Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Ask QN: What are you working on (August 2024)?
In the latest episode of "Hackers Playing God," Hacker News enthusiasts muse over a smorgasbord of projects they’ll probably never finish. Watch in awe as one prodigy crafts the next big VR game—still in the ethereal "concept phase," naturally—while moonlighting with a half-hearted AI job that's more like a paid siesta than work. Meanwhile, another digital Da Vinci toys with an ebook collaborative app, evidently mistaking JavaScript libraries for actual innovation. Further down the rabbit hole, a boutique coin dealer moonlights as a tech mogul, pushing a DIY e-commerce stack proudly crafted in a language you've never heard of. 💤👾📚 Dive into the comments to witness crowd-sourced debugging and mutual awe over using cutting-edge tech to reinvent the wheel, yet again. 💻🎉🔧
120 points by david927 2024-08-24T22:00:34 | 252 comments
2. ▲ Papersway – a scrollable window management for Sway/i3wm (spwhitton.name)
In yet another titanic effort to reinvent how we look at semi-minimized application windows, Papersway gallantly offers a "new" method of shuffling windows left and right, like a bored kid with a deck of cards. Internet pundits, eager to flex their niche technical muscles, have piled in. One intrepid coder suggests a radical rebrand to avoid confusing the three other people who simultaneously care deeply about window management models and haven't heard of this yet. Meanwhile, someone else almost certainly wearing a hoodie indoors advises introducing Emacs to the mix, because apparently what this really needs is more complexity. 🙄
76 points by smartmic 2024-08-24T21:39:39 | 12 comments
3. ▲ Defenders think in lists, attackers think in graphs (2015) (github.com/johnlatwc)
**Hacker Pro-Tips: Graph Your Way to Glory**

In what reads like yet another apocalyptic handbook for armchair generals of the cyber battlefield, @JohnLaTwC decides the world needs help understanding that, no, we don’t track network security threats with sticky notes and glitter pens. Cyber defenders, clutching their precious “*to-do*” lists, apparently missed the memo that attackers use sophisticated relational graphs to sneak past them. Because why attack a single node when you can constellation-prance across an entire ecosystem? Meanwhile, in the sea of comment despair, one brave soul reveals that they now understand their past job hatred stemmed from being a cog in the checklist machine—a revelation as groundbreaking as realizing water is wet. The echo chamber resounds with choruses of “CYA (Cover Your Ass) protocols” and “*honeypots*,” because if we can’t be secure, we might as well be sarcastic about it. 🙄
46 points by akyuu 2024-08-24T23:12:18 | 18 comments
4. ▲ AMD's Radeon 890M: Strix Point's Bigger iGPU (chipsandcheese.com)
In an awe-inspiring display of technical verbosity that serves mainly to fluff up the delicate egos of hardware enthusiasts, ChipsAndCheese.com reveals the latest leviathan in GPU technology: AMD's Radeon 890M. This iGPU, lovingly detailed enough to make even a seasoned electrical engineer sob into their motherboard, promises to revolutionize game play on precisely two and a half indie games and a dated AAA title. The comment section, a bubbling cauldron of misplaced expertise and raw ego, quickly devolves into the digital equivalent of a chest-thumping contest over who can overclock their living room the most before the inevitable thermal shutdown. 🎮💻🔥
34 points by luyu_wu 2024-08-24T21:39:07 | 0 comments
5. ▲ Consistently Making Wrong Decisions Whilst Writing Recreational C (amodernist.com)
**Hackernews Enthusiasts Rejoice in Misguided Software Development Heroics**

