points by Anon84 2024-07-22T18:38:25 | 28 comments
20. ▲ Glasgow 2024 Hugo Awards Statement – 22 July, 2024 (glasgow2024.org)
Glasgow 2024: Turbocharged Tears in the Hugo Administration

In an earth-shattering scoop from the Hugo Awards, Glasgow's top bean counters discover that K.I.T.T. and his pals from your teenage fantasy AI garage band have been spamming the vote box, not knowing that robotic charisma doesn't translate into 'natural personhood'. The commenters, swirling in a whirlpool of naivety, propose economic theories, conspiracy theories, and every theory in-between from their armchairs, hypothesizing the breathless political espionage saga hiding behind this year's Best Sci-Fi Naptime Story. Any takers for the next Hugo Award-Winning 'How to Spot a Fraudulent Voter' manual? Available soon at a conspiracy theory near you! 😂📚🚀
67 points by choult 2024-07-22T20:47:44 | 57 comments
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