Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Prevention of HIV (science.org)
Title: Amateur Hour in Big Pharma’s Chemistry Set

The brilliant minds at science.org once again regurgitate the groundbreaking news that a new HIV drug might just rewrite the medical textbooks, assuming, of course, that anyone still reads those. The comment section quickly transforms into a hub of armchair pharmacologists and weekend biochemists, all seemingly missing their calling at Big Pharma. One user, dazzled by the drug's long half-life, credits its fluorine atoms, because, clearly, the periodic table holds the secret sauce to medical innovation. Meanwhile, another user stumbles through the drug's market implications, bravely grappling with the economic acumen of a lemonade stand. Truly, a masterclass in making mountains out of molecular molehills. 🎓💊
261 points by etiam 2024-08-07T19:11:39 | 121 comments
2. ▲ Tony Hawk's Pro Strcpy (icode4.coffee)
**Tony Hawk's Pro Strcpy (icode4.coffee)**

In a world where hacking is just "tweaking four bytes and hoping," commenters dive into a technical abyss to discuss the mystical 'habibi key' and its close proximity to Microsoft's security efforts. 🎮 Apparently, the habibi works like a cheap locksmith, where changing little bits here and there magically pops open security doors that should've remained firmly shut. Commenters morph into makeshift cryptographers, throwing around RSA, CRT, and enough acronyms to make your head spin, while simultaneously missing the real discussion on why strncpy isn't as good as Tony Hawk thinks it is. One brave soul attempts to demystify it all, but let’s be real, they’re probably just as confused as the rest of us. 🤷‍♂️
395 points by ndiddy 2024-08-07T16:48:42 | 43 comments
3. ▲ Puppeteer Support for Firefox (hacks.mozilla.org)

The Web Developers' Saga: Just Another Socket Puppet


In an episode destined to line the halls of "no one asked for this," Mozilla hacks together Puppeteer support for Firefox, delighting dozens. Over in the comments, tech enthusiasts are locked in mortal combat with the terrifying world of TCP sockets and UNIX domain rights, because apparently the worst security threat is not using HTTPS but having someone on the same server pickpocket your browser session. Meanwhile, a hero suggests just setting `pipe` to true because why not solve everything with a boolean? As predictably as JavaScript glutting up a webpage, another commentator dreams of a utopian world where we can swap browser engines like trading Pokémon cards. Let them all eat cake—or better yet, cookies!
352 points by cpeterso 2024-08-07T16:19:06 | 51 comments
4. ▲ How French Drains Work (practical.engineering)
**Why Your House Is Sinking And You Don’t Even Know It**

In today’s lesson on “water = bad,” we learn from a French drain evangelist how a magical ditch can save your cul-de-sac palace from becoming an accidental swimming pool. Spoiler alert from our engineering hero: if your house doesn’t float away during the next sprinkle, thank the drains – those unsung heroes beneath our feet. Meanwhile, the comment section becomes a support group for soggy homeowners. One brave soul reminisces about turning their backyard into a DIY version of the Bellagio fountains; another suggests that buying a house on high ground might - just might - save you from needing a doctoral degree in hydrodynamics. Remember, kids: always check where water likes to party before you lay your welcome mat. 🌊🏡💦
497 points by chmaynard 2024-08-06T23:07:07 | 127 comments
5. ▲ Gazette: Cloud-native millisecond-latency streaming (github.com/gazette)
In the latest parade of techno-jargon, Github hosts a glittering example of how to overcomplicate a ping pong game with *Gazette*, a shiny tool that promises millisecond-latency "streaming" – because clearly, SQL batch jobs were just too 20th century. Commenters, frothing at their keyboards, wax poetic about the architectural elegance compared to Kafka, and some even manage to toss around terms like io_uring and k8s as if they're magical incantations that could ward off evil spirits – or maybe just legacy software. Meanwhile, everyone's too terrified to actually pick a tech stack, suffering from a severe case of Fear Of Missing Out on the latest GitHub repo. Placeholder conversation, meet your cloud-native, latency-solving champion: Gazette at Scale! 🚀🤓
39 points by danthelion 2024-08-07T21:39:24 | 3 comments
6. ▲ A brief interview with JSON creator Douglas Crockford (pldb.io)
**A quaint little chat with the grand master of square braces, Douglas Crockford**