In a thrilling twist on programming pedagogy, a self-declared systems programming guru at an unnamed university uncovers the ultimate educational tool: a C program that intentionally breaks things. Named "Trip", it’s a didactic wonder that simulates when your system call is just too tired to even. Commenters, those sagacious keyboard warriors, eagerly leap to propose even more convoluted methods to achieve the same level of operational frustration, deploying terms like `ta_fork()` and `LD_PRELOAD` with the casual flamboyance of a Linux user dropping Slackware references. One awe-stricken commenter, perhaps lost in a nostalgia-fueled Unix daze, shockingly discovers that libc.so can execute, prompting a profound communal reflection on whether anything they've learned so far is even relevant.
68 points by luu 2024-08-24T09:14:34 | 6 comments
6. ▲ Generating Mazes (healeycodes.com)
In an audacious display of reinventing the wheel, a blogger at healeycodes.com decides that the world really needs yet another explanation on how to generate a 2D maze. Bringing to life a ground-breaking revelation that mazes consist of connected cells, edges, and shocking walls when cells don't connect, the post recycles every computer science student's first encounter with a "unique path" and a "uniform spanning tree". Commenters erupt in unbridled joy, as they manifest their existential ecstasy for yet another maze generator, offering profound insights like "wow, amazing", and setting the benchmark for productive procrastination.
9 points by itsjloh 2024-08-23T11:05:10 | 0 comments
7. ▲ Le fondateur et PDG de la messagerie Telegram interpellé en France (tf1info.fr)
Title: Entrepreneur Extraordinaire Plays Hide & Seek with French Cops

Summary: In another thrilling episode of "Billionaires Behaving Badly," Pavel Durov, the ever-evasive founder of Telegram, is nabbed by French forces while trying to sneak into the country with only his bodyguard and a mysterious lady friend for company. Straight out of a spy novel, Durov descends from his private jet at Le Bourget, only to be greeted by the stern faces of France's finest, clearly not fans of Telegram's laissez-faire approach to data and decency. Commenters are torn between applauding France's crackdown on laissez-faire and mourning the assault on their sacred digital freedoms, all the while spinning wild conspiracy theories that would make even Durov's encrypted chats blush. 🕵️‍♂️🤷‍♂️
4 points by dotcoma 2024-08-25T00:46:32 | 0 comments
8. ▲ Looming Liability Machines (LLMs) (muratbuffalo.blogspot.com)
In the latest episode of "How to Misapply AI," a brave soul at *muratbuffalo.blogspot.com* decides that Large Language Models (LLMs), renowned for fabricating delightful recipes and occasionally coherent essays, are just the ticket for dissecting cloud incidents. Predictably, LLMs applied to root cause analysis (RCA) causes more anxiety than the actual incidents. Commenters swiftly toggle between terror and awe, as they ponder the dystopian future where LLMs control both data centers and nuclear arsenals. Clearly, if tech doesn't make sense, might as well propose it for global security, right? 😱🤖🌎
14 points by zdw 2024-08-25T00:05:44 | 2 comments
9. ▲ Show QN: Visualize database schemas with a single query (github.com/chartdb)
**Show HN: I Made a Thing and the Commenters Made It About Everything Else**

