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1. ▲ Chai-1 Defeats AlphaFold 3 (chaidiscovery.com)

Chai-1 Defeats Kindergarten Shapes (Kind of)


Hold your Googles and Facebooks, because the underdog Chai-1 just "defeated" AlphaFold 3 by the super impressive margin of a whole 1% on a benchmark! 🎉🥳🙄 In a world where quantity (of data) often trumps quality, the Chai Discovery Team throws their multi-modal hat in the ring, available free for everyone who can click a download button.


Meanwhile, commenters debate the existential semantics of "foundational" versus "buzzword," while the echo of last week's disastrous AI spills color the conversation with tech cynicism. Brace yourselves as every armchair expert swings at this new piñata, hopeful yet inherently prepared for another cascade of techno-error. 🍿


Will this model revolutionize anything? Who knows, but betting on this being a 'revolutionary breakthrough' might just get you early retirement from the tech prediction market. 🤑
81 points by glowingvoices 2024-09-10T22:13:30.000000Z | 35 comments
2. ▲ A good day to trie-hard: saving compute 1% at a time (cloudflare.com)
**A good day to trie-hard: saving compute 1% at a time**

In another stunning display of technological gymnastics, Cloudflare presents a convoluted system of handling internal headers that sounds like it was designed during a caffeine-induced fever dream. Commenters, a delightful mix of former employees and generic IT cynics, chime in with tales of woe, obscure tech references, and an almost adorable faith in the "trivial" fixes of deep-rooted system architecture problems. If you peek into this little circus of horrors, you’ll find everything from nostalgic bug battles to fears over the endearing use of 'CF' prefixes—because naming things is clearly the hardest problem in computer science. Thank you, Cloudflare, for yet another episode of "Why Is This Even A Thing?"
404 points by eaufavor 2024-09-10T15:03:31.000000Z | 125 comments
3. ▲ Google Illuminate: Books and papers turned into audio (illuminate.google.com)
**Google Illuminate: Revolutionizing Laziness in Content Consumption**

In an *impressive* display of innovation, Google has launched "Illuminate," turning everyone's unread PDFs into monotonous audio, presumably for those too busy to pretend to read actual books. Commenters are thrilled, foreseeing a future where "autogenerated" podcasts with robo-voices spam their feeds with the soulless precision of a spreadsheet. Meanwhile, nostalgics wonder if this equates to professional voice acting, because nothing says "literature" quite like cold, dispassionate algorithmic narration decimating the nuanced work of human actors. In a clash of misplaced optimism and stark reality, we march boldly into a future where our literary companions sound suspiciously like GPS navigation. 🤖📚
318 points by leblancfg 2024-09-10T16:22:13.000000Z | 144 comments
4. ▲ Tutorial on diffusion models for imaging and vision (arxiv.org)
**Hacking the Matrix with Math: A Diffusion Model Tutorial Saga**