In an unsurprising twist, Douglas Crockford, father of the universally beloved syntactic ancestor JSON, gracefully descends from his code-laden heavens to bestow upon mere mortals his pearls of wisdom on language design. During this profoundly prophetic interaction, brought to us by the hard-hitting journalistic might of pldb.io, Douglas manages to casually name-drop a few ancient languages, demonstrate his linguistic sleep schedules, and introduce his latest groundbreaking device—a tab for doodling! Commenters, seizing their chance to ride the coattails of greatness, perform mental gymnastics worthy of Cirque du Soleil to align JavaScript with quantum computing theories. Truly, a spectacle of cognitive distortion that even Eiffel and Lisp couldn't simulate.
6 points by breck 2024-08-08T00:19:50 | 0 comments
7. ▲ Show QN: I've spent nearly 5y on a web app that creates 3D apartments (roometron.com)
**Hacker's Delight: The VR Real Estate Mirage**

Welcome to the future of online apartment hunting, where you can spend hours wrestling with a user interface just to glimpse your dream home in *stunning* 3D—only to be thwarted by a convoluted payment gatekeeper that demands tribute every step of the way. Roometron offers an AI-infused illusion of simplicity to visualize your overpriced closet space—in varied digital formats you’ve never imagined mis-converting. Commenters oscillate between admiration for the concept and sheer frustration at the byzantine flowchart required to render their den into VR oblivion. From PDF purgatory to payment pandemonium, it’s clear the *real* immersive experience is navigating the comments for survival tips. 🎭
427 points by streakolay 2024-08-07T12:03:39 | 138 comments
8. ▲ What Are the Olympics Shooting Competitors Wearing on Their Faces? (core77.com)
In yet another groundbreaking exposé on Olympic fashion, Core77 delves into the gripping mystery of what shooters wear on their eyes, not just their impeccable taste in firearms. Central to this wardrobe enigma are mechanical irises, because God forbid an athlete squints like a mere mortal under the shifting sun. 🌞 The highly technical discussion—wait for it—takes a sharpshooter’s focus to detail but ultimately ends up teaching us that, like Oh Ye-jin, you might just ignore all this gadgetry and still come out golden. 🥇 Commenters, in a dazzling display of expertise, oscillate between optical science lessons and humblebrags about their casual, non-Olympian uses of similar tech, proving that even armchair athletes can get Olympic-level headaches from overthinking eyewear. 👓
102 points by surprisetalk 2024-08-07T18:08:24 | 52 comments
9. ▲ The Third Atomic Bomb (lflank.wordpress.com)
**The Third Atomic Bomb**: Lflank.wordpress somehow manages to breathe new life into the dusty corpses of WWII history with a dramatic recount of America’s potential third act in its atomic fireworks show. The article meticulously explores the "what-if" operatic symphony of never-released bombs and Japanese diplomatic scramblings. Commentators stumble over themselves in a brawl to ascertain who can establish moral high ground first while tiptoeing around the radioactive elephant in the room. Meanwhile, a brave soul knights themselves as honorary history professor to correct the unforgivable sin of mixing up Russia with the Soviet Union, because *obviously*, accuracy is key when discussing historical events we’ve oversimplified to the point of caricature. Just another day in paradise, unpacking nuclear politics with the casual demeanor of discussing last night's football scores! 🎭💣🏈
30 points by dxs 2024-08-07T21:48:43 | 5 comments
10. ▲ East Germany invented 'unbreakable' drinking glasses (theguardian.com)
**East Germany's Indestructible Drinkware Makes a Comeback!** While the world was busy inventing the internet and wireless phones, East Germany was busy combating the devastating issue of breaking glasses. Aptly named "Superfest" – which sounds ominously like a superhero whose only power is not shattering upon contact with a mildly aggressive toast – these glasses are making a surprise return from the depths of history. The comment section, a lively battleground of nostalgia and "actually"-isms, debates fiercely whether these relics of the past can hold a candle (or a drink) against today's fancy tempered glassware, with links strewn about like breadcrumbs back to the glory days of impenetrable drink containers. As one might expect, history buffs and material science aficionados wax poetic over glass thickness and durability, while reminiscing about the good old days when glassware was a serious investment. ⏳🍻
373 points by n1b0m 2024-08-06T17:37:51 | 235 comments
11. ▲ Judge Fines Ripple $125M, Bans Future Securities Law Violations (coindesk.com)
**Judge Bops Ripple on the Nose with a $125M Fine**

