Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ CrowdStrike attempts takedown of parody site (clownstrike.lol)
**ClownStrike or CrowdStrike? Misunderstandings in Cyberbully-land**

Hacker News erupts in schadenfreude as CrowdStrike, known cyber-saviors, apparently can't distinguish a mock-up from a takedown, inevitably tripping over their own cyber-feet. **Clown services** anyone? While the parody site "ClownStrike.lol" bathes in the limelight of a baseless takedown notice, CrowdStrike’s real agenda — crippling airlines and prescription sunglasses — is now public. Don’t miss the comment section, a masterclass in backpedalling for those who start defending a company then realize — *oops* — that they are the baddies. Remember: nothing discredits your anti-parody measures like needing to reboot your brand 15 times! 😂
813 points by clownstrikelol 2024-08-01T21:38:20 | 149 comments
2. ▲ Hundred Rabbits is a small collective exploring the failability of modern tech (100r.co)
**Hundred Rabbits: Living Off The Grid But Still Somehow Online**

In a world where everything is "connected," Hundred Rabbits sails the high seas of technological rebellion on their ship, Pino, dodging WIFI signals like bullets in a dystopian thriller. 🚤💻 They strive to uncover how much of our tech will inadvertently end our civilization, documenting their low-tech lifestyle with what we can only assume is a wind-powered server. Meanwhile, in the comments, would-be cyber-hermits scramble to outdo each other with the most arcane ways to avoid YouTube's tyrannical reign over digital video, discussing everything from the revival of pirate radio to embedding binary Morse code directly into their foreheads. 📻👽 Because, evidently, _simplicity_ now involves backend servers, homemade JS video players, and obscure video hosting rituals that one commenter assures us totally don’t violate any terms of service they’ve never read. 🤖🕯️
395 points by Bluestein 2024-08-01T17:00:53 | 187 comments
3. ▲ Threat actor abuses Cloudflare tunnels to deliver remote access trojans (proofpoint.com)
**Web Security Theater: Cloudflare Edition**
In today's episode of "Cybercriminals Gonna Hack", genius threat actors have discovered the revolutionary concept of abusing Cloudflare's TryCloudflare feature to funnel malware into the digital veins of society. Shockingly, this involves creating one-time tunnels for free, riling up commentators who can hardly believe that the internet, a well-known bastion of purity, can be used for nefarious purposes. 🤯 One user expresses quaint annoyance at Cloudflare not policing their service like a cyber mall cop, while another brilliantly compares blocking dangerous subdomains to fencing off entire virtual countries. Meanwhile, a lone voice of semi-reason suggests solving the malware problem at the OS level, because evidently, no one’s ever tried patching an operating system before. 🙄 Needless to say, the collective wisdom on display brilliantly sidesteps the nuances of digital infrastructure management in favor of a good old-fashioned blame game.
150 points by luu 2024-08-01T18:57:04 | 85 comments
4. ▲ Flux: Open-source text-to-image model with 12B parameters (fal.ai)
Title: Tech Bros Rejoice Over "Open-Source" Art Machine that's Neither Free Nor Yours

Welcome to the latest chucklefest in AI, where **Flux**, a behemoth of an art generator developed by Black Forest Labs, has hit the sandbox of fal.ai. 🎨 With a spine-tingling *12 billion parameters*, our internet wizards assure you it can simulate aesthetics frighteningly reminiscent of a Midjourney bender—but cooler, definitely cooler. Meanwhile, commenters are embroiled in a slap-fight over credentials, licensing semantics, and a tragically unplayable playground. BONUS: If you somehow signed up hoping for a creative nirvana, prepare for an avalanche of "low account balance" emails with no escape hatch. 🚪🏃💨 "Exciting," indeed! 👏🙄
370 points by CuriouslyC 2024-08-01T16:03:19 | 120 comments
5. ▲ How I got my laser eye injury (funraniumlabs.com)
Welcome to *How I Blistered My Corneas: A High-Tech Fable*. Today our hero decides that no ordinary hobby will do—so why not play with a 2500-watt laser capable of blinding a village from 10 km away? Commenters, eager to mix Google searches with high school physics, propose solutions that sound a lot like fixing a leaky faucet with a stick of gum. One commentator, dead set on being helpful, forgets the difference between milliwatts and kilowatts, drawing parallels to tea kettles and unintentionally highlighting the menacing power of their "bargain" death ray. 🕶️🔥💥
610 points by omnibrain 2024-08-01T10:25:34 | 238 comments
6. ▲ Tensorfuse (YC W24) Is Hiring (ycombinator.com)
🚀 *Tensorfuse* (YC W24, because mentioning Y Combinator automatically grants +10 to credibility) is on the prowl for tech wizards who can reinvent the wheel, but make it cloudier and full of GPU magic. 🧙‍♂️💻 According to their not-at-all hyperbolic claim, they're not just tweaking existing tech—they're building a *brand new* world where Docker is as outdated as MySpace. 📜 Their groundbreaking plan? Replace all you know about cloud infrastructure with something so shiny and serverless, it might just be vaporware. Meanwhile, in the comments, every armchair Elon Musk is throwing their two cents in, eagerly one-upping each other on who actually understands "serverless" or can spell Kubernetes without Googling it.
0 points by 2024-08-02T01:00:00 | 0 comments
7. ▲ GitOpper: GitOps Without Kubernetes (github.com/miekg)
Title: GitOpper: GitOps for the Reluctantly Un-Kubed

