Quacker News daily superautomated ai tech-bro mockery | github | podcast
1. ▲ Sq.io: jq for databases and more (sq.io)
**Sq.io: A Magical Elixir for the Data-Intoxicated**

The latest savior for every wannabe data ninja, Sq.io boldly promises to be *jq for databases*, because apparently, databases were desperately awaiting salvation by one-liner glory. Watch in awe as the tech enthusiasts and armchair SQL critics on Hacker News dissect the *profound necessity* of mixing JSON twiddling with database querying. And don't miss the obligatory old-school coder longing for the good old days when SQL was just SQL, peppered with suggestions of tools that already do what this one claims to pioneer. Meanwhile, skeptics chime in on how good ol’ SQL and CLI don’t need this shiny new toy, punctuating their profound insights with a call to just use Python for everything because, why not? 🙄
143 points by stavepan 2024-10-06T22:02:34.000000Z | 21 comments
2. ▲ Google's AI thinks I left a Gatorade bottle on the moon (edwardbenson.com)
In a dazzling display of futurism, a blogger convinces Google's dandy new toy, NotebookLLM, that the moon is not just a celestial body, but also a storage unit for electrolyte-replenishing beverages. Excited to expose the AI's diet of bespoke facts, he uncovers a sinister plot where the web could be as truth-stretching as the waistline on your old jeans after Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, the comment section transforms into a battle royale: tech enthusiasts arguing whether AI is just a misunderstood genius or a gullible toddler. Between fervent defenses of their favorite AI's honor and whispers of uncanny podcasting skills, it becomes clear that the only ones truly being tricked are the readers expecting productive discourse.
34 points by gwintrob 2024-10-07T00:07:23.000000Z | 11 comments
3. ▲ AVX Bitwise ternary logic instruction busted (arnaud-carre.github.io)
**AVX Bitwise Ternary Logic Instruction Busted**

In a valiant effort to mystify a handful of nerds, arnaud-carre.github.io brings us yet another tale from the digital crypt: how to wrangle vpternlogd into doing something useful. Here, the author delicately explains that using instructions named as if someone smashed their face on a keyboard can, in fact, perform logic operations—shocking! Meanwhile, the commenters, adorned in capes of superiority, split hairs finer than a quantum physicist's tweezers over the title's use of "busted," while subtly admitting no one understands each other's explanations. In a thrilling conclusion, they solve nothing but assure each other they're very smart. 🤓💾
165 points by msephton 2024-10-06T18:38:26.000000Z | 30 comments
4. ▲ The Book of Kells, now digitized and available online (openculture.com)
Title: Medieval Pixel Art Goes Virtual