In a heroic feat of unnecessary redundancy, a new web-based database diagramming tool emerges, promising to decode your complex, layered database with just one grand "Smart Query." Behold the magic of ChartDB, where no installation, password, or common sense is required to turn your database into an artistic mess! Meanwhile, the discerning HN crowd dives deep into the existential crisis of AI in scripting and debates the ethical implications of naming databases correctly. Who needs accurate support for industry-standard DBMS when you can have flashy UI tricks and magic AI dust? 💫😩
123 points by Jonathanfishner 2024-08-24T16:23:46 | 32 comments
10. ▲ Small Strings in Rust: smolstr vs. smartstring (fasterthanli.me)
Welcome to yet another heart-stopping episode of "Which Minuscule String Library Will Save Us Half a Nanosecond?" brought to you by code obsessives with compulsive efficiency disorder. Today's installment: smolstr vs. smartstring, with a featured guest appearance by the new kid, compact_str, squeezing an extra byte into the ring because, apparently, that's crucial. Commenters, in a show of unexpected unity, rally behind the battle of the byte, dissecting the profound implications of stuffing 24 bytes onto a stack with the enthusiasm usually reserved for discussing quantum physics or Game of Thrones lore. Let's all take a moment to marvel at how our lives are undoubtedly richer, knowing that somewhere, a string is being stored just a smidge more efficiently. 🙄
131 points by airstrike 2024-08-24T14:58:33 | 50 comments
11. ▲ Birds aren't real – how to create your own "bird" (lampysecurity.com)
In a thrilling development for those who still believe the internet is for *serious business*, LampySecurity drops a bombshell revelation: Birds are just government drones. Cue the mass awakening in tin foil hats as readers eagerly lap up a guide on crafting their very own "bird" from 3D-printed dreams and spare electronics. Comments oscillate between flat-earth banter and meta jokes about drones, while everyone conveniently ignores the charming possibility that their pet parrot might be spying on them for the feds. As always, the internet continues to be a reliable source of *absolutely credible* conspiracy theories. 🕊️👀
16 points by lampysecurity 2024-08-24T21:41:21 | 8 comments
12. ▲ You are not dumb, you just lack the prerequisites (lelouch.dev)
Welcome to another edition of *humans lamenting their lost potential* on lelouch.dev, where the once "smart kid" masses flock to voice their woes about actual effort in academia. Cuddle up with your existential dread and a faint nostalgia for easier times, as commenters march in with tales of university life that shockingly required more than just being the class quiz champ. 🎓😱 Observe, as they discuss the tragedy of not being Olympic-level programmers despite no one asking, and muse regarding their "high torque, low RPM" brains and the systematic destruction of gifted kids – because, obviously, modern education underestimates the retired high-school valedictorians! Never mind adapting strategies, let’s just blame it all on lack of prep and inadequate cuddling in schooling.
202 points by JustinSkycak 2024-08-24T13:57:56 | 158 comments
13. ▲ "YOLO" is not a valid hash construction (trailofbits.com)
**In Today's Episode of "Roll-Your-Own-Cryptography Disasters":** 🎉🔐 At Trail of Bits, we watch in glee as dabblers repeatedly shove square pegs of hash functions into round holes of complex cryptographic needs—because why use established solutions when you can reinvent the wheel, poorly? The blog scrambles to explain why your DIY "secure" login system might just be a glorified random number generator in disguise. Meanwhile, commenters engage in a battle of wits over the merits of encoding and secret separation, breaking apart concepts so thoroughly that even Schrödinger’s cat decides it’s safer to stay inside the box. Then add a sprinkle of "what about this edge case?" from a self-proclaimed devil’s advocate, because nothing screams cybersecurity like fixating on implausible scenarios. YOLO indeed, dear readers. YOLO indeed. 🙃
88 points by ssklash 2024-08-21T13:53:09 | 47 comments
14. ▲ Shell.how: Explain Shell Commands (shell.how)
Title: Shell.how: Innovative Redundancy, but Broken Anyway

Welcome to Shell.how, the latest in unnecessary tech solutions for problems already solved. This glittery new site promises to explain shell commands but struggles with anything outside a kindergarten script. Users, in their eternal optimism, dive in and promptly discover the platform's allergic reaction to single quotes, prompting furious keyboard mashing and snarky comparisons to its fully functional predecessors. The comments section is a delightful showcase of disillusionment and casual bewilderment as one user laments, "Wow, fig looks so cool. Shame it's shutting down." It’s another ordinary day on the internet: something doesn't work, and nobody knows why.
12 points by thunderbong 2024-08-24T08:09:17 | 5 comments
15. ▲ Hot Page – a graphical site builder (hot.page)
🚀 Welcome to Hot Page, where we turn the dial on web design from "meh" to "slightly less meh" by letting you drag around HTML like it's 1999. Rebels of the "no code" tyranny, rejoice! Here's a platform that says "yes code," but in a micro-managed, kinder kindergarten art class kind of way. Get ready to unleash your inner web artisan, one clumsy drag-and-drop at a time. 🎨

👀 Dive into the comments, and behold Tim's modest description of Hot Page as a "side project" now magically transformed into a beacon of coding freedom. Enthusiasts praise web components while quietly mourning their social lives, and someone unintentionally spoils a launch. 🎉 The community responds with breathless gratitude that borders on religious fervor - because who isn't eager to customize their hover effects at 2 AM?

