Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Crows Are Even Smarter Than We Thought (nautil.us)
Title: Crows Outsmart Humans Yet Again

In an astonishing display of feathered genius, crows continue to outwit the naked apes (humans) who can barely manage to use Google Maps without assistance. According to groundbreaking research that basically reiterates what every birdwatcher already knows, these black-clad avians play chess at funerals, calculating their next emotional manipulation. Meanwhile, the comment section morphs into a baffling mix of conspiracy theories about celestial overlords observing us in snow globes and insider jokes about Gary Larson as if the fate of human intelligence hinges on understanding a Far Side cartoon. Are we sure we're not part of the crows' elaborate experiment? Maybe those bird brains are just punking us for kicks. 🤯🐦💡
77 points by dnetesn 2024-08-30T22:46:59 | 39 comments
2. ▲ CIEL Is an Extended Lisp (ciel-lang.org)

CIEL: Because What We Really Needed Was More Lisp



The great minds of programming have bestowed upon us CIEL, another Lisp incarnation, because the couple of dozen already in existence just weren't satisfying the niche, unspoken needs of the three people who still get excited about parentheses. A GitHub link promises to show more, but only if you've sworn your undying loyalty to JavaScript first. Commenters oscillate between hailing it as the next big thing and not being able to find the documentation unless they stand on one foot and squint. Of course, everyone loves the project despite its invisibility to the naked eye on mobile devices—because what says 'cutting-edge software' better than a UI you can't actually navigate?
281 points by todsacerdoti 2024-08-30T15:04:19 | 72 comments
3. ▲ Dinosaur Footprints on Either Side of the Atlantic Are Matching Sets (gizmodo.com)
Gizmodo unearths a pivotal article that revolutionizes our understanding by confirming that yes, dinosaurs had feet. Eager commenters on Hacker News quickly triangulate the truth, logically deducing that Moses must have been a Diplodocus because nothing screams "parting the Red Sea" like a giant reptilian tail. One luminary even suggests renaming the Atlantic Ocean to "The Dinosaur Stomp Pool" in honor of these matching footprints. The thread is a Jurassic-sized playground of paleontological puns and era-specific expertise, proving once again that the only thing vaster than an ocean is the depth of HN's collective dinosaur knowledge. 🦕👣
13 points by nickthegreek 2024-08-26T15:53:39 | 2 comments
4. ▲ Using Fibonacci numbers to convert from miles to kilometers and vice versa (catonmat.net)
At catonmat.net, mathematical innovation meets mid-life crisis as someone discovers the groundbreaking idea that Fibonacci numbers can approximate the conversion from miles to kilometers. Watch in awe as basic arithmetic becomes a convoluted mess of Fibonacci sequences, because why multiply by 1.6 when you can flex your number theory kung fu in everyday situations? Comments range from a practical “just multiply by 1.6” to an overly enthusiastic math fan plotting road speeds using esoteric sequences better suited to a Dan Brown novel. Because who doesn’t need a little more complexity while trying to figure out if they're speeding in a foreign country? 🙄🤓
178 points by thunderbong 2024-08-28T13:48:41 | 71 comments
5. ▲ To Nerves from Elixir (underjord.io)
Underjord, a *tiny* yet *wholesome* troupe of Elixir fanatics, graces the world with their revelation: hardware meets software in a matrimony only possible through the witchcraft of Nerves. If the article piqued your interest, beware—commenters wielding URLs like digital Excaliburs are all too eager to showcase their pedestrian projects. Meanwhile, one soul laments over jarring whitespace in code samples as if it were a life-altering typo in the Dead Sea Scrolls. 🤓 Join in the frenzy where keystrokes are more valued than sanity!
59 points by lawik 2024-08-30T20:05:39 | 5 comments
6. ▲ Jerry (YC S17) Is Hiring Lead Product (New Product, B2B GenAI Platform) (ashbyhq.com)
At Jerry (YC S17), a company nobody heard of until now, someone accidentally approved a budget for a "Lead Product" to manage a "New Product" for a "B2B GenAI Platform." Presumably, this new AI will automate middle management and send calendar invites, revolutionizing business by adding yet more buzzwords to email headers. Over in the comment section, the usual suspects argue violently over which JavaScript framework the new product will ignore in favor of using something trendy. One brave soul attempts to suggest that maybe, just maybe, the new AI - whatever it does - should sort of work sometimes, but is immediately shouted down by chants of "MVP!" and cries for more blockchain.
0 points by 2024-08-31T01:00:42 | 0 comments
7. ▲ AnandTech Farewell (anandtech.com)
**AnandTech Throws in the Towel: A Tale of AMD Beginnings and Endings**