In a stunning feat of digital archaeology, the ancient Irish emoji collection, known as The Book of Kells, has been thrown onto the internet for the digital voyeurs of today. Openculture.com breathlessly regurgitates information that could easily have been a Wikipedia footnote, providing HD scans of ye olde illuminated Tweets. Meanwhile, the comment section quickly devolves into a pseudo-intellectual battle about the existential contributions of religious manuscripts, complete with URL slap-fights and casual gatekeeping about who felt more awe in the presence of ancient doodles. True to internet form, a completely unrelated eatery and another obscure library get their five minutes of fame, because no cultural commentary is complete without food and more books nobody's read.
253 points by ColinWright 2024-10-06T15:19:15.000000Z | 60 comments
5. ▲ Popular Science Magazine Archives, May 1872-March 2009 (books.google.com)
Step right up to the glorious Google Play Store, where you can digitally leaf through the hallowed "archives" of Popular Science from 1872 to 2009. Marvel as hobbyists nostalgically wax poetic about how these relics "ignited" their love for superseded technology and how modern editions just don't cook their kippers like the good ol' vacuum tube days. Meanwhile, others lament the sad transition from print to digital—a tragedy equated to replacing fine dining with YouTube cooking tutorials. Dive into the comments to witness a heated debate on the intellectual decline of glossy mags, or just enjoy the silent screams of a dozen digital hoarders rediscovering how many air miles they wasted on subscriptions to magazines that taught them the profound science behind potato batteries and DIY lava lamps. 📚🔬👓
96 points by bookofjoe 2024-10-06T17:33:57.000000Z | 27 comments
6. ▲ Whence '\n'? (rodarmor.com)
In an exhilarating exploration of the magic byte '\n', rodarmor.com takes us on a pseudo-intellectual deep-dive into how string literals evolved from primordial code soup. Commenters, excited by this revelation, trip over themselves to connect literally everything from EBCDIC intricacies to Ken Thompson’s mustache wax, while casually referencing obscure papers and web links, which obviously everyone has read twice. Meanwhile, in reality, the poky '\n' would remain just another character, blissfully unaware of its own existential burden bestowed by keyboard warriors in comment sections. Truly, a spectacle of digital scholarship matched only by the enthusiasm to unearth more mundane peculiarities next week. 🎭📜
218 points by lukastyrychtr 2024-10-05T09:23:53.000000Z | 85 comments
7. ▲ Congress fights to keep AM radio in cars (niemanlab.org)
In a heroic stand reminiscent of quixotic knights tilting at wind turbines, Congress valiantly scrambles to preserve the ancient artifact of civilization known as AM radio in our cutting-edge electric chariots. Automakers citing such trivial matters as *interference* and obsolete technology are soundly rebuffed by senators brandishing *The AM Radio for Every Vehicle Act*—because nothing screams necessity like legislating outdated tech into Teslas. Commenters, armed with a medley of anecdotal evidence and passionate tales of survival via AM signals during apocalyptic scenarios, applaud the move. Meanwhile, practical soul ponders whether to also mandate manufacturers to include a hand-cranked gramophone for the true retro survival experience. 📻🚗💡
105 points by giuliomagnifico 2024-10-05T09:47:02.000000Z | 187 comments
8. ▲ Gleam Is Pragmatic (drewolson.org)
🤖️ In today's episode of 🎭 "Modern Programming and Its Discontents", Drewolson.org decides to bravely tiptoe around defining monads because clearly that way madness lies. Instead, he pulls a "look-over-there" with monadic-style APIs, leading to a crowd of armchair language theorists leaping into the comments to show off how much they _don't_ need category theory to complicate their lives. Here, commenters engage in a thrilling battle of semantic gymnastics, discussing everything from async/await syntax to F# computation expressions, while nobody really asks for a simple explanation. Who needs practical applications when you can have Haskell-level discourse on syntax sugar? 🍬🧠
139 points by crowdhailer 2024-10-06T18:15:23.000000Z | 66 comments
9. ▲ Ask QN: Do 10DLC Requirements make it impossible for hobby projects to send SMS?
**Hacker News Descends into Regulatory Hell: SMS Edition**
Today in tech enthusiasm gone awry, hobbyists discover the *unthinkable*: sending text messages isn't just coding fun anymore, thanks to 10DLC regulations. One brave soul deems the application process "annoying but nothing too complicated," despite alarms blaring in neglected warning emails. Meanwhile, others contemplate resurrecting ancient Androids or — heavens forbid — registering a legit business, just to avoid being swallowed by the bureaucratic beast. As expected, the collective solution boils down to either gimmicky tech workarounds or sighing heavily and embracing the chaos. Welcome to the future, where your ability to harass friends with cat GIFs via SMS hinges on your patience with paperwork! 📄😩📱
24 points by techsin101 2024-10-02T06:50:19.000000Z | 8 comments
10. ▲ Hyprland 0.44 (hyprland.org)
**Hyprland 0.44: A Linux Lamentation Carnival**

In a world where people cling to their MacBooks like safety blankets, one brave soul attempts yet again to enter the Linux labyrinth with Hyprland. Commenters, armed with the usual Linux enthusiast toolset of bespoke scripts, DIY desktop environments, and part-time jobs as excuse-manufacturers, assure everyone that slashing through configuration files every update is all part of the "magic." One enlightened sage even suggests downloading an entire Python runtime for the luxury of three-finger-volume control, because who needs simplicity when you can live the r/UnixPorn dream? Meanwhile, a shocking twist emerges as Hyprland dumps wlroots, revealing the project's true fear: being mistaken for just a shiny version of Sway.
73 points by bpierre 2024-10-06T21:33:19.000000Z | 17 comments
11. ▲ Starbase: SQLite on the Edge (starbasedb.com)

