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1. ▲ WebP: The WebPage Compression Format (purplesyringa.moe)
Title: WebP: The Compression Depression

A web hobbyist on purplesyringa.moe laments the heft of their blog posts in a cry for Internet frugality, faced with the unbearable load of a 92 KiB digital paperweight due to GitHub's outright rejection of Brotli compression. Cue the chorus of commenters, who, with their typical blend of technical pedantry and faux wisdom, debate the metaphysics of byte-saving like Medieval scholars discussing how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. 🤓 Meanwhile, one keen observer points out the 850 KiB font-monstrosity lurking in the shadows, quietly dwarfing all previous byte-saving efforts. It's a comedy of errors, or perhaps just a usual day on the web where everyone misses the forest for the minutiae of the leaves.
279 points by Kubuxu 2024-09-07T17:32:48.000000Z | 111 comments
2. ▲ Cracking an old ZIP file to help open source the ANC's "Vula" secret crypto code (jgc.org)
Cracking Old Code: A Zip Through History - A blogger decides to crack an ancient ZIP file because, apparently, exposing dusty crypto secrets is what truly tickles the fancy of tech hobbyists with too much time on their hands. It's all the rage as commenters evoke tears of nostalgia and misguided tech bravado, bewildering us with tales of the brave ANC and their vintage digital escapades. Meanwhile, others share "valuable" old-school cracking tools like they’re revealing the secret to eternal youth, and a commenter named TIMBOBIMBO chimes in with his very insightful...hahahaha. Clearly, the depth of discourse here is as compressed as the ZIP file in question. 🤓💾
77 points by jgrahamc 2024-09-07T16:41:11.000000Z | 6 comments
3. ▲ Gnome Files: A detailed UI examination (datagubbe.se)
**The Old Man and the UI: A Saga of Pointless Pixels**

Today on the internet, a distinguished grumbler takes a deep dive into the cesspool of modern UI design, highlighting how GNOME Files has presumably ruined his day, again. The comment section promptly transforms into a battleground where enthusiasts clash over icons and menus like medieval knights jousting over the Holy Grail of User Friendliness. Meanwhile, a brave soul reminisces about the glorious days of GNOME 2, hinting perhaps all we really yearn for is a UI time machine. In a riveting conclusion, usual suspects toss around tech jargons and redundancy with the excitement of a tax auditor, proving once more that no one really reads past the first two UI complaints.
43 points by dominikh 2024-09-07T22:35:31.000000Z | 9 comments
4. ▲ A new rare high-rank elliptic curve, and an orchard of Diophantine equations (thehighergeometer.wordpress.com)
**Mathematical Mumbo-Jumbo Finery and the Coding Circus**

In an almost groundbreaking blog post, theHigherGeometer reveals an email he received about a mathematician's new book, an ambitious masterpiece that promises to solve Diophantine equations by simply sizing them up and knocking them down in order. This revolutionary method, undeniably more thrilling than watching paint dry, has somehow not yet awarded the author a Nobel Prize in Mathematics. Meanwhile, the comment section turns into a geek gladiator arena where programmers duel with XORs and primes, showcasing encryption methods so secure they must be from another dimension. One can't help but marvel at the intellectual jousting - or cringe at the sight of theory-powered sophistry escaping into the wildest realms of practical uselessness.
126 points by mathgenius 2024-09-07T17:43:14.000000Z | 9 comments
5. ▲ Tire-related chemical responsible for salmon deaths in urban streams (2020) (washington.edu)
**Salmon Slaughter: Tire Chemicals to Blame**

In a breakthrough display of academic hustle, researchers from the University of Washington have unbottled the fish-killing genie in urban streams: 6PPD-quinone, a byproduct of tire degradation. Cue environmentalists pivoting from plastics to rubber, en masse. In the comments section, amateur chemists and seasoned conspiracy theorists speculate on how their tire swing might be weaponizing the backyard. Meanwhile, the vaguely informed plan their next protest, armed with awkwardly pronounced chemical names meant to dazzle the uninitiated at their local co-op board meetings.
86 points by deegles 2024-09-04T20:42:47.000000Z | 14 comments
6. ▲ Appalachian Trail Hiker Photo Archive (athikerpictures.org)
**Appalachian Trail Hiker Photo Archive: A Pixelated Walk Down Memory Lane**

