Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ 13ft – A site similar to 12ft.io but self-hosted (github.com/wasi-master)
**13ft – The Needless Increment**

In a misguided attempt to reinvent the wheel, an intrepid developer unveils 13ft.io, a self-hosted ad-blocker that masquerades as GoogleBot to scoff at paywalls with mixed success. Users flock to the comments to either praise this one-man rebellion against digital capitalism or to share their utterly predictable failure stories because, surprise, the New York Times doesn't hire muppets for their IT team. Meanwhile, a visionary suggests a peer-to-peer article sharing network, blissfully reinventing Bittorrent because who needs legal articles when you can get possibly paraphrased versions? Welcome to the rebel base, where tech tricks die hard and everyone's a closet lawyer waiting for an antitrust superhero to save the day.
249 points by darknavi 2024-08-19T19:49:22 | 117 comments
2. ▲ What I Learned Working for Mark Zuckerberg (noahkagan.com)
Noah Kagan, ex-Facebook sage, unveils the arcane secrets of hiring at AppSumo, a revelation so groundbreaking it involves... *wait for it*... paid trials. Commenters, in a glorious display of Internet expertise, argue whether this is modern-day serfdom or just mild corporate exploitation. One genius struggles with the English language, heroically battling autocorrect on the front lines of mobile commenting. Meanwhile, others philosophize about job security in an era where your career stability is as robust as a house of cards in a hurricane. Welcome to the future of work, it’s just like the old one but with more steps! 🎭🤹‍♂️
23 points by duck 2024-08-19T23:53:21 | 27 comments
3. ▲ On the cruelty of really teaching computing science (1988) (utexas.edu)
In a brilliant exercise of nostalgia-wrapped confusion, some academics propose programming ought to be akin to high art, grappling with deep conceptual hierarchies unlike anything ever faced by mere mortals—even mathematicians contend with toddlers' toy problems by comparison. Commenters, stroking their egos with tales of expensive and hastily-abandoned ventures into the realm of formal methods, engage in a heroic myth-making competition. Each vies to prove they've touched the hem of Dijkstra's robe, achieving computational enlightenment—or at least managed to configure their IDE correctly. Meanwhile, the software industry soldiers on, valiantly ignoring both Dijkstra and the commenters' pontifications, as the ghosts of Ada and SPARK mourn quietly from the sidelines.
28 points by torstenvl 2024-08-19T23:35:01 | 15 comments
4. ▲ Launch QN: Sorcerer (YC S24) – Weather balloons that collect more data
Title: **Launch HN: Sorcerer (YC S24) – Weather balloons that actually do something**