Starbase: SQLite on the Edge - A Comedy of Confusion


In an audacious attempt to make SQLite databases just a tiny bit more complicated, StarbaseDB emerges, heroically confusing everyone by merging layers upon layers of techno-jargon and dusty SQLite relics. Watch in amazement as the commenters trip over each other, offering reverence to the "great artwork" while still unsure what the mysterious product actually does beyond providing prettier HTTP wallpaper for your database calls. One commenter, tragically lost in the "charming" website design, reminisces about an era when websites actually conveyed information. Amidst these tragicomedies, one brave soul dares to fumble through trying to tell the difference between Cloudflare’s offerings and this fresh glitter-painted maze known as StarbaseDB. 🚀✨
82 points by hunvreus 2024-10-05T11:35:19.000000Z | 25 comments
12. ▲ Sustaphones Tablets – Database of repairable Android devices with community ROMs (sustaphones.com)
In the latest internet attempt to save the planet, Sustaphones Tablets emerges as a noble yet remarkably undercooked venture into the world of sustainable Android tech. The site boldly tries to list repair-friendly devices, because apparently, we can't have enough databases of things no one updates. Enthusiastic commenters chime in with their expertise, lamenting the lack of devices from 2021/2022, while others helpfully explain the chicken-and-egg saga of why some devices are undeserving of repair guides on iFixit. Good intentions meet the harsh reality of tech enthusiasm, culminating in a simmering pot of "could-have-been" solutions. 📱🔧🌍
49 points by nfriedly 2024-10-02T12:24:13.000000Z | 5 comments
13. ▲ Wi-Fi Goes Long Range on New WiLo Standard (ieee.org)
IEEE Spectrum hits us with another *game-changing* tech innovation: WiLo! It's like taking your grandpa's Wi-Fi and pushing it through the marathon of long-range IoT communication. According to Professor High-up-in-the-academia-tower, this will be great for spying on cornfields and your neighbor’s smart toaster. The comment section, a techno-babble circus, is buzzing with armchair experts who missed the memo that this tech is unidirectional—a minor detail in their world-shattering debates over software-defined radios and other cosmic revelations. 📡🌽🤯
145 points by thebeardisred 2024-10-06T09:54:06.000000Z | 80 comments
14. ▲ UpCodes (YC S17) is hiring recruiters to build out remote team (up.codes)
UpCodes, a startup that describes itself as "YC S17 graduate," once again pretends that the Y Combinator badge is not just a glorified summer camp sticker. They are now on the prowl for recruiters capable of understanding the intricate art of remote team-building, because clearly, reading Slack messages from your sofa is a skill that must be honed by professionals. Hacker News commenters, unable to resist the allure of anything stamped with "remote" and "YC," launch into a spirited debate about the most ergonomic home office chairs and the moral implications of Zoom backgrounds. The future of work is here, and it’s mostly just arguing online about where to place your potted plants during video calls.
0 points by 2024-10-06T21:01:09.000000Z | 0 comments
15. ▲ To Be Born in a Bag (asimov.com)
**To Be Born in a Bag**

