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▲ All of Earth's water in a single sphere (usgs.gov)
**All of Earth's water in a single sphere: A Surprising Lack of Splash**
In another heart-stopping display of governmental graphics, USGS turns the entire planet’s water into marbles, shocking no one that Earth isn’t actually a cosmic water balloon but a rather moist rock. Internet commenters, grabbing their calculators and Neil DeGrasse Tyson quotes, dive headfirst into the deep end of not-quite-scientific debates, proving only that everyone's a smidge confused about just how damp we are in space. One user, heroically missing the point, muses about cosmic beings bowling with water-logged planets, because why tackle real water crisis issues when you can ponder interstellar gutter balls? The consensus? We're less water-world, more damp dust speck.
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382 points by tigerlily
2024-08-13T18:32:52 |
174 comments
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| 2. |
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▲ Rust Atomics and Locks by Mara Bos (marabos.nl)
Hark! A new tome for the Rustaceans! Mara Bos unleashes "Low-Level Concurrency in Practice," a spellbinding 250-page guide to mismanaging memory despite Rust's best efforts. With translations in more languages than you can remember, this book ensures you won't just confuse yourself, but you can do it in Japanese or Korean too! Commenters dive headfirst into discussing SRWLocks' drama, adding their own threads of war stories about locks they bested or were bested by. Meanwhile, others recommend the book as if it were the Holy Grail of programming, revealing their commitment to never actually finishing any projects but talking a big game about the ones they might start next. Rust: saving programmers from themselves, one complicit '@' symbol at a time. 🦀
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98 points by 0xedb
2024-08-13T21:12:32 |
23 comments
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| 3. |
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▲ Ex-Kansas police chief who raided local newspaper criminally charged (theguardian.com)
In a stunning turn of events that shocked absolutely no one, former police chief Gideon Cody, acclaimed star of Marion's most dramatic overreach series, faces charges for apparently trying to keep a witness’s lips sealed tighter than a classified CIA document. Our comment section heroes are already staging a keyboard championship, skillfully theorizing how this single felony charge is either the beginning of justice or just another episode in the "Cops Gone Wild" series on real-life edition. One zealous commenter even made a spreadsheet comparing raid seriousness to pot possession, because *context* 🙄. Meanwhile, bets are open on whether this will end in a flashy trial or another whisper in the quaint prairie winds of Kansas justice. 🌾😒
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140 points by howard941
2024-08-13T23:03:21 |
9 comments
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| 4. |
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▲ ARPA-H announces awards to develop novel technologies for precise tumor removal (arpa-h.gov)
**ARPA-H's Latest Medical Marvel: Now With Extra Precision!**
In yet another nostalgic display of bureaucratic effectiveness, ARPA-H dishes out a whopping $150 million to invent new surgical toys because surgeons apparently haven't learned how to cut straight yet. Internet commenters, fueled by a relentless optimism oblivious to decades of medical research inertia, are already dubbing this the next "moonshot." Meanwhile, one insightful analyst lowers the bar by celebrating the fact that, at a minimum, they've at least moved beyond leeches and bloodletting. The ghost of Obama's Precision Medicine initiative nods sagely from the digital archives, joining this latest healthcare parade that marches confidently towards an ever-receding horizon of breakthroughs. 🎉🔬👻
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39 points by melling
2024-08-13T21:00:10 |
7 comments
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| 5. |
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▲ Launch QN: Trellis (YC W24) – AI-powered workflows for unstructured data
Welcome to the future where every startup is a glorified PDF parser wrapped in AI hyperbole! 🚀 Trellis, freshly sprung from Y Combinator's magical unicorn factory, promises to wrestle unstructured data into submission using, you guessed it, AI-powered workflows. 😱 Because clearly, after a decade of hacking away at the same problem, a little more AI is just what we needed. Commenters compete to outdo each other in tool usage bravado, assuring they too have battled the PDF beasts with varying degrees of (*i*) historical struggle and (*em*) miraculous victory, meanwhile leveraging every buzzword ensemble from OCR to LLM to prove big tech sandbox dominance. 🎪 Hats off to reinventing the wheel with such *spectacular* flair! 👏👏👏
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163 points by macklinkachorn
2024-08-13T15:14:47 |
92 comments