This week on arXiv, some enthusiastic programmers have decided to pretend they're really advancing the field of imaging and vision with a new tutorial on diffusion models. Comment sections immediately turn into a chaotic mix of Youtube recommendations and self-promotion, as every hobbyist scrambles to display their half-digested machine learning knowledge. Watch as commenters argue passionately over whether you can truly grasp the Zen of diffusion without worshiping at the altar of LaTex equations. Somewhere, a lonely GPT asks, "Am I obsolete yet?" amidst cries for simpler explanations and courses that magically make advanced math "learnable." 🤖💔📚
85 points by Anon84 2024-09-10T19:59:39.000000Z | 9 comments
5. ▲ Lottery Simulator (2023) (perthirtysix.com)
The newest web-based marvel, the PerThirtySix Lottery Simulator, allows the humble masses to pretend they're blowing their life savings on lottery tickets without actually risking their kids' college funds. This digital fantasy land is carefully curated for those who relish the thrill of the nearly impossible chance, all while sitting comfortably in their ergonomic desk chairs. Commenters, in between sips of overpriced coffee, provide stunning insights like needing a "turbo" option to lose imaginary money even faster, and profound astonishments at realizing preset random numbers don't magically alter the fixed odds of a carefully rigged simulation. Meanwhile, debates unravel about choosing lucky numbers and sharing jackpots, proving that hope truly dies last, especially in the skewed realms of lottery mathematics. 🎲💸
82 points by airstrike 2024-09-10T21:09:04.000000Z | 36 comments
6. ▲ Another police raid in Germany (torproject.org)
In yet another display of *peak efficiency*, German police have graced the Tor Project with their presence, all in a loud quest to snatch some paperwork and scare some middle relays. Commenters, in true internet fashion, flex their moral musings about privacy, encryption, and the dire straits of running Tor exit nodes, because discussing state surveillance over a cup of digital paranoia is what truly unites us. Meanwhile, legal battles loom like unwanted sequels, ensuring this dramedy of Tor raids remains a binge-worthy saga. At this rate, we all might just switch to carrier pigeons. 🕊️
287 points by costco 2024-09-10T20:12:49.000000Z | 160 comments
7. ▲ Rust in illumos (wegmueller.it)
**Today in irrelevant software integration**, someone decided to write about shoving Rust into illumos, because apparently, what we *really* need is another system struggling under the modern weight of "let's rewrite it in Rust for no reason" philosophy. Commenters, ever excited to discuss anything but the article itself, dove into a thrilling sideline about packaging woes, distro management, and the existential joy of dependency hell. Who knew that integrating an entire programming language could lead to such riveting debates about mirrors and Git repos? Meanwhile, the real issue at hand—whether anyone outside of a tiny echo chamber cares about Rust in illumos—remains less touched upon than the "Leave a Reply" button on the blog. **Rust enthusiasts, unite; you have nothing to lose but your threads!**
45 points by vermaden 2024-09-10T21:15:24.000000Z | 16 comments
8. ▲ Satellites Spotting Aircraft (marksblogg.com)
Welcome to another episode of Big Brother Satellites where privacy takes a backseat and technical jargon drives the conversation right off a cliff. Umbra Space decides that seeing through clouds and the dark wasn’t enough; they need to snoop on your camouflaged picnics too, thanks to their ultra-penetrative radar satellites. Commenters engage in an orgy of one-upmanship, splitting hairs over resolutions and geolocating tech so niche it might as well require a degree in space wizardry. Meanwhile, links to ginormous image dumps serve as cruel tests of your internet bandwidth and patience. 🛰️👀
136 points by marklit 2024-09-10T05:15:53.000000Z | 34 comments
9. ▲ What is the best pointer tagging method? (coredumped.dev)
At coredumped.dev, the beacon of hope for the three developers left who think pointer manipulation is the pinnacle of computer science, we delve into the esoteric world of pointer tagging. Here, wizards of the bit-shifting realm encode metadata into pointers because apparently regular data structures are just too mainstream. Witness the magic of adding, shifting, and masking bits that you never cared about, ensuring every casual reader regrets not studying art. In the comments, meanwhile, neckbeards battle over who can reference the most obscure hardware optimization, in a thrilling contest that might just be more exciting if it had any impact on the real world. 🧙‍♂️🔮🤓
26 points by celeritascelery 2024-09-09T13:33:15.000000Z | 0 comments
10. ▲ Among the Moss Piglets: The First Image of a Tardigrade (1773) (publicdomainreview.org)
**Among the Moss Piglets: The First Image of a Tardigrade (1773)** - The ancient art of staring at water bears through magnifying glasses gets a digital facelift. Internet scholars have unearthed a parchment depicting the tardigrade: an organism so robust it makes Chuck Norris look like a fragile porcelain doll. Comment sections light up with amateur exobiologists proposing we send these nearly indestructible micro-bears to colonize Mars, because clearly, surviving a vacuum and cosmic radiation is just like setting up a bed and breakfast on the Red Planet. Meanwhile, the voice of sanity pipes in: "Maybe let’s not blitzkrieg alien biospheres with Earth’s mightiest microfauna just yet," reminding everyone that real science might be a tad harder than flipping through a 250-year-old sketchbook. 🌌🐻
32 points by ljf 2024-09-10T21:10:52.000000Z | 4 comments
11. ▲ Apple must pay 13B euros in back taxes, EU's top court rules (cnbc.com)
Title: Apple Gets A 13 Billion Euro Spanking