This week in Hacker News, the tinkerers unveil their latest distraction: weather balloons by Sorcerer, because climate science evidently needed more balloons. Commence the traditional circus of commenters weaving their own semi-related tech accolades into the discussion, like that guy from Oxford (yes, he really said Oxford) who's hawking his "hyper space-efficient" JSON magic beans. A vigorous debate unfolds about IoT device power usage, overshadowing the original topic, because why talk about the weather when you can flex your coding chops? At least everyone's data will be compressed efficiently while they miss the point. 🎈🌍💾
237 points by tndl 2024-08-19T14:13:36 | 111 comments
5. ▲ Lenticular Clock (instructables.com)
Instructables users, in their infinite bid to make everything in their home mildly inconvenient and visually perplexing, have birthed the "Lenticular Clock." This gem involves a user staring at a device from just the *right* angle to tell time, because glancing at a standard clock was just too straightforward. Comments range from desperate hacks trying to salvage practicality, to awestruck discoveries that you, yes you, can buy lenticular sheets without signing over your firstborn. Everyone is seemingly unaware that easier methods to tell time have existed since, well, pretty much the dawn of civilization. JSName a 'clock' that turns time-telling into a neck-craning quest? Sign the hobbyists up! 🕰️
66 points by animal_spirits 2024-08-19T19:32:02 | 13 comments
6. ▲ Infisical (YC W23) Is Hiring Full Stack Engineer (Remote) (ycombinator.com)
🚀 **Infisical Saves the World!** 🌎 Infisical, the miraculous startup and self-proclaimed savior of developers everywhere, is on a holy crusade to manage your API-keys, DB tokens, and those oh-so-secret secrets that apparently billions depend on monthly. Because in the high-stakes world of newsletter sign-ups and spam filters, no job is more vital than being the "Swiss army knife" of engineers (a role definitely as glamorous as it sounds). Join them to not only optimize code, but also bask in the ongoing existential thrill of deciding if a startup’s 'fast-growing' status is just about its customer base or its alarming burn rate. Meanwhile, commenters compete in the digital Coliseum to prove who can be the loudest advocate for something they barely understand. 🎉
0 points by 2024-08-20T01:00:51 | 0 comments
7. ▲ Let's Write a Reverb (signalsmith-audio.co.uk)
Today in "I Suddenly Understand Sound", a blogger reinvents the wheel with his breakthrough article on creating reverbs without "magic numbers" or "tricky tuning." Throngs of bedroom producers, who until now believed reverb creation invoked ancient alchemy, hail the post as revelatory. One enlightened commenter marries convolution and algorithmic reverbs, inadvertently crafting the Frankenstein's monster of echo effects. Meanwhile, another eager soul wonders if neural networks could be the secret sauce behind real-time reverb, clearly mistaking basic audio processing for launching rockets into space. 🎛️🚀💫
25 points by notagoodidea 2024-08-15T07:37:54 | 2 comments
8. ▲ 'Rare species' not seen in the area for 50 years spotted on Arizona trail camera (phys.org)
In the latest clickbait miracle from phys.org, a "rare species" tantalizes bored internet users by showing up on grainy trail cam footage for the first time since anybody cared. Intrepid "field research project manager" Kinley Ragan risks the scorching Arizona sun to confirm: yes, the cameras still work and yes, we can still see animals without actually going outside. Comment sections explode with armchair biologists marveling at how a wild animal can survive in the wild without the benefits of UberEats and Google Maps. No actual video in the article, but why let visuals interrupt a good blind faith in wildlife storytelling? 📷🏜️😱
41 points by wglb 2024-08-19T20:10:48 | 3 comments
9. ▲ Music recommendation system using transformer models (research.google)
Title: Google Tries to Reinvent the Wheel, Discovers Spotify

Google, the humble small-time internet startup, bravely attempts to redefine music recommendations using transformer models because obviously, no one has ever thought of using data to suggest music before. 🙄 Commenters swiftly swoop in to point out glaring gaps like, oh you know, not understanding the music itself. But don’t worry, there’s a lot of big words and complex diagrams to ensure everyone understands *something* is happening, even if it's just a sophisticated shuffle play. Meanwhile, everyone reminisces about the "good old days" of Rdio and Pandora’s simplicity, proving once again that everything new is just old tech in AI's clothes.
55 points by panarky 2024-08-19T19:28:22 | 19 comments
10. ▲ The oral history of the Dinosaur Input Device (vfxblog.com)
Title: **The Over-Hyped History of a Dino Joystick**

In an earth-shattering revelation of obsolete technology, vfxblog.com digs up the bones of the "Dinosaur Input Device," a contraption born from the Jurassic age of visual effects where animators believed physical puppets could survive the digital asteroid. The article, dripping with nostalgia for a time when dinosaurs (and practical effects) ruled the earth, details how the brave artisans of Tippett Studio morphed their puppeteering despair into a joystick covered in sensors, otherwise known as the Dinosaur Input Device. Commenters, buried deep in their caves of denial, fervently tap out tributes to the lost art, weeping digital tears over their keyboards as they reminisce about the good old prehistoric times of animation. The collective denial about moving on from stop-motion is palpable, almost as real as the CGI T-Rex they can't stop talking about.
31 points by gelstudios 2024-08-19T21:45:56 | 0 comments
11. ▲ Classifying all of the pdfs on the internet (snats.xyz)
Title: Classifying all of the pdfs on the internet (snats.xyz)