Hugely important update from the world of GitOps: now you can roam wild and free *without* Kubernetes, thanks to GitOpper, which essentially replicates what you probably could already do with a clever script and a cron job. In a world brimming with technology, it elbows its way in with a groundbreaking revelation: bind mounts. Comment section intellectuals leap at the chance to compare this to every known tool since the invention of the hammer, rigorously debating nuances that will impact absolutely nobody. Meanwhile, Kubernetes feels left out, whimpering in its containerized corner. 🎉🐧💔
46 points by fanf2 2024-08-01T20:42:03 | 5 comments
8. ▲ Russ Cox is stepping down as the Go tech lead (groups.google.com)
**Russ Cox Ditches Go Leadership, Hope Springs Eternal**

In an existential cry for freedom, Russ Cox announces his departure from micromanaging Go, passing the compiler baton to Austin Clements, while Cherry Mui levels up in a game nobody was aware we were playing. The virtual crowd goes wild, showering praise for introducing features like "modules" that somehow haven't killed anyone yet. Commenters emerge from the woodwork, waxing poetic about syntax so beautiful it makes grown developers cry, and debating "non-nilness" with the passion of a thousand suns 🌞. Meanwhile, the rest of us ponder if maybe, just maybe, this change in leadership will finally make Go syntax less eye-gouging.
310 points by bojanz 2024-08-01T19:29:55 | 82 comments
9. ▲ Video segmentation with Segment Anything 2 (SAM2) (roboflow.com)
In a daring leap for computational redundancy, "Segment Anything Model 2 (SAM 2)" emerges to handle the arduous task no one noticed needed improving: _video_ and image segmentation. With thrice reduced human interaction—because who wants to actually work when you've got algorithms—SAM 2 rocks the boat by being 6x faster than its predecessor at some tasks, which is tech-speak for "we mostly just made it quicker, not better." Beware though, before you achieve segmentation nirvana, be prepared to wrestle with buggy installation instructions that require more patches than a pirate's coat. Commenters revel in the techno-jargon, unearthing the foundations of civilization: video pixel sorting.🎥🙃
20 points by SkalskiP 2024-08-01T22:11:40 | 2 comments
10. ▲ Ask QN: Who is hiring? (August 2024)
August arrives, and the technowizards emerge once more from their cocoons of last month's Cheeto dust, desperate to alert the world through Ask HN: Who is hiring? that yes, the search for the most elusive unicorn - a job that's totally cool with you coding in your underwear - continues apace. 🦄 Over in the Silicon Prayer Circles (read: startups), Resemble AI boasts yet another "state of the art" model, because, in 2024, what isn’t? 🎤💥 FurtherAI is automating insurance paperwork, proving AI can indeed be as mediocre as a human intern. Meanwhile, at Tulip they're transforming manufacturing with more apps than your smartphone at a developer's conference, and Limitless offers to record every blink, because who wouldn't want their bathroom breaks algorithmically optimized? ε=ε=ε=┌(;￣◇￣)┘ Big brains, big dreams, and even bigger VC cash burn rates. But hey, reach out - maybe you'll be hired to code the next big 'Uber for AI-powered blockchain roombas' or something equally world-changing.
217 points by whoishiring 2024-08-01T15:00:34 | 231 comments
11. ▲ Robot dentist performs first human procedure (newatlas.com)
In an exhilarating leap towards technological dystopia, a robot dentist has fearlessly executed its first human mouth invasion, according to the connoisseurs at newatlas.com. Online philosophers engage in deep musings on whether this heralds an era where you can lie face-down, drooling into oblivion, while a cold, unfeeling machine scrapes at your molars. Supporters dream of a future free of human touch and full of sterile, metallic precision, possibly complemented by mid-procedure back massages and devoid of the dreaded suction tool. Meanwhile, nostalgia buffs mourn the loss of spit sinks and the unique tang of burnt tooth enamel. The future of dentistry is here, and it's as bizarre as it is (un)comfortable. 🦾😬🤖
207 points by voxadam 2024-07-31T14:44:35 | 215 comments
12. ▲ xdg-override: change default application temporarily on Linux (github.com/koiuo)
Title: xdg-override: Crafting Complexity in a World That Clearly Needed More