In what is shockingly *not* an episode of "Judge Judy," Ripple gets slapped with a $125 million fine by actual federal judge Analisa Torres for playing fast and loose with securities laws. Commenters, armed with their newly minted internet law degrees, dive deep with *profound* confusion over what an "injunction against future violations" could possibly mean – because, naturally, companies habitually plan to break the law. Another historical legal expert chimes in about contempt penalties as if they’re discussing lost socks, not millions in fines. Meanwhile, the crypto enthusiasts cheer from the sidelines about the slap on the wrist ensuring XRP’s "triumphant" pump of 20%. 🚀👨‍⚖️💸
60 points by crhulls 2024-08-07T22:11:25 | 15 comments
12. ▲ GPT-4 LLM simulates people well enough to replicate social science experiments (treatmenteffect.app)
In the latest edition of Silicon Valley Solves Everything, GPT-4 now plays scientist, astounding readers by replicating social science experiments with 85% accuracy—an impressive feat if you assume that repeating what it read in textbooks is the same as understanding human behavior. Commenters, displaying their usual blend of dubious scepticism and blind optimism, juggle questions about dataset integrity and fantasies of replacing actual humans with lines of code for their marketing schemes. One beacon of hope wonders aloud if this might finally fix the irreproducible nature of social sciences, while another retorts with a snappy line about machines just echo-chambering our own biases. 🙄 Really groundbreaking stuff here—machines mimicking humans mimicking scientific rigor.
21 points by thoughtpeddler 2024-08-07T21:30:36 | 9 comments
13. ▲ Show QN: BudgetFlow – Budget planning using interactive Sankey diagrams (budgetflow.cc)
**BudgetFlow: Revolutionizing Mismanagement One Diagram at a Time**

Hacker News unveils **BudgetFlow**, a beta-level playground for those who fantasize about planning budgets as much as actually sticking to them. Aspiring financial managers now have a new toy: Sankey diagrams that not only let you visualize money flowing out of your pockets at alarming rates but also confuse you on where it went. Commenters dive deep, agonizing over which anonymous bucket swallows their freelance pennies, debating the existential pain of fungibility, and pleading for diagrams detailed enough to avoid actually talking to their spouse about finances. Will it revolutionize budgeting, or just add a fresh layer of chaos to our already mismanaged finances? 📉💸
197 points by mkrd 2024-08-07T11:56:02 | 59 comments
14. ▲ Meticulous (YC S21) is hiring to eliminate E2E UI tests
In a stunning display of *"innovation,"* Meticulous (YC S21) is on the hunt for brave souls willing to join their quest to annihilate end-to-end UI tests, because who needs reliable software anyway? The Hacker News crowd, ever the experts in missing the point, dives into a heated debate about the merits of automated testing versus actual human testers, apparently unaware that the software they're discussing won't work if nobody tests it at all. One commenter reminisces about a bug from 1997 that *clearly* justifies their fear of automated testing, while another is just here to drop a casual humblebrag about their “vast experience” in all the testing methodologies ever conceived. 🙄 Amidst the chaos, practical solutions flounder unseen, like common sense at a conspiracy theory convention.
0 points by 2024-08-07T21:00:39 | 0 comments
15. ▲ R5N - Obfuscated mesh routing on hostile networks. (gnunet.org)
In an astonishing display of cryptographic verbosity, the GNUnet teams unveil their latest magnum opus, the R5N protocol, guaranteed to excite exactly seven people who understand it and zero who will use it. As the spec meanders through secure hash tables and the dark magic of peer-to-peer overlays, eager commenters leap at the chance to sound savvy by asking about reference implementations and the cosmic ballet of random walks. Meanwhile, the quietly desperate pleas for real-world applications are answered with scenarios that read like a rejected "Black Mirror" script. Godspeed to the few brave souls trying to make sense of this techno-gibberish while the rest of us ponder more profound questions, like what's for lunch.
81 points by tinydev 2024-08-03T04:30:27 | 9 comments
16. ▲ Setting expectations for open source participation (2018) (snarky.ca)
🚨 *Hottest Update from the Land of the Freeloaders* 🚨 - If you’ve ever fantasized about being spoon-fed open-source etiquette or how to sucker big corps into maintaining your hobby project, look no further! Here comes an *esteemed* Python whisperer from Microsoft, ready to school you on making friends and influencing people in the OSS gulag. Meanwhile, in the comments, armchair philosophers contemplate the ethical nuances of turning down buggy PRs as if rejecting grandma's holiday fruitcake - because, clearly, navigating open-source politics is as complex as a Shakespearean drama. 🎭 Can't wait to see everyone at next year's keynote, discussing who cleans up after the open-source party is over!
19 points by zbentley 2024-08-03T18:42:55 | 3 comments
17. ▲ I turned an old phone into a NAS (xda-developers.com)
Title: When Tech Hoarders Play Frankenstein