Here we go again, another frenzied leap into the world of sci-fi medicine, because the traditional womb is just too *mainstream* for 21st-century techno-wizards. Asimov.com hits us with the hot take that we might soon be popping out infants like microwave meals, thanks to research groups more enthusiastic about playing nature than actually studying it. Meanwhile, the comment section turns into a bizarre mix of semi-informed genetic pontification and crunchy granola parenting tips. Do any of these armchair experts genuinely believe their Google-fu can outsmart millions of years of mammalian evolution? Keep pushing those buttons, folks – science definitely needs your hot takes! 🤦‍♂️🔬👶
48 points by mailyk 2024-10-06T17:08:10.000000Z | 61 comments
16. ▲ Ants learned to farm fungi during a mass extinction (arstechnica.com)
On Arstechnica, where the line between revolutionary scientific discoveries and clickbait is as blurred as the vision of someone reading without their glasses, we learn that ants were the original agriculturalists, farming fungi long before avocados became trendy. Shockingly, the article reveals that ants don't just wreak havoc at picnics but also cultivate fungi with the kind of sophistication that would make even the most earnest Brooklyn hipster envious. Commenters, in a display of characteristic internet expertise that undoubtedly rivals that of actual myrmecologists, have declared this the "ant-tastic mega find of the century," clearly ready to hand over global food security to these six-legged farmers. Will the next superfood trend be ant-farmed fungus toast? Stay tuned, gastronomic adventurers! 🍄🐜
9 points by LinuxBender 2024-10-03T20:32:38.000000Z | 0 comments
17. ▲ Ziggy: Data serialization language for expressing API messages, config files (ziggy-lang.io)
**Ziggy: The Language for Those Who Think JSON is Too Mainstream**

In a world where JSON and YAML just aren't enough, here comes *Ziggy*, splitting hairs finer than a subatomic particle collider. This groundbreaking language introduces next-level serialization so you can "@date" your configs like you're setting up a profile on a dating app. Meanwhile, the comment section turns into a carnival where developers juggle with syntax and mulish toolchains, each cheerfully warning about the 'beta' nature of their half-baked projects. Dive into the fun as Ziggy promises to fix your data woes, in version *v. please-wait-until-it-actually-works*. 🤓💾
59 points by thunderbong 2024-10-06T16:11:40.000000Z | 9 comments
18. ▲ Compiling and running sqlite3-rsync from a branch (simonwillison.net)
Compiling and Running sqlite3-rsync: A Journey of Code, Confusion, and Commentary

In today's episode of "Experts flocking on esoteric configurative adventures," Simon Willison spills his genius on crafting the arcane art of sqlite3-rsync tool assembly. A routine pilgrimage to GitHub becomes a crash course in avoiding a technology relic called "Fossil," followed by the revelatory chants of "./configure" and "make sqlite3.c." Meanwhile, the commentariat - equally bewildered yet undeniably enlightened - volley back perspectives on SQLite's clarity or the prospect of Lua-laden SQL, passionately debating the merits of perplexing yet potentially potent procedures. Witness the transformation from random cloning to a masterclass in modern-day database dilemma, narrated by those entranced by the dance of data sync! 📚💾🔄
43 points by tosh 2024-10-05T11:59:09.000000Z | 15 comments
19. ▲ We're excited about our new roundabout (wsdotblog.blogspot.com)
**We're excited about our new roundabout**

In a stunning display of geometric confusion, WSDOT unveils a roundabout so pioneering that even its creators can't locate another of its kind with Google Maps. It's an "exclamation point" of traffic design, destined to punctuate commutes with double the yield signs for twice the fun. Meanwhile, commentators from roundabout-rich lands like Ireland and the UK chime in with a mix of nostalgia and mockery towards the US's four-way stops, painting a vivid tapestry of global traffic circle elitism. Whether it's visible or covered in snow, this roundabout may just be the comma that never ends the sentence. 🚗🔄😂
96 points by aendruk 2024-10-06T01:32:50.000000Z | 85 comments
20. ▲ The Naming of America (2023) (jonathancohenweb.com)
In an eye-opening revelation lifted straight from a third-grade history textbook, a groundbreaking article stitches together the well-chewed factoid that America might actually be named after Amerigo Vespucci. Meanwhile, the comment section spirals into a geopolitical mishmash, where everyone suddenly becomes a part-time historian and full-time expert in etymology. One heroic commenter even explores the tragic tale of America Vespucci's failed land grab, sparking a pseudo-academic rally that redefines the boundaries of both continents and common sense. 😱 Who knew history could be such a dazzling parade of overconfidence and misinformation?
22 points by dadt 2024-10-06T18:04:57.000000Z | 17 comments
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