The EU's highest court decides it's time Apple paid up 13 billion euros in back taxes, and everyone loses their mind. Commenters dive into a fiery debate about EU competencies and Irish tax policies, each more eager than the last to display their mastery of economic jargon and obscure EU tax law trivia. One user calls it "corruption with a twist," probably hoping for a movie deal, while others argue whether Ireland is a corporate tax haven or just really, really generous with incentives. As the digital ink flows, the real winner here is anyone who had "European taxation" on their 2023 Bingo card.
441 points by kklisura 2024-09-10T08:03:54.000000Z | 517 comments
12. ▲ Pixhell Attack: Leaking Info from Air-Gap Computers via 'Singing Pixels' (arxiv.org)
Welcome to the riveting world of "Pixhell Attack," where even the pixels believe in oversharing by bursting into song like a budget sci-fi plot gone wrong. Today on arXiv, we discover that even air-gapped supermax-tech fortresses aren't immune to betrayal by their own screen hardware. The comment section, a glorious mix of covert lunch policies, 12-year-old espionage memories, and the cutting-edge threat of "prison wallet" data leakage, competes to craft the most ludicrous security gaps. Hold onto your tin foil hats and please mind the high-frequency nostalgia—it's security theater at its finest! 😱🎶🔐
44 points by gnabgib 2024-09-10T19:34:11.000000Z | 16 comments
13. ▲ Floral formula (wikipedia.org)
In the latest display of human ingenuity, Wikipedia offers us the "Floral formula," a dazzling cryptographic ensemble that manages to make both botanists and hobby gardeners feel intellectually inadequate. Unsure of whether your Camellia sinensis fits the formula L(4) C(4) A(Inf) G(1)? Panic not, brave citizen, for the comments section is awash with experts performing mental gymnastics so advanced they could represent a new Olympic sport. Commenters eagerly compare these notations to DNA serialization and medieval manuscripts, boldly illuminating their collective journey to understanding absolutely nothing about flowers. They revel in the grandeur of knowing the unknowable, and using arcane acronyms like SMILES and DSL, they assure themselves of their genius over a tool that most will use precisely never.
90 points by theogravity 2024-09-08T08:49:32.000000Z | 9 comments
14. ▲ Git Bash is my preferred Windows shell (ii.com)
**Git Bash: The Windows Shell for Those Who Miss Typing More Than Three Letters**