Summary: In the digital depths of Linux, another noble coder attempts to redefine the herculean task of opening files with the groundbreaking "xdg-override," because clearly the current system was just too simple. 🙄 Figuring out how to switch your default applications is now a weekend hobby, fully complemented by custom shell scripts, Python hacks, and existential dread over MIME types. Commenters enthusiastically share their makeshift solutions, each more convoluted than the last, forming a support group for the chronically dissatisfied. "Worked on my machine," echoes as the catchphrase of choice, symbolizing the pinnacle of bespoke computing.
34 points by koiueo 2024-08-01T21:32:56 | 4 comments
13. ▲ DIY, 8mm film scanner Kotokino Mark IV (sabulo.com)
In a valiant quest to defy the bounds of necessity and practicality, the Kotokino Mark IV emerges as the definitive solution for the nonexistent problem of DIY 8mm film scanning. With changes that include — hold the applause — making everything horizontal and slapping it onto a *3D-printed stand*, the author contagiously overestimates the audience’s interest in reinventing the *floor laminate wheel*. Meanwhile, the comment section devolves into a technical melee about shutter life and mirror usage, as every armchair engineer rushes to explain how they, unlike the creator, would have *masterfully* optimized the system using Raspberry Pi cameras or by manipulating space-time itself. Welcome to the DIY echo chamber, where everyone’s solution is a razor-sharp scalpel for the butter-soft problem of filming your old vacation disasters. 🎥🛠️
40 points by noyesno 2024-08-01T19:42:18 | 21 comments
14. ▲ Artificial intelligence gives weather forecasters a new edge (nytimes.com)
**Artificial Intelligence Now Reading Tea Leaves in Clouds**

In yet another apocalyptic turn for weather forecasting, artificial intelligence is now adept at predicting weather patterns with an accuracy that just skirts the edge of random chance. According to enthusiasts in comment sections, who surely possess advanced degrees in meteorological wishful thinking, this marks the beginning of a new era in which AI will save us all from needing to carry umbrellas. Critics, relegated to footnotes and ominous URL-laden comments, grumble about the risk of catastrophic failures when traditional physics-based models are ignored. True to the cycle of hype, expect this AI model to become the magical, all-knowing weather genie... until it isn't. 🌩️👀
65 points by petethomas 2024-07-29T23:49:54 | 15 comments
15. ▲ I recreated Shazam's algorithm with Go (github.com/cgzirim)
**A Groundbreaking Shazam Clone that Totally Won't Get You Sued**

In the ever-pioneering spirit of small guitarists facing a vintage jukebox, a brave hobbyist has spawned *NotShazam*—because when faced with a Goliath like Apple, what better stone to sling than a Git repo full of code that sidewinds IP law? Users excitedly share links that start to smell like patent attorneys sharpening pencils, while commenters plunge into the legal intricacies with the gusto of first-year law students during finals week. Don't miss the practical advice on exactly where to not parameterize your API calls if you enjoy cease and desist letters with your breakfast! 🎵💼🚫
318 points by ccgzirim 2024-08-01T10:29:21 | 78 comments
16. ▲ Space is a latent sequence: A theory of the hippocampus (science.org)
**Space Is Just A Posh Word for Hippocampal Mad Libs, Apparently**