In a heartwarming display of digital nostalgia, the Appalachian Trail Conservancy has put every hiker's sweat-drenched selfie on blast thanks to a *generous grant* and some volunteers with apparently nothing better to do. Who knew that those Polaroids you awkwardly posed for at Harpers Ferry would one day highlight your fleeting youth in HD for the world – or at least a couple of bored internet wanderers – to gawk at? Commenters erupt in gratitude, with one sharing a saga so touching it almost masks the generally underwhelming reality of a photo gallery filled with finish-line grins and forgotten trail names. Meanwhile, your aunt can't find the photo of her ‘epic’ 1995 hike – shocker, she probably never made it to the camera after all.
27 points by bookofjoe 2024-09-07T22:23:16.000000Z | 8 comments
7. ▲ Dogs can remember names of toys years after not seeing them, study shows (theguardian.com)

Teddy Remembers: How Dogs Shamed Human Memory in a Single Study


In a breakthrough study that could likely decimate the Happy Meal toy industry, scientists confirm dogs can remember the names of their squeaky toys longer than humans can remember their passwords. Over at The Guardian, experts have unearthed startling findings that Fido not only recalls who Mr. Squeaky is after a two-year hiatus but might also hold the secrets to human language evolution, because, surely, if dogs can remember toys, they can crack the Rosetta Stone! Meanwhile, commenters engage in the usual canine one-upmanship—from magic sausage rolls at bus stops to labradoodles with frisbee fixations, proving once again that every dog owner's pet is the most uncannily gifted and an irrefutable rebuttal to years of cognitive research. 🐶🎓
175 points by pseudolus 2024-09-04T01:27:05.000000Z | 81 comments
8. ▲ Things to know about the Great Wave (artic.edu)
The Art Institute of Chicago dazzles the globe-wearied denizens of the internet with an electrifying expose on Katsushika Hokusai's The Great Wave, igniting a 🌊 of newfound art critics who, until now, thought "Fuji" was just a decent brand of apples. Commenters collectively stumble upon the shocking revelation that the artwork features boats _and_ a mountain, a detail as obscure as the necessity of reading directions before assembly. In a thrilling twist, learning about text orientation leads to existential crises and the reevaluation of how signs are read at the local Budokan. Brace yourselves for the profound reflections that only appear when art meets its greatest nemesis: online commentary. 😱🌀
180 points by msephton 2024-09-07T15:31:43.000000Z | 53 comments
9. ▲ Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen, and a Pulitzer Prize-winning writer's suicide (subtledigressions.substack.com)
In a daring feat of *subtlety*, subtledigressions.substack.com rehashes the saga of "Hallelujah" and a Pulitzer Prize not rescuing a writer from oblivion, throwing in a suicide for that extra dash of dark zest. Commenters, clutching their pearls and their pre-owned copies of "A Confederacy of Dunces," engage in verbal gymnastics to out-philosophize each other on genius, luck, and the unseen masterpieces decaying in grandma's attic. One brave soul even tries to pivot to a personal tragedy turned literary treasure trove, hoping to compete in the oppression Olympics. 💔📚 Meanwhile, another not-so-subtly sneers at contemporary pop culture, longing for a world with more high-brow heroes and fewer T-Swizzles. 🎵👸
93 points by Curiositry 2024-09-07T18:46:43.000000Z | 49 comments
10. ▲ The "email is authentication" pattern (rubenerd.com)
Another day, another uninformed take on authentication that could have been cooked up after three too many at the cyber-hipster cafe. The noble blogger pens a "revelatory" piece about the trials and tribulations of using email as a login method—news flash for the uninitiated: it's not 2007, and the world apparently still spins! Commenters swiftly follow suit with an awe-inducing mix of nostalgia for post offices and governmental ID dreams, evidently forgetting that the internet extends beyond their carefully curated, ad-blocked browser windows. If the plan is to reduce identity theft, perhaps starting with not forgetting our passwords at the coffee shop might be the first step—just a 'fantasy' thought! 🙄
96 points by Brajeshwar 2024-09-07T17:48:58.000000Z | 130 comments
11. ▲ Keyhole – Forge own Windows Store licenses (massgrave.dev)
Welcome to the digital playground of clueless anarchists and corporate apologists. The nerds at massgrave.dev have brilliantly (or stupidly, based on your level of cynicism) figured out how to forge Windows Store licenses, turning the Xbox into freeware paradise—until it autos updates, that is. Commenters, in a parade of ill-conceived delight and paranoia, argue whether owning a device means actually owning it or just renting from our corporate overlords. Meanwhile, the "read the terms of service" guy pops up, unwanted as ever, to remind everyone they agreed to sell their souls for a few smoother pixels. 🎮🔓💸
482 points by tuxuser 2024-09-07T09:13:00.000000Z | 238 comments
12. ▲ Pick Your Distributed Poison (hazelweakly.me)
Title: **Pick Your Distributed Poison (hazelweakly.me)**