In what could be mistaken for a tragic Silicon Valley opera, AnandTech proclaims its *heartbreaking* demise after 27 years of what we'll call "innovative nostalgia". Yes, from bulky beige boxes to AMD's latest silicon slices, they've churned out content for the kind of readers who still brag about installing Linux on a toaster. Commenters, in a dazzling display of obliviousness, swung between pseudo-philosophical rants about the etymology of "Farewell" 🤷‍♂️ and lamenting the 'dystopian decline' into clickbait – blissfully unaware that their beloved shrine was apparently just another tech tabloid in archaic disguise. And oh, the irony of complaining about multi-page articles in their swansong of comments - truly, an ode to missing the point.
2279 points by janice1999 2024-08-30T12:05:23 | 449 comments
8. ▲ Our slowly growing Unix monoculture (utcc.utoronto.ca)
In this week's episode of "Why Am I Still Using Anything But Ubuntu?" we explore the thrilling universe of a commenter's tech menagerie, featuring the *exciting* lineup of Ubuntu-only systems. Watch in awe as they accidentally reveal the crushing homogeneity of their server setup, inspiring a riveting discussion among others who might dare use Macs or (gasp!) Debian. Meanwhile, a wildcard commenter introduces the concept of "homelab toilet servers," proving that not all heroes wear capes; some just need a sign from their step-mom's print shop. Will Ubuntu conquer all, or will a lone, wild Mac user hold out in the wild? Stay tuned for more tales from the monoculture frontier. 😱🚽💻
34 points by matt_d 2024-08-30T21:33:16 | 39 comments
9. ▲ 500 Python Interpreters (izzys.casa)
In the technicolor dream world of 500 Python Interpreters, hobbyist programmers gather to chew on the latest, incomprehensible change to Python’s Global Interpreter Lock (GIL) that absolutely no one was asking for. 💤 As commenters bravely battle the fog of their own confusion, one hero dares to muse if this arcane update could be an HTTP status code, echoing the silent prayers of developers wishing for more straightforward updates. 🙏 Meanwhile, others predict the debugging nightmares on the horizon, proving that masochism is alive and well in the Python community. At this rate, the next update might just introduce a Global Confusion Lock, sparing us all from understanding anything ever again. 🐍💔
81 points by SAHChandler 2024-08-30T18:26:46 | 13 comments
10. ▲ Lem: Emacs-like editor written in Common Lisp (lem-project.github.io)
**Lem: A Lisp odyssey for the Emacs-weary magicians**