In a daring leap of academic boredom, one brave soul at snats.xyz has decided to tackle the insurmountable task of classifying every last PDF on the planet because apparently, there’s nothing better to do. But fear not, rather than preserving all those 'useless' pages, good ol' Common Crawl delicately amputates the bulk of each file, keeping just the first megabyte—because who needs completeness in data science? Cue commenters tripping over their digital feet to share regurgitated tales of their similarly mind-numbing projects, reminiscing about the golden age of Internet hoarding while casually flexing their citations and data corps. Indeed, the more things change, the more comment sections remain eternal bragging grounds of near-missed opportunities and subtly misaligned probabilities. 📚🤓💾
246 points by Nydhal 2024-08-19T12:23:09 | 85 comments
12. ▲ Parsing protobuf at 2+GB/s: how I learned to love tail calls in C (2021) (reverberate.org)
🚀 **Another Day, Another Compiler Feature Boasting Session** 🚀

In an era where speed is the new black, a wild article appears claiming a groundbreaking achievement of parsing protobuf at a lightning-fast 2+GB/s, thanks to something called "tail calls" in C. It's like discovering fire, but if fire was only useful for cooking minute rice. The corresponding comment section quickly becomes a hotbed of underqualified speculation and one-upmanship, as keyboard warriors debate musttail implementation minutiae. Meanwhile, any normal human attempting to follow the conversation likely needs a drink or a degree in computer science - but preferably both. 🍻
324 points by fanf2 2024-08-19T08:42:03 | 140 comments
13. ▲ Page Turns: Literary Translations on the American Ballet Theater's Summer Stage (lithub.com)
Today on the Academy of Literary Gymnastics, a shocking revelation: ballet dancers *feel* things while dancing! 💃 Who knew pirouetting could evoke such existential crisis, passing the profound depth of a Shakespeare tragedy? But fear not, balcony seat critics in their lofty perches are on hand, magnifying glasses out, ready to spot the faintest facial twitch that connects a thousand-dollar ticket to the raw anguish of fictional characters. Meanwhile, commenters engage in deep armchair analysis, debating whether Tchaikovsky or Prokofiev had the sadder violins to accompany such pained expressions. 🎻😭
5 points by bryanrasmussen 2024-08-18T13:36:07 | 0 comments
14. ▲ Migrating Mess with DNS to Use PowerDNS (jvns.ca)

Yet Another DNS Debacle


Three years into creating what can only be mildly termed as a "functional" DNS playground, our brave hacker has decided to ditch sticking plasters for something more robust - revealing The PowerDNS Epiphany. In a tale as old as time, tech enthusiasts gather in the comments to sermonize on error messages, lavish praise on redundant API features, and mysteriously drip-feed PostgreSQL memory management tips from the 90s. Because, obviously, when dealing with daily outages, what you need is to ponder the philosophical nuances of API error responses. Stay tuned for more cycles of code, crash, and comment - rinse and repeat!
79 points by hasheddan 2024-08-19T17:14:12 | 18 comments
15. ▲ Cardinal – Virtual modular synthesizer plugin (kx.studio)
Title: Cardinal – Digital Knob-Twisting Extravaganza

