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1. ▲ Reverse-engineering my speakers' API to get reasonable volume control (jamesbvaughan.com)
Title: Hacker Decimates Speaker Volume Control, Internet Claps

In an era of endless technological quandaries, one brave soul on jamesbvaughan.com decides the ultimate showdown with his speaker's volume is a battle worth broadcasting. Groundbreaking discoveries include realizing that knobs turn and sliders slide, much to the amazement of the comment section, which devolves into a pedantic symposium on audio attenuation. The riveting adventure through optical outputs and dB scales redefines audio engineering as we know it, all while audacious commenters, sporting freshly-Googled audio jargon, duke it out to prove who's less clear on the concept. Meanwhile, security concerns are raised about speakers' API access, shocking precisely no one aware of IoT's Swiss-cheese-like defenses. 🚨🎚️💻
40 points by jamesbvaughan 2024-07-25T15:11:20 | 15 comments
2. ▲ Bayesian Statistics: The three cultures (columbia.edu)
**Bayesian Statistics: The Three Cultures**

In a thrilling twist that absolutely no one saw coming, a courageous academic dares to categorize Bayesians not by their choice of coffee but along two scandalous axes involving priors and iteration. Dive into the mesmerizing world of pragmatic, subjective, and objective Bayesians - because if there’s anything that spices up a statistics debate, it’s a good ol' labelling schema. Commenters, in their infinite wisdom, clash over the supposed wasteland of the “no iteration” column, while fervently defending the sacred art of model-tweaking as if statistical methodologies were at stake in a high fantasy novel. Watch as missing boxes in theoretical frameworks cause more uproar than a misplaced decimal point in a p-value calculation. Will the real Bayesians please stand up? 🧐
190 points by luu 2024-07-26T17:15:15 | 76 comments
3. ▲ Zen 5's 2-ahead branch predictor: how a 30 year old idea allows for new tricks (chipsandcheese.com)
Title: Zen 5's Non-Revelatory Revelation in Branch Predicting Wizardry

In a bravura display of repackaging ancient silicon secrets for the tin-foil hat era, the latest heralded breakthrough in CPU design turns out to be a geriatric two-decades old branch prediction concept dressed in new nanosheets. Amazed commenters are crawling over each other to stroke their chins and muse profoundly on speculative execution vulnerabilities, citing piles of unread academic permafrost as if uncovering the nuclear codes. While some dig through digital tomb raids hoping to upcycle 1990s PowerPoints into their next startup pitch, others pontificate on the cryptographic apocalypse awaiting us due to these theoretical exploits. Never mind the fixes, which apparently involve just the right amount of digital duct tape and cybernetic prayers. 💾🔮
128 points by matt_d 2024-07-26T18:32:37 | 51 comments
4. ▲ Crooks Bypassed Google's Email Verification to Create Workspace Accounts, Acces (krebsonsecurity.com)
In a stunning display of digital dexterity, crooks recently outsmarted Google’s ironclad (LOL) email verification system to create rogue Google Workspace accounts, the technological equivalent of a fake ID. Google, scrambling faster than a disoriented squirrel, patched the "oopsie" within a noble 72 hours, promising more digital duct tape to their sieve-like security. Meanwhile, the cybersecurity commentariat descended into their typical spiral of doom, forecasting apocalypse-by-login and scratching their heads on how to achieve security nirvana via TXT records or password managers. Because, obviously, the real problem is not enough acronyms and paranoid tech fixes! 🙄
41 points by todsacerdoti 2024-07-26T21:34:00 | 14 comments
5. ▲ Apex Surplus – A movie industry props and parts source (apexsurplus.com)
**Apex Surplus: A Treasure Trove of Hollywood's Leftovers**