In another thrilling twist of the technosphere, the Lisp world gifts us Lem, an editor so desperately clinging to relevance that it hopes the spirit of John McCarthy will shepherd lost Vim wizards and Emacs elders into its comforting yet arcane embrace. Equipped with an alleged 180 color themes and "games" (because we obviously expect our text editors to double as retro consoles), Lem promises to soup up your coding sessions with the very tech once rumored to be alien. Meanwhile, the comment section throbs with detached nostalgia and the faint aroma of desperation, as brave souls mingle hopes of Emacs-lisp compatibility with chuckles about how "snappy" Emacs has either become or failed to be—depending on which side of the Lem you butter. Can Lem truly replace Emacs, or will it be yet another altar for the cult of parentheses? Only time (and perhaps a few UI lockups) will tell. 🎮💻
176 points by amarsahinovic 2024-08-26T14:22:38 | 41 comments
11. ▲ Three Critical Questions to Turn the Table During Technical Interviews (bellmar.medium.com)
In an earth-shattering revelation on Medium, a hopeful tech guru unveils *Three Critical Questions to Turn the Table During Technical Interviews*, promising to crack the code to disrupt the interviewer-interviewee power dynamics quicker than you can say "pair programming." The comment section, a marvelous wasteland of would-be Zuckerbergs, clashes between disillusionment over job interview theatrics and tactical dissections on how to outsmart an HR strategy that Googled "how to handle smart alecks." One commenter channels the spirit of an insider trading scandal—yet it’s just about irrelevant interview questions, not stocks. 💼🙄 Meanwhile, links to web archives float around, suggesting this ancient wisdom might just break the internet—or at least a couple of brain cells. 📚💥
26 points by mbellotti 2024-08-30T20:25:14 | 19 comments
12. ▲ Language and shell in Go with 92% test coverage and instant CI/CD [video] (youtube.com)
In a valiant attempt to revolutionize the crowded market of shell languages with yet another entrant, an eager developer showcases "Language and Shell in Go with 92% test coverage and instant CI/CD," a video that proliferates a whopping 92% assurance of bug-free boredom, leaving the tantalizing 8% as a hacker's playground. The comments section becomes an impromptu AMA, morphing from tech inquiry to fanbase creation as valiant keyboard warriors leave no repository link unclicked and no slide deck unseen in their quest to uncover the secrets of infinite command histories and OS-sensitive code paths. Offering the occasional pat-on-the-back and obligatory "great job" phrase, the discussion spirals into a feel-good echo chamber. Apparently, shouting into the void with technical jargon and half-baked demos now qualifies as engaging content on YouTube. 🤓
107 points by todsacerdoti 2024-08-30T15:09:03 | 29 comments
13. ▲ Pocket-Godot: Starter Kit for mobile game development using Godot (github.com/lukky-nl)
**Pocket-Godot: GitHub's Latest Mobile Game Dev Buzzkill**

Internet heroes converge on a fresh GitHub repository, "Pocket-Godot: Starter Kit for Mobile Game Development," where the ambitious can pretend that adding minimal mobile controls in GDScript makes them game developers. Comment-section wizards debate fiercely over the relevance of pre-packaged libraries when AI can clearly vomit out similar code on command. One genius suggests a README might help—presumably because they're nostalgic for the good old days of actual documentation rather than the "watch my YouTube" era. Meanwhile, the echoes of "Why use a library?" resonate, blissfully ignorant that consistency is what keeps the digital world from devolving into an episode of Black Mirror.
68 points by console-log 2024-08-30T14:45:02 | 13 comments
14. ▲ Expect – Linux tool for automating interactive programs (die.net)
Welcome to the digital archeology dig where hopeful technologists rediscover the ancient tool of Expect, something that enchanted IT wizards back when high-speed internet meant a second phone line. In a thrilling twist, the echoes of Perl versus Tcl debates ripple through the void, reminding everyone why "cross-platform" is the tech equivalent of saying "I know a shortcut" on a family trip. Meanwhile, a lone AI, claude.ai, heroically slogs through forgotten manuals to school its human overlords on tools they've ignored in their quest to install yet another JavaScript framework. Ah, Expect, a relic now pulled out of the digital sarcophagus for one more automation hurrah, as commenters wax nostalgic, misty-eyed, ready to fight over whose obsolete tech is less irrelevant. 🧙‍♂️👨‍💻✨
9 points by actinium226 2024-08-30T23:17:38 | 6 comments
15. ▲ Experience the Apollo 11 Lunar Landing (firstmenonthemoon.com)
**Old News Repackaged for Internet Points**

A website revives the thrill of 1969's Apollo 11 lunar landing because evidently, experiencing history in high-res textures and clickable timelines is the only way we modern humans can process achievement. Commenters rush to prove they too can Google exceptional space-related content, filling the void with URL dumps that masquerade as conversation. One brave soul mixes nostalgia with a book recommendation, doubtlessly assuming the rest of us can read. The iconic 'space vibe' soundtrack suggestion appears obligatory, completing the ritual summoning of the armchair astronaut club. 🚀💤
150 points by marvinborner 2024-08-30T13:52:46 | 35 comments
16. ▲ Architectural Effects on Maximum Dependency Lengths of Recurrent Neural Networks (arxiv.org)
**Title: The Mirage of Clarity Through Neural Rehash**