In an eye-opening revelation to absolutely no one, Hazel Weakly takes us on a thrilling dive into the abyss of eventual consistency—or as it's about to be nicknamed, eventual chaos. Brace yourself for heaps of advice on embracing "the flavor of wrong" you can stomach, because in the magical world of distributed systems, everything eventually breaks, vanishes, or turns into digital poltergeists. Meanwhile, in the comments, a spirited contest unfurls as readers debate the most *innovative* ways to polish this turd, each seemingly determined to out-cynic the others by describing their uniquely sorrowful IT catastrophes. 🤦‍♂️⚙️💥
6 points by mooreds 2024-09-04T18:19:10.000000Z | 0 comments
13. ▲ CitizenDJ – Make music using free audio and video from the Library of Congress (loc.gov)
Title: CitizenDJ – Creative Chaos Courtesy of the Library of Congress

The internet's creative pseudo-musicians are in full revelry after discovering CitizenDJ, a platform that treats the Library of Congress like a personal soundboard to produce soundscapes likely to rival the output of a caffeinated cat walking across a MIDI controller. One commenter, thrilled to digital bits, swoons over the sequencer and downloadable "sample packs," apparently mistaking basic site functionality for revolutionary tech. Meanwhile, others drool over the potential to turn every conceivable sound, from dusty federal recordings to human speech, into their next basement “banger.” As comments oscillate between tech-nerd jargon and faux musical expertise, CitizenDJ stands as a shining beacon of hope for those who confuse making noise with making music. 🎚️🎧📜
48 points by mindcrime 2024-09-07T19:47:01.000000Z | 4 comments
14. ▲ Groups underpin modern math (quantamagazine.org)
**Math Foibles: The Group Theory Excuse**

In this week's edition of Quantum Condescending, we learn that numbers were too simple and mathematicians decided that abstract handwaving was more their style. Oooh, group theory! A field of study so arcane that it magically turns simple numbers into mind-bending puzzles concerning viruses and rolls of wallpaper. Our faithful readers bask in nostalgia, waxing lyrical about their love affairs with algebraic structures like they're discussing first loves or favorite old cardigans. Meanwhile, the comments section devolves into a pseudo-academic debate on whether flipping triangles is the new tantalizing brain teaser at parties, or just a bygone fad, like pogs or rational discourse. Forget common sense; delve deep enough and one can surely connect any maths problem to the mysteries of kitchen tiling! 🙃
27 points by nsoonhui 2024-09-06T23:42:57.000000Z | 11 comments
15. ▲ How to wrap a C compiler and preprocessor, really (humprog.org)
**How to needlessly complicate your C compiler because you can**
Here we go again at *humprog.org* with another insomniac's guide to reinventing the wheel. Today's sleep aid? Wrapping a C compiler in Python to perform "black-box" tweaks that nobody except the author might ever care about. In the comments, watch as several keyboard warriors argue violently over the ethical ramifications of source-to-source rewrites, while a lone Fortran programmer reminisces about the good old days of punch cards. 🙄 Can't wait for the follow-up tutorial on how to debug this Frankensteinian monstrosity.
22 points by matt_d 2024-09-06T05:18:15.000000Z | 0 comments
16. ▲ Google says replacing C/C++ in firmware with Rust is easy (theregister.com)
**Google Discovers Rust, Commenters Stuck in Language Wars**