In a riveting expose of Apex Surplus, we dive headfirst into the delightful nonsense of nerd hoarders and wannabe film buffs. Here, buried under the rubble of old missile casings and possibly radioactive dust, the heroes of our story unearth parts that have touched the silver screen—or so they fervently believe. Comments range from glorified junkyard tales ("I flew with bomb parts!") to others helpfully explaining how bits of metal are transformed into movie magic, because evidently, all it takes to build a "cyberpunk plane interior" is a box of scrapped wires and a wild imagination. 🚀💫🎥 Never mind the sideways website photos; these relics don't need proper presentation when they carry the dust of cinematic history, right? Join the party; if you get lost, just follow the cloud of toxic nostalgia!
41 points by jensgk 2024-07-26T22:09:16 | 14 comments
6. ▲ GCVR (YC W22) Is Hiring Lead Back End Engineer (Sr/Staff/Principal) (ycombinator.com)
Gym Class VR, the *undisputed titan* of virtual sweat and digital dunking, is on a quest to snag a "Lead Back End Engineer" who can juggle code like LeBron does basketballs. 💻🏀 As the foremost virtual reality hoops simulator, where millions supposedly gather to live out their NBA fantasies, the company expects you to not only enhance their backend systems but also cozy up to basketball legends and tech titans. With the full backing of everyone from Andreessen Horowitz to Zaza Pachulia, commenters trip over themselves, hyped on buzzwords, unsure if they're applying for a job or buying courtside tickets. Join the stampede of tech bros eager to ship, pivot, and dunk in virtual-reality, because who needs real skills when you've got VR and venture capital? 🌟💸
0 points by 2024-07-27T01:00:23 | 0 comments
7. ▲ Why does the chromaticity diagram look like that? (jlongster.com)
In the realm of color theory, an intrepid blogger decides to untangle the mind-bending geometries of chromaticity diagrams, only to be critiqued by a legion of armchair physicists who see themselves as heirs to Newton's optics legacy. After a groundbreaking revelation that diagrams can, in fact, look like skewed laser-tagger arenas, commenters assemble to suggest every color space under the sun, because apparently, the quest for the perfect color model is the hill they're willing to die on. Meanwhile, one commenter dreams of a "pedagogical" color space that teaches better, because who doesn't want their color theory served with a side of educational reform? 🎨🤔 Saddle up for a journey through XYZ space, but remember: no amount of fancy mapping will color-match the absurdity of hobbyist color theorists on the internet.
125 points by samwillis 2024-07-26T18:19:11 | 42 comments
8. ▲ Things I said as a manager part 2: Hiring is emotional (reactiverobot.com)
In a heart-wrenching saga of endless pacing, fist-pumping, and emotional turmoil, a noble tech manager grapples with the harrowing decision to not hire a candidate after mere months of intense bonding and shared dreams. 🎭 The unwashed commentariat cries foul, debating whether this hiring opera was more akin to a bad date or a Kafkaesque bureaucratic nightmare. A valiant few defend the sanctity of a six-week hiring process, while others liken the scenario to astronaut selection, thus missing the fairly obvious point that launching rockets is slightly different than managing a third-split growth team. 💔 Oh, the humanity—if only all life decisions were as meticulously tormented and publicly narrated!
29 points by reactiverobot 2024-07-23T18:40:52 | 37 comments
9. ▲ Call the compiler, fax it your code [video] (youtube.com)
In an awe-inspiring leap backwards in technology, a heroic coder shows us all why the Stone Age had undue criticism by proposing you should fax your C code to a compiler. Comment sections burst into predictable flames as keyboard warriors, desperate to relive the glory days of dial-up, excitedly discuss the groundbreaking reintroduction of OCR errors and whether Clippy might finally get a job as a syntax corrector. The rare genius suggests enhancing OCR with a "language model," because clearly what this process needs is more complexity layered over its already absurd premise. Meanwhile, one practical soul quietly whispers, "Use a barcode font," undoubtedly contemplating humanity's inevitable return to cave paintings. 🙄
125 points by ayoreis 2024-07-26T17:45:08 | 33 comments
10. ▲ Monumental proof settles geometric Langlands conjecture (quantamagazine.org)
**Monumental proof: Langlands Conjecture Crushed!**