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| 6. |
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▲ MVSplat: Efficient 3D Gaussian Splatting from Sparse Multi-View Images (donydchen.github.io)
In a thrilling leap into irrelevance, MVSplat out-splats the insipid pixelSplat in the high-stakes world of 3D Gaussian primitives. This groundbreaking waste of compute invites you to gawk at ".ply" files—because your life's clearly missing slow-loading 3D blobs on Three.js. Marvel as MVSplat masters irrelevant indoor doodads only to fail elegantly on any scene that doesn’t resemble a RealEstate10K clip. Commenters are already tripping over each other in excitement, mistaking academic jargon for an episode of "Black Mirror." 🤓💻🎉
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8 points by jasondavies
2024-08-12T09:23:29 |
0 comments
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| 7. |
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▲ The Webb Telescope further deepens the Hubble tension controversy in cosmology (quantamagazine.org)
**Hubble Tension or Intellectual Tension?**
In yet another cosmic episode of "As the Universe Expands," amateur astronomers and armchair physicists are buzzing over the James Webb Space Telescope's latest tease: spoiler alert, it resolves nothing about the so-called Hubble tension. Instead of unifying astrophysics, the telescope tosses more cosmic confetti, showing varied expansion rates that may as well be random numbers pulled from a space hat. Comment sections are ablaze with 🌌 galaxy brain theories 🌌, arguing everything from spacetime shenanigans to nefarious hidden variables, each contradicting the last. It's like watching a drunken dart game where the board is the universe and everyone’s missed the memo that they're blindfolded.
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233 points by nsoonhui
2024-08-13T12:50:54 |
197 comments
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| 8. |
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▲ Trying for twelve years to chase down and catch an antelope by foot [audio] (thisamericanlife.org)
This week on "Pointless Pursuits in Podcast Form," brave urban warriors armed with nothing but sneakers and a dream head into the wild to do what millennia of evolution have honed cats to do in their sleep: chase fast-moving things. In a riveting blend of persistence and futility, they discover that antelope are, shocking no one, pretty darn fast and not keen on being caught by sweaty bipeds in performance fabrics. Cue listeners, who suggest everything from dye packs to strategic ostrich egg hydration stations, because apparently, we're now advising on Looney Tunes episodes. Meanwhile, other listeners stumble upon the show looking for lost software developer content, because names are hard. 🥴
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11 points by mhb
2024-08-11T19:10:06 |
12 comments
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| 9. |
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▲ AudioFlux: A C/C++ library for audio and music analysis (github.com/libaudioflux)
**AudioFlux: The Latest Time Sink for Sound Nerds**
Step aside, amateurs! There’s a new C/C++ library in town promising to revolutionize the way you've been mishandling audio and music analysis with "dozens" of transformation methods and "hundreds" of features. AudioFlux, because apparently the world was desperately missing another deep learning tool, allows users to inefficiently further complicate their projects under the guise of "feature extraction." As developers express phony politeness asking for comparisons to literally any other MIR tool while mournfully wrestling with existing GitHub libraries, AudioFlux promises to absorb your feedback, mostly by directing you to its vast, unnavigable documentation. Meanwhile, in the comments, a gaggle of sad programmers debates the best tools for transcribing three notes of Beethoven, each suggesting more CPU-heavy, GPU-ignored methods while lamentably confusing feature extraction for sorcery. 🧙♂️🎵💻
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158 points by CMLab
2024-08-13T13:51:27 |
36 comments
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| 10. |
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▲ LLM-based sentiment analysis of Hacker News posts between Jan 2020 and June 2023 (outerbounds.com)
In a groundbreaking effort that will assuredly redefine the frontiers of unnecessary analytics, the geniuses at outerbounds.com have developed a way to scrutinize Hacker News comments using the gargantuan LLama3 70B LLM. Because who needs simple tools when you can deploy an overkill AI that parses 250 million words to conclude that, yes, tech nerds have feelings too—mostly about Rust and obscure computing feats. Meanwhile in the comment section, tech aficionados engage in the ancient art of "but-can-it-run-on-a-toaster" and other musings about NFL semantics, proving once again that tech guys will argue over anything, from technological elitism to whether "tokens" genuinely capture the existential cries of stressed programmers. 🙄 Can't wait for someone to LLM-analyze this summary and start a meta-debate.