Summary: Enter the pixelated paradise of Cardinal, the virtual modular synthesizer that saves you the inconvenience of real cables that actually carry real voltage. Now available for every OS crafted by human hands, Cardinal comes jam-packed with 1219 modules curated by 79 different digital sound wizards. It’s like the buffet of sound synthesis, except you don’t have to wear pants to enjoy it. Meanwhile, the comment section is aflame with purists and newcomers alike, debating the philosophical implications of forking code like it's Grandma’s secret recipe, while others just seem puzzled about where to find the mythical ‘play’ button. Spoiler: it’s next to the ‘any’ key. 🎹🔍
61 points by iscream26 2024-08-19T20:29:45 | 11 comments
16. ▲ The guidance system and computer of the Minuteman III nuclear missile (righto.com)
Welcome to the riveting world of Minuteman missiles, where buried cables and VHS firefighting guides are the height of rural Montana chic. Enthusiasts discuss the finer points of gyroscopes and inertial navigation like it's the Apollo moon landing, but with the safety of a Cold War relic in their backyard. In the comments, the nostalgia for a close brush with thermonuclear catastrophe is palpable, because nothing says "community" like digging around pressurized missile cables. Meanwhile, someone hacked a MacBook to measure velocity—poorly. It’s like Silicon Valley meets fail-safe nuclear command, with a touch of farmhouse flair.
118 points by magnat 2024-08-19T19:06:59 | 77 comments
17. ▲ Netboot.xyz: your favorite operating systems in one place (netboot.xyz)
**Netboot.xyz: Bringing You Every OS, Everywhere, All the Time**

Ah, netboot.xyz! It's the modern-day geek equivalent of a Swiss Army knife, but for booting operating systems. Whether you're a sysadmin who’s lost the last shreds of their sanity or a hobbyist who thrives on the bleeding edge of network boot protocols, this tool promises to magically solve all your OS needs via iPXE - a project no casual user has ever heard of, but will vehemently defend in forums. The comment section is ablaze with the overly optimistic and the profoundly lost, both united by the belief that configuring DHCP options is a fun weekend activity. Still wondering about DHCP, HTTP, and PXE? Don’t worry, so is everybody else. But at least we've got a modern guide to medieval booting practices! 📜💾
186 points by thunderbong 2024-08-19T19:19:44 | 37 comments
18. ▲ AI companies are pivoting from creating gods to building products (aisnakeoil.com)
Welcome to another episode of 💡 "Throw Tech At It And See What Sticks!"—the favorite reality show of every AI company hell-bent on turning divine inspiration into mundane products. How cute! The commenters, steeped in boundless wisdom, preach the gospel of iteration fueled by an intoxicating mix of desperation and cluelessness. 🙌 As one bright soul muses eloquently on replacing *Python* with *AI* (apples to asteroids, obviously), others pine for the steam engine days, because nostalgia is just as useful for business strategies as a chocolate teapot. 🚂 And amidst the cries for AI-less AI products, remember kids, nothing says innovation like slapping an "AI-powered" sticker on your slowly crumbling business model. "High-tech" indeed. 🎉
67 points by randomwalker 2024-08-19T21:34:30 | 70 comments
19. ▲ Spine – 2D skeletal animation for games, with physical secondary motions (esotericsoftware.com)
In a world where any schmo can slap some code together and call it a "game animation tool," Spine stands tall, flaunting its "revolutionary" 2D skeletal magic. The comment section, a delightful cesspool of tired indie devs regaling us with tales from the good ol' days of 2019, squabbles over licensing fees like they're brokering peace in the Middle East. One mentions buying Spine when dinosaurs roamed the Earth (2015) and still reels from the exorbitant price, while another cries into their beer about the injustice of the enterprise license. Meanwhile, everyone ignores the lurking fear: what if the company tanks? Do they think a tweet saying "Please open-source Spine" is a legally binding spell? 🧙‍♂️💸
51 points by diggan 2024-08-16T17:40:10 | 18 comments
20. ▲ Searching a Codebase in English (greptile.com)
In the latest tech-tinkering attempt, Greptile reinvents the wheel but in jargon only developers can pretend to understand. Desperate to explain why searching code isn't like flipping through a mildewed paperback, Daksh Gupta dives headlong into "semantic vector embeddings" – a phrase guaranteed to dazzle the five people trapped in an elevator with him. Meanwhile, the comment section has morphed into an impromptu support group for the disillusioned users attempting to decipher the text on web browsers seemingly from another dimension. Indeed, the AI might understand codebases, but can it comprehend why no one can read about it without hacking their device first? 🙃
11 points by dakshgupta 2024-08-15T23:48:59 | 3 comments
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