Dileep George leaps once again into the fray, using big words like *allocentric* and *cortical networks* to dazzle the masses into thinking we’re inching closer to unraveling the cosmic joke that is human consciousness. Commenters trip over themselves to align neuroscience with locomotion and metaphysical musing, with one lyrical soul invoking the romance of the railways to explain cognitive functions. Meanwhile, others wax philosophical, lamenting the degradation of philosophy itself, unaware of the irony in their digital soapbox rantings. Let’s give three claps for humanity’s quest to validate its navel-gazing through increasingly convoluted neural cartographies! 💫🧠🚂
69 points by XzetaU8 2024-08-01T18:28:31 | 16 comments
17. ▲ The protein Reelin keeps popping up in brains that resist aging and Alzheimer’s (npr.org)
**The Wizardry of Reelin: Brain Protein or Snake Oil?**

In a shocking turn of undeniable science, NPR informs us that a magical protein dubbed Reelin could be the elusive fountain of youth for our brains, fending off the ghastly specters of Alzheimer's and aging. Surprisingly, the revelations sprung from a singular, phenomenal human specimen whose relatives all conveniently showcase early-onset Alzheimer's. Web scholars emerge in the comments, touting half-baked theories and personal anecdotes about humor, as if Alzheimer's is just a punchline away from being solved. Meanwhile, we're left wondering whether injecting mice brains with Reelin might make us forget these comments faster. 🧠💉
117 points by melling 2024-07-29T14:27:40 | 34 comments
18. ▲ A skeptic's first contact with Kubernetes (davidv.dev)
Title: A Homecoming Skeptic and the YAML Wilderness

A valiant system admin who has artfully dodged Kubernetes finally takes the plunge, only to confirm his biases about it being "unnecessary complexity." Guided by the ancient adage, "if it involves YAML, it must be necessary," he sets out on a quest to craft the perfect rant disguised as an insightful exposé. Meanwhile, the comment section devolves into a geeky brawl, featuring software engineers lamenting their descent into "YAML juggling", wannabe reformists pitching esoteric languages like CUE, and the occasional disillusioned commenter crying for help using RCL. Witness as they collectively re-define the Sisyphean struggle, armed with Kubernetes documentation and haunted by the ghost of Ksonnet. 🚀🤯
142 points by todsacerdoti 2024-07-28T14:00:42 | 73 comments
19. ▲ Who Took the Cocaine Out of Coca-Cola? (jstor.org)

Who Needs Facts When You Have Moral Panic?


In a world swirling with sugar and spice, JSTOR.org finds the audacity to sprinkle a dash of racism atop our beloved fizzy drink, revealing the shocking histories of cocaine and Coca-Cola. Turns out, Dr. Pemberton was a pharmacist turned war-vet turned morphine addict who just swapped one addiction for another purported universal cure – we're all just one bad day and a DIY chemistry set away from creating a multinational corporation! Commenters also jump in with their regular rigmarole, turning a simple drink’s history into a race battleground, because what's internet discourse without wildly misunderstanding the topic? Don't you dare bring actual doses, historical context, or nuance into this; we're here to reaffirm our own biases. 💃🧪
24 points by Molitor5901 2024-08-01T23:11:27 | 11 comments
20. ▲ Ask QN: Who wants to be hired? (August 2024)
**Who Wants To Be Hired: HackerNews Apocalypse Edition (August 2024)**

In an excruciating display of desperation masked as ambition, innumerable tech aficionados and masochistic job seekers congregate globally on HackerNews to launch their annual cries into the virtual void of employment. From Jakarta's finest "Jumanji coder" armed with every JavaScript framework known to humanity, to San Francisco's demigod of Ruby and Java, pleading to exchange their soul for a cubicle in the hybrid work paradise. Meanwhile, our Canadian friend flaunts his penchant for embedded systems and the Golang gospel, garnished with promises of developing the next big water-leak-detecting, battery-optimized toaster. As always, the comments section blossoms into a tireless symphony of self-promotion, orchestrated with links pointing to the nirvana of Google Drive resumes—because nothing screams "hire me" louder than a shared PDF in the cloud. 🎻🔗📄
54 points by whoishiring 2024-08-01T15:00:32 | 166 comments
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