In a digital world oversaturated with competent solutions that already work, one hero emerges to add yet another option to the pile. 🦸‍♂️ The eternal quest for the best shell experience on Windows rages on at ii.com, where an ode to Git Bash has been penned as if it were the Excalibur for command-line warriors stuck on Microsoft's landscape. Users flock to the comments, each trying to out-minimalist each other about their "streamlined setups" that do the same thing but slower. Meanwhile, PowerShell quietly weeps in the corner, rebuffed yet again for being the right tool in a crowd that loves using a wrench as a hammer. 🛠️💔
103 points by indigodaddy 2024-09-10T19:54:38.000000Z | 74 comments
15. ▲ Ask QN: Any hope for removable, rechargable battery standards?
Welcome to this week's Hacker Nostalgia, where a room of self-proclaimed battery experts decide fighting over plug shapes is more productive than acknowledging the environmental crisis. Someone rambles about market incentives as if they just uncovered a capitalist conspiracy, drawing parallels between batteries and razor blades that would make Gillette blush. Fear not, commenters haven't lost their touch in missing the point, championing European bureaucracy while reminiscing about the good old days of 18650 cells. And of course, who could forget the timeless jab at Razor Scooters. Will we see standard batteries across devices? Stick around for the next gripping episode of “Maybe, But Probably Not.” 🙄
12 points by candiddevmike 2024-09-08T17:23:52.000000Z | 22 comments
16. ▲ Our Git Hash Bug (tmendez.dev)
At tmendez.dev, another day brings another magnificent Git Hash Bug, setting off a chain reaction of YAML bashing and nostalgic XML warriors emerging from the woodwork. Commenters scramble through the rubble of current and ancient data serialization formats, each armed with the unshakeable belief that their preference is less terrible than the rest. One brave soul suggests XML was the golden cure-all of yesteryear, inciting memories so painful that others would prefer physical violence to parsing another line of its syntax. Meanwhile, alternatives like JSONC, Dhall, and Jsonnet are tossed around like life preservers in an ocean of YAML tears. Will they float? Stay tuned, or better yet, redirect your coding energy into reinventing another wheel. 🎡💾
98 points by robin_reala 2024-09-10T07:51:35.000000Z | 48 comments
17. ▲ Show QN: Visual DB – Web front end for your database (visualdb.com)
Welcome to the **latest savior** of non-techy types who tremble at the sight of a SQL command: Visual DB! With its groundbreaking drag-and-drop interface, you can now shield yourself from the terror of actual programming. Meanwhile, the hacker news militia divides its time between demanding an on-premise solution (because *cloud is for plebs*) and comparing it to every other database tool out there. 🎉 Congrats on the launch, but can it make coffee too? 🤔💻
107 points by visualdb 2024-09-10T17:25:00.000000Z | 36 comments
18. ▲ Flipper Zero Gets Major Firmware Update, Can Eavesdrop on Walkie-Talkies (pcmag.com)
🔥 Welcome to the digital spy kids' clubhouse! Flipper Zero just leveled up its firmware to enable radio snoops to eavesdrop on walkie-talkies, fulfilling every wannabe James Bond's dream. Commenters either rejoice in 'keeping promises' or deep dive into the nuances of 'privacy codes' that aren’t really private. It's a frenzy of technical bravado, confusion, and half-baked radio licensing tips, all wrapped in a thick layer of obscure acronyms that even the NSA would sigh at. 📻🕵️‍♂️💬
97 points by CharlesW 2024-09-10T21:15:45.000000Z | 14 comments
19. ▲ Arvo Pärt's Journey (plough.com)
In a stunning display of intellectual depth, a reader at Plough.com confesses that pictures in a comic strip—sorry, *graphic novel*—moved them to consider listening to Arvo Pärt's music. 🎼💥 Who knew that such a complex emotional journey could be sparked without a single meme or TikTok dance in sight? The revelation that visuals can convey emotion has left the community in awe, prompting scores of comments from others who might just brave the extraordinary effort of reading a whole book. Meanwhile, Arvo Pärt remains blissfully unaware that his lifetime of musical mastery has been reduced to an eye-opening cartoon encounter for the internet age. 😂🎻
10 points by motohagiography 2024-09-10T22:24:53.000000Z | 0 comments
20. ▲ The Friendship that made Google huge (2018) (newyorker.com)
In an attempt to rewrite the creation myths of Google, The New Yorker delves deep into the thrilling world of “big boy programming,” where friendship and outdated search results apparently go hand-in-hand. Readers are treated to a heroic tale where six engineers play technological saviors, frantically coding to save their future deals. Commenters on the article chime in with their own war stories, boasting about similarly mundane feats in pair programming and nostalgic name-dropping of Google's programming elite. It's the tech equivalent of sitting around a campfire, with each person trying to claim the biggest marshmallow stick—nostalgia mixed with a good dash of ego inflation. 😂
68 points by robertkoss 2024-09-09T11:53:59.000000Z | 29 comments
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