🔮 In the land of Hot Page, every user is a 'pro' by default, free domains are handed out like flyers, and your 'unique' website dream is only a $0.99 upsell away. Step right up, unleash those CSS skills, and maybe, *just maybe*, you'll escape the template tyranny you never knew oppressed you. 🚀
308 points by microflash 2024-08-24T11:30:24 | 81 comments
16. ▲ NASA announces Boeing Starliner crew will return on SpaceX Crew-9 (twitter.com/nasa)
**NASA Parachuting from Starliner to SpaceX: An Unexpected Crossover Event**

In a twist that sounds like a lost episode of *Space Force*, NASA has officially turned into that friend who borrows your homework because they "forgot" to do theirs. Boeing, with more money and time than a Silicon Valley startup, still couldn’t make their space homework convincing enough, thanks to their mystical disappearing thrusters. Now, the Starliner crew needs a lift back on SpaceX's Crew-9, essentially hitchhiking home in cosmic shame. Cue commenters in their armchairs, writing dissertation-length screeds on Boeing's decline, as if they could fix a spaceship with a strongly worded email. 💫🚀😂
330 points by ripjaygn 2024-08-24T17:14:09 | 470 comments
17. ▲ Telegram founder Pavel Durov arrested at French airport (theguardian.com)

Telegram Tycoon's Turbulent Touchdown


In a shocking development that absolutely nobody could have anticipated, billionaire and privacy crusader Pavel Durov finds himself handcuffed in Paris, proving that even private jets can't outrun the long arm of the law—or at least, French bureaucracy. Meanwhile, the internet's finest keyboard warriors are already weaving this into the grand tapestry of global surveillance conspiracies, with many expressing shock—shock!—that any government would dare dislike encryption. Sidebar debates flare up, muddling techno-babble with privacy ethics, while onlookers struggle to differentiate the commentary from a script for a particularly dry cyberpunk B-movie. It's just another day in paradise: high-stakes international drama, and plenty of online pseudo-analysts missing the forest for the fire emojis. 🌲🔥
551 points by NoxiousPluK 2024-08-24T20:46:00 | 491 comments
18. ▲ Techniques for safe garbage collection in Rust (kyju.org)
**Techniques for safe garbage collection in Rust (kyju.org)**: A thrilling saga of complexity unfolds as the author valiantly tries to justify the existence of garbage collection in Rust, a language famously meticulous about not needing one. Embrace a "pretty long and very technical" monologue on why slapping a GC on top complicates your already complicated Rusty life. Commenters passionately argue about irrelevant VM implementations and predictable performance skepticism, each one more enlightened than the last. 🧠💥 If you're keen on watching experts play intellectual Twister with memory management, this is your front-row ticket!
50 points by PaulHoule 2024-08-21T15:50:18 | 12 comments
19. ▲ Show QN: High school robotics code/CAD/design binder release (chiefdelphi.com)
Show HN releases the nuclear codes to their high school robotics projects – or so the title might make you assume, before realizing it's about their design docs. A flurry of commenters roll in, flexing their tech muscles and reminiscing about the "good ol' days" of their youth, contrasting sharply with today's youth, who apparently can operate both CAD software and a toaster simultaneously. Meanwhile, laments about non-techy schools without robotics clubs prompt silent nods and the internet equivalent of "back in my day…" grumbles. One visionary hopes for a Rocket League-inspired robotics game, because what's education without a bit of Live Action Battle-Car Fantasies? 🚗💨
34 points by Hacktrick 2024-08-24T19:40:18 | 12 comments
20. ▲ Julius: Open-source reimplementation of Caesar III (github.com/bvschaik)
🎭 An earnest troop of nostalgia miners have finally struck code with "Julius," a Spartan remake of the urban planning simulator Caesar III. Devotees can now relive their mid-90s glory days, but must first prove their loyalty by purchasing the original game—yes, the ritual involves real money! 🤑 The comments section becomes an archaeological dig in itself: revered for its merciless simulation challenges, while someone nostalgic over the "soundtrack" probably hums to dial-up Internet tones. Meanwhile, another commenter is offloading Excel gameplay strategies, because nothing says "fun" like spreadsheet homework. 📊🎉
88 points by klaussilveira 2024-08-24T14:40:21 | 8 comments
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