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56 points by mochomocha
2024-08-13T23:55:09 |
24 comments
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| 11. |
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▲ You've got to hide your myopia away: John Lennon's contact lenses (wiley.com)
In an enthralling display of optical enchantment, denizens of the internet come together on Wiley.com to share their boundless awe over John Lennon's contact lenses. One commenter, grappling with the advanced physics of soft contacts, marvels at the mystical consistency of his lens thickness, diving deep into speculation rather than consulting a professional. Another embarks on a noble quest to align toric lenses according to arcane markings understood by few mortals — or perhaps just their optometrist. Meanwhile, someone inevitably complains about their unique ocular condition that surely no one else has ever encountered before, confirming the suspicion that every comment section is just an echo chamber of confusion and bespoke eye problems. 🧙♂️👀💫
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111 points by geox
2024-08-13T15:14:54 |
115 comments
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| 12. |
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▲ Show QN: See the impact on your cloud costs as you code
Welcome to yet another riveting episode of Hacker News developers discovering 🔍 that the cloud costs money 💸 and their spaghetti code might just be the culprit. Today's feature: a tool attempting to save pennies while coders write checks their infrastructure can't cash. Commenters are either nonplussed "this is nice but not very useful to me," fantasizing about automated penny-pinching bots🤖, or just trying to sound smart by mentioning unrelated books. It's a thrifty carnival of wishful thinking and mild existential dread over AWS bills! 🎪🤡
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109 points by rumno0
2024-08-13T13:00:42 |
42 comments
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| 13. |
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▲ Wet-lab innovations will lead the AI revolution in biology (substack.com)
Title: A *Revolutionary* Puddle of Data
In the latest episode of "Everything Can Be Solved with More Data," substack.com contributors uncover startling "innovations" in wet lab experiments that allegedly pave the way for a biological AI nirvana. Commenters, in a spectacle of ignorance mixed with disillusion, argue over whether molecular biologists are saints or charlatans for brewing high-throughput experiments that magically transform into high-futility experiments. Meanwhile, one former biochemist confesses to fleeing the field, evidently struggling with the slow-burn reality of actual science versus the sparkling allure of AI promises. Is the age-old scientific method dead, or are we just drowning in a sea of data waiting for AI lifeboats to save us? The debate rages on, mostly highlighting how little some understand about both biology and machine learning. 🧫💾🤷♂️
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27 points by lysozyme
2024-08-12T23:31:17 |
4 comments
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| 14. |
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▲ EasyPost (YC S13) Is Hiring (easypost.com)
**EasyPost: We Excel at Reinventing the Envelope!**
At EasyPost, a YC relic, they've discovered what no one else could: 🌍 shipping is complicated! Who knew? Join their league of extraordinary "problem solvers" as they face the Herculean task of integrating APIs for shipping. Yes, because before EasyPost, no one shipped things efficiently. 📦✨ Dive into their job ad where tech buzzwords crash against logistics like fragile packages thrown on a conveyor belt. Commenters unite, offering sage advice like "Have you tried turning it off and on again?", ensuring this will revolutionize shipping... just like every other startup promised. 🚀😂 So innovative!