In a surprising twist of fate, Google declares swapping rusty C/C++ for shiny Rust in firmware "easy," without breaking a sweat or contemplating the insurmountable legacy code mountains. Meanwhile, the armchair engineers in the comments section are trapped in eternal limbo, mourning the death of their precious semicolons and curly braces, convinced that learning a new language is akin to high treason. One opines that all languages except Rust scream "maintenance nightmare," prompting another to question if they’re referring to an obscure sci-fi series. The real kicker? A discussion on a related bug report turns half the browser world into blank pages, leaving one wondering if this whole article wasn't just a plot to sell more headache medicine. 🤯🔧
48 points by LinuxBender 2024-09-07T22:12:53.000000Z | 8 comments
17. ▲ Mushroom learns to crawl after being given robot body (independent.co.uk)
In another earth-shattering breakthrough for science, engineers have allegedly put a mushroom in charge of a robot. The so-called "biohybrid" robot, which apparently follows the whims of a king trumpet mushroom's electrical activity, represents the pinnacle of human achievement by making a fungus crawl. Commenters, armed with their unsurpassed expertise in fungal robotics and sci-fi references, are equally thrilled, suggesting mushrooms could next serve as random number generators or, slightly less likely, as the new overlords in a dystopian future ruled by mushroom Daleks. Truly, humanity is on a spore to greatness!
51 points by virtualritz 2024-09-04T22:48:02.000000Z | 13 comments
18. ▲ Against Rereading (theparisreview.org)
Themed "Against Rereading," the ~brilliant~ minds at The Paris Review unearth another ~earth-shattering~ crisis: reading a book more than once might just ruin the spine-tingling, life-altering memory of the first read. Commenters, in a show of unparalleled originality, disagree vehemently, sharing tales of their emotional roller-coasters with *Walden* and *Neuromancer*, providing unsolicited validations of their refined literary palates. One brave soul admits to robbing themselves of the bliss of teenage angst by reading *Catcher in the Rye* too early, while another confesses to the cardinal sin of using books (and TV!) to – gasp – enjoy themselves. Meanwhile, a lone voice cries out against the oppressive shackles of productivity, daring to suggest that maybe, just maybe, doing things you like is okay. Groundbreaking. 📚🔄🎭
16 points by lermontov 2024-09-06T16:41:46.000000Z | 7 comments
19. ▲ SQLToy (github.com/weinberg)
Title: Hacker News Discovers SQL, Makes Toy 🎉

In a tragic display of misplaced enthusiasm, Hacker News applauds an audacious attempt to reimagine SQL—a language that, despite forming the backbone of database querying, apparently wasn't quite up to the task until now. The GitHub heroes proudly peddle SQLToy, a dumbed-down, parser-less 'database' that can't even understand its own queries. Commenters there, riffing in quasi-English, uniformly praise this valiant venture into redundancy. Truly, if SQL needed saving, it was from projects like these.
22 points by akkartik 2024-09-06T15:29:17.000000Z | 0 comments
20. ▲ Beyond Ctrl-C: The dark corners of Unix signal handling (sunshowers.io)
Welcome to the latest exhibit at the Museum of Nerd Nuances: a blog post masking as a RustConf redux where Unix signals are likened to social interruptions. Here, the author bravely attempts to translate live speech quirks into text, making for a delightful labyrinth of 'just imagine' scenarios and hurried tech analogies. Commenters, ever the pedantic parade, dive deep into the corners of signal handling etiquette with tales of accidental server shutdowns and data transfer mishaps, keen to educate each other on what signals are indeed appropriate for which system hiccup. Whether it's a double Ctrl-C melodrama or the intrigue of resizing windows disrupting server peace, there's nothing like a good old Unix signals debate to remind us why people avoid discussing technology at dinner parties. 🤓🔧
27 points by PuercoPop 2024-09-04T19:24:30.000000Z | 4 comments
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