In a stunning turn of events that has all seven fans of advanced mathematics reeling, a "group" of nine mathematicians has finally put the geometric Langlands conjecture to bed. Let's break it down: this is basically a trio of math nerds using uber-complex analogies for something most humans will never understand or use, but that won’t stop internet commentators from desperately trying to relate it to the real world. 🙄 One plucky user attempts to come across smart by tangling up "computability of conformal models," while another is just baffled by how mathematicians can function in society with such distractions as, you know, real life. 🤓 Meanwhile, someone inevitably points out the employment status of the mathematicians, because it’s crucial to verify whether solving intricate math problems is indeed a real job. Spoiler: It is, but explaining why might take another three decades! 🎉🤯
123 points by jandrewrogers 2024-07-26T17:14:32 | 12 comments
11. ▲ Repulsive Shells [video] (youtube.com)
In this week’s fascinating dive into something about shells that no one really understands, a YouTuber decides to educate the masses on "Repulsive Shells." While the ending of the video does a miraculous job of surprising those who didn’t nod off halfway through, the comments quickly turn into a pseudo-scientific symposium sprinkled with underwear model references and PTSD from oversized octopuses. Predictably, the most technical query is whether the algorithm could run in real-time or if it’s just another high-powered slideshow. The general consensus? It's as perplexing as putting an octopus into a teapot, but at least it’s faster than watching paint dry. 🐙🩲🤯
83 points by RafelMri 2024-07-26T17:50:30 | 17 comments
12. ▲ The New Internet (tailscale.com)

The New ~~Savior~~ Internet



Once again, the tech world blesses us with a CEO's grand vision—this time from Avery Pennarun of Tailscale, who decides to finally speak out, not just about what their product does, but what he dreams it will reshape the world into. Apparently, in the future, your existence will pivot around whether you have Tailscale or not—forget basic essentials like water or air. Commenters dive into a frenzy, debating everything from the inevitability of proprietary lockdowns to making a detailed wiki dive to understand why not everyone has jumped onto the Tailscale "New Internet" bandwagon already. Who knew nostalgia for the 90s LAN parties would turn into this existential threat-cum-sales pitch? 🤷‍♂️
80 points by ingve 2024-07-26T18:29:17 | 28 comments
13. ▲ Show QN: Patchwork – Open-source framework to automate development gruntwork (github.com/patched-codes)
**Hackers Gravitate to Latest Buzzword Bingo Champion, Patchwork**

In an unprecedented display of originality, another groundbreaking tool named "Patchwork" emerges from the digital ether to save developers from approximately three minutes of mundane coding tasks daily. Its main selling point? Automating the bewitching intricacies of PR reviews and the exhilarating thrill of security patching, all through something called "patchflows." Hacker News commenters, likely neglecting their day jobs, leap to offer praise, draw inane comparisons to other semi-related tools, and muddle through the documentation amid cries of “cool project, bro!” Meanwhile, GitHub's servers brace for the onslaught of clones that will almost certainly follow. 🙄
43 points by rohansood15 2024-07-26T20:34:53 | 3 comments
14. ▲ MIT 11.350: Sustainable Real Estate (ocw.mit.edu)
**Urban Fairytales 101: Green Buildings and Beanstalk Economics**
Welcome back to MIT's latest bright idea, Sustainable Urban Dominoes or whatever they're calling it. 😂 Embrace an in-depth analysis led by Prof. Siqi Zheng, where complex sustainability issues in real estate are unraveled like tangled wires behind your TV stand. Meanwhile, the online armchair experts juggle econobabble about zoning and housing crises that sounds more like bedtime stories for policy wonks than actionable insights. The comment section, as always, offers a free circus of misinformed debates and 'Build, baby, build!' chants, proving yet again that everyone's an economist behind a keyboard. 🤡
52 points by mdp2021 2024-07-26T22:27:26 | 72 comments
15. ▲ TOTP tokens on my wrist with the smartest dumb watch (singleton.io)
In the earth-shattering blog post "TOTP tokens on my wrist with the smartest dumb watch," a brave techie has decided to turn their watch into a fortress of solitude for two-factor authentication codes. Blow the trumpets and sprinkle the confetti as cyber wizards in the comments convene to spar over the vault-like security of a device that might as well be a sundial. 🏰 One valiant knight proclaims he's totally chill with embedding top-secret codes on a device as secure as a paper bag, because, hey, convenience is king! 🤴 Meanwhile, other commenters froth at the mouth with excitement, as if strapping a calculator to their wrist is akin to discovering fire. 🔥
32 points by alexmolas 2024-07-26T19:20:43 | 4 comments
16. ▲ A simple procedural animation technique [video] (youtube.com)
🎥 A revolutionary procedural animation technique dazzles dozens as a YouTuber bravely battles the perils of plosive pops without a pop filter. Watchers rally heroically in the comments to tackle the critical issues of our time: microphone placement and unsolicited vocal recording advice. The collective wisdom of the internet shines bright, guiding our hapless creator on his quest for audibly pop-free tutorials. Meanwhile, others ponder the true potential of his animation prowess, linking vaguely related projects with wild abandon, because everything on the internet obviously connects. 🍿
89 points by Meleagris 2024-07-26T17:40:18 | 10 comments
17. ▲ Funtoo Linux is shutting down (funtoo.org)
**Funtoo Linux Calls it Quits: A Eulogy by Confused Commenters**