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0 points by
2024-08-13T21:00:34 |
0 comments
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| 15. |
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▲ Launch QN: Shaped (YC W22) – AI-Powered Recommendations and Search
**Launch HN: Shaped (YC W22) – AI-Powered Recommendations and Search**
Welcome to the latest Silicon Valley salad spinner, a bold new startup, Shaped, promising to "revolutionize" search and recommendations using AI, because surely *your* spammy ads will be way more relevant now. Commenters, armed with various levels of misunderstanding, range from vaguely concerned about the real-world application of this tech to outright befuddled by how it's not just a glitzy version of existing offerings. Amidst the mix, a digital chorus chimes in with tales of swapping from Algolia, all without ever disclosing what the hell it might cost them. Gods of the machine, save us from decisions made by emoji reactions and blind faith in demo gods. Such innovation, much disruption! 🙄
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100 points by tullie
2024-08-13T14:19:21 |
23 comments
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| 16. |
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▲ From object transition to RCE in the Chrome renderer (github.blog)
GitHub attempts to reinvent the wheel yet again, treating their latest blog post about AI and machine learning like it's the first time anyone’s ever heard of such concepts. Commenters, in a dazzling display of technical one-upmanship, proceed to argue semantics and gatekeep the "true" meanings of AI, each more eager than the last to display their Stanford credentials. Meanwhile, the practical applications of these technologies in daily development get lost in a sea of buzzwords and self-congratulation. Reading further could possibly improve your developer experience, or just make you question why **everyone** thinks they need to throw a generative AI into everything. 🙄
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137 points by mikece
2024-08-13T15:31:45 |
20 comments
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| 17. |
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▲ An open-source flow battery kit (dualpower.supply)
Title: Hobbyists Unleash "Revolutionary" Drip-Feed Smartphone Charger
Here we go again: another pair of plucky DIYers, bewildered by a basic chemistry set, claim they’re galloping toward a battery revolution from their garage. In a stunning move paralleled only by Watching Paint Dry, YouTube-educated scientists are now honing the arcane arts of Zinc-Iodine flow batteries—conveniently ignoring the minor snag that their homemade power stations might just power a calculator—if they're lucky. Commenters, unswayed by trivial details like practicality or feasibility, cheer on, heralding this as the dawn of an energy epoch (or just another afternoon of tech LARPing?). Vive la flow battery revolution? Maybe buy a pack of AA batteries instead.
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120 points by idamantium
2024-08-13T14:25:19 |
58 comments
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| 18. |
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▲ Quote-unquote "macros" (ianthehenry.com)
**Welcome to a Pretend Programming Paradise!**
In the latest episode of "why did I start coding?", we explore the *thoroughly exhilarating* world of Python macros—or lack thereof? Pull up a chair and enjoy an article that turns the thrilling journey into Fibonacci calculations into a bedtime story for grown-up coders. The comment section sparkles with surreal mathematical joy rides and philosophical banter about memory leaks and space/time complexities—because why solve real problems when we can argue about Fibonacci? 🤯 Oh, and don't miss the obligatory snark fest among JavaScript enthusiasts debating tricks that even Houdini wouldn't bother with. Real cutting-edge stuff, folks. Be sure to fetch your popcorn! 🍿
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60 points by ianthehenry
2024-08-12T17:40:09 |
21 comments
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| 19. |
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▲ Google Pixel 9 Pro (store.google.com)
**Hive Mind Unlocks New Choices, Nobody Cares**: In an awe-inspiring leap of innovation, Google manages to stretch the definition of choice by offering the new Pixel 9 Pro in two sizes. That's right, folks, whether you like your surveillance brick to be annoyingly large or just moderately cumbersome, Google's got you covered! Meanwhile, the comment section turns into a battleground for bragging about turning off AI features, as if manually screening spam calls is a personality trait. As the endless debate rages on, everyone agrees on one critical point: pricing and size debates are far more tantalizing than actual technology advancements. 🙄💸
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377 points by ksec
2024-08-13T17:08:20 |
847 comments
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| 20. |
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▲ US Air Force avoids PFAS water cleanup, citing Supreme Court's Chevron ruling (theguardian.com)
The US Air Force, in its eternal wisdom, has decided that the best way to handle toxic chemicals in Tucson’s drinking water is to simply do **nothing**, citing a recent Supreme Court twist on the "Chevron doctrine" as their get-out-of-jail-free card. Meanwhile, the enlightened commenters have descended into a sophisticated brawl, confidently throwing around phrases like "regulatory capture" and "Chevon deference" — yes, apparently it’s now a car oil brand. As debates on the nuances of nitrous oxide (or was it nitrogen oxides?) dominate, the real issue remains: people might prefer a sip of clean water over the intoxicating fumes of legal jargon. Just another day where bureaucratic indifference meets armchair expertise, brewed in a teapot of grand constitutional debate. **Cheers** to the next glass of potentially PFAS-laden tap water!
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97 points by Jimmc414
2024-08-13T22:01:22 |
86 comments
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