The hallowed digital halls of arXiv echo once more with the thunderous keystrokes of tireless researchers desperate to prove the indomitable link between long architecturally-induced dependency lengths and recurrent neural network performance. Finally, a topic that eight indiscriminate readers and the author's mother care deeply about. Commenters, who definitely didn't read the paper, argue fervently about the ethical implications of neural networks, while one brave hero asks if this will improve his phone battery life. 🤓 In this era of peak computational wonkery, who needs readability when one can drown in glorious, sanctimonious jargon? 🧐
14 points by PaulHoule 2024-08-30T21:17:53 | 0 comments
17. ▲ UK researchers find Alzheimer's-like brain changes in long Covid patients (uky.edu)
In an earth-shattering revelation from an academic power player, the University of Kentucky, researchers have declared *long COVID* is the new Alzheimer’s. The global scientific community, in a desperate bid to sound profound, compared brain fuzziness from a two-year-old pandemic to a devastating neurological disease—and funded it lavishly. Meanwhile, the Internet commentariat gleefully mix up "UK researchers" with visions of London fog, suggesting that anything from Kentucky is inherently suspect. “Oh, it’s from *that* UK! Less crumpets, more basketball, and casserole," they scoff, overlooking the content to critique the source. Only the keenest point out that calling out global relevance from Kentucky might just stretch the term a bit too far. 🌍🤔
79 points by amichail 2024-08-30T21:38:08 | 45 comments
18. ▲ Libntruprime is a microlibrary for the Streamlined NTRU Prime cryptosyst (cr.yp.to)
In an utterly riveting display of "innovation," some _bright sparks_ have unleashed libntruprime upon the world. At last! A "microlibrary" perfectly tailored for both rank amateurs dreaming of cryptographic fame and the three other people who know what "Streamlined NTRU Prime" even is. Comment sections blaze with armchair cryptographers zealously overestimating how their high school coding project somehow qualifies them to critique lattice-based cryptosystems. God forbid any of them actually try to implement it; rest assured, they'll keep arguing about its ＂potential optimizations＂ under their rock. 🙄
7 points by zdw 2024-08-26T03:43:47 | 0 comments
19. ▲ Regex Crossword (mathspp.com)
**Regex Crosswords: Because Sudoku Was Too Mainstream**

Once again, the brilliance of using convoluted regex patterns in a *puzzle* has surfaced, plunging the few mortals who understand both regex and social interaction into excitement. One daring soul ventured from the safe confines of a Python conference to challenge us to fill hexagons with alphabets. Because, why make life simple when you can make it absolutely agonizing with a dash of regex? Commentators rejoice in nostalgia, with some boasting about obscure variations like 'redoku', while others seemingly ready to sacrifice their afternoon to decode patterns that were probably never meant to be understood by the average human. In the end, both the article and the comments serve as a delightful reminder that no matter how useless the challenge, you will find someone on the internet who has "fond memories" of suffering through it. 😂
54 points by cab404 2024-08-28T10:28:28 | 12 comments
20. ▲ Home Assistant Presence Simulation (github.com/slashback100)
**Hobbyists Play God While Away From Home**: The GitHub repository for "Home Assistant Presence Simulation" promises to fool both burglars and your cat by randomly flicking your lights on and off, just like you would if you were neglecting your friendships to fiddle with overpriced smart home gear. Enthusiasts in the comments go to war over the hardware best suited to run their unstable life simulations, with tales of Raspberry Pi disasters spreading faster than their ability to type out "NEVER AGAIN!!!" A chorus of DIY veterans and newbies alike blend seamlessly into a rich tapestry of tech support horror stories, showing off how spending more money on gadgets somehow enables them to cling desperately to their diminishing sanity. **Key takeaway**: If your automated home requires more troubleshooting than your lasagna recipe, maybe, just maybe, you've missed the point of technology. 🤖💡🔧
100 points by edward 2024-08-28T13:01:54 | 69 comments
More