In an online world where distinguishing between Funtoo and Gentoo is akin to splitting hairs, the grandmaster of Funtoo decides it’s time to log out. Cue the myriad of philosophers in the comments, turning a simple shutdown announcement into a convoluted symposium on Linux fragmentation, community-building philosophies, and, naturally, some pointless comparisons to programming languages. Because when a Linux distro dies, it’s clearly the best time to solve the existential crises of the open-source world 🙄. Meanwhile, one brave soul admits they’re getting everything for free and opts out of the debate, probably the only commenter who found the exit button in this circular argument maze.
70 points by DaSHacka 2024-07-26T21:49:19 | 27 comments
18. ▲ Deep Learning Interviews (2021) (arxiv.org)
Welcome to the academic circus of the Deep Learning Interviews (2021), where the authors generously relegating logistic regression to the kiddie table, also known as the "Kindergarten" section, trigger waves of terror and nostalgia in their innocent readers. Indignation abounds in the comment section, as one enlightened soul laments the myopic slight against logistic regression, practically fraying the fragile nerves of those wondering if they can still list it under 'skills' on LinkedIn. But fear not, another commenter politely suggests an alternative resource that doesn't inflate its academic credentials like it's trying to get into an Ivy League school — yes, that's a possibility these days. 🎓✨ Meanwhile, a hopeful technocrat mourns the absence of manual tutorials on multi-head self-attention, because, clearly, handwriting complex algorithms is the trend for 2024's interviews. Grab your popcorn, folks; the intellectual elitism here could make a great Netflix series! 🍿😂
16 points by ibobev 2024-07-26T21:44:46 | 3 comments
19. ▲ Courts Close the Loophole Letting the Feds Search Your Phone at the Border (reason.com)
In a stunning turn of events that will surely rattle the cages of government privacy-invasion enthusiasts everywhere, a judge dares to suggest that scrolling through your smartphone isn't the same as snooping through your suitcase. Meanwhile, in the comments, armchair constitutional lawyers engage in a spirited competition to see who can reference the most obscure court cases to fit their sometimes misguided narratives. One witty contributor eagerly wonders if the Supreme Court might dig up a forgotten semicolon in an old document to overturn the ruling, reflecting our collective anxiety about our digital privacy being one historical easter egg away from vanishing. Truly, the "shall not be infringed" crowd now faces the arduous task of understanding that phones aren’t cargo pants. 📱🚫👀
38 points by mhb 2024-07-26T23:36:21 | 4 comments
20. ▲ Beyond Clean Code (tobeva.com)
In the adorably naive world of "Beyond Clean Code," we explore what happens when programming feels become more significant than the output itself. 🎢 Readers are delighted by yet another sermon on the emotional highs and lows of typing out code that either elevates them to coding gods or sinks them into despair. Commenters chime in with a collective nostalgia, tearing apart "Uncle Bob's" philosophy with a zeal that matches their disillusionment with his "rhetorical judo" and dubious software legacies. In the end, everyone agrees on one thing: we're all just here to mock the grand narrative of "clean code," while secretly enjoying the chaos of dirty, real-world programming.
51 points by pbw 2024-07-26T18:55:16 | 33 comments
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