In an awe-inspiring display of technical bravado, an inhabitant of xda-developers has pioneered the truly groundbreaking feat of turning an old Android phone into a NAS—a great leap from paperweight to server! Witness the marvel as they replicate the functionality of a $50 piece of hardware with a device once worth hundreds while alto battling the imminent threat of fiery battery demise. The comment section bubbles with nostalgia and sarcasm, as enthusiasts oscillate between applauding this "ingenious" reuse and recounting tales of how every repurposed phone inevitably morphs into a spicy pillow. Will it end in flames or glory? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode: "How I Turned My Toaster into a Bitcoin Miner." 🚒💾
82 points by simonpure 2024-08-05T03:15:44 | 41 comments
18. ▲ Official proposal for Type Unions in C# (github.com/dotnet)
**C# Parade of Desperation**

In a daring bid to stay relevant, C# enthusiasts on GitHub conjure up the idea of "Type Unions," because borrowing homework from Rust seemed like a sound strategy. Brace yourself as a motley crew of developers weigh in with such profundity as, "C# rox, everything else sux," or engage in nostalgia about how their pet language is "**immensely**" better than java, which no one asked about. Curiously, a Linux aficionado wanders into the fray, looking for tips on how to code in C# without sullying himself with Microsoft's taint, only to be reminded that JetBrains exists, sort of like water in a desert—mirage or miracle? Oh, and there's always one joker who thinks "maturity" means patching up an ecosystem with nostalgia, proving once again that Stockholm syndrome extends well beyond human relationships. 🤡🎪
218 points by Fervicus 2024-08-07T17:02:00 | 164 comments
19. ▲ Costco membership scanners coming to clubs in sharing crackdown (axios.com)
**Costco Plays Big Brother With Membership Cards**

In an *epic* display of technological overkill, Costco decides scanning membership cards at the door will somehow *prevent* the horrendous crime of unauthorized bulk toilet paper purchases 🧻. Commenters, armed with their seemingly bottomless well of retail operational expertise, are thoroughly *baffled*. One genius predicts a future where Costco becomes a dystopian fortress with facial recognition, begrudgingly accepting the sad reality it’s just a tired employee squinting at a grainy photo. Meanwhile, others mourn the devastating loss of cheap hotdogs to the unchecked tyranny of a barcode scanner. Because, as we all know, the fate of democracy hinges on easy access to Costco’s food court.
21 points by cwwc 2024-08-07T23:44:38 | 23 comments
20. ▲ Apple memory holed its broken promise for an OCSP opt-out (lapcatsoftware.com)
🍏 Apple’s Commitment to Forgetfulness 🍏: In an epic display of corporate amnesia, Apple essentialy "forgot" its own promises about giving users the option to dodge their privacy-invading OCSP checks. Panic ensued back in 2020 when their OCSP system took a sick day, and apps stampeded in place like clueless cattle. Now, the tech-challenged heroes of the internet argue fiercely over how to best jam Apple's peeping eyes using rules in Little Snitch - because nothing spells "privacy" like playing Whac-A-Mole with server URLs. Meanwhile, Apple’s dev team is probably spinning the Wheel of Excuses, deciding between "unforeseen technical difficulties" or "Oops, did we say that out loud?" 🎡
234 points by latexr 2024-08-07T18:50:55